cunnilingus

[Guest]

My wife shocked me last night, when I tried to go down on her. She said it was disgusting! I have gone down on her many, many times over the years of our marriage, she always gets VERY excited and comes all over my face, and I always eagerly lick it up. I asked if I'm maybe not doing it right, but she said I eat-out her out just great, and she always enjoys it, but some part of her from her strict upbringing keeps telling her it's disgusting. I asked her if she also finds it disgusting when she gives ME head, she said no, she enjoys that and doesn't find it disgusting at all. Maybe I shouldn't coomplain, we have a WAY above average relationship in every other way, but her comment is bothering me.

I tried telling her cunnilingus is normal and natural, lots of people do it. I tell her daily how much I love her, I show it by hugging her, caressing her, kissing her, she loves all of that, I do chores without being asked, buying her surprise gifts "just because," etc. Our love is as deep now as the day we met, she says none of that is a problem. Somehwere in her childhood someone must have convinced her that cunnilungus is disgusting, and I don't know how to overcome that ingrained message. I have always told her before, during and after I eat her out, how much I enjoy the sight, sound, feel, and taste as she comes on my lips and tongue. She says she appreciates that I always enjoy her that way. She said she might still let me eat her out from time to time, but I don't want to do that, even if she enjoys it at the time, if some part of her still feels it's disgusting.

How do I persuade her that there is nothing disgusting about the man you love, who loves you, eating out his wife's sweet, hot pussy. I fear she may never let me eat her out again (she says she will sometimes) or her having told me it's duisgusting, now neither of us will ever again enjoy it quite as much as before.

Anyone out there have any ideas how to overcome this?

One other point: One time when I ate her out (about 2 years ago), she took a longer-than-normal amount of time to come, and by then I lost my stiffy. She was a little frustrated that we didn't get to fuck after I got her all worked up. That only happened the one time, hasn't happened before or since, but I can't help wondering if that is still somewhere in the recesses of her subconcious (if he eats me out we won't get to fuck) and contributing to her prononouncement that my eating her out is disgusting.

We've watched X-rated films where the woman gets eaten out, and those have always seemed to ESPECIALLY excite her.

Anyone here have any ideas how to work this through?

Thanks for whatever help you can give.

 

[linus moke]

its good that you are communicating, and it sounds like you have a healthy relationship. i think you need to make sure that she understands that you have a strong desire to go down on her, and that if you cant, you are going to have strong feelings of disappointment. if you can start there, then perhaps you can work to change her attitude and perception of this. why does she think its disgusting? (i have heard that comment before.) is it really becuz she heard that growing up, or is it really something she thinks? is it the smell, the taste, etc? has she ever tasted herself either on her fingers or on your mouth or dick? try to get to the root of the matter. what is she *really* thinking and feeling?

http://pub17.ezboard.com/fforum42sex.showMessage?topicID=7.topic

 

[DevilBoy79]

My wife shocked me last night, when I tried to go down on her. She said it was disgusting! I have gone down on her many, many times over the years of our marriage, she always gets VERY excited and comes all over my face, and I always eagerly lick it up. I asked if I'm maybe not doing it right, but she said I eat-out her out just great, and she always enjoys it, but some part of her from her strict upbringing keeps telling her it's disgusting. I asked her if she also finds it disgusting when she gives ME head, she said no, she enjoys that and doesn't find it disgusting at all. Maybe I shouldn't coomplain, we have a WAY above average relationship in every other way, but her comment is bothering me.

I tried telling her cunnilingus is normal and natural, lots of people do it. I tell her daily how much I love her, I show it by hugging her, caressing her, kissing her, she loves all of that, I do chores without being asked, buying her surprise gifts "just because," etc. Our love is as deep now as the day we met, she says none of that is a problem. Somehwere in her childhood someone must have convinced her that cunnilungus is disgusting, and I don't know how to overcome that ingrained message. I have always told her before, during and after I eat her out, how much I enjoy the sight, sound, feel, and taste as she comes on my lips and tongue. She says she appreciates that I always enjoy her that way. She said she might still let me eat her out from time to time, but I don't want to do that, even if she enjoys it at the time, if some part of her still feels it's disgusting.

How do I persuade her that there is nothing disgusting about the man you love, who loves you, eating out his wife's sweet, hot pussy. I fear she may never let me eat her out again (she says she will sometimes) or her having told me it's duisgusting, now neither of us will ever again enjoy it quite as much as before.

Anyone out there have any ideas how to overcome this?

One other point: One time when I ate her out (about 2 years ago), she took a longer-than-normal amount of time to come, and by then I lost my stiffy. She was a little frustrated that we didn't get to fuck after I got her all worked up. That only happened the one time, hasn't happened before or since, but I can't help wondering if that is still somewhere in the recesses of her subconcious (if he eats me out we won't get to fuck) and contributing to her prononouncement that my eating her out is disgusting.

We've watched X-rated films where the woman gets eaten out, and those have always seemed to ESPECIALLY excite her.

Anyone here have any ideas how to work this through?

Thanks for whatever help you can give.

1 word :Communication, talk it out with her what is starting to bug her about you going down on her recently

 

[nasty]

Ask her about analingus, and, she which she prefers. Seriously, though, If it exites her,(and you,) and, she cums, what's the big deal?

 

[Ishmael]

YOU don't convince her. This is something that should be worked out with a trained professional. If you try to do a 'sales' job on her, you could very well make matters worse.

Ishmael

 

[Guest]

Thanks, Ishmael, good point, I don't want to harp on it and make her want to receive oral even less than she apparently does right now, give her a neurosis about it. The best cunnilingus seems to be when we're both relaxed, she and I have both worn something special and sexy to bed, we play with each other through our naughty underthings slowly and for a very long time, I slowly kiss my way down to her panties, kiss and lick THROUGH her panties, then gently slide them aside to eat her out directly, and finally skim her panties down her legs to give me unobstructed access. She gives me a real faceful when that happens, her moans are AMAZING, she is squirming ALL over the bedm and I just LOVE it! Last night we were just fondling each other's genitals, I tried to go down on her, maybe she can only enjoy it when she's in one of her sexy outfit, maybe I pushed her too soon, and her remark about disgusting was just her way of pushing me away because she wasn't ready and in the mood. I'm guessing until I ask her. I'll definitely bring it up in a gentle and caring way, when the mood is right, which might be tonight, next week, or next month. Really great cunnilingus with us happens very rarely, and maybe that's a good thing, because if it was really common, it would be ordinary and hum-drum. It just bothers me that in our second decade together she suddenly pronounces it disgusting, and maybe I'll feel differently then next time she invites my face "down there" again and isn't disgusted at all. Meanwhile, I'll just continue to enjoy hugging, cuddling, kissing, caressing, masturbating each other, her absolutely AMAZING blowjobs, and of course good old fashioned all-night or all-morning fucking, until the next time she feels like giving me this special treat of letting me go down on her.

Thanks, all, for making me feel better and less concerned about all of this. She is at an age past mestruation and meopause, so it isn't fear of "that time of the month" although the memory of younger messier days might be a part of it. Rest assured, we WILL take and get past this. Thanks, again, for all the great advice.

 

[linus moke]

i agree with ishmael (sorta). its certainly not about you trying to convince her of anything. its more about you simply and honestly sharing your desires with her so she understands your POV. i do not however think you require any professional help just becuz yer girl happened the make the comment once that cunnilingus is disgusting. sounds to me like she enjoys it just fine, but she is perhaps just a wee bit squeemish on the subject, which is perfectly natural. she just needs to get warmed up, is all.

 

[Monazwx]

A man who actually wants to go down on his wife. I am very encouraged. Kudos.

Just take things slow and gradually. Be understanding and patient. Of course, let her know how much you adore giving her oral sex. That will certainly be a plus.

 

[lovetoread]

You cant make her do anything.

It took me forever to find my sexuality and let me tell you I was one messed up chicka.

It'll happen just give her time.

 

[BustyTheClown]

I'm guessing until I ask her. I'll definitely bring it up in a gentle and caring way, when the mood is right, which might be tonight, next week, or next month... Meanwhile, I'll just continue to enjoy hugging, cuddling, kissing, caressing, masturbating each other, her absolutely AMAZING blowjobs, and of course good old fashioned all-night or all-morning fucking, until the next time she feels like giving me this special treat of letting me go down on her.

It sounds like you know just what to do. Congratulations on having such an amazingly trusting, caring, open relationship that you obviously feel incredibly comfortable talking these things out in a calm, loving manner! That truly is something to be proud of.

I'm not sure if this is her deal, but sometimes I'll express strong feelings about something that isn't necessarily a reflection of how I always feel, just of how I'm feeling at that time. Sometimes I make it seem like I'll never want my man to come in my mouth and it's the most disgusting thing I can imagine having happen, when in all reality I'm just anxious about it. I may be having some extremely bad thoughts about it one moment and something will pop out like "Oh, that just sounds gross" (but not that thoughtless), and that may make him wary of whether or not I'll ever enjoy him coming in my mouth.

Give her time. She will most likely come around, especially if you don't treat her any differently and don't push her. If she brings it up, tell her honestly how you feel when you are eating her out -- maybe she needs to hear it at a time when you are not caught up in the heat of the moment. Women are strange creatures, but give us time and we will come around.

Best of luck to you! You're well on the way.

 

[Guest]

Thanks, all, for the great advice.

I think Busty hit the mail on the head. It was just how my wife was feeling that day, not a permanent feeling. I talked patiently with her, let her know how much I enjoy going down on her, but I applied no pressure.

Here it is a couple of weeks later. She surprised me by arranging a romantic weekend getaway at our favorite lakeside resort, for the Mother's Day Weekend. We spent Saturday walking along the lakefront and browsing the quaint little shops. Saturday night, she dressed up in her "wedding gown" lingerie (sheer white bra-and-panties set, with a bridal veil over her shapely derriere). I wore a faux tuxedo: collar and bowtie, cuffs, white gloves, cumerbund, and G-string with mini bow-tie. Acting like a sexy butler, I handed her her mother's day gift: a card for a prepaid day of pampering to a day spa. Then I gave her her OTHER mother's day gift: a slow strip-tease. She invited me into the bed, into her arms. I slowly kissed her all over, and slowly stripped her, and then she then actually ASKED me to go down on her!

It may have been mother's day weekend, but I feel I got the gift: the sweet sight, sound, taste, and smell of her coming powerfully and repeatedly onto my face. I just LOVED it! What a treat for me. I told her how much I enjoyed this and how much I had missed going down on her. By this time I was so horny I was just about ready to burst. Then she pleaded with me to, in her words, "give it to me, HARD!" I took my time, wanting to enjoy every moment of fucking my lovely wife, wanting to hold off my own imminent explosion until she could come first. Once she came all over my cock, I fired-off one of the strongest explosions I've had in a VERY long time, deep inside of her. I told her I could not and would not have come so forcefully if I had not gotten SO turned-on by eating her out first. She told me how great she had felt when I gave her oral, and when I exploded so hard inside of her. So I think that means there will again be many more times in future for me to enjoy going down on her. And I think that remark about disgusting was just as Busty said, how she felt that day, not how she always feels.

Thanks, again, to all for the encouragement and positive advice. It looks like she and I are getting back on track!

 

[Guest]

Once again, I must thank the Board for counseling patience, don't push and she'll come around. I tried that. Whatever was troubling my wife about oral sex seems to be dissipating.

I had put in very LONG hours at work the last 3 weeks, even weekends. So when I wrapped-up "the big project" this past Thursday, my wife and I booked 3 days in a beach-front resort. She promised me I would REALLY enjoy it, and she smiled mysteriously. Lots of browsing quaint shops, strolling hand-in-hand on the beach, dining out, reconnecting as a couple. It was great, but Saturday night was the BEST. She produced this book of Penthouse-style letters, and had me pick one at random and read it to her. It was about a college track-star who was failing math and in danger of losing his sports scholarship, until the dean herself started tutoring him in math, then invited him to fuck her right there on her office desk. Which he did, describing it in great detail in this story. My wife REALLY seemed to enjoy the story, maybe because the dean was in her 50s as we are, made it seem more OK to be sex-crazed at our age. I don't know.

Later that night, I dressed up as a Chippendale dancer for her: collar, bowtie, cuffs, and G-string. She dressed as a French Maid, she looked SO hot and sexy to me. We took our time, slowly exploring each other with hands, lips, tongue, in our outfits. It was all very casual and leisurely. Then she surprised me by saying "Take my panties off me and eat my pussy. Slowly, gently." So I ate her out, which as I said I just LOVE to do. We did this for a very long time, with me thoroughly enjoying the sight, taste, feel, and smell of her, more-so than in a very long time--I think because she asked me, rather than me having to ask her.

"I want to suck your cock," she said. "Let's 69." I didn't even know she knew what a 69 is (we have done it, she's just NEVER called it that). I skimmed-off my G-string and we lay on our sides, facing each other. Usually when we 69, she comes first, and before I can come, she asks me to fuck her. Which I don't mind at ALL. But this time, she just kept sucking even long after she finished coming, and when I came she swallowed, which she hasn't done in a VERY long time. She told me afterward that I had worked so hard that I deserved the very best blowjob she could give me. And besides, she said, she enjoyed getting me THAT excited with just her mouth instead of her pussy. She hadn't talked that openly and frankly about sex in years.

Not ONE word about oral sex being disgusting! I hadn't been pushing her at all, and I guess that let her relax and act this way last weekend.

I am SUCH a lucky man, and I know it! I love my wife more and more as the years go by!

Thanks, again, guys, for talking me through a tough time. The wait was WELL worth it! More than even I ever expected.

 

[#1tankcomander]

Sometimes....

rolling over rather than pushing(which leads to shoving) works wonders!

You catch more Bees with honey than Vinagar!

#1TC

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Not ONE word about oral sex being disgusting! I hadn't been pushing her at all, and I guess that let her relax and act this way last weekend.

Well, besides what sounds like a one time incident, you seem to have a well adjusted and fun sex life with your wife. Maybe she has some issues about oral sex, and maybe that is part of what she likes about it - for many people it is the taboo of certain sex acts that excites them. I would say as long as she is okay with it then don't worry about it. You obviously care greatly for your wife and her welfare so I doubt you would ever say or do anything that would upset her - just go with the flow (pun not intended ).

I had an ex-wife that obviously had problems with any kind of oral sex, giving or receiving. She would cry when I would go down on her - and I don't mean crying as in a joyful manner, I mean she was upset. But oral sex was the only way she could orgasm, and she wanted it, but she was obviously very conflicted about it. Much later, after our divorce, I found out why this was so, and I can't get into it here, but a lot of stuff suddenly made sense.

Other reasons are societal and religious taboos - fortunately we are seeing less and less of that now. I love to give and get oral sex - there is just something about seeing a woman cum from what I do that just greatly satisfies me. My fave position is indeed a 69 with her on top - I can do that for hours.

 

[Guest]

It could have been a religious taboo, she was raised Catholic. But I think it was mostly her first husband, who didn't much care for ANY type of sex and I think made her feel that oral is somehow disgusting (giving OR receiving). What can I say, he was a jerk, married to a stunning woman who obviously has a HUGE capacity for sexual enjoyment, and yet avoiding sex with her and convincing her that sex is disgusting!

My being patient and loving and understanding is helping her come around. She has always enjoyed oral, on our 3rd date I went down on her, she went down on me, then we 69ed, and we both LOVED it so much that we then literally fucked the night away. She always comes very hard on my face when I go down on her, she says she loves how I eat her out and her physical responses confirm that, so her enjoying it has never been the problem. But she often doesn't want to let me go down on her (or at least not as often as I would like) because of this feeling about disgusting. So I haven't been pushing it, I let HER suggest oral instead of me bringing it up, and lucky me, she IS asking for it more than she used to (about once a month now; with luck, that will increase to weekly or more). I make an especial effort to be EXTRA gentle with her, which I think is helping her want me to eat her out more than she used to want it (not that I was rough before, but I am now being extra careful to make sure she enjoys it as much as possible so she'll want it even more often).

I hope the comment about last weekend being a one-time event isn't correct. I'd like more of those 69s, it felt GREAT to taste her and when she sucked and sucked and swallowed, all I can say about that is WOW! I hadn't felt THAT great in a very long time! We are planning a romantic one-week "third honeymoon" to Hawaii this fall, and I hope for a repeat of last weekend or better. I want to get wild and crazy with her all that week, everyhwhere and in every way! I have this mental image of us naked, hugging and kissing and fondling and ... in a secluded tropical waterfall (I told her that and she said it sounds like fun and she'd like to do that), and even if that doesn't happen, I'm sure we'll have a great time!

I think being away from home, kids, phone, jobs, lets her go wild much more than when we are at home. Even if we are home alone, the fact that it's where so much other stuff happens is probably initimidating to both of us. If we go nuts for each other in a strange resort far from home, we can both be much freer. I just realized, maybe her remark a few months ago about "disgusting" is that it is disgusting to do oral where our kids live and we pay our bills, not the oral sex itself. I have to admit, the oral, and all the sex, DOES seem better when we're at a resort-hotel than at home. I think the spending time (hours, days) alone together, setting the romantic mood, definitely helps. Sex at home can often be hurried, get done before the kids wake up or before we have to go work.

Trouble is, we can't afford to go away all that often. It is hard to be patient and wait months between great sex at a resort. When we're home I think back about how great it was and like a kid with ice-cream, I want a second or third helping when we're home. We do get great sex at home, too, but oral and 69 seem to happen less often and less spectacularly at home than when we go away for a romantic weekend rendezvous.

I guess I shouldn't complain, we share a lot of love and closeness and passion and caring and intimacy, I know how VERY lucky I am to have that kind of relationship, it's just that seeing her SO happy as I eat her out, I want to give her that happiness every chance I can. And I admit there is a selfish reason, it makes ME feel good to see and taste and smell her coming right there in my face! When she pushed me away and said it's disgusting, it kinda hurt. More than kinda, since I still worry about it all these months later!

But things are improving, and I will continue to be patient and work with her on getting her to let me go down on her more often.

Thanks for listening. It feels good to talk this out, even with strangers on a bulletin board.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Originally posted by Unregistered Thanks for listening. It feels good to talk this out, even with strangers on a bulletin board. [/B]

Hey - so don't be a stranger! Register and become a community member. I did - it really helped me come out of my shell and opened my eyes about a lot of sexual issues. For the most part we are all friends here - and we are certainly family (albeit a strange and varied family ).