...cum at will?

[jethrobodeen]

I felt like I should spin-off this aspect from the famous MR.GGG thread

During our discussion imsnowman brought up something I hadn't really thought of...

..It sounds like you might have conditioned yourself to the looooong wait too well.

Rather than training yourself to wait, train yourself to come at will much as most porn stars do....

Does anyone have any tips as to how a man can "cum at will"?

--JB

 

[TBKahuna123]

I personally have trained myself to NOT cum, so I have no real help to add here. Knowing the thread though you are talking about and your situation, I have to say I don't think this is what you need.

It's not about training yourself to cum quicker, I think it's allowing yourself to do so. You've spent so much time holding back for her pleasure that it is second nature now. I think you need to work at just letting it go and not worrying about holding back for so long.

 

[EJFan]

It's not about training yourself to cum quicker, I think it's allowing yourself to do so. You've spent so much time holding back for her pleasure that it is second nature now. I think you need to work at just letting it go and not worrying about holding back for so long.

i agree with TBK here. part of training yourself to not cum is training yourself to be ABLE to at some point... otherwise it's not really "training."

 

[Eilan]

I dunno. My husband can cum when I tell him to. Or not. I don't know if there's a secret to it or if he's just that good.

Can't say the same about myself, though.

 

[vanelane]

I agree with the others, you just need some practice in laying back and allowing yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it and come when you come. I don't know anyone who can come on command.

 

[Aggressive One]

It's the same here... I can hold back cumming.. but I can let it fly when I want... But I think think it's possible to just whip it out and spurt

 

[fgarvb1]

People are always shooting things at WILL.

What did he do to piss so many people off?

 

[jethrobodeen]

I personally have trained myself to NOT cum, so I have no real help to add here. Knowing the thread though you are talking about and your situation, I have to say I don't think this is what you need.

It's not about training yourself to cum quicker, I think it's allowing yourself to do so. You've spent so much time holding back for her pleasure that it is second nature now. I think you need to work at just letting it go and not worrying about holding back for so long.

Yep, quicker isn't the issue, unless we're talking about a quickee. It's more about at what point in our love making when the timimg is right, which means before I'm exhausted, overstimulated, and desensitized and after she's had enough bliss to satisfy most women, but before she passes out. That's when I need to recognize withholding is no longer our current objective, but rather it's changed to being my turn for release. When I say "cum at will", this is what I'm talking about. When I know she's still able to participate and contribute her enthusiasm.

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

i agree with TBK here. part of training yourself to not cum is training yourself to be ABLE to at some point... otherwise it's not really "training."

Many who learn and continually practice holding back their orgasm so they can send the woman into outer space before petering out, often use strategies such as non-arousing mental imagery like thinking of dead kittens, or use the squeeze technique on the penis to stop if orgasm is approaching too soon, or simply stop penile stimulation by pulling out and use hands and tounge for another dozen -gasms for her. Doing these things over a long period of time (23 years!) has resulted in mental and physical conditioning that is difficult to reverse.

I should mention that I haven't needed to think about dead kittens or pulling out, etc.. for a really long time. But maybe if I could try to undo some of the conditioning. I need a mental image that has the opposite effect of dead kittens for starters, and not let myself get desensitized because I keep pounding her deeply, very amused at her uncountable and uncontrollable orgasms.

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

I dunno. My husband can cum when I tell him to. Or not. I don't know if there's a secret to it or if he's just that good.

Can't say the same about myself, though.

I'm curious, would you please elaborate a little more?

-JB

 

[vanelane]

Yep, quicker isn't the issue, unless we're talking about a quickee. It's more about at what point in our love making when the timimg is right, which means before I'm exhausted, overstimulated, and desensitized and after she's had enough bliss to satisfy most women, but before she passes out. That's when I need to recognize withholding is no longer our current objective, but rather it's changed to being my turn for release. When I say "cum at will", this is what I'm talking about. When I know she's still able to participate and contribute her enthusiasm.

-JB

I think for you, near the beginning. I thought about this after reading one of your earlier posts when you said something about 'when we haven't had sex yet' and in the context it referred to intercourse. It is not necessary to have intercourse everytime you make love. It sounds like you have made a good start in communicating the problem to your wife (from her actions while you were watching football); let that trend continue. Change things up so you get some attention and a nice orgasm early on, before you've made her come so much she's like a wet dishrag. Chances are you'll wind up with two that way; an added bonus.

 

[jethrobodeen]

I agree with the others, you just need some practice in laying back and allowing yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it and come when you come. I don't know anyone who can come on command.

Thank you vanelane for your encouragement.

I'm not really talking about cumming on command. I'm talking about recognizing the right time in a marathon love session, before its too late, and then be able to turn the orgasm switch back on for me "at will".

 

[jethrobodeen]

It's the same here... I can hold back cumming.. but I can let it fly when I want... But I think think it's possible to just whip it out and spurt

Hmm, A1, it was easier hold back or let it fly when I wanted to when I was younger. But you're not that much younger that me. If you think about it, do you undergo a mental pattern shift to go from holding back to letting go? If so can you elaborate more on how that shift occurs for you? Or do you have some old reliable technique with SO or alone to let it fly when you want?

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

People are always shooting things at WILL.

What did he do to piss so many people off?

Heh, maybe set the crack pipe down and read the thread and the one it was spun off from?

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

I think for you, near the beginning. I thought about this after reading one of your earlier posts when you said something about 'when we haven't had sex yet' and in the context it referred to intercourse. It is not necessary to have intercourse everytime you make love. It sounds like you have made a good start in communicating the problem to your wife (from her actions while you were watching football); let that trend continue. Change things up so you get some attention and a nice orgasm early on, before you've made her come so much she's like a wet dishrag. Chances are you'll wind up with two that way; an added bonus.

Thanks again vanelane for your insight. This is where I am developing a new strategy. Sorry, if I gave the impression that intercourse is always included. Quite contrary, we often just only mouths and hands on each other. I send her to the moon with fingers and tounge and she'll go down on me for a BJ, but the technique needs work, the enthusiasm a little weak. After a short time of playing with my cock and sucking and licking, she will roll us onto our sides and let me fuck her mouth and she doesn't mind it rough, she protects herself with her hand on my cock between her and me. If I haven't been desensitized from hours of PIV I can come, in her mouth on her face and tits. It's still great.

-JB

 

[vanelane]

Thanks again vanelane for your insight. This is where I am developing a new strategy. Sorry, if I gave the impression that intercourse is always included. Quite contrary, we often just only mouths and hands on each other. I send her to the moon with fingers and tounge and she'll go down on me for a BJ, but the technique needs work, the enthusiasm a little weak. After a short time of playing with my cock and sucking and licking, she will roll us onto our sides and let me fuck her mouth and she doesn't mind it rough, she protects herself with her hand on my cock between her and me. If I haven't been desensitized from hours of PIV I can come, in her mouth on her face and tits. It's still great.

-JB

Right, I'm saying you somehow need to get to her making love to your cock early in the marathon session. I realize you have to work with her on this, but my impression is she truly doesn't know how erotic it can be to get you aroused and how arousing it is to make you come.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Something else that I'm not really seeing anyone here touch on is that cumming is a pretty generic term for the act of ejaculation AND the sensation of orgasm. Those are two different things as well as two different mechanisms that trigger during "cumming."

The male body can be trained to seperate and control these two actions together or independantly of one another. It just depends on what you really want to do, and how much reading and how much mental and physical effort you want to put into training yourself.

Its definitely not an over night process.

 

[eudaemonia]

The male body can be trained to seperate and control these two actions together or independantly of one another. It just depends on what you really want to do, and how much reading and how much mental and physical effort you want to put into training yourself.

I've heard a few reports of this, but have always wondered why it's not splashed all over the covers of men's mags such Maxim amazes me. Contrast to chick slicks, G-spot advice is so prominently shilled in every other issue of Cosmo, f'rinstance.

Anyway, I would think it'd be great to help a lover develop this ability.

 

[M's girl]

"Rather than training yourself to wait, train yourself to come at will much as most porn stars do...."

Excuse me?! Hello! Earth calling...!

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I've heard a few reports of this, but have always wondered why it's not splashed all over the covers of men's mags such Maxim amazes me. Contrast to chick slicks, G-spot advice is so prominently shilled in every other issue of Cosmo, f'rinstance.

Anyway, I would think it'd be great to help a lover develop this ability.

I think that typically, the men that those magazines are targeting are so concerned with just getting a piece of ass that they don't have the time or the patience for something like this.

 

[jethrobodeen]

I think for you, near the beginning. I thought about this after reading one of your earlier posts when you said something about 'when we haven't had sex yet' and in the context it referred to intercourse. It is not necessary to have intercourse everytime you make love. It sounds like you have made a good start in communicating the problem to your wife (from her actions while you were watching football); let that trend continue. Change things up so you get some attention and a nice orgasm early on, before you've made her come so much she's like a wet dishrag. Chances are you'll wind up with two that way; an added bonus.

I think near the beginning may be a little too soon for me, coz my arousal will drain off and would be an impediment to my enthusiasm for her. More than one for me would be great, hasn't ever happen that I can remember, but I'm willing to try.

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

Right, I'm saying you somehow need to get to her making love to your cock early in the marathon session. I realize you have to work with her on this, but my impression is she truly doesn't know how erotic it can be to get you aroused and how arousing it is to make you come.

She gets really hot and wet when she gives me head, so I know she's enjoying herself. But yeah, she definately needs to learn how to make love to my cock. I think I need to keep my witts about me and after loosing count of her -gasms, which does happen early in the session, and only maybe give her a couple with my cock, then tell her, to do me. It doesn't always go soft after I cum at least not right away, and the oversensitivity just after ejaculation isn't much of a problem. Then I could still give her some more PIV orgasms.

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

Something else that I'm not really seeing anyone here touch on is that cumming is a pretty generic term for the act of ejaculation AND the sensation of orgasm. Those are two different things as well as two different mechanisms that trigger during "cumming."

The male body can be trained to seperate and control these two actions together or independantly of one another. It just depends on what you really want to do, and how much reading and how much mental and physical effort you want to put into training yourself.

Its definitely not an over night process.

Yeah, I've been looking more at that distinction, but I think I need to experience an orgasm without ejaculation to understand.

-JB

 

[vanelane]

She gets really hot and wet when she gives me head, so I know she's enjoying herself. But yeah, she definately needs to learn how to make love to my cock. I think I need to keep my witts about me and after loosing count of her -gasms, which does happen early in the session, and only maybe give her a couple with my cock, then tell her, to do me. It doesn't always go soft after I cum at least not right away, and the oversensitivity just after ejaculation isn't much of a problem. Then I could still give her some more PIV orgasms.

-JB

Hmmm. You ever watch porn together?

 

[jethrobodeen]

I've heard a few reports of this, but have always wondered why it's not splashed all over the covers of men's mags such Maxim amazes me. Contrast to chick slicks, G-spot advice is so prominently shilled in every other issue of Cosmo, f'rinstance.

Anyway, I would think it'd be great to help a lover develop this ability.

I could makeself available as a practice dummy

-JB