Crying from your own work

[TheExperimentalist]

I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out and needing a break after writing the most intensely emotional scene I've ever penned. In it, a character is confronting extreme trauma and abuse from their past. I was REALLY in the writing headspace, that perfect flow where the characters are almost writing you, rather than vice-versa. The zone every writer wishes they could summon at will.

Then, without even consciously planning it, a line popped out that stopped me dead. The classic line of pretty much every abuse victim: "It was my fault."

Now I'm sitting here thinking back on my own life, the abuses I myself suffered, and realizing just how much of my own self-blame remains unresolved. And I'm wondering how I got here from writing stupid porn stories that no one will really care about. Except that sometimes, those porn stories go deep, and sometimes, that depth confronts real feelings, at least for me.

The damndest part is I'm only halfway through the story, and I know there are at least two or three even more gut-wrenching scenes that still need to be written.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

 

[MrPixel]

Every so often. I get emotionally involved with my characters as if they were alive and part of my family. I write modern realism reflecting my own experiences in one form or another, so it's a short leap.

I have a story right now in final edit where the MMC is in recovery from a very traumatic divorce, and the stars align to where he stumbles into his soulmate. I cannot read the scene without tearing up. I was a mess when writing it.

 

[Erozetta]

All the damn time.

When you write real and face trauma in your writing, it can be extremely cathartic, and that often brings a flood of tears.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Crying from your own work​

Writing it
Reading it
Re-reading it two years later

 

[TheExperimentalist]

All the damn time.

When you write real and face trauma in your writing, it can be extremely cathartic, and that often brings a flood of tears.

Thanks. In case you were wondering, by the way, yes, it's THAT story.

 

[Erozetta]

Thanks. In case you were wondering, by the way, yes, it's THAT story.

You've got this. When it's done, you will feel lighter and it will be worth it.

 

[NotWise]

If it doesn't move you, who will it move?

 

[TheExperimentalist]

You've got this. When it's done, you will feel lighter and it will be worth it.

Thanks. I hope so. (I also hope I've tread carefully enough with the topic that it's accepted without having to revise those scenes...)

 

[Erozetta]

Thanks. I hope so. (I also hope I've tread carefully enough with the topic that it's accepted without having to revise those scenes...)

I'm always happy to read it over if you want a second pair of eyes on it.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I don't do trauma in my stories. I want the reading and especially the writing of them to be escapism. That does not mean I'm adverse to the occasional happy, or 'that's so sweet' tear.
The emotions of my own trauma, I have buried very, very deeply from an early age. As the source of it was a household family member, it forced me to be the forgive and forget sort. Perhaps to a fault. That might mean that I've merely suppressed all that negative emotion and it might put me in therapy someday, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
But, in response to @TheExperimentalist, I hope you find the catharsis you need in the writing of your story. I do know that writing can be very therapeutic and a great way to work through things mentally. Be well.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Yeah, been there. Almost all my stories on Lit are happy escapism, with a couple that are 'what if a certain occasion had ended differently?' but there are a few that are basically therapy. One took over 20 years to write.

Most recently, I found the only way to write one story was to write the death first and then the rest of it, because it was never going to happen the other way round.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

I'm always happy to read it over if you want a second pair of eyes on it.

Thanks. I responded privately.

I don't do trauma in my stories. I want the reading and especially the writing of them to be escapism. That does not mean I'm adverse to the occasional happy, or 'that's so sweet' tear.

Yeah, been there. Almost all my stories on Lit are happy escapism

Mine are a mix. I like realism, so only a few of my stories (well, WIPs, really. I only have four actually complete, published stories on here so far), are pure feel-good escapism. Most have some sort of emotional obstacle, the overcoming of which provides the context for the parts most people are here for. However, they also tend to follow an upward trajectory that continually builds toward the inevitable (person has whatever hangup/frustration/fear, which is somehow tied up in their relationship with the other person, they confront it as the relationship grows, then eventually, boom, fireworks, and the sexual act signals the full passage of the obstacle).

This one is a lot more complicated, with ups and downs, revelations and realizations, setbacks and successes. I intentionally sat down to write it as a form of therapy, and knew going into it that I'd be confronting a lot of heavy things I may not even have realized in myself, let alone in my characters. I also don't expect the story to be received very well, but given the subject matter and how it resolves, I can't really think of anywhere else I can publish it besides here (even if I were a 'real' writer). I'm writing it mostly for me, and for whomever else might get something out of it.

 

[Stanfield2025]

Yep. While writing my second to last chapter, I ended up crying for one of these characters. And this is a character who's morally gray. My story, unlike many I've seen on this site, isn't all escapism. There's a lot of tragedy in it.

You seemed to have done it from a place of personally relating to your character from a super deep place. I have nothing in common with my morally gray character, but I got teary eyed out of her just... being beaten down a LOT. And I found myself hoping she'd find peace.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Many times.

Writing is about conveying emotions onto the page. It is difficult to pass those emotions on to the reader if you are not feeling them (and feeling them intensely) yourself.

 

[Voboy]

No, but I'm not really a cryer.

If I was, I think I would.

 

[StillStunned]

Fairytale of New York

As explained in the Ur-WIWAW, what began as an idea for a simple fairy tale was hijacked by my experiences with introversion and how it affects relationships.

 

[Duil2]

Yes, definitely. Especially over the last few years since my mother passed on. I was her primary caregiver for the last four years of her life but we were also very close before that and I miss her very much. She was my confident and my therapist and now I think I've shifted that partially into some of my writing.

I've found myself including grief or losses of one kind or another into what I've been writing recently and very often something will strike a deep chord and the tears will flow. My father passed when I was thirteen and even now, forty-two years later, writing a character that in any way resembles what I remember of him can bring me to tears.

I also find if I give my characters any of my own insecurities then their attempts to function with those or work through them often raises the pain and isolation I often felt throughout my life to the surface and an emotional release happens. It isn't always tears, either. Sometimes it's a release of anger which was obviously buried and never expressed.

I think it's only natural as no matter what type of story you write, you're writing it and so a piece of you must be in it, I think, and that'll be recognizable to both you and some of your readers who might identify with that particular struggle.

At the end of the day you have to treat yourself with kindness and gentleness, especially if you're consciously tackling something you know holds deep emotional resonance for you.

 

[stickygirl]

It doesn't matter in the least that it's as you put it a stupid porn story. It's the process, stupid We often connect with our subconscious when we write, so if emotions and memories surface as part of that process, then embrace it.

As for crying? Fuck - I'll cry at birdsong sometimes, but more specifically at an intense situation for my MCs: if they might cry then so will I. My bf has long got used to my weird ways.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Yes, definitely. Especially over the last few years since my mother passed on. I was her primary caregiver for the last four years of her life but we were also very close before that and I miss her very much. She was my confident and my therapist and now I think I've shifted that partially into some of my writing.

I've found myself including grief or losses of one kind or another into what I've been writing recently and very often something will strike a deep chord and the tears will flow. My father passed when I was thirteen and even now, forty-two years later, writing a character that in any way resembles what I remember of him can bring me to tears.

My characters and I envy the relationships you seem to have had with your parents.

I think it's only natural as no matter what type of story you write, you're writing it and so a piece of you must be in it, I think

This is the main reason why I'm hesitant to share my work with even the real-life friends who know (generally) what I write.

At the end of the day you have to treat yourself with kindness and gentleness, especially if you're consciously tackling something you know holds deep emotional resonance for you.

Thanks. That's something I struggle with.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

It doesn't matter in the least that it's as you put it a stupid porn story. It's the process, stupid We often connect with our subconscious when we write, so if emotions and memories surface as part of that process, then embrace it.

As for crying? Fuck - I'll cry at birdsong sometimes, but more specifically at an intense situation for my MCs: if they might cry then so will I. My bf has long got used to my weird ways.

Thanks for the acerbic humor. I needed that.

 

[Duil2]

My characters and I envy the relationships you seem to have had with your parents.


This is the main reason why I'm hesitant to share my work with even the real-life friends who know (generally) what I write.


Thanks. That's something I struggle with.

I was fortunate with my parents, I know. They weren't perfect but they did their best.
My father had his own trauma to deal with having been a child of WWII in Germany (born 1936, the war ended when he was nine) before being fostered temporarily in Ireland and then shipped back to Germany. He battled alcoholism in his twenties, but was 'dry' for most of my life... my older sisters have some different memories.
My mother could be a bit emotionally remote and did once confess to me that if she hadn't contracted tuberculosis and developed epilepsy at the same time in her twenties, she likely would have been a career woman instead of a wife and mother, as she wouldn't have felt the need for the support of a husband (they were married in 1964).

Sharing part of your story that you may not have shared before, or with the depth of how it effected you, can be scary, granted. In that scenario a neutral audience may be the wise choice. In my opinion it's courageous to allow that level of vulnerability and only you will know whether you want this story to be part of the life you have with your friends. It may serve no purpose there. The act of writing and publishing might be enough.

Self care is definitely a priority at times like this.

 

[consistentlyrepudiated]

No, but I'm not really a cryer.

If I was, I think I would.

"Do you think androids have souls?" Rick interrupted.

 

[redgarters]

Yes, it has happened every so often that I teared up writing emotional scenes. And then I wrote The Last Song She Wrote and full on cried writing, editing, reading, composing, playing the song in the car... even just thinking about scenes in that story makes me choke up sometimes.
It took so much out of me I'm still working my way back to normal.

 

[Actingup]

I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out and needing a break after writing the most intensely emotional scene I've ever penned. In it, a character is confronting extreme trauma and abuse from their past. I was REALLY in the writing headspace, that perfect flow where the characters are almost writing you, rather than vice-versa. The zone every writer wishes they could summon at will.

Then, without even consciously planning it, a line popped out that stopped me dead. The classic line of pretty much every abuse victim: "It was my fault."

Now I'm sitting here thinking back on my own life, the abuses I myself suffered, and realizing just how much of my own self-blame remains unresolved. And I'm wondering how I got here from writing stupid porn stories that no one will really care about. Except that sometimes, those porn stories go deep, and sometimes, that depth confronts real feelings, at least for me.

The damndest part is I'm only halfway through the story, and I know there are at least two or three even more gut-wrenching scenes that still need to be written.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Yes. Not every story: many of them are light, fluffy things trying to help people smile and occasionally get excited (and yes, I find myself moved in both directions). But others… I wrote about a suicide in my immediate family, and of course I bawled. I wrote about a disaster where I’ve met many of the survivors, and I tried to put myself in their shoes during the lifelong recovery. I even found myself affected in a sibling incest story, because I was aiming for a tragic moving and ultimately hopeful tale, and to write the final paragraphs and rework them again and again I had to feel what the narrator would have felt.

So, yeah. This is not a sex stories site, or at least that’s not how I think about it. This is a site with stories, some of which are mainly about sex. So we feel stuff, and sometimes that’s sad, or cathartic, or funny, or all of the above. Which is good.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Sharing part of your story that you may not have shared before, or with the depth of how it effected you, can be scary, granted. In that scenario a neutral audience may be the wise choice. In my opinion it's courageous to allow that level of vulnerability and only you will know whether you want this story to be part of the life you have with your friends. It may serve no purpose there. The act of writing and publishing might be enough.

Self care is definitely a priority at times like this.

Oddly enough, the traumatic part isn't necessarily even the part I meant. I'm willing to share that part with any of my friends. When you said "a piece of you must be in it", I was thinking of the erotic fantasy parts. Everything I write gives people insight into my sexual psyche and some of it is stuff I fear people knowing and judging.