Crossing the Line

[naughtynae]

Don’t make love to me
like it’s your first time,
need to feel it like it’s your last.
Pretend that after tonight you'll be celibate.
No wasting time with imperfections,
first timer fumbling is
unacceptable.
Prepare to take me
like you own me.
Bite into my flesh like you’re famished.
Give it to me like the
cartographer who developed his map,
lay me flat and
smooth me out.
Take all roads less traveled
you have freedom to explore everything,
not one square inch is off limits.
I want you now
possess me completely and
as you reach your destination
be sure you’ve crossed the line.

 

[WickedEve]

The part about the cartographer is interesting.
One small suggestion:
Give it to me like the
cartographer who develops his map

 

[TheRainMan]

Don’t make love to me
like it’s your first time,
need to feel it like it’s your last.
Pretend that after tonight you'll be celibate.
No wasting time with imperfections,
first timer fumbling is
unacceptable.
Prepare to take me
like you own me.
Bite into my flesh like you’re famished.
Give it to me like the
cartographer who developed his map,
lay me flat and
smooth me out.
Take all roads less traveled
you have freedom to explore everything,
not one square inch is off limits.
I want you now
possess me completely and
as you reach your destination
be sure you’ve crossed the line.

I think this has a whole lot of spunk buried inside it. (Pardon the wordplay. )

IMO, if you take out a few redundancies and tighten/sharpen the phrasing, you have a fine and very erotic poem.

Welcome to the poetry board.

Stay.

 

[TheRainMan]

The part about the cartographer is interesting.
One small suggestion:
Give it to me like the
cartographer who develops his map

Beautiful card, Eve.

Merry Christmas.

 

[WickedEve]

Beautiful card, Eve.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you

 

[Christina O. Leigh]

Don’t make love to me
like it’s your first time,
need to feel it like it’s your last.
Pretend that after tonight you'll be celibate.
No wasting time with imperfections,
first timer fumbling is
unacceptable.
Prepare to take me
like you own me.
Bite into my flesh like you’re famished.
Give it to me like the
cartographer who developed his map,
lay me flat and
smooth me out.
Take all roads less traveled
you have freedom to explore everything,
not one square inch is off limits.
I want you now
possess me completely and
as you reach your destination
be sure you’ve crossed the line.

This is really good, naughty. I couldn't help but play with your poem.

Don't make love to me
like it's your first time.
I need to feel it like it's your last.

Pretend after tonight, you'll be celibate.
No wasting time with imperfections;
A first timer fumbling is unacceptable.

Prepare to take like you own me.
Bite into my flesh like you're famished.
Give to me like the cartographer develops his map,
lay me flat, and smooth me out.

Take all roads less traveled.
You have freedom to explore everything,
not one square inch is off limits.

I want you now, possess me
completely, and as you reach
your destination, be sure
you've crossed the line.



Almost forgot: welcome to Lit!

 

[naughtynae]

Thank you! I love the revisions made. I am enjoying it here. I appreciate the feedback. Will work on it.

Nae ;0)

 

[Christina O. Leigh]

Thank you! I love the revisions made. I am enjoying it here. I appreciate the feedback. Will work on it.

Nae ;0)

You're welcome, naughty. I'm glad I was able to help.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You're welcome, naughty. I'm glad I was able to help.

"you're welcome, naughty"
Don't you just love how that reads?

 

[naughtynae]

Absolutely love how it sounds, lol.

 

[Christina O. Leigh]

Y'all just pervs. Y'all just pervs!!!!

 

[naughtynae]

Got that straight!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Y'all just pervs. Y'all just pervs!!!!

like.... DUH!

 

[Flirtydeb]

Naughtynae, I loved it!