Crossing Lines

[impressive]

Where are your lines? At precisely what point does desire turn into infidelity? (I'm using the term "infidelity" here in the broadest sense -- as applied to any relationship in which monogamy is expected.)

Now -- apply the same litmus test to your partner. At which stage would you consider him/her to be "cheating" on you?

 

[Guest]

I don't think cyber should be on the list.

Cyber isn't real-life.

BUT - I think if you ever set up some sort of way to meet your cyber person and do so in secret - that's cheating. Or certainly the intent to cheat.

*yawn*

Then again, I'm not thinking very well because I was up late last night having cyber sex.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Cyber isn't real-life. . .

I agree.

In my opinion people who truly believe in Cybersex are the same people who had Imaginary Friends well past Elementary School.

 

[Guest]

I agree.

In my opinion people who truly believe in Cybersex are the same people who had Imaginary Friends well past Elementary School.

Is that wrong?

 

[rgraham666]

Surreptitious meetings is my line.

I would make cybering a line crosser myself, if I was in a committed relationship.

In my opinion, relationships are too delicate and precious to risk by fucking around.

 

[SnoopDog]

For me it is clearly kissing (or cuddling for that matter)

Just meeting with a good friend wouldn't harm my realtionship but anything that goes a little farther I'd have my problems with.

That however doesn't mean I'm over-jealous, I would have faith and trust in my partner but I think for a couple in love there should be restraints.

Snoopy's 2 cents

 

[impressive]

BUT, do you honestly hold yourself to the same standard as your partner?

 

[McKenna]

My line would be emotional involvement with another human being on a level that should be reserved for your spouse.

That wasn't one of the options, however.

Cyber? Well it's fine to think it isn't real, but if you're pissing about and become addicted to it and/or the attention recieved from another online, I think you should re-think your opinion.

I think cybering is cheating if it's something you keep from your spouse.

I can't look at the number of people who "met" online and/or left their spouses for people they've met online and think, "Cybering isn't real." Yeah right.

 

[Guest]

Oh shit. Mindfuck thread.
Must stop lurking Lit.

 

[impressive]

My line would be emotional involvement with another human being on a level that should be reserved for your spouse.

That wasn't one of the options, however.

That's 'cause I should've consulted with you on the proper wording first. I wanted to include something like that.

However, this is a nebulous area to me since "emotional involvement" is often involuntary.

 

[McKenna]

However, this is a nebulous area to me since "emotional involvement" is often involuntary.

Right, but your choice on whether or not to pursue your feelings is voluntary.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I would say cheating isn't in the acts, it's in the thoughts. Just as a relationship isn't based ont eh acts, so too, betrayal of that relationship resides in the mind, since the relationship is in essence a mental construct.

Does that mean thiking abou tit with someone else is cheating? No, I think we all condier going to bed with people outside our relationship from time to time. It can in fact add spice as a fantasy.

It's when you go past that fantasy level consideration and cross the line into wantin git to be more than a fantasy that you are cheating. the one you are with deserves your full consideration, when you are dividing that consideration among others who aren't family or close freinds, I think you are treading the line. Where you cross is anyone's guess and I suspect varries greatly among people. But I feel like you can be cheating long before that first "accedental' situation arises to get more physical.

-Colly

 

[Guest]

But I feel like you can be cheating long before that first "accedental' situation arises to get more physical.

My premature ejecuration on seasparks thread was accidental too.

 

[cantdog]

I have never been jealous.

 

[impressive]

I have never been jealous.

Interesting choice of words, cant.

Is that because you've never been given REASON to be jealous, or because jealousy is not in your nature? In other words, COULD you be jealous under the right circumstances?

 

[Boxlicker101]

I voted for meetings but it would depend on the intent of the meeting. Meeting somebody in hopes of having an affair is obviously infidelity but meeting a friend or co-worker, either male or female, for lunch would not be. A spouse of SO might be suspicious but this is about the person doing the meeting.

 

[impressive]

... but meeting a friend or co-worker, either male or female, for lunch would not be.

In that case, it wouldn't be "surreptitious," eh?

 

[cantdog]

Interesting choice of words, cant.

Is that because you've never been given REASON to be jealous, or because jealousy is not in your nature? In other words, COULD you be jealous under the right circumstances?

Taking the last one first, I don't know, but I do sincerely hope not.

I did once, I suppose, have reason, if that's the word-- provocation, I guess, suits me better-- that is, she stepped out. I thought great. But it wasn't. She was also stepping away, and she never returned.

The one I have now has nowhere near the appetite for sex I do. Really, really, far less. It got better when she hit her sexual peak around her mid thirties, but even then. So in this relationship, married thirty some odd years, no, there has been no such provocation.

But I do not ascribe to jealousy. Not possessive. Don't see the point of it.

As an example, her jealousies have never been a cement to our relationship, but just the opposite, as is inevitable when you consider jealousy for what it is.

Being felt possessive about, being possessed, is really kinda icky, as a feeling; that's from the receiving end. On the other end the whole feeling of aroused jealousy is a mistrust issue.

If you don't trust 'em you cannot love 'em. Far from a sign of love, jealousy is the sign the love is weak and nearly over. Because, paint this on a billboard, love is trust.

And finally, if someone mistrusts you, nothing you say or do can help, because they know you could be lying and they don't trust you. It's something you can't fix. Once they believe you, it was because they recovered their trust. It's all an internal battle on the part of the jealous person. If that's love, forget love. But it ain't love, it's just poison.

If she stepped out, it's a sign her heart is big enough for more than one. Good. A bigger capacity to love is a good thing. I love lots of people, each in a different way. It has almost always enriched my life to have more love in it.

 

[Guest]

Taking the last one first, I don't know, but I do sincerely hope not.

I did once, I suppose, have reason, if that's the word-- provocation, I guess, suits me better-- that is, she stepped out. I thought great. But it wasn't. She was also stepping away, and she never returned.

The one I have now has nowhere near the appetite for sex I do. Really, really, far less. It got better when she hit her sexual peak around her mid thirties, but even then. So in this relationship, married thirty some odd years, no, there has been no such provocation.

But I do not ascribe to jealousy. Not possessive. Don't see the point of it.

As an example, her jealousies have never been a cement to our relationship, but just the opposite, as is inevitable when you consider jealousy for what it is.

Being felt possessive about, being possessed, is really kinda icky, as a feeling; that's from the receiving end. On the other end the whole feeling of aroused jealousy is a mistrust issue.

If you don't trust 'em you cannot love 'em. Far from a sign of love, jealousy is the sign the love is weak and nearly over. Because, paint this on a billboard, love is trust.

And finally, if someone mistrusts you, nothing you say or do can help, because they know you could be lying and they don't trust you. It's something you can't fix. Once they believe you, it was because they recovered their trust. It's all an internal battle on the part of the jealous person. If that's love, forget love. But it ain't love, it's just poison.

If she stepped out, it's a sign her heart is big enough for more than one. Good. A bigger capacity to love is a good thing. I love lots of people, each in a different way. It has almost always enriched my life to have more love in it.

I love this post. So close to my own thoughts.

Lou

 

[impressive]

If she stepped out, it's a sign her heart is big enough for more than one. Good. A bigger capacity to love is a good thing. I love lots of people, each in a different way. It has almost always enriched my life to have more love in it.

Agree COMPLETELY. Thanks for elaborating.