Crossdressing for parents

ravenmx

Really Experienced
Joined
Aug 12, 2004
Posts
287
A not so hypothetical question.

If you were a parent of a teenage boy who likes to crossdress how would you deal with it?

Would it be easy for you to accept and would you let them crossdress at home?

Would you be able to make compromises and allow them to crossdress but not at home?

As a lesbian parent of a teenage boy who identifies himself as gay, I can deal with that, but do have a hard time with the crossdressing. Maybe it makes me hypacritical maybe not.

Thoughts?
 
I would be more likely to let the child crossdress at home, since even if it would be difficult to understand at first, it would more than likely be a safer enviroment for him to experiment.
 
yeah i would let him crossdress if he tries to repress it he will regret it later like i have when i should of went to my parents when i first realized i was a girl in a guys body instead of trying to avoid it 15 years later 24 years old and just now starting my path of becoming what i should of had the courage to do in the first place.

Tiffany
 
I'm biased on this, because I am a TV.

If I had a child that was a crossdresser, I would let him crossdress. It's about his happiness. I would probably just give him a talk about staying safe, and where it is appropriate to cross, and where it isn't.
 
I think it's a simple matter of ethics. The principle 'you cannot ethically claim a right that you do not extend to others' would seem to apply here. If you expect others to respect who you are, you must respect their right to be who they are.

Sure that might make you hypocritical, but we are all hypocritical about something. It is our duty as rational human beings to fight our own hypocrasy.

Perhaps counselling might help, for your son to come to terms with himself and for you to come to terms with the problems you have with that side of him.
 
I might be totally off on this, and if so I welcome a gentle correction :)
but... isn't crossdressing primarily a sexual thing? In particular, centered on the crossdressers self-arousal and masturbation?

I wonder if this isn't a matter of parents coming to terms with their child's sex life. At least with gay or lesbian children, they can be counselled to focus on romance and hold off on the heavy stuff. But with a CD child their sex life is right out there - undeniable.

Okay, okay... I am not saying that we should repress our sexuality. But certainly accepting and guiding the sexuality of their child is going to be tough.

Like others, I would worry about his safety. If he cross-dresses at home, at least he isn't going to get bashed. (I don't know if he even wants to go out.)

I suppose being supportive of his experimentation and his choices of what is right for him is the general direction to go. But actually doing those things could be awkward for his parents.
 
Thank you all for the replies and all of you are right, safety really is the big picture here.

Yes, I want is him to be safe, he is still under 18 and sometimes rather trusting. He crossdresses at a teen club for gay and lesbian youth and does a variety of drag shows.

He changes at the club and does not go out in public (to my knowledge).

To be honest I am not very educated on crossdressing and so I am not sure if "isn't crossdressing primarily a sexual thing? In particular, centered on the crossdressers self-arousal and masturbation?" Is true or not.

We are in family counseling due to other issues that have been going on and this subject comes up often.

My issue is that even though I am a lesbian, I would like my son to be straight, marry and have children. This I know may never happen but thinking about what I have gone through in the last 20 years, it is hard to see that my child may go through that as well.

I have come to terms (enought to support him) with his sexuality, I cannot really fault him, because I am homosexual as well.

I just have a really hard time with the crossdressing and am not sure how to deal with my own issues on it before I deal with his issues on it.

My partner and I were actually discussing this the other day and laughing. If you think about it, I guess in a way I could be considered a crossdresser as I wear mens jeans, shirts and boxers.

Why is it so hard for us to except in our children what we except in ourselves everyday? If I could answer that question I wouldn't be where I am at I suppose.

Thanks again for all the replies.
 
I'm also biased since I'm both a parent (my three kids are all under 10) and a CD/TV. I've been playing with female clothes since I was 12 and been actively crossdressing for sexual fantasy since I was 20 or so. Now I have the fortune to be married to a wonderful, incredibly supportive woman who encourages me and guides me and helps by doing my makeup, selecting clothes and wigs, et cetera.

Now, with all that background out of the way, here's what I have to say. Crossdressing serves a number of purposes in men who do it. The reasons are varied and variable - some are more important to some people than others, and sometimes the reasons change from day to day, situation to situation or just evolve over time. Cross-dressing as actively as your son does it, and given his professed sexual orientation, seems to be a sign of gender identity issues. I don't mean that in any kind of "bad" way - lots of us were confused as teenagers and some of us stayed confused well into adulthood. For instance, while I played around with my older sister's undies for thrills, I never once considered myself gay or even bi. I never even fantasized about men (least of all non-crossdressed men) until much later - mid/late 20's at least - as my sexual tastes and self-identity evolved. Crossdressing and playing around with gender roles was (or seemed to be) a purely sexual thrill or kink.

As I've gotten older, my tastes in things have changed and I've realized that gender identity is a fluid thing, as are sexual tastes. Now, thanks to my wife, I crossdress at least a little every day - panties under my clothes, shaved legs, and painted toe nails. Partly I do this as a secret sexual thrill for both of us, partly I do it because I am submissive and she is my domme and she tells me to. She sometimes punishes me by refusing to paint my toenails or making me where "ugly man panties" (men's briefs) rather than the pretties I've come to love. Weekends when the kids are away, we often both dress very elaborately and have extended sexual play. But not always. Sometimes we just have plain old hot, sweaty vanilla boy-on-top missionary position sex. Our moods dictate what we do as far as dressing and/or sex.

So in my case at least, there's somewhat more going on than just a sexual thrill - what I do I do because we both enjoy it and we enjoy the emotional connection it gives us for me to dress - for her to pick my clothes and demonstrate loving control, whatever that control is.

But like I say, everyone's different. Your son is dressing for his own reasons. So long as he can articulate them to himself, you shouldn't try to repress him. I suspect I'll end up having to deal with something like this myself. My sister has been openly gay for 20 years, my ex-wife's brother for about 15 and I've got my own gender fluidity. To the extent any sexual identity and urges are genetic, he's got it coming from both sides. So let your son be who he is. As you are already doing, help him to know when and where it's safe to dress, and when and where it's better to mind one's own business and just blend in. To the extent he gets sexual pleasure from his dressing and gender ID, you're going to just have to trust that you've taught him as a parent to respect himself enough to pick the right partner(s) and be safe with them as well.

Good luck with everything and I hope it turns out well for both parent and son.
 
ravenmx said:
A not so hypothetical question.

If you were a parent of a teenage boy who likes to crossdress how would you deal with it?

Would it be easy for you to accept and would you let them crossdress at home?

Would you be able to make compromises and allow them to crossdress but not at home?

As a lesbian parent of a teenage boy who identifies himself as gay, I can deal with that, but do have a hard time with the crossdressing. Maybe it makes me hypacritical maybe not.

Thoughts?

I think you're concerned for the harm he might come to while being judged.

I think it takes a ton of courage and if he's got the courage, he should have the handbag.

Separate your concern and fear from your admiration of individuality and just save your admiration for him.

Save your concern and fear for if there ever is a real problem not involving how to fix a run in panty hose.
 
onceburned said:
I might be totally off on this, and if so I welcome a gentle correction :)
but... isn't crossdressing primarily a sexual thing? In particular, centered on the crossdressers self-arousal and masturbation?
For some, yes. For others, no. ;)

Actually, I would say those who include masturbation in their CD/TV tendencies are probably in the minority. These would be guys who masturbate while wearing panties, perhaps. But for many it's more a whole-package (pun intended) kind of thing. Whatever they are doing to dress (clothing, makeup, etc.) is part of creating a female identity, and that is what is sexy. It may not even be about self-arousal explicitly - it's just an enjoyable thing to do. Many women like dressing up and looking pretty, it makes them feel sexy and attractive. Some men do too. :)

Others are dressing as part of more transgender feelings. Some are getting in touch with their feminine side and learning more about that part of themselves. Others will want to make it more part of their daily life. This doesn't mean that all CDs and TVs want to be female! They're just doing something that means a lot to them, but they don't necessarily want to go through a full transition or anything. Others do want to be female, sometimes desperately, but for various reasons they can't make it part of their life at the moment and so they do what they can.

There are a lot of reasons for people to cross-dress. Obviously my post is targeted to MTF interests, but some of it does apply to FTMs as well.
 
Etoile said:
Actually, I would say those who include masturbation in their CD/TV tendencies are probably in the minority. These would be guys who masturbate while wearing panties, perhaps. But for many it's more a whole-package (pun intended) kind of thing. Whatever they are doing to dress (clothing, makeup, etc.) is part of creating a female identity, and that is what is sexy.

Etoile, thank you for correcting my misunderstanding. I appreciate both your help and also appreciate your not tearing into me for my comments which must have offended some (if not most) crossdressers.
 
onceburned said:
Etoile, thank you for correcting my misunderstanding. I appreciate both your help and also appreciate your not tearing into me for my comments which must have offended some (if not most) crossdressers.
*bows*

You are most welcome. If you don't ask, how can you find out? I'm always happy to educate where I can. :)
 
crossdressing

i have worn panties off and on sense i was 13. its not a sexual thing for me. it more the desire to feel the material of lace and silk on my skin. i do get to enjoy this at times still. but not as much as i would like. my parents never knew about it as back then it wasn't talked about. and now that i am married wife does not support me . She feels it gross. so i do so in secret with my Mistress:D. just wanted to share my thoughts on it, but am always open to talk about it with all .
 
I would accept it fully, but I would let my son or daughter who crossdressed take JKD lessons so they could defend them, if any one harassed them or worse. And if it well sure they would be allowed to do it at home.
 
I would encourage him. I would take him shopping for clothes. When I was a young boy I would look through the sears catalog, looking at all the pretty tights, panties, and dresses, wondering why I couldn't wear them. The panties with different colors and prints looked so cool. All I had to wear for undies was tighty whities. I couldn't wait till I got my car so I could go to the store and buy colored undies. Then one day my girlfriend left her pantyhose at my house. The first time I tryed them on I was hooked. Then in the 80ies spandex was in stlye. I wore spandex every chance I got. Now as soon as the wife and kids are out of the house I'm in tights and panties.

I knew how I felt as a little boy wanting to dress like a girl, so if my son wanted to crossdress I would let him.
 
But for many it's more a whole-package (pun intended) kind of thing. Whatever they are doing to dress (clothing, makeup, etc.) is part of creating a female identity, and that is what is sexy. It may not even be about self-arousal explicitly - it's just an enjoyable thing to do. Many women like dressing up and looking pretty, it makes them feel sexy and attractive. Some men do too. :)



OMG Etoile, you soooo get it!!
 
Back
Top