criticism/editing

[femates]

Hello editors!
Im wondering if someone could take a look at an exert of a new book im thinking of writing... an idea came to me one night and this is what has come out. Its really just a scene. Please note this is a Non-consent/fantasy. Please msg me if you wish to take a look and give me some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and editing.

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[sr71plt]

Said book to be submitted to the Literotica story file, right? Otherwise this would be spam. Help at Literotica is meant to be for stories posted to Literotica.

 

[femates]

Heya. Yes this will be posted onto Lit if it every gets past draft stage.
As i said at the moment its not much so wont be posted for a while if i can get some much need assistance