Critical feedback requested

[obbity]

Hello.

I've recently submitted a story, and would like some feedback. I'm a novice writer, so you can comment on anything you like, from basic grammar to plot construction. I need improvement in all aspects of my writing.

Here's my submission page: http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=998175&page=submissions.
The first two chapters of the story have been posted; I'm currently writing the third. Feel free to comment on just one or both chapters if you like.

Thanks,
Obbity

 

[acecow]

I've never really been that much a fan about that sort of..."relationship" (couldn't think of a better word -_-)

But...wow. That was a great read! I look foward to reading the next chapter(s). One thing to mention, there were a few grammatical/spelling errors, but other than that it was great!

 

[obbity]

Thanks, Acecow.
I'm working on the next chapter tonight!

I'm sure there are grammatical errors. I'm trying to weed them out, and Inkstaine has been kind enough to edit for me. If you spot anything egregious, please let me know.