Criminal Background Checks

[CandiCame]

So I finally found a job, had a great interview, passed the typing speed test with flying colors (they said that I was the best to have taken it, 94 wpm, 6 mistakes in 10 min). The boss lady loved me.

She called today, herself. Said they had gotten my criminal record back. Some of you may remember a post I made a while back, where I was pissed over a shoplifting charge. Well, I'm even more pissed now, because that bullshit knocked me out of a job.

I don't know what to do. No one's called me to sub all week. I'm not making any money and because I keep having to go to court and tell them I don't have the cash for my fine, I keep getting $150 in court costs added. Now, altogether it's up to $708. I can't even hit $0. I've got to go back to court on the 6th and tell them that I still can't pay it.

I've also got a couple of bullshit driving, not having my firearm licensed to me, paraphernalia, you know, shit that employers don't care about. Anyway, she told me that once I get it "cleared up" she's got a desk waiting for me.

I got these expungement papers, but they say it;s $200 a charge, and I have 2 charges, so even after the fines are paid, it'll be another $400 to get them expunged, but the lady at the court house said that after the expungement they'll be off my record, like none of it ever happened.

Anyway, folk here seem to know a lot about the legal system AND have a fuck-ton of cash, so I'm assuming that someone here knows something that I can do. Come on, help me. I'm pathetic.

Also, my cat just poured my coffee out on purpose. I saw that he was going to- and I was like, "Jack- don't do that. Jack don't do that! JACK!" And I tried to grab it before he could, but he'd got those damned cat-like reflexes... so now I'm also covered in coffee.

Fuck my life.

I'll be posting the rest of my shit from the bathtub.

 

[bronzeage]

This is 2012. Never consider a job where typing speed is a factor.

 

[unregistered]

 

[CandiCame]

This is 2012. Never consider a job where typing speed is a factor.

I consider all jobs. I am broke and not above doing anything for money at this point. The town I'm in leaves me no room for illegal professions.

One of the many differences between us is that you're probably not an art-school dropout. You have what I like to call, "career options". I don't.

 

[chillywilly2]

Carefull with the puter in the bathtub option...especially if its plugged in.

You may not have anything to worry about if you drop it

 

[CandiCame]

Carefull with the puter in the bathtub option...especially if its plugged in.

You may not have anything to worry about if you drop it

I tried already.

Did you know that some people (especially those with ELF) have a much harder time electrocuting themselves to death?

Also, there are a number of appliances that will continue to work after they've been waterlogged if you let them dry out?

 

[piccicatopolka]

Well, I'm even more pissed now, because that bullshit knocked me out of a job.

~edit~
I've also got a couple of bullshit driving, not having my firearm licensed to me, paraphernalia, you know, shit that employers don't care about. Anyway, she told me that once I get it "cleared up" she's got a desk waiting for me.

~edit~
it'll be another $400 to get them expunged, but the lady at the court house said that after the expungement they'll be off my record, like none of it ever happened.

www.lowes.com/StoreLocatorDisplayKentucky

Go here ~ don't be a whiner ~ talk to their HR Director in person before applying online which is required ~ pass the mouth swab drug test ~ we're hiring right now since Spring is like our Christmas and they're known for giving people a chance. Prove yourself and become something more than a seasonal worker. They will start you at over $10. per hour.

 

[blunt_trauma]

ditch the cash and volunteer in one of those deals where they send you overseas to teach poor people how to read & write, room & board free, do gooder points on your resume.

then get arrested when you reenter the country

...if you owe shitloads & own nowt, what are your bankruptcy laws like over there?

 

[CandiCame]

www.lowes.com/StoreLocatorDisplayKentucky

Go here ~ don't be a whiner ~ talk to their HR Director in person before applying online which is required ~ pass the mouth swab drug test ~ we're hiring right now since Spring is like our Christmas and they're known for giving people a chance. Prove yourself and become something more than a seasonal worker. They will start you at over $10. per hour.

I actually already did that- the lowes down here said there was no way ANY retail place would hire someone with a recent shoplifting charge. She said that she would have hired me if not for that- I have a lot of managerial experience from when I worked at K-mart and the comic shop.

And they are hiring like motherfuckers.
Interestingly, they don't do a drug test- I asked about it, and she said that in my area, they wouldn't be able to hire anyone. So their logic is it's ok to hire pillheads but not thieves. The vast majority of pillheads ARE thieves. And on my bgcheck, it says "theft under $20". It was a $.50 doughnut!

 

[VaticanAssassin]

Join the army/marines/airforce/navy.....go be all you can be! Meet different people from different land and kill them. Free room and board and all the shit food you can eat.

 

[Lord_Steve]

aw man that sucks.

as one struggling artiste to another, good luck out there

 

[CandiCame]

Join the army/marines/airforce/navy.....go be all you can be! Meet different people from different land and kill them. Free room and board and all the shit food you can eat.

See... I've been seriously considering that... but the short answer is I'm a coward and the military scares the absolute shit out of me. They would eat me alive- I don't really get stronger or anything, I'm a bit of a candyass, and I'm more equipped to handle situations by making some charismatic quip and slipping away unnoticed, or as they like to call it AWOL.

I'm terrified of the military. But at this point, is it looking like my last option...

They'll even pay to put me back in school and shit. I talked to a recruiter, and he said that if I could pass the psyche test (after reading my medical history) that they actually have art shit you can do. He said that I'm less likely to see combat and more likely to spend a lot of time on photoshop making recruitment posters.

I feel like he was lieing through his teeth. I don't know why- it was just a feeling I got.

But that is a really good idea.

 

[Sean]

How the hell can you get stuff removed from your CRB just by paying money???

 

[blunt_trauma]

in any tough, manly, males only environment, candy's face would just scream ''gang arserape me!!''.

 

[CandiCame]

How the hell can you get stuff removed from your CRB just by paying money???

I've got the forms right here "Criminal expungement". There's a FAQ website they pointed me to: http://kyjustice.org/expungement_faq

 

[VaticanAssassin]

See... I've been seriously considering that... but the short answer is I'm a coward and the military scares the absolute shit out of me. They would eat me alive- I don't really get stronger or anything, I'm a bit of a candyass, and I'm more equipped to handle situations by making some charismatic quip and slipping away unnoticed, or as they like to call it AWOL.

I'm terrified of the military. But at this point, is it looking like my last option...

They'll even pay to put me back in school and shit. I talked to a recruiter, and he said that if I could pass the psyche test (after reading my medical history) that they actually have art shit you can do. He said that I'm less likely to see combat and more likely to spend a lot of time on photoshop making recruitment posters.

I feel like he was lieing through his teeth. I don't know why- it was just a feeling I got.

But that is a really good idea.

Do you have any vet friends? Go see a recruiter with them in tow. Have you taken a test yet? Your overall GT score will show you all the jobs you qualify for, ask the recruiter for a print out. Research the ones that interest you. Tell them you will only sign if you get a guaranteed MOS (Job). 50% of the jobs are none combat...you could be well in the rear with the gear if you want to be. The training for those jobs is nothing like you see in the movies.

Plus they will pay for your classes while in and pay back in student loans you may have....

 

[CandiCame]

in any tough, manly, males only environment, candy's face would just scream ''gang arserape me!!''.

Come on- what did you say before you edited it!?

Now I'm all kinds of curious.

But hey, at least you can see the only good point about my potential military career.

Plus, I'm a couple years to old, I think. They recruit right out of high school.

 

[mikey2much]

work for yourself

become self employed, get a pkg of stencils and a can of bright glow in the dark paint and cut and paste some business cards at the library. Walk from door to door in a neighborhood with a lot of older people.

The pitch is that you are doing a saftey based job of making it easier for medical vichicles to find the right address in an emergency. Charge ten bucks per house and when you get the money paint their house numbers on the curb.

This works, if you are willing to try it, I've seen it work in the past. You are only one good idea away from a sucessful business. Believe in yourself and don't be timid about trying something different.

When you get a few coins send the court a few bucks to show a willing atitude and they will most likely let you slide. If not then sit your ass in jail and be content to bleed the system that was wanting to bleed you.

 

[blunt_trauma]

I've got the forms right here "Criminal expungement". There's a FAQ website they pointed me to: http://kyjustice.org/expungement_faq

your system is fucked up

Come on- what did you say before you edited it!?

Now I'm all kinds of curious.

But hey, at least you can see the only good point about my potential military career.

Plus, I'm a couple years to old, I think. They recruit right out of high school.

edit? what edit?

you'd get arseraped. you know you'd get arseraped.
multiple times.
you'd end up like goatse.

but i believe they take rape/cannon fodder much older than you.

 

[CandiCame]

Do you have any vet friends? Go see a recruiter with them in tow. Have you taken a test yet? Your overall GT score will show you all the jobs you qualify for, ask the recruiter for a print out. Research the ones that interest you. Tell them you will only sign if you get a guaranteed MOS (Job). 50% of the jobs are none combat...you could be well in the rear with the gear if you want to be. The training for those jobs is nothing like you see in the movies.

Plus they will pay for your classes while in and pay back in student loans you may have....

I do have vet friends- they all have PTSD and saw a lot of combat. My buddy Mikey has told me shit that has given me second-hand ptsd and, really, made me not want to hang out with him anymore. My cousin went crazy after his deployment, pretty bad, and killed himself shortly after he got home because he killed a woman and nearly killed her infant. He got a dishonorable discharge because he went batshit after that and put a gun to his supervisors head, so he wound up not getting anything, lost his health insurance and everything-his wife didn't have the cash to bury him with... My other friend got ran over by a tank and has no use of his right arm now. Before the war he was a talented tatoo artist- now he can't move the fingers of that hand to even hold the needle, let alone make anything resembling art. Same thing happened to my uncle who took shrapnal to the shoulder, and now has PTSD so bad that his lythium levels can't drop below a certain point or he'll kill us all.

And I'm already plenty crazy- I don't lie about the shit on here. I was raised by people who will just shoot you if you talk back or walk away while they're talking to you. As a result, I will get shot before I respect authority absentmindedly. I haven't taken the test, but the recruiter said that judging from my psyche history, and my current treatment plan and medications, that they most likely would not put me in combat, for fear that I would go crazy and shoot my supervisor and much of my platoon like my cousin did, or run like a bitch like my grandpa did. There's a lot there to indicate that I'm an insane coward, and nothing to indicate that I could do any kind of job under pressure.

 

[CandiCame]

your system is fucked up

edit? what edit?

you'd get arseraped. you know you'd get arseraped.
multiple times.
you'd end up like goatse.

but i believe they take rape/cannon fodder much older than you.

Oh, sorry, that's your sig! I'm a dumbass.
I've got cocksucking lips, to. At the very least maybe I wouldn't feel so alone, lol.

 

[VaticanAssassin]

How the hell can you get stuff removed from your CRB just by paying money???

In the common law legal system, an expungement proceeding is a type of lawsuit in which a first time offender of a prior criminal conviction seeks that the records of that earlier process be sealed, thereby making the records unavailable through the state or Federal repositories. If successful, the records are said to be "expunged".

 

[CandiCame]

In the common law legal system, an expungement proceeding is a type of lawsuit in which a first time offender of a prior criminal conviction seeks that the records of that earlier process be sealed, thereby making the records unavailable through the state or Federal repositories. If successful, the records are said to be "expunged".

That's probably what she said. Here's what I heard:

"Fill out these forms, pay this money, and it'll be off your record."

I was like, "Well, we live in a captalistic society, so that makes sense."

Interestingly, that's what I saw when I read your post, to.

 

[Sean]

In the common law legal system, an expungement proceeding is a type of lawsuit in which a first time offender of a prior criminal conviction seeks that the records of that earlier process be sealed, thereby making the records unavailable through the state or Federal repositories. If successful, the records are said to be "expunged".

Your system is fucked up.

 

[VaticanAssassin]

I do have vet friends- they all have PTSD and saw a lot of combat. My buddy Mikey has told me shit that has given me second-hand ptsd and, really, made me not want to hang out with him anymore. My cousin went crazy after his deployment, pretty bad, and killed himself shortly after he got home because he killed a woman and nearly killed her infant. He got a dishonorable discharge because he went batshit after that and put a gun to his supervisors head, so he wound up not getting anything, lost his health insurance and everything-his wife didn't have the cash to bury him with... My other friend got ran over by a tank and has no use of his right arm now. Before the war he was a talented tatoo artist- now he can't move the fingers of that hand to even hold the needle, let alone make anything resembling art. Same thing happened to my uncle who took shrapnal to the shoulder, and now has PTSD so bad that his lythium levels can't drop below a certain point or he'll kill us all.

And I'm already plenty crazy- I don't lie about the shit on here. I was raised by people who will just shoot you if you talk back or walk away while they're talking to you. As a result, I will get shot before I respect authority absentmindedly. I haven't taken the test, but the recruiter said that judging from my psyche history, and my current treatment plan and medications, that they most likely would not put me in combat, for fear that I would go crazy and shoot my supervisor and much of my platoon like my cousin did, or run like a bitch like my grandpa did. There's a lot there to indicate that I'm an insane coward, and nothing to indicate that I could do any kind of job under pressure.

They will tell you they will put you were they most need you. But if you insist that you will only join if you can choose your job they will cave.

Based on my test scores they wanted me to do some shit with patriots missiles. I told them I would only join if I could jump out of planes. They caved.... Like I said, over half the jobs in the military are support jobs were you will never see combat.....