Crimea against my own humanity

[sufisaint]

My biggest crime
is this mediocre life
I have let my life become.....
Falling into the great scheme,
the subtle ever present invisible trap
of defining my very being
through the wanting eyes of others...
Giving away
a precious heart
for absolutely nothing....
Letting my love die
a lonely death
in empty fantasy
that can never come true...
When the world
of earth and sky
quietly awaits
for a gentle love
that changes everything
from within.......

 

[WickedEve]

Good poem, lots of potential.
I'll try to make more comments later when I have time to read it again.

 

[JUDO]

SS -

Some interesting ideas and it sounds like you are trying to get a point across, but I think I missed it.

Something like: You have lived your life as a reflection of the needs of others desires upon you, but not more as you feel you should have - helping the world with your love?

Is that it?

By the way, ellipses "..." have three periods, not four, and as I've been told a hundred times - don't use them too much. Apparently, they are expressedly reserved for replacing unsaid words, not for dramatic pause. For that, use a "-" or ","

Is this your first poem? Or you simply felt compelled to plop it down in its own thread in the Poetry Forum?

By the way, you did mean "crimes" in your title, right? Not the Ukranian oblast - Crimea?


- Judo

 

[sufisaint]

The message is always subtle...undefined....I have no intent or ideas when i begin to write...they just come....echoes off the wall of myself from a deeper being.....Just thougt i would put some out there and seeif anyone else catches on....

 

[JUDO]

So, then you see yourself as the Jackson Pollock of words? Spewing phrases from a semi-conscious being on to the page and just letting them be?

???
- Judo

 

[sufisaint]

I like that anology.....got the same kind of demons as well.....

 

[JUDO]

Okay. Cool.


- Judo

 

[sufisaint]

not the alcoholism...