Creative Anger

[Guest]

Takticle Nukeular Worhedd Eminenima is acceptable. It's the thought that counts.

cant i just say epididimus? its so much easier

 

[NoJo]

cant i just say epididimus? its so much easier

You silly thing.

 

[Guest]

You silly thing.

possibly.
but ill take that comment to work with me and itll make me smile...Epididimus, you silly thing.

 

[Samandiriel]

I would like to teach creative anger classes.

 

[Softouch911]

I just got an email that made me laugh so hard I had to gasp for breath. (enough with the repirator jokes) I wanted to share it with you and at the end of it, why don't you come up with a creative way of dealing with your anger? This is just perfection. I appologise ahead of time if you have already seen this but really, its worth a re-read.
v~

Anger Management


When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe
that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had
transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After
hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an
asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number
and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a
parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and
yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored
me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the
BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number
to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two
assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable
as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole
#1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming
over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on
West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There
I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front
of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.



Live today to its fullest

FANFUCKINGTASTIC!


ROFLMAO!

 

[rgraham666]

I gave up my anger. It wasn't doing me or anyone else any good.

And doing useless things makes me angry.

 

[Guest]

I gave up my anger. It wasn't doing me or anyone else any good.

And doing useless things makes me angry.

bravo for you, handsome
i still cling to it on some things...usually things i cant change
erm
my ex. i dont hate him any more, just wish he would die.
people who 'park' at stop signs instead of stop at stop signs.
people who say..."ive changed my mind" at the last moment at the grocery store
the grocery store
i dont hold grudges as a general rule...unless i feel it warranted.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I wouldn't call that anger management, more like calm malevolence. I've started doing one or two things like that when people are being annoyingly rule-mongerers or assholes of playing with them like cat toys because frankly in kindergarten rationale, they started it and it amuses me on some morally unjustifiable level.

Still I can't help it when someone is so raucously an asshole, so completely deserving of a retribution in the name of all those hurt by them, so asking for it for the incoveinence and small murders of mood and soul on me and mine and the memories of those before. And so, at times, I'll give in and do like the man in the email.

The beauty in all these exchanges is how little it really takes to push a born asshole over the edge. A popular party game favorite is to consider seriously one of their insults. Not react and get flustered and angry, but to sit down with your hand on your chin and make like you're deeply considering it. It drives them crazy to no end.

Playing the random game also freaks out assholes and normals if you move fast enough and especially if you have another random to volley with. I once made a guy continuously sputter and run away with that method.

Another good one is the long pretense of outlandish practice where you claim with straight face to any type of recruiting asshole because you are such and such oddity or practicer of X abhorrent practice or are in the process of having Y occur to you. Exmples: Love to buy your vacuum cleaners but i'm in the process of killing my wife and three-year old son and will likely need to flee the country. Hey do you guys also sell traveling suitcases?

I've been dying for ages to try the gay flirtation method on drunk assholes who like to call everyone they dislike faggot. Someday I will and that will be something to see from a distance.

My most common form is pretty much on here once I've just had enough of a particular net asshole. That's where I use their own prejudices, fallacies, and cruelties against them and build fanciful creative epics. Chances are if you have been here for some time you have seen at least one.

For true dangerous anger, I use loud rock and metal music. It helps flush out the bad humors. And keeps the communist space hamsters from gnawing my soul.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Playing the random game also freaks out assholes and normals if you move fast enough and especially if you have another random to volley with. I once made a guy continuously sputter and run away with that method.

"Off with his head!" I said. "Not his PANTS!"

 

[TheEarl]

I've been dying for ages to try the gay flirtation method on drunk assholes who like to call everyone they dislike faggot. Someday I will and that will be something to see from a distance.

Luc: I can thoroughly recommend that one. When I was lifeguarding, I managed to keep a whole group of obnoxious holidaying 16y/o Londoners both confused and scared over my sexuality. Obviously if I was gay, then I was immediately going to rape them and of course anything other than complete disgust and physical threats to the guy twice their size at my flirting would be as good as admitting they were gay themselves. Yet they were never quite sure whether I was pretending to be gay or not and their tripping over themselves and equivocations as they tried to work out exactly which way I swung and whether they were allowed to talk to me or not was priceless.

The best bit if where one of them says "Yeah, well you're gay" as an insult and you go "Yeah, and? What's wrong with being gay? Explain it to me. In great detail."

It's unfair having a battle of wits with unarmed men. But fucking funny.

The Earl

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

"Off with his head!" I said. "Not his PANTS!"

"But the pants are the holy, the sacrament", he cried. "And besides, they're more snuggilicious than the leading brand. Isn't that right, Captain Carrot."


And Earl: Splendiferous!

 

[LadyJeanne]

"But the pants are the holy, the sacrament", he cried. "And besides, they're more snuggilicious than the leading brand. Isn't that right, Captain Carrot."

Makes no difference to me!
But if I was to ask for a red-rose tree
and you gave me white,
why then, you'd know that holy
is within my right, within my might.
What is the use of a procession if there's no one to see?

 

[TheEarl]

Off with his head!

No, not the head on the end of his neck. That's nowhere near cruel enough . Off with his lower head!

The Earl

 

[LadyJeanne]

Off with his head!

No, not the head on the end of his neck. That's nowhere near cruel enough . Off with his lower head!

The Earl

I have pictures. I draw cute little smiley faces on them and then select, click, cut, and ha! Off with his head(s)!

 

[SeaCat]

I just got an email that made me laugh so hard I had to gasp for breath. (enough with the repirator jokes) I wanted to share it with you and at the end of it, why don't you come up with a creative way of dealing with your anger? This is just perfection. I appologise ahead of time if you have already seen this but really, its worth a re-read.
v~

Anger Management


When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe
that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had
transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After
hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an
asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number
and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a
parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and
yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored
me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the
BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number
to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two
assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable
as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole
#1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming
over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on
West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There
I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front
of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.



Live today to its fullest

I'll have to remember this one. The only thing I have done which comes close to this was the time I signed up for several gay E-Zines, using me homophobic neighbors work E-Mail Addy.

Cat

 

[Guest]

I'll have to remember this one. The only thing I have done which comes close to this was the time I signed up for several gay E-Zines, using me homophobic neighbors work E-Mail Addy.

Cat

thats a great one though..

when my sister aggravates me, i answer her phone.
" Blah be Blah residence, may i help you?"
enter someone trying to sell something.
"My name is .... and i take care of Mrs. Blah be blah. See, shes incapacitated and unable to make these decisions. However, your product has merit. if you hold for a moment, I can ask her if she likes the pretty colors."
usually they hang up
but occasionally, it goes a bit further and i explain how they are destitute and as much as we'd love the product, they can't afford it until after the next WIC check comes through.

 

[SeaCat]

thats a great one though..

when my sister aggravates me, i answer her phone.
" Blah be Blah residence, may i help you?"
enter someone trying to sell something.
"My name is .... and i take care of Mrs. Blah be blah. See, shes incapacitated and unable to make these decisions. However, your product has merit. if you hold for a moment, I can ask her if she likes the pretty colors."
usually they hang up
but occasionally, it goes a bit further and i explain how they are destitute and as much as we'd love the product, they can't afford it until after the next WIC check comes through.

You could always answer the phone in a little girls voice and say that Mommy couldn't come to the phone. Wen they ask why not you could state that she was in the bedroom, (or on the couch, on the kitchen table etc.) with some guy. They were laying there with their clothes off making funny noises.

Cat

 

[Guest]

You could always answer the phone in a little girls voice and say that Mommy couldn't come to the phone. Wen they ask why not you could state that she was in the bedroom, (or on the couch, on the kitchen table etc.) with some guy. They were laying there with their clothes off making funny noises.

Cat

ROFLMAO
*tick*
adding to the list. perfection!

 

[Guest]

taking meeting min. last night for four freeken hours.
satan was there again. full of his usual opposition to everything if it makes him look good. please god....dont let this man ever be in charge of the meeting...
my 9yo was there because my step father was having a bad parkinsons day and i didnt think i could trust him not to just take off and leave her alone...
so, my anger towards these minutea loving, word manipulators and lovers of all things beauracratic was tempered by how very good my kid was. she fell asleep on my lap as i typed away...what did i type?

as the evening went on...
blah be blah....the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy brown dog...cant wait till may... die die die...
i do feel like i got the gist of the meeting though...
bullshit fed to bullshit eaters only creates more bullshit.