Crazy Friends

[Guest]

I just think that Dran has never had the experience and just does not understand.

Everything seems simple when it's down in words, when it's all linear, explainable and managable. When it's happening, it's not always like that.

Perhaps Dranoel has such a strong personality and ego strength that he(?) would always know and do the right thing and never be effected emotionally or phycologically by anothers neediness or rejection and could remain uneffected as the huracain rushes over-head. I am certainly not like that.

Like many things in life, you have to be there to understand.

Kind word S&P. Fact is though I have just always believed in treating people with equal respect and dignity regardless. No I have never been friends with someone who was mentally unstable. And to be honest my advice to you would be to let proffessionals deal with this persons problem That is what they need. I am not questioning your ability to handle the situation or your desire to do so. But A person in the condition you describe can become violent and I would worry about your safety. But that does not mean you can't try to be a friend. Just be careful.

As for my earlier responses, they stand. Someone with the condition you describe will see any attempt you make to get them to let you stay as a confirmation of their suspicions of you. Hard as it may be to do, you are best off to politely say good-bye and leave. This may actually ease their suspicions and allow them to accept you. If that's the case they will come to you. Meanwhile if and when you see them simply offer a polite greeting and continue.

But if they don't trust you, trying to talk them into trusting you will only make things worse, and possibly dangerous to you.

 

[gauchecritic]

I wouldn't dream of offering advice on how to 'buddy-up' with someone with a personality disorder.

All the people I know with mental health problems are on medication and tend to be elsewhere if they have unsociable episodes.

Whether it helps or not I have no idea, but what I do when interacting with these people is try to be 'transparent' and 'non-reactive'.

Transparency: Open stance, eye contact, listening ear and be prepared to allow myself to be angry or authoritative.

Non-reactive: Not getting 'caught up' in the event, not taking sides, not dismissive.

The main difference here is that I'm not their 'friend' at these times, just someone who is there.

Being prepared to allow anger or be authoritative hasn't arisen for me, but (hopefully) should it become necessary to be angry or give orders that is the point at which I would call in other help because then I would have taken a stance, good or bad and then I would have to walk away.

Gauche

 

[nushu2]

Having grown up with a brother that had a number of difficulties, all I can recommend is to stand your ground against the storm. You might think it that it's hurtful to them but, chances are, it worse for you. Even when you think it's hopeless, it might eventually sink in. It might take months or years but they might, eventually, learn to deal with a crisis. Usually, only to find another crisis.

You have to develop a thick skin but that doesn't mean you harden your heart ( I doubt if you could ). When they feel threatened, they attack whatever is vulnerable, including themselves. The more you learn about their problems, the less vulnerable you are. It's rare, but if they are a physical danger, you have to know when to step back, maybe even walk away.

 

[sincerely_helene]

You have just made a new fan, Gauchecritic.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It would be nice if there were one simple answer on how to deal with people who have psychic problems, but the fact is, everyone’s different and that goes for their problems too. Personality disorders are just as idiosyncratic as the underlying personalities, and there's really no way to generalize. You’d might as well ask about how you go about being a friend to anyone. Each case varies, and there simply are no set rules.

I’ve known a few ‘schizophrenics’, and with some we could actually joke back and forth about their disorder, and some you had to handle with real kid gloves and just try and keep them from danger. I have a realtive who's autistic, and he requires more control. I had a friend who was severely bipolar too, and the best I could do with him was try and cheer him up when he was down and make him promise to call his shrink when he’d taken all his money out of the bank and was ready to fly to Las Vegas because he knew he couldn’t lose.

The point is, in all cases their humanity was more apparent than their disorder, and that’s what you have to deal with. You deal with the person as a person, and not as some sort of mental case.

As for your friend with the anxiety attack while shopping, you apparently did the right thing. She was in trouble, and you did what you could to alleviate her distress. I think it would have been cruel to do otherwise.

---dr.M.

 

[sweetnpetite]

It would be nice if there were one simple answer on how to deal with people who have psychic problems, but the fact is, everyone’s different and that goes for their problems too.

I’ve known a few ‘schizophrenics’, and with some we could actually joke back and forth about their disorder, and some you had to handle with real kid gloves and just try and keep them from danger. .. I had a friend who was severely bipolar too, and the best I could do with him was try and cheer him up when he was down and make him promise to call his shrink when he’d taken all his money out of the bank and was ready to fly to Las Vegas because he knew he couldn’t lose.

The point is, in all cases their humanity was more apparent than their disorder, and that’s what you have to deal with. You deal with the person as a person, and not as some sort of mental case.

---dr.M.

Of course I didn't mean to imply that you would treat them as mental cases, meerly that as a person who is easy going enough to be friends with someone so 'high maintanance', it can be difficult to know where to draw your lines and so forth. For my own mental health, I'd perfer to be a friend and not a martyr.

(Longer reply did not make it through)

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Well, it varies heavily on what illness or quirk they have.

Speaking as a borderline bipolar with low level MPS who has had many friends with manic/depressive disorder (yeah Joe, I wasn't being "edgy" when I said I was psychotic), it's complicated and I don't know what proper form for a purely sane person.

First, it helps to be a bit off. I don't mean have a mental illness, but have a bit of an odd sense of humor and a willingness to indulge in bizarre realms. Between my friends, we often had discussions on the fringes of the mind. Basically treat them like you treat your odd or artistic friends most of the time.

Second, keep your eyes on them. You never know when they are going to do something or breakdown and need someone to pull them back up from the dark recesses. The key is to be there when that occurs. The support of friends is the key reason that my MPS is low-level and can be controlled (knock on wood) without the aid of drugs.

Remember that this support won't just be hand holding or stopping a shopping trip. Sometimes, you'll have to rush to call 911 when they cut themselves up or rush to make them vomit up the bottle of pills they just swallowed. I realize these are manic/depressive and suicidal examples, but I can only advise on what I understand.

Third, mark their feelings and their take on their disorder. If they are desiring help but nervous, you may need to coax them to seek psychiatric aid. If they are anti-psychiatrist, you may need to see how much you can help them keep their own illness under control.

Fourth, the line is drawn depending on how good friends you are with the person. If you are a fair weather friend (but not their last friend) then you may be best exiting if it's becoming too much a strain on your life. However, if they are your best friends, you should go to the end of the Earth and back because that is what they'd do for you (believe me I know).



Psychotics are high maintenance and chaotic in nature, no doubt, but they will also be the friends you remember most later in life. They will be the ones who unlock your potential for heroism, for compassion, for imagination, etc... They will also be the ones who'll make you think of the world in ways you never imagined. Your life will be less ordered with a psychoic friend, but it may be more worthwhile. (Yeah, it's coming from a biased source, but so what, it's probably true).

 

[minsue]

The main difference here is that I'm not their 'friend' at these times, just someone who is there.

That is extraordinarily well-put. Bravo.


Dran, the reason you have never had a close friend who is mentally ill is likely precisely for the reasons you just gave against dealing with them differently that any other person. I don't mean that as a criticism at all, BTW. Just an observation. Being close to someone with mental illness can be extremely trying, painful, and confusing as hell. So can being mentally ill.


Edited to add: And everything Luc said.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Well, it varies heavily on what illness or quirk they have.

Psychotics are high maintenance and chaotic in nature, no doubt, but they will also be the friends you remember most later in life. They will be the ones who unlock your potential for heroism, for compassion, for imagination, etc... They will also be the ones who'll make you think of the world in ways you never imagined. Your life will be less ordered with a psychoic friend, but it may be more worthwhile. (Yeah, it's coming from a biased source, but so what, it's probably true).

Thank you, L_C for that thoughtful post, and for understanding what I mean

Oh yeah, I'm a little 'off' myself. I have ADD and battle depression off and on and have been told that I have 'passive-agressive personality disorder' though I think that's a bit of an overstatement of the problem But I've been in the dark places and I've been in the wierd places so I think I know what you mean there. Plus, well it's one of the reasons, I think that I know that my 'crazy' friends need me as much as I need them!

I knew a guy who was schizophenic- sweetest guy in the world. Scared the crap outa everybody that didn't know him. (he had a very very dark side, lol) But once you got to know him, he was the most wonderful friend. He always remembered what kind of candy I liked, and was soo polite when he was at my house it was almost painful! A very thoughtful houseguest he was. I haven't seen him in a long time, but I always remember him with the utmost of fondness. He was also generous to a fault... Ok, you get the picture.

Crazy friends can be the best...

 

[sweetnpetite]

Being close to someone with mental illness can be extremely trying, painful, and confusing as hell. So can being mentally ill.

Exactly.

Thank you. So well, and succinctly put.

 

[Lord DragonsWing]

What your friend had was a severe anxiety attack. As a independent contract nurse I work with patients of all degrees. Many are mental health patients.

What you are doing is very honorable and will be very trying. I would suggest attending some local support groups for help. They are excellent. Some are for the those who suffer and some are for the friends and caregivers. These people are ready to help and have been through alot. Their advice is very helpful.

Each case is different as the Doc says. I've taken care of patients with severe Schizophrenia who had masters degrees in Psychology and told me everything wrong with them. I've also taken care of patients who can laugh with you one second and take a swing at you the next. Each case is different.

That's where the support groups come in play. Here, our newspaper publishes a list of support groups every Sunday. If yours doesn't you may try the Red Cross. They usually have a list readily available.

We're all here to help, so if you ever get frustrated and want to vent, that's what we're here for.

 

[alyxen]

In case you are looking for reference material, here is something that might help, SnP:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=175BLls9G3&isbn=0874776953&itm=2

The book is When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness: A Handbook for Family, Friends and Caregivers by Rebecca Woolis, Foreword by Agnes Hatfied

The link will also include a section of other related books that may be of interest.

 

[sweetnpetite]

thaks for all the advice and links guys. Crazy or sane, you all are the best.

and if you have more, I'll take those too.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Quit interupting the voices in my head.