Counselling

[Seamus123]

For various reasons, i've been to counselling before. I know it's confidential etc, and it's done me a world of good, and I went for a few months and i'm so much better since i've gone. I have a friend who has many of the same problems and symptoms that I have and had back then, and i think it would be a fantastic help for her. But every time I gently raise the issue when she seems particularly vulnerable she flies off the handle, telling me she's not crazy etc. I don't want to particularly talk to her about it when she's in a good mood because she's incredibly temperemental and she'll get mad at me. Any ideas how I can possibly help her see that this might help her improve herself? thanks in advance for any suggestions.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Maybe if you talked with her about how your therapy has helped you, specifically. She might start to see the parallels without you pointing them out. She might also realize that you don't have to be 'crazy' to see a counselor, and that they help people with every-day issues.

 

[M's girl]

..... every time I gently raise the issue when she seems particularly vulnerable she flies off the handle, telling me she's not crazy etc.

I have no idea.... it's just not for all people I guess. But one thing is certain: you don't have to be crazy to have someone help you where you are 'stuck' in life. It's just another perspective on your situation and you don't have to agree in the end.

All I know is I had some troubles at one point years ago.. when I first went to counseling it only frustrated me. I thought I would go in and walk out having questions answered. The first few times I walked out with more questions than I had before I went in. I was furious! It took me a few more sessions to realize that my counselor did this to make me think about certain things. Also in some cases in a different way than I had looked at them before. In the end I was grateful, because I had done most of the work myself; she helped me figure out where I had to go. And I did the larger part all on my own.

 

[bobsgirl]

First off, let me say I'm glad it helped you. I wish you continued success and progress.

Your friend is not ready to hear that she may be helped by therapy. I would probably back off. It is, after all, her decision.

 

[human_male]

You'll have to hit her over the head with the fact that therapists are differnt from psychiatrists and it doesn't mean she's crazy to see one.

If she still gets mad at you then forget about it.

 

[INeedLove]

There have been some good suggestions here. Think about them.

If you push the issue, she might push back harder or she could go to someone just to appease you and get no results. If she goes into counseling of her own accord, it will be much more productive for her.

You may also buy her a self help book or a Chicken Soup for the soul book. Tell her you are concerned about her because you care. Tell her you would like to help her when and if she is ready. And then back off. Being supportive is the best thing you can give her right now.

And Human Male is right on-counselors help "normal" people get unstuck; psychiatrists give the meds to those with mental illnesses who need them. Counseling is usually shorter term than therapy.

Best wishes!!

 

[Cratchit]

i agree with you, Ineedlove. the mindset that only crazy people go to conseling will never be changed to some... i am not sure there is alot you can do once you would give a book to her. it has to be her decision

 

[Seamus123]

Thanks for all your suggestions everyone

I do think if I push she'll push back. She's very good at pushing people away. I'll try stressing more than normal people go and it's not a funny farm. It's just for a lil help. I'll try lots of these. thanks!

 

[Seamus123]

Still no success.. she has all these anger issues and all she does is repeat 'I DONT NEED HELP!!' over and over again.. i've tried everthing on here.. she's in total denial. anyone else with some other suggestions?

 

[bobsgirl]

Still no success.. she has all these anger issues and all she does is repeat 'I DONT NEED HELP!!' over and over again.. i've tried everthing on here.. she's in total denial. anyone else with some other suggestions?

I know you're disappointed and that you sincerely want to help. But if you keep pushing her, she's eventually going to push back hard enough that your friendship with her will suffer.

I'd back off for a while. Like I said before, she's not ready.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Still no success.. she has all these anger issues and all she does is repeat 'I DONT NEED HELP!!' over and over again.. i've tried everthing on here.. she's in total denial. anyone else with some other suggestions?

Maybe all you can do is find a book that deals with the issues you experienced that you see her experiencing. She's not ready for counseling - counseling only helps if a person is open to it.

If you know any people who are counselors or are in the psych/medical field (professors, therapists, nurses, etc.), you might arrange a casual introduction where you are also present, like getting together for coffee. If she has an opportunity to meet a person who works in that field, maybe she can get more comfortable with what they do.

 

[Kierae]

Still no success.. she has all these anger issues and all she does is repeat 'I DONT NEED HELP!!' over and over again.. i've tried everthing on here.. she's in total denial. anyone else with some other suggestions?

How to put this subtely: you see she has "issues", she doesn't so why would she think she needs help? Back the fuck up if you are her friend, be there for her and when the time comes where she might ask for your opinion, you can then give your advice. She may never see she has problems which she may not - is it possible you are projecting some of your past stuff on her? Sorry but having worked in the psych field for many years, you learn that you can't lead a person to therapy (unless they are commitment material, ie danger to themselves, others or gravely disabled). They have to want to do it themselves before any change can take place. Also she clearly has preconceived value judgements regarding the mental health field which may be a tough hurdle to get past.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[Sybarist]

I too went through some therapy a few years back, and I also had some medicinal help as well... I have yet to meet a person since that I honestly feel would not benefit from some of the same life-changing help I received!! Ask my family, they have all been told a million times- LOL! I really think it's normal for those of us who have been through something so altering to look upon others as candidates for the same experience...

Remember though: The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. If she is in denial about her own problems (and yes, I agree, you could be projecting here- I have been known to do it too! ) then there is nothing you can do except try to be patient and support her decisions if and when she decides you may be right.

Good luck, and hang in there!!

 

[Snowman5933]

Did your friend know that you were seeing a counselor? If she knew you were in counseling and didn't ask about it, I would assume she is not interested. It doesn't matter how much you want to help someone...sometimes you just can't. Also remember that just because you have attended a few counseling sessions doesn't qualify you to help anyone. If you can start a calm discussion with your friend and relate you personal counseling experiences with her great, but don't push to hard or you may end up losing a friend. Don't take it personally if he/she doesn't want your help.

Snowman