Councelling within the BDSM realm

[ir0nma1d3n]

Hi everyone.

I hope someone here can help/have a suggestion/point me in the right direction. I don't really even dabble that much in BDSM, so I'm running around in a dark here.

A close life-long friend, who's been a submissive since we were horny teens, was severely abused by her Dom for quite some time. To cut a long story short, she got away from him, chaos ensued and he is now finally sitting behind bars, so my friend can start healing. (She is currently living with my husband and I)

Naturally, I recommended therapy and/or councelling as a start. But the two therapists that she's tried so far seem to focus their sessions on "healing" or "solving" her BDSM "problem", which is complete rubbish. I didn't actually think that modern-day therapists would adopt this attitude, but clearly I was mistaken. My friend is, has and always will be a submissive.

Anyway (I have rambled enough) I'm basically just asking if there is any form of councelling within the BDSM realm/community that I can recommend for her.

Your help is most appreciated.
Thanks
Iron

PS: I am organising a pc & web connection for us at home so she can go online and visit this forum and others like it... hopefully that can also help a bit.

 

[graceanne]

Google 'kink friendly professionals', and 'kink friendly therapists'.

 

[Puman]

area

Hey, Iron.

You don't mention what area you're in... I personally know a therapist who's into BDSM... I'm in Aussie, so I dunno if this will help... let me know.. thx.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

The Kink Aware Professionals List, hosted by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

 

[graceanne]

The Kink Aware Professionals List, hosted by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

Show off.

You know, get a man a link and he's only got that link. Teach a man to find a link and he has links for life.

 

[ir0nma1d3n]

Thank you

Thank you so much for your help! I have started sifting through the information and the links you've sent... we're in South Africa, so it's going to be a bit interesting to nail down some people here, but your links are being a great help, as I didn't know organisations like these existed.

Hopefully my friend will be able to get online to chat with you and get back into The Community soon.

Much appreciated,
Iron

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Ya know... when looking for services, it might help if you narrow the search field down a little bit...

*chuckles* NCSF is great in the US, not so much help in South Africa... That's kind of outside our sphere of influence!

But I wish you the best of luck in finding someone who is kink friendly. You might have some luck checking with the gay and lesbian community in your area for friendly councellors. Some of them may be more open to "alternative" sexuality.

Just a thought.

 

[Puman]

Sa

I used to live in SA and I know how difficult it can be to find/access info on BDSM in that country. If you're in the Cape Town area there are however, plenty of qualified psychologists in the gay/lesbian/Ds/sm/kink scene. You could perhaps do an ananzi search for your area.

Foot note: I find access to 'kink' here in Aussie far easier than I did in SA. I can't help wondering if it's a 3rd world thing or if they're just a conservative nation.... spose that's a whole other thread though.

Good luck with your search.

 

[ir0nma1d3n]

Thank you EG. I have found your links most helpful. I'm not into the scene, so it helped me alot with "what info to search for" here in SA. Good org you have there by the way...

Foot note: I find access to 'kink' here in Aussie far easier than I did in SA. I can't help wondering if it's a 3rd world thing or if they're just a conservative nation.... spose that's a whole other thread though.

Good luck with your search.

I know what you mean. My very limited knowledge on 'kink' has solely been gained through being close friends with a submissive and I know how difficult she has always found it to function within society here. For the most part (and I am speaking generally) this society is very judgmental towards sexuality and they mostly view BDSM (particularly s/m, sharing and swinging) as flirting with death because of the HIV ratio here.

There are small BDSM communities here, but they generally stay WAY underground and it's difficult to find them... My friend lost touch with her community when she got involved with this guy and she's been, so far, unable to locate them....

...but like you said, that's a whole other thread.

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

You know, get a man a link and he's only got that link. Teach a man to find a link and he has links for life.

That cracked me up

 

[Marquis]

I admit I often have a hard time understanding why this is such an issue.

Listening is a big part of any therapist's job and contrary to popular belief, they do have a right to an opinion. I have worked with both kink-aware and vanilla therapists and never found this to be a tremendous issue when getting help.

 

[Netzach]

I admit I often have a hard time understanding why this is such an issue.

Listening is a big part of any therapist's job and contrary to popular belief, they do have a right to an opinion. I have worked with both kink-aware and vanilla therapists and never found this to be a tremendous issue when getting help.

Eh, 'cause it kind of sucks when people are steeped in wrong info and basing those opinions off of personal bias that doesn't have anything to do with anything. I've been told I'm fucked up because I come from a Jewish family as often as I've been told I'm fucked up because I'm into SM - more often actually.

While both may be true, they're highly offensive - I get to draw conclusions about my ethnicity, not miss Minnesota "My stepfather is Italian, I so get you" social worker.

 

[Marquis]

Eh, 'cause it kind of sucks when people are steeped in wrong info and basing those opinions off of personal bias that doesn't have anything to do with anything. I've been told I'm fucked up because I come from a Jewish family as often as I've been told I'm fucked up because I'm into SM - more often actually.

While both may be true, they're highly offensive - I get to draw conclusions about my ethnicity, not miss Minnesota "My stepfather is Italian, I so get you" social worker.

Fair enough, but all therapists have blind spots and thinking a kink-aware therapist will be any more of a perfect match than any other seems a bit obtuse to me.

Not that I'm denying the importance of finding that match, I'm just curious at times why those in the BDSM community seem to think that their kink is their most defining characteristic.

 

[Netzach]

good point.

And I'll add from personal experience that letting this single issue keep you from dealing with *some* of your crap in therapy is not a good strategy.

 

[graceanne]

That cracked me up

THANK YOU. I was beginning to get hurt feelings, no one laughed at my joke. *pouts*

 

[graceanne]

I shudder at the thought of if I ever need a therapists, since I'd want a kink friendly Christian counselor.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... I'm just curious at times why those in the BDSM community seem to think that their kink is their most defining characteristic.

Because for some of us, it IS... *LOL*

 

[session9]

IronMaiden

Well - I just gotta say "Hats off to ya, ir0nma1d3n!"

My sub and I have very few vanilla friends who'd help either of us out in a similar situation. (Actually we have very few vanilla friends...period) Our D/s and s/m lifestyle is just something they don't understand and don't get involved in at all.

You've just notched vanilla folk one step up the ladder for me. I hope you come right.

session.

PS: I find it weird that therapists would take such a narrow viewpoint, but then again, I've been living in a 1st world country all my life.