Could use some feedback ...

[lustybard]

Hey, all. I've got about seven stories up on Lit now, and I'd really appreciate some feedback on any of them. What do you think works in my erotic writing? What doesn't? What drove you crazy?

They span a pretty wide range in time, from "Light/Dark" being something I wrote in college, to "Waiting For You" which was only a couple of months ago. I want to keep writing them, too -- but I'm not sure where I want to go next.

Any input would be appreciated. Appreciation will be shown in sexual favors where applicable.

 

[Flashlight7.5]

Song lyrics

I read your improvised poem. It reads like the first verse of a song.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

See, here's the problem: Your stories are all in second-person ("I/you"), and I just can't read second person stories. First of all, I''m not a woman, so it's kind of silly when you tell me how you're sucking my clit, and second of all, I just don't like second-person as a story voice. They always sound to me like the author should be moaning them over a phone late at night.

I just wanted to tell you this, LB, so you didn't feel like you were being neglected. You have the right to write in any voice you choose to, and I'm sure there are people out there who get off on second-person point of view, but I'm not one of them. So I'll be recusing myself from these. Sorry.

---dr.M.

 

[lostandfounder]

I liked the way you wrote the stories. It made it feel like a love letter to someone. In my opinion, it's a nice change of pace from the average story I have read.

 

[Guest]

See, here's the problem: Your stories are all in second-person ("I/you"), and I just can't read second person stories. First of all, I''m not a woman, so it's kind of silly when you tell me how you're sucking my clit, and second of all, I just don't like second-person as a story voice. They always sound to me like the author should be moaning them over a phone late at night.

I just wanted to tell you this, LB, so you didn't feel like you were being neglected. You have the right to write in any voice you choose to, and I'm sure there are people out there who get off on second-person point of view, but I'm not one of them. So I'll be recusing myself from these. Sorry.

---dr.M.

Oh come on now dr level with us. You know you want your clit sucked... LOL

wanders off to read the stories and return with some actual constructive feedback

 

[KRCummings]

I kind of liked it. Not the best I've ever read but fun. Thanks.

 

[lustybard]

I kind of liked it. Not the best I've ever read but fun. Thanks.

Thanks for saying. I really appreciate it. A lot of my stories were written pretty quickly, so I know they aren't all my best work ... but I thought they were at least worth sharing so I put them up here.

 

[Ms_Kat]

I don't really enjoy the second person writing, either. Not really a criticism, it's just not my cup of tea. Generally, though, you won't find much second-person POV stuff because you either fully engage with it or it fails miserably.

The poem just doesn't resonate with me. Perhaps because it is written from a male perspective. I'd ask you to put more senses into it. You do a good job with putting visual references into your work, but there is much more to the human experience. Talk to me about how things taste or smell or feel. So much can be put into scent or taste and they are most often forgotten about in writing.

Other than that, I really don't have much to say.


Hugs,


Kat

 

[DarkLit]

I'd have to agree with some of these other folks. This second person POV is a tough gadget to use in writing. While I think your language is effective and well-used, I don't think there are too many readers out there who like being told how they feel, they just want to feel. I think this is especially true on this site.

Keep trying, though, maybe step away from the second person a couple of times and see how it goes.

 

[RHS71!]

my 2 cents worth

Sorry but I have a hard time with that pov too; just isnt my cup of guinness...