Could someone help me edit this?

Shendude

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I originally posted this in Story Feedback and was told to post here instead.

I've been working on editing a storythread from an interactive story into a coherent normal type story, but I'm unsure how well I've done. Could someone help me see if I've made any editing mistakes?

(Edited from a thread at Superstories Addventure, mostly written originally by Anzaleth and wedgeyman. Originally created by CorpseKing as part of the "The Life of a Superhero/ine or Supervillain/ess" story at chyoo.com)

Reed had finished his invention, only to discover that it was a dangerous device that was basically a mobile wish machine. A device that would alter the universe to suit the user's desire; a mix of the Infinity Gems and the Cosmic Cube.

Reed looked at the device and tried to figure out what to do with it. With it he could change things for the better. Make his friend Ben human again. Turn Doom from a megalomaniac to a positive force in the world.
He could feed Galactus.

But the potential for negative use of the device was great. If Doom or any of the other dark powers in the world got it, they could alter the world in darker ways.

What was Reed to do? It was then that his finger slipped and his pressed the wish machines activation button...

Despite what most people believed, Reed had a very large desire for sex. It just kept getting pushed aside because he needed to think his way out of all the problems his team got in.

When he activated the wish machine, he changed the world to fit his darkest sexual desires. All women were easy sexpots and NOTHING was taboo.

Reed watched as the device dropped, shattering. Trapping him in this new world of his subconscious' designs. He would have to figure out another way to fix things. "Maybe the other can help me...if they're the same people." He walked out into the main living room.

There he saw three beautiful women. All dress in lingerie verses of the Fantastic Four uniform. Two looked like blonde twins, but there were subtle differences. One was wearing a bikini suit with only a scrap of a Four insignia covering the nipples, that and a thong over the pussy. The other was more of a halter top with a cut out Four just over the breasts. A mini-mini skirt on her body covered her bottom.

The third resembled a statue made of some strange orange stone, with red hair that sparkled as if made from gems. She was dressed in another halter-top, but with mini shorts.

They all smiled when they saw him. "Hello Reed, darling." They all called. That's when it hit him. These were this world's Fantastic Four. Sue was the Haltered Blonde. Johnny, now Joanie, was the blonde in the Bikini. And Ben, Beth, was the knockout orange babe.

And they were his lovers.

Quickly making an excuse, Reed left to seek help from another superhero team. He wanted to stay and fuck the new team, but he saw this as just another problem he had to fix. That and he was a bit freaked out over how attracted he was to the female versions of his male friends.

He had two options: the Avengers or the X-Men.

He decided on the X-men because they had a more diverse power base that could come in handy. Hopping in the Fantasticar he went to the X-mansion. He could only imagine what the team would be like in this strange new world.

Reed was surprised to see that the Mansion looked the same from the outside. He was also relieved to hear a male voice coming from the intercom as he buzzed the gate. "Dr. Richards, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? How can I help you?" It was the voice of the founder of the X-men, Charles "Professor X" Xavier.

"I wanted to talk to you about the results of my latest experiment. It seems to have caused some strange effects that I'm trying to figure out. I thought that another mind might help make sense of it." Reed said, talking to Xavier. Still, he could swear there was some kind of strange noise in the background when Prof. X spoke.

"Well, come in. We can talk about it. Among other things." Xavier said, but Reed could swear that he could hear a female giggle. This inspired a mild feeling of dread in him.

Moments Later...

He entered the mansion. Inside were the X-men. All of the ones that were visible were female, dressed in sexualized versions of their costumes, or lingerie. It was only when he noticed female versions of male heroes like Cyclops, Beast, Gambit, Bishop and the rest, that he got nervous. Then he entered Xavier's study...only to find him getting his cock sucked by Jean Grey!

Reed gaped for a moment.

“Well, Reed, what is it?” Prof. X asked.

Reed quickly launched into an explanation. A few minutes later…


“So that’s what happened”. Reed said, finishing his explanation of events.

“Preposterous” replied Xavier. Jean was still sucking his cock and appeared to be bringing it to a climax. “Nothing has changed, I have always run Xavier’s school for Gifted Whores”.

“What?” Reed replied. Xavier shuddered with pleasure as he shot his load down Jean’s throat. She licked the remaining cum from his cock before standing up, looking at the Professor expectantly.

“Thank you jean you may go now” Xavier said, smiling at Jean. Jean smiled back and curtsied, showing of her exposed snatch beneath her micro-mini skirt. She turned and left the room. Reed felt his eyes follow the beauteous redheads bottom as she skipped out of the room. What was he doing, get a control of yourself Reed, he thought.

“It’s been ten years since I started the school, don’t you remember Reed. You helped me find my first batch of young sluts.” A puzzled look spread across Xavier’s face.

“Nnno… I…I” Reed stammered, had his device altered reality so thoroughly that he was the only one to notice.

“Well I am surprised,” replied Xavier, “you always wantonly lusted after Jean despite having your own three sexpots back at the Baxter brothel.”

“I have” said Reed somewhat alarmed.

“Oh yes” smiled Xavier “although Jean is my personal little fucktoy so lust is all you have done.” Reed looked somewhat relieved at this statement. “However Emma was always more than enough to fill your desire” continued the professor.

As he finished speaking the door opened and Emma Frost walked sensuously into the room, her hips swaying side to side I an exaggerated fashion. Reed couldn’t see any change in Emma’s costume but then it had always been quite explicit. However the harsh bitch expression she normally seemed to have been replaced by a wide idiotic grin and a simple look of lust in her eyes. Her curly blond hair reached down to the top of her large round ass. Emma silently knelt down on the floor before him and began to unzip Reed’s pants, leaning to give him a blowjob.

"No, this is all wrong!" cried Reed as he pulled himself away from Emma and ran out the room, ignoring the hurt look on the bimbo's face.

However, he was so distracted with the current situation that he wasn't looking where he was going, and collided with a person.

Reed hit the ground and looked up in surprise to see a transformed Shadowcat.

“Well hello there Mr. Richards” Kitty said acting all innocent.

Reed looked up at the young woman before him. The normally smart, fairly dignified Kitty Pryde stood over him with a look of innocent seductiveness on her face. She stood slowly licking one of her fingers in the side of her mouth.

^You wouldn’t look so innocent with my cock in your mouth^ thought Reed. What was he thinking, this girl was young enough to be his daughter.

“Do you like my costume?” purred Shadowcat “I ran to put it on especially when I heard you were here”

Reed looked the seductive young vixen up and down. Kitty was dressed in a very sexy schoolgirl outfit. She was wearing a pair of small white sneakers with pink trim and a little pair of white socks. Her long toned legs reached up to her incredibly short ruffled black skirt. Her white school shirt was unbuttoned to halfway down her delightful pert C cup breasts and tied in a knot just below them, pushing them up to expose as much cleavage as possible. On her exposed well-toned stomach he could see a small stud piercing her belly button. Her long brown hair was tied back in two pigtails by fluffy pink scrunchies. She was wearing a pair of large hooped earrings but her face was surprising not covered excessively with makeup, only a bright pink lipstick to match the rest of her ensemble. From where he was lying Reed could see up her skirt to her crisp white panties.

^I’d like to pull them down and fuck this little bitch^ Reed mused as he stood up feeling very aroused. He shook his head, what was wrong with him.

Kitty walked over to Reed and wrapped her arms around him “I know how you like me as an innocent little schoolgirl” she whispered “Well maybe not so innocent after last time”

“Wha...” Reed began before Kitty shoved her tongue down his throat. Reed was completely turned on by the situation and found himself kissing Kitty back. He pulled her tightly to him, feeling her breasts push against his chest. Was he actually considering what he thought he was considering?

Emma had run out after Reed, wondering why he was being so mean to her. She stopped in surprise as she saw Kitty and Reed kissing.

Emma chewed her lip and started to cry, feeling so hurt that Reed had decided he wanted to fuck Kitty instead of her.

Reed had never felt so aroused in his life. He wanted to do nothing except to continue to kiss this sexy piece of ass. He knew he should pull away, but he just couldn't. Then he felt Kitty's delicate hands reach down and start squeezing his penis.

Kitty looked up into Reeds lust filled eyes. He groaned as she stroked his erect cock.

“Shall we try a little role-play?” she asked in her squeaky teenage voice.

“What do you have in mind” Reed said, prepared to do anything to fuck the little sexbomb holding onto his crotch.

“We’ll” said Kitty, dimness clearly one of her traits as a whore. She swayed gently from side to side, looking up into the sky for inspiration. “How about I play the student and you play the hunky professor who punishes me for cheating” Kitty said hopefully. She looked expectantly at Reed a huge grin across her face “I think it would be ever so much fun” she continued with her mock innocent voice.

Reed could barley speak; this was one of his favorite fantasies. He had tried many times to get sue to dress in a school uniform and let him “teach” her. Sue being a bit prudish had never accepted. This was an opportunity Reed could not resist. His memories of what the world was like before his experiment continued to erode as Kitty slowly drove him mad with desire. He nodded gently.

“Great” she squeaked, jumping up and down with joy. Reed watched as her uniform struggled to contain her bouncing breasts. “Lets go,” she said grabbing Reeds hand. She led him down the corridor into a mock classroom.

Emma followed the two of them. She desperately wanted to have Reed dominate her like he normally did. However she couldn’t help but feel aroused by the role-play that was beginning to unfold before her.

Reed sat down behind the teacher’s desk in the mock classroom as Kitty sat at the back of the room. She began to run her pigtails through her hands as she chewed some bubblegum. Reed sat for a minute as he thought of a way to take this dirty little bitch while staying in character.

“Miss Pryde” Reed called out in his best authoritative voice.

"Um... yes, Mr. Richards?" asked Kitty, pretending to be nervous.

"Come here, please."

Kitty hurried up to his desk and look at him nervously, her hands clasped behind her back.

"I've just discovered you cheated on your last Math test!" Reed said.

"No... I...," stammered Kitty.

"Don't lie to me, girl," said Reed, grabbing Kitty and forcing her face down over his knee. "You cheated, and now you need to be punished."

He pulled back her skirt to reveal Kitty's pert ass, and then Reed started to slam a ruler into it.

"Oh, stop!" cried Kitty, but her squeals of pain just drove Reed on.

The hot scene before her was too much for Emma, who began sobbing loudly. Reed & Kitty looked up at her. Kitty, worried about her teammate reluctantly got up off of Reed's lap & walked over to her.

"Emma, what's wrong?" She asked.

"Mr. Fucktastic wouldn't let me fuck him, but here he is, playing with you." Emma sobbed out.

Kitty gave Emma a sympathetic smile, & gave her tits a reassuring squeeze.

"Now, Emma, I'm sure Mr. Fucktastic would be perfectly happy to fuck us both, won't you, sir?"

Reed, who'd been pretty much entirely swamped by the new reality, nodded, w/ a lascivious grin.

Emma & Kitty squealed w/ joy & French-kissed each other.

Reed, managing to remember they were in a role-play sat back down at his desk. Emma’s involvement should make this more interesting. Why he didn’t want to fuck her earlier he couldn’t remember.

“Miss Frost” Reed said in his most authoritative voice.

“Yes sir” Emma said in a voice that sounded like she was imitating Kitty, a big grin now across her face. Emma and Kitty both stood to attention, hands behind their backs.

“Miss Pryde here says that you helped her cheat on the math test.”

“But sir...”

“And you are out of compulsory school uniform” Reed continued, trying to look as serous as possible “There can only be one punishment for such breakage of school rules” Reed stretched out towards Emma and roughly pulled her to him. He forcibly bent her down over his knee has he had done moments earlier with Kitty.

“No sir not that” Emma cried in mock protestation.

“Silence,” commanded Reed. “Miss Pryde, if you would be so kind to assist” Kitty’s eyes lit up at this comment. She eagerly rushed over to Reeds side. “Here take this ruler and spank miss frost on the rear” Reed continued as he pulled down Emma’s costume revealing her soft, pale buttocks. Reed lifted up his arm with morphed into the shape of a table tennis bat. “And begin”

“Whap” Reeds arm smacked down on Emma’s firm ass. “Crack” Kitty followed up with a shot with the ruler. Kitty smiled wickedly as she spanked her bimbo of a teammate

“Oh god” squealed Emma with joy. The two continued to spank Emma’s pert buttocks until they were red raw. Emma had protested but with not much conviction. When they finished she got off Reed lap but could barely stand, her pussy was screaming with anticipation.

“I trust you have learnt your lesson” Reed said, barely maintaining his fake stern countenance.

“Oh yes” replied Emma. She licked her lips seductively. “What are you teaching us next”

“We will get to that in a moment” Reed said. “First you must go back to your dorm and change into the required uniform. You do have an outfit like Kitty’s don’t you Emma”

“Oh yes sir” Emma purred. She skipped out of the classroom to get changed. Emma theorized that the sooner she was in uniform he sooner she would be out of it.

Kitty looked towards the door. “And where do you think you are going miss Pryde” Reed asked the hot piece of ass before him.

“I dunno” Kitty said shrugging her shoulders, her face a picture of innocence.

“Well I haven’t finished punishing you...” Reed said, a small smile across his face. “...Come over here”

"Now, I want you to thank your teacher for doing his best to make you a good little girl."

"Thank you, Mr. Richards," said Kitty.

"Not like that, girl," said Reed. "You need to kiss my penis, and show it what a good little girl you are."

Kitty's eyes went wide and she nodded. The girl then sunk to her knees and began to crawl towards Reed Richards. When she reached him, she reached out with her hands and began to slowly slide down his pants, licking her lips nervously as his cock sprung into view.

Kitty leant forward towards Reed cock. Using his stretching powers he had made his penis grow to 12 inches in length.

“Its beautiful” Kitty whispered in wonderment. She opened her pink lips and began to suck on the end of Reeds manhood. Reed grabbed Kitty by her pigtail and forcibly pulled her off his cock. She began to protest but Reed held a finger to her mouth.

“Shh” he said, “First you have to excite my penis with your hands”. He still tried to keep his stern teachers character but he wanted this slut so badly.

Kitty responded to his orders. She slowly ran her delicate fingers up and down Reeds throbbing cock. She gently flicked the tip before massaging it gently from side to side. Reed felt the cum begin to stir inside his scrotum.

“Ah. Very good Kitty” he stammered, god this girl was good at this “you may proceed with oral service”

Kitty smiled, placing Reeds huge cock between her luscious teenage lips. She began to suck hard on Reed penis, feeling it fill her slutty mouth. She gently massaged his balls with her hands, rolling them around gently as she deep throated his cock. Reed moaned with pleasure. This little whore was so good at this. Kitty continued to suck furiously. Her hands were now wanking the giant penis off at the same time. Reed held himself down; the intense sexual nature of the role-play was causing him to orgasm at levels he didn’t think possible. Unable to hold it back any longer Reeds spunk gushed out of his penis, filling Kitty’s throat with his semen.

After a few second to catch his breath Reed removed his penis from Kitty’s mouth. She looked up at him, cum dripping from her innocent looking face. She gulped his warm jizm down, licking the rest slowly from her face. A wide glassy eyed grin on her young face.

“Hmm that was hot.”

Reed and Kitty spun round. Emma had returned and was standing in the doorway. She was dressed in an identical uniform to Kitty. However on the larger Emma the skirt was obscenely short, showing of the tiniest glimpse of her buttocks even when she was upright. Her large milk jugs pushed out from her tiny unbuttoned school blouse. Emma was wearing the same pink lipstick and looked surprisingly innocent for such a dirty whore. She was chewing seductively on a few strands her long curly blond locks which were untied, freely flowing down her silky back.

She looked over at Reed, her eyes filled with unrestrained desire. She leant forward placing her hands on her knees. Reed could see her massive cleavage straining for release, her thick nipples almost pocking though the top of the material.

“Is it my turn now?”

As Reed's mind modified further to accommodate this new reality, he remembered something.

"Kitty," he said. "Go open the top drawer in my desk."

Kitty scampered over to the desk and opened it, her eyes going wide as she picked up a large purple strap-on.

"Now buckle it on, girl," said Reed as he motioned for Emma to come over.

Kitty bounced back to them, the strap-on in please, it's end peeking out from under her skirt.

Emma found herself getting tingly all over, yearning to feel both Reed and Kitty’s cocks inside of her.

“Now Kitty, if you would be so kind to kiss miss Frost for a minute while I consult my lesson plan” Reed said, his mind racing with ideas about what he could do with these delicious looking schoolgirls.

“Thank you sir” Kitty beamed. Emma giggled as Kitty wrapped her arms around her. Kitty placed her hands firmly on the larger schoolgirls buttocks. Emma winced slightly, still raw from her brutal spanking.

“I’m sorry” Kitty said apologetically, looking at Emma with her large brown eyes.

‘Its ok Kitty” Emma said grasping the brunette to her. She could feel the strap on push against her wet snatch. The girls embraced. Their matching pink lips eager to feel the velvety flesh of the other, they ran their eager hand up and down each other’s skimpy crisp school uniforms.

Reed watched as the two girls embraced, grinding their bodies against each other. He knew what to do next.

“Very good girls” Reed said appreciatively. Emma and Kitty stopped kissing and looked over to him. The two still clinging tightly to each other. “You both get an A for lesbian kissing.” The two shrieked with joy. “Kitty you also get an A for blowjob 101, I can see you have been practicing”

“Everyday” Kitty giggled, licking the lips at the thought of more cock.

“The next test shall be… Emma’s breasts” Reed continued. Emma’s eyes widened with delight.

“Thank you sir,” she purred. Reed walked behind Emma, admiring her asscheeks through her tight black skirt. Her wrapped his arms around her body and gently untied her shirt. It fell open exposing Emma’s large DD breasts. Reed began to rub Emma’s milk jugs with his extended fingers.

“Hmm” he said “Good appearance, firm feel. Nice rubbery nipples” Reed gently flicked Emma’s teats. Emma responded with a soft groan. She always enjoyed the feel of Reeds long fingers on her breasts.

“What do you think Miss Pryde” Reed asked, looking at Kitty.

"Um... it's okay, I guess," said Kitty distractedly.

"What?" asked Reed.

"I think the best part of Emma is her cute little pink pussy," said Kitty.

"Do you really think so?" said Reed, looking amused.

"Uh-huh," said Kitty, nodding vigorously. "I wanna fuck it with this dildo you had me get."

Kitty had an aggressive streak, and often got a charge out of dominating some of the other whores. She'd love the idea of Emma bouncing up and down on her cock!

“Very good Kitty” Reed said, aroused by the suggestion “It is very important for students to think outside the box”. Kitty beamed with pleasure at the praise. “However you have had more fun so far than Emma, we must consider what she wants”. Kitty pouted, she really wanted to dominate the cute schoolgirl Emma.

“What do you want to do” Reed asked Emma, managing to maintain the act and ignore Kitty.

“I wanna” Emma began, pressing her right index finger to her mouth; the blonde bimbo was clearly not very bright. “I want Kitty to fuck my pussy” Kitty squealed with delight at this. “But I also wanna suck your cock sir”

“I think that can be arranged Emma” Reed assured her “Now if you will just lie on your back on my desk, we can begin”

Giggling happily, Emma lay on the desk and spread her legs.

Reed moved to the desk until he was standing directly above Emma's head, his cock just above her eyes.

"You ready, Miss Frost?" he asked her.

"Oh, yes, sir," said Emma, licking her lips hungrily and opened her mouth wide. "Please, I need to suck it so badly, sir."

Her eyes went wide as she saw Reed's cock stretch and slide down to her like a snake. It entered her mouth and then began to expand, her cheeks puffing out as they were filled with delicious cock-flesh.

Then Reed nodded to Kitty, who advanced on Emma from the other direction.

"You're always such a big prissy bitch," said Kitty, smiling nastily. "I've wanted to do this to you for suck a fucking long time."

She lifted up Emma's skirt and plunged the dildo into the woman's cunt with all her might.

Emma gasped with delight as Kitty plunged the thick dildo into her tight blonde pussy. It felt so good to have any kind of cock inside her. Kitty pulled out before thrusting back hard into Emma. Emma grunted again as Kitty began to get into a rhythm, pumping the thick strap-on in and out of the blonde schoolgirls snatch.

“Don’t forget to suck” Reed told Emma strictly, it seemed the sensation in her clit had made her forget to suck on the giant cock in her mouth. Emma began to suck diligently on Reeds large and oddly shaper member, her hands running up and down its length.

Kitty grasped tightly onto Emma’s thighs, increasing the speed and force of her thrusts, her own school uniform barely holding together.
“You like that don’t you bitch” Kitty barked “you like being fucked by other sluts, especially ones as sexy as me”. Emma nodded in agreement; Emma liked being dominated, especially by other women. Emma’s tits were jiggling back and forth with Kitty’s hard pounding. Reed watched the massive globes, entranced by their firmness.

“Yeah take it slut” Kitty shouted, she was so fucking horny “fuck my cock you prissy schoolgirl whore”

Reed felt himself begin to orgasm. The sight of Kitty slamming the dildo into Emma’s dripping snatch had him cumming quicker than he expected. Emma realized what was happening. She managed to free Reed’s cock from her mouth in time to catch his huge wad of spunk in her cupped hands. Emma slowly wiped Reeds cum all over her large milk jugs, leaving a glistening layer of goo across her wobbling flesh.

“Oh god yeah” Reed moaned, still fully aroused by the scene in front of him. He locked eyes with Emma. As Kitty continued to pound her pussy Emma slowly licked each of her cum stained fingers, savoring Reeds leftover spunk while teasing Reed with the wanton lust in her eyes. As she licked clean her last finger Emma spasmed, a massive orgasm tore through her pussy. She squealed with pleasure.

“Yeah I knew I could make you cum Emma” Kitty said, slowing down her thrusts. She seemed to be reverting back to her sweet innocent role know she had finished dominating Emma.

Reed couldn’t wait any longer. The wish machine had altered him to be aroused and fully charged with semen no matter how many times he had released his load. And right now Reed wanted to fuck a pussy badly.

"Okay, Kitty, let's switch now," said Reed. "You get the bitch's mouth, I'll take her cunt."

"Oh, goody!" said Kitty, scuttling over to Emma's head.

"Does this turn you on, Emmy?" asked Kitty, presenting the strap-on. "The idea of sucking off a little girl? To be some silly little skank's suck-slut?"

"Oh, God, yes!" cried Emma, her mouth slick with Reed's cum. "I'm your big dirty suck-slut, Kitty!"

As Emma babbled, Reed had moved behind her, his cock absolutely massive as he prepared to force it into her.

Reed grabbed Emma’s tiny black skirt and pulled it savagely. The skimpy garment tore apart exposing Emma’s sodden panties. Reed pulled her panties off and stared at her pussy. Kitty was right, it was very cute and fuckable.

“Yeah Emmy suck my cock nice and good” Kitty groaned. Reed looked up at the perverted display before him. Emma was sucking hard on Kitty’s strap on dildo, savoring the taste of her own juices. Kitty had untied her own schoolgirl top and was rubbing her bare breasts with her left hand while fingering her own pussy with her right.

“Yeah Emmy, don’t stop now, oh god your such as good suck-slut” Kitty continued to wail.

Reed looked back down at Emma’s snatch. He gently lifter her legs ups to get a better angle and stopped. He could now see Emma’s tight little asshole; it seemed almost to be winking at him, enticing him into its deep canyon. Reed smiled. Forget fucking her pussy, he was going to sodomize the little blonde schoolgirl bimbo.

With one push, Reed slammed his cock into Emma's ass. She squealed in surprise, pain, and pleasure as the force made her deep-throat Kitty's dildo, Emma's nose brushed against the dominating skank's skin.

Kitty reached down with one hand, as the other continued to stroke her breasts, and she grabbed Emma by the hair, holding the bimbo in place as Kitty began to hammer in and out of her mouth.

"Yes, you pathetic bitch," moaned Kitty. "Take all the plastic meat. Suck it all up, you little whore."

Meanwhile, Reed's cock was expanding as he pounded Emma's ass, filling the whore up as she had never been filled before, almost making her feel like her ass was being broken in half.

Reed continued to pound his behemoth cock deep into Emma’s tight ass. She screamed with both pain and joy as each thrust ripped through her. Tears welled in her eyes as she was brutally sodomized by the leader of the Fucktastic Four.

Suddenly Kitty pulled the strap on dildo out of Emma’s mouth. Emma looked at his inquisitively, wondering why once source of pleasure had been removed.

“Mr. Richards Sir” Kitty said tentatively, still playing the schoolgirl with Reed if not with Emma.

“Yes Kitty” Reed responded, only half listening. He was still concentrating on fucking Emma’s sweet asshole.

“Would it be possible for me to fuck Emmy’s pussy while your doing that”

Reed stopped thrusting into Emma. Emma whined, wanting the fucking to continue. Reed smiled at Kitty, the little schoolgirl slut was even dirtier than he had imagined.

“Of course Kitty” he replied. He lifted Emma off the desk, still holding her onto his dick. Kitty walked up in front of Emma and positioned the dildo in front of her puffy snatch.

Kitty and Reed wrapped their arms around each other, sandwiching Emma between them. Kitty and Emma's large breasts pressed against each other as the little slut began to lick Emma's face.

"Oh, God," babbled Emma. "I'm such a complete slut. I need all my whorish holes filled. I need it so badly."

Smiling nastily, Kitty thrust hard into her pussy at the same time as she pushed her tongue deep into Emma's mouth.

Emma was in ecstasy as she felt her ass and pussy being stretched at the same time. This was what she really wanted, to be treated like a piece of meat.

Kitty was in ecstasy too. Though she was always submissive to Mr. Richards and Mr. Xavier, she really enjoyed dominating other people, making them lick her cute little snatch or worship her pert butt. It was such a turn-on to see an older man or woman crawl around on their knees in front of her, and to help gang-bang a big-titted cow like Emma Frost was just too cool for words!

Reed and Kitty began to get into rhythm. Emma was bouncing up and down as they thrust deep into her two holes simultaneously.

“Yeah take it bitch, you like feeling my dick inside your pussy don’t you Emma, you’re such a little whore” Kitty said, continuing to lick Emma’s face.

“Hmm yeah, I’m your whore Kitty, don’t stop, I want you to make me cum” Emma panted. Emma felt herself begin to come, the pleasure coming from her two tight holes, overloading her brain. Emma’s breasts jiggled wildly, rubbing up and down Kitty’s slender frame. Emma orgasmed, her juices gushed out over Kitty’s strap on.

“Fuck yeah” she gasped, feeling it spread through her body. Reed and Kitty slowed their thrusts before letting Emma collapse exhausted on the floor, a dazed look of ecstasy plastered across cum-stained face.

Reed turned to look at Kitty. The schoolgirl still wore her uniform, but her shirt was hanging on by her shoulders exposing her large pert breasts, her nipples stiff from rubbing Emma up and down her body. The strap on pushed up from under her skirt, covered in Emma’s cum. She gently twirled one of her pony tails round in her hand.

“I think we wore Emmy out sir” she said sadly, looking down at the girl on the floor.

“That’s ok” Reed replied “But I think it’s time someone fucked your pussy don’t you Kitty?”

“Oh yes sir” Kitty agReed readily. She nodded her head vigorously, sowing just how much she agReed.

“Good” murmured Reed as he walked over to the young schoolgirl.

"Oh, yes!" cried Kitty as Reed slid into her. "Treat me rough, Mr. Richards!"

She wrapped her dainty arms around his back and began to bounce up and down on his cock, giggling like mad.

Meanwhile, The Fucktasticar touched down in front of the mansion, and out got the Invisible Slut (Susan Richards), the Whore Torch (Joanie Storm), and the Thing (Beth Grimm).

Susan knew that when Reed was stressed, he would usually come over to Xavier's whorehouse, so decided that this would be the best place to start looking for him.

The three female members of the Fucktastic Four strode confidently into the office of Professor X. Xavier was expecting them and smiled warmly as the three entered.

“Susan, it’s nice to see you gain, you other two as well” he said greeting them.

“Is Reed here?” Susan asked ignoring the leers of the professor “he left rather suddenly and we are a little worried about him”

“yes he did seem a bit odd when he got here” replied Xavier. He could just imagine fucking Susan’s tight pussy.

“Could you tell us where he is” Sue replied sternly. Sue was the dominant female member of the Fucktastic Four, only Reed held sway over her.

“I could” Xavier said smiling “Provided of course that you fuck me”.

“No chance” sue replied to the request “Reed can’t have jean, you can’t have me, you know the deal. But you can have Joanie instead.”

“Oh well I suppose she will do” Xavier sighed. Joanie squealed, jumping up and down with delight, her large breasts barely contained by her tiny “4” bikini. She rushed over onto Xavier’s lap and begin to grind on his crotch.

“Reed is in room 235” Xavier said as his cock stiffened “He is playing with Emma and Kitty I believe”

“Thank you” replied sue.

“Now get out and leave me in peace with your sister” said Xavier sharply turning his attention towards Joanie, who was giggling on his lap. Sue and Beth left the room heading to find Reed.

Reed glanced up, he was banging his hips against Kitty Pride and she was moaning in pleasure. "Fuck me hard, professor... fuck me hard." He froze as he saw Beth and Sue enter into the room.

"Sue... I can explain… I mean... you are my... but I felt this need...." Reed blushed as his cock became limp in Kitty's pussy.

"You let your emotions get a hold of you when you used this." She smiled and held out the wish machine. "You still are Reed Richards some, but it altered yourself a little while it altered the world a lot."

"The wish machine… I did not mean to... I should turn the world back I mean I have embarrassed myself enough for it, I am sorry." Reed stretched his arm to grab the wish machine.

Sue used the wish machine to solve an imbalance she'd long felt existed in the world - an injustice done against her. Being a slut who could turn invisible was really of little value - she could hide her hot body? Why do that when she could be something else with the Wish Machine? It didn’t work as well as it had originally, being broken, but it would do the job.

Sue was slightly piqued at Reed. She didn't really mind him fucking other women; after all, it wouldn't be fair to hog him all to herself. Still, she was annoyed he hadn't fucked her BEFORE he'd gone to Xavier’s. And he hadn't even brought her along to watch!

She decided to do something about that. She made her wish and activated the machine. She didn't totally get rid of her old powers: after all, she needed them to be an effective sexheroine (this reality's term for superheroine). More importantly, they could be useful when fucking, such as making invisible sextoys.

Instead, she merely added a new set of powers. She would be able to sift through people's minds and see what characteristics, not only in terms of appearance, but also in terms of personality, body language, etc., would make her more attractive to them She could then take on those characteristics for as long as she wished, AND call them up again at any other time. She couldn't shapeshift to the extent of taking on someone else's shape, as she was quite proud of her sexy form, and had no desire to change it THAT much, but still.

She felt her mind fill with the skills needed to control her new powers.

Thank you.
 
Hmm first of all...yeah you're in the right place to get your story edited.

Now on to the bad news. It would have been better if you had asked if someone wanted to take a look at it (in private) before posting the whole thing like that. Call me fussy but I find it offensive to get on here and see a longggggggggg post like yours, even more when it's a story, or part of it, that needs editing.

It's much easier to edit a story when the editor has it in the proper format instead of quoted in a post.

I'm sure some people will say otherwise and I respect their opinions but it doesn't change the fact that good manners would be to ask for help instead of foisting it on everyone.

No hard feelings :rose:
 
Shendude said:
... I've been working on editing a storythread from an interactive story into a coherent normal type story, but I'm unsure how well I've done. Could someone help me see if I've made any editing mistakes? ...
Well ... you asked so:

Your first mistake was to take an interactive story and try to make sense of it. There is no coherent story-line because each contributor has taken off at a different angle.

Your second mistake is to leave in so many references to films/TV shows. If this is intended for general consumption, remember that not everyone has seen all of the shows; some of us come from countries where not all of the series mentioned are even shown!

Your third mistake (in my personal opinion) is to use the background to those films/TV shows as a given. I consider that to be intellectual dishonesty; someone else has worked long and hard to develop those backgrounds and here you are using all their work without so much as a thank you. The least you could do is list all the writers of all the films/TV shows you use as co-authors.
 
Details

At a detailed level, there are some silly typos:
"Reed could barley speak ..." Barley is (the grain of) a hardy awned cereal of the genus Hordeum, used as food and in making malt liquors and spirits. You mean "barely".
"Serous" should be "serious".
"agReed"!!! should be "agreed".
 
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