Could it have been the porn?

[Norajane]

The article takes a particularly dim view of the effect of porn on men, although there were some interesting points made if you have the time and inclination to check it out.

Pornography is ubiquitous, more profitable, more acceptable than ever. We argue about the effects on women participants but scant attention is given to the millions of mainly male users. What does porn do to men? Edward Marriott investigates

http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,3605,1079016,00.html#article_continue


This was intriguing:

For most men, at some point in their lives, pornography has held a strong appeal and, before any examination of its effects, this fact has to be addressed. Like many men, I first saw pornography during puberty. At boarding school, dog-eared copies of Mayfair and Knave were stowed behind toilet cisterns; this borrow-and-return library system was considered absolutely normal, seldom commented upon and either never discovered by the masters or tacitly permitted. Long before my first sexual relationship, porn was my sex education.

I didn't have easy access to porn during puberty, so my early sex education was via friends and whatever I could find in the library. I saw my first video at 17, and the second a couple of years after that. So I'd say porn had little to no effect on my views of sex before my first relationships.

But now this article has me wondering if the pushy-pushy gropey-gropey guys in college just thought they were supposed to be doing it like in the videos. I couldn't ever understand why they always moved so quickly and rushed through everything, except maybe hormones. Could it have been the porn?

- Did you find porn before your first relationships? Do you think it had any effect on your views or approach to sex when you eventually had sex?

 

[Belegon]

I think the first porn I ever saw was my Dad's copy of The Devil in Miss Jones and I was, oh, 11 or something like that...now mind you, I'm talking movies...I saw Playboy long before that, and hardcore mags too...

that said, I don't think it had too much effect except that it made me more aware of the mechanics of the things involved...but I don't consider myself too typical either...and I certainly never would have considered myself a "pushy-pushy gropey-gropey guy". I hope that none of my ex's considered me that...

 

[Norajane]

I think the first porn I ever saw was my Dad's copy of The Devil in Miss Jones and I was, oh, 11 or something like that...now mind you, I'm talking movies...I saw Playboy long before that, and hardcore mags too...

that said, I don't think it had too much effect except that it made me more aware of the mechanics of the things involved...but I don't consider myself too typical either...and I certainly never would have considered myself a "pushy-pushy gropey-gropey guy". I hope that none of my ex's considered me that...

LOL - I'm sure you were very curious and sensual in your sexploration, Bel.

And one of the guys who started out pushy-pushy gropey-gropey became a wonderful lover - we were together six years.

 

[Belegon]

LOL - I'm sure you were very curious and sensual in your sexploration, Bel.

And one of the guys who started out pushy-pushy gropey-gropey became a wonderful lover - we were together six years.

Good for him...I'm in favor of every man getting lots of opportunity to practice...and if he was with you, then we know he was inspired and never had to suffer from a lack of motivation...

 

[rgraham666]

Yes, I was exposed to porn long before my first relationship. Playboys mostly. Although I found a couple of hardcore paperback novels.

They had little effect on me. I knew they were fantasies and not to be taken seriously.

The big effect on me was my 'peers'. The guys reminding me with the occasional punch in the mouth I wasn't to have anything to do with their women. And the girls grimacing in disgust when I showed any interest in them.

High school's a very cruel place.

 

[Recidiva]

I've always classified porn as fiction, so no effect here.

I have a huge collection of romance novels that are basically word sex and often a lot more intimate, except mine can be kept in a bookcase and seen by company.

The main drawback to it is seeing in a purely visual medium and getting no context. But that's the point. Fiction, fantasy devoid of content or context.

I don't have a problem with it, either, not insulted by it, and I do think of it more as women taking advantage of men than the other way around.

Anybody who has a healthy line drawn between fiction and fantasy shouldn't really have a problem, but when it starts to bleed over, the problem isn't the porn, it's the person.

 

[hyulhyulhyul]

It wasn't porn itself that had an affect on me so much as the quest for porn when it was denied to me because of age or local regulatory concerns. I remember being minimally exposed to it as a teenager when some grainy black and white pictures were passed around at school and when my brother brought home a lurid amateurishly drawn matchbook sized booklet depicting a leering man with a massively disproportionate erect penis practically splitting a young cutie in two as he told her graphically what he was doing to her. It was one of those books that you let flip through the pages with your thumb so that it looked like a small movie.

The quest for porn became like a quest for the Holy Grail. I somehow got hold of some nudist magazines and was actually able to see naked women with their hairy pussies exposed in clear color photographs. To me, this was as good as seeing people fucking because it was all new and interesting. When I became jaded and grew tired of rating the quality of the nudist magazines based on the number of naked pussies I counted in each issue, I began a quest for ever more graphic material. A daunting task in those days. This was before video tapes and adult bookstores. Porn as we know it today was not easy to get hold of where I lived, and probably no easier elsewhere except under the counter in places that were unknown to me.

My first real exposure to porn in any quantity was in the Far East when I was in the military. It was as available as chewing gum or inexpensive blow jobs almost anywhere in downtown Taipei. You didn't even have to look for it. The purveyors of "dirty pictures", 8mm films, or graphically erotic literature would seek you out.

Once I had sampled as much as I could handle, the ultimate affect it had on me was boredom and indifference. The really good thing about discovering such a treasure trove of porn at the young age of 20 was that it forever ended my obsessive quest for it. I still enjoy a well made porn movie with a good plot and good acting from time to time, but I never feel like I just have to get hold of some porn right away to satisfy a need for it as I once did.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

When I was a teen, porn was the closest thing I got to actual sex, aside from masturbation of course. I wasn't exactly encouraged by the girls, and if any had a crush on me (which, in retrospect, I think might have been true), I was the last to know. Although one girl did approach me in high school and say, "I love you". As she was a complete stranger (albeit a pretty one), I didn't think it anything but a silly prank.

"Groping". I never got up the steel nerves required to ask a girl to the prom (even assuming my fundamentalist parents had been cool with the prom), let alone groping a girl. Porn had nothing to do with it. I was just a nerd.

Odd, how people change, isn't? Except I still have the brains of a geek.

 

[elsol]

I had years of porn before a relationship... then again I had years of sex before my first relationship.

Did it affect me...

Yeah, I knew what the parts looked like.

And for the longest time, I thought what women found most attractive in a man was a good sense of humor... took years to realize looks and level of success neck and neck with being able to tell a joke.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I had years of porn before a relationship... then again I had years of sex before my first relationship.

Did it affect me...

Yeah, I knew what the parts looked like.

And for the longest time, I thought what women found most attractive in a man was a good sense of humor... took years to realize looks and level of success neck and neck with being able to tell a joke.

Sincerely,
ElSol

Like someone else once said, "If all women cared about was a sense of humor, why doesn't Carrot Top have more dates?"

 

[Norajane]

Like someone else once said, "If all women cared about was a sense of humor, why doesn't Carrot Top have more dates?"

Well, we have to acutally like the guy's sense of humor, and Carrot Top isn't funny.

 

[Norajane]

It wasn't porn itself that had an affect on me so much as the quest for porn when it was denied to me because of age or local regulatory concerns. I remember being minimally exposed to it as a teenager when some grainy black and white pictures were passed around at school and when my brother brought home a lurid amateurishly drawn matchbook sized booklet depicting a leering man with a massively disproportionate erect penis practically splitting a young cutie in two as he told her graphically what he was doing to her. It was one of those books that you let flip through the pages with your thumb so that it looked like a small movie.

The quest for porn became like a quest for the Holy Grail. I somehow got hold of some nudist magazines and was actually able to see naked women with their hairy pussies exposed in clear color photographs. To me, this was as good as seeing people fucking because it was all new and interesting. When I became jaded and grew tired of rating the quality of the nudist magazines based on the number of naked pussies I counted in each issue, I began a quest for ever more graphic material. A daunting task in those days. This was before video tapes and adult bookstores. Porn as we know it today was not easy to get hold of where I lived, and probably no easier elsewhere except under the counter in places that were unknown to me.

My first real exposure to porn in any quantity was in the Far East when I was in the military. It was as available as chewing gum or inexpensive blow jobs almost anywhere in downtown Taipei. You didn't even have to look for it. The purveyors of "dirty pictures", 8mm films, or graphically erotic literature would seek you out.

Once I had sampled as much as I could handle, the ultimate affect it had on me was boredom and indifference. The really good thing about discovering such a treasure trove of porn at the young age of 20 was that it forever ended my obsessive quest for it. I still enjoy a well made porn movie with a good plot and good acting from time to time, but I never feel like I just have to get hold of some porn right away to satisfy a need for it as I once did.

The quest for porn isn't much of a quest these days for teens - it's as easy to access as your browser, and as hardcore as you want. I think it's great the internet gives them so many avenues to learn about sex, though I wonder if they're getting a really skewed education...like, are they reading up on how to give great oral, or are they watching triple penetrations and wondering if they can talk their girlfriends into anal as an alternative since she wants to remain a virgin...real question on the How To board recently.

 

[Norajane]

Yes, I was exposed to porn long before my first relationship. Playboys mostly. Although I found a couple of hardcore paperback novels.

They had little effect on me. I knew they were fantasies and not to be taken seriously.

The big effect on me was my 'peers'. The guys reminding me with the occasional punch in the mouth I wasn't to have anything to do with their women. And the girls grimacing in disgust when I showed any interest in them.

High school's a very cruel place.

"Groping". I never got up the steel nerves required to ask a girl to the prom (even assuming my fundamentalist parents had been cool with the prom), let alone groping a girl. Porn had nothing to do with it. I was just a nerd.

I didn't date very much in high school, except for the smart, funny, and slightly nerdy guys who worked on the school paper with me.

A lot of the others scared the hell out of me - they were running around fucking as much as possible, with lots of pregnant girls in class to show for it.

 

[Belegon]

I didn't date very much in high school, except for the smart, funny, and slightly nerdy guys who worked on the school paper with me.

A lot of the others scared the hell out of me - they were running around fucking as much as possible, with lots of pregnant girls in class to show for it.

ooohhh....Nora worked on the school paper...new set of fantasies

I was the sports editor on mine. A joint newspaper for two catholic schools, one all-boy & one all-girl...and the class was first class of the morning at the all-girl campus.

500 girls on campus every morning and about 40 guys in 3 different classes...

yeah, I hated that...

 

[Typo Fu Master]

- Did you find porn before your first relationships?

Do you think it had any effect on your views or approach to sex when you eventually had sex?

I got my start with my Dad's Playboy collection. When I was old enough, I went to the local corner store and bought my own ... which led to porno novels ... which led to watching "R" rated movies with lots of nudity in them late at night when the folks were sleeping ... which led to full blown porn.

I believe it had a large impact on me, but not in a negative way. I was smart enough to know that what I saw in the movies wasn't the way it happened in real life. I applied most of the techniques I saw and she didn't complain.

I think it prevented some of the awkwardness that someone who has never seen how it's done would go through. And it never made me into a "gropey" kind of person, but that could have been because I was very shy growing up. Personally, I think guys that do that are naturally more aggressive individuals, not because they looked at porn.

 

[Norajane]

ooohhh....Nora worked on the school paper...new set of fantasies

I was the sports editor on mine. A joint newspaper for two catholic schools, one all-boy & one all-girl...and the class was first class of the morning at the all-girl campus.

500 girls on campus every morning and about 40 guys in 3 different classes...

yeah, I hated that...

Brings new meaning to "Give me an 8 inch column to fill the hole on the back page..."

 

[Norajane]

I got my start with my Dad's Playboy collection. When I was old enough, I went to the local corner store and bought my own ... which led to porno novels ... which led to watching "R" rated movies with lots of nudity in them late at night when the folks were sleeping ... which led to full blown porn.

I believe it had a large impact on me, but not in a negative way. I was smart enough to know that what I saw in the movies wasn't the way it happened in real life. I applied most of the techniques I saw and she didn't complain.

I think it prevented some of the awkwardness that someone who has never seen how it's done would go through. And it never made me into a "gropey" kind of person, but that could have been because I was very shy growing up. Personally, I think guys that do that are naturally more aggressive individuals, not because they looked at porn.

Curious...did the girls watch as much porn as you did? Do girls today get a skewed vision of sex based on porn? I know watching my first porn film skeered me! That's supposed to fit there??? And don't get me started on deep throating!

 

[rgraham666]

And don't get me started on deep throating!

No?

Damn!

 

[Norajane]

No?

Damn!

 

[Typo Fu Master]

Curious...did the girls watch as much porn as you did? Do girls today get a skewed vision of sex based on porn? I know watching my first porn film skeered me! That's supposed to fit there??? And don't get me started on deep throating!

I couldn't say. I tend to doubt it. As for whether they have a skewed vision I'd have to say it depends on the individual, like most things.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

But now this article has me wondering if the pushy-pushy gropey-gropey guys in college just thought they were supposed to be doing it like in the videos. I couldn't ever understand why they always moved so quickly and rushed through everything, except maybe hormones. Could it have been the porn?

A friend of mine had a boyfriend who was in his early teens. When she asked him kindly to stop putting his fingers in her ass during sex, he was very surprised that she didn't like this, because ALL the women in the porno movies loved anal play and got very aroused from it.

Yes, to the stupid boys, and men, for that matter, porn is the great teacher, and porn does not lie. All women get instantly horny when they get a finger up their ass, and all women have erogenous zones in the back of their throat, which make them cum merely from sucking a guy's cock. And ofcourse, no woman really NEED foreplay, but if the guy wants to be kind, he might knead her breasts like they were made of playdooh. All women get turned on by that.

Most boys - and quite a few men - believe what they want to believe. They are stupid that way.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Sadly, porn hasn't completely altered social/sexual mores, nor do I expect that it will be enough alone. So, no, it hasn't had enough of an impact. A good impact would be radical changes in sexual mores, IMO. A complete reconstruction of society. Of course, that's the philosopher/revolutionary in me talking, not the fiscal conservative. They both exist in the same person. I want to free up more sex AND more money.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

A friend of mine had a boyfriend who was in his early teens. When she asked him kindly to stop putting his fingers in her ass during sex, he was very surprised that she didn't like this, because ALL the women in the porno movies loved anal play and got very aroused from it.

Yes, to the stupid boys, and men, for that matter, porn is the great teacher, and porn does not lie. All women get instantly horny when they get a finger up their ass, and all women have erogenous zones in the back of their throat, which make them cum merely from sucking a guy's cock. And ofcourse, no woman really NEED foreplay, but if the guy wants to be kind, he might knead her breasts like they were made of playdooh. All women get turned on by that.

Most boys - and quite a few men - believe what they want to believe. They are stupid that way.

Actually, I doubt that any men with any amount of sexual experience in real life are "stupid that way". There are plenty of prudish women to disabuse and disenchant them. Nothing against foreplay, it's the prudishness that I detest.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Here's an excerpt from something I wrote about my experience with porn as a young girl:
It's actually from something I posted here called Buried Treasure

Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler. More graphic titles like "Rocks Off" and "Private." Fetish magazines involving enemas, urination, bondage. Asian women, bound tightly with ropes and twisted like pretzels, terror in their eyes.

I sat dumbfounded by it all.

What kind of effect does that have of the psyche of a young girl who has found her father's pornography collection, I wonder?

There was one, a dark-haired woman on the front of one of the tamer magazines, maybe Playboy or Penthouse, probably an April/Easter issue, because she was lying in a huge pile of jellybeans— that whimsical image stayed with me. Her body, so slim, her long dark hair, dark eyes and olive skin, her pixie-like face, so different from my fair complexion, my red hair and green eyes, my father's too-masculine features on my face, my too-fleshy form—somehow this woman became my ideal of beauty. A girl whose picture was taken as she reclined, lips parted, eyes half closed, in a pile of jelly beans became my ideal of beauty. How surreal.

I suppose these early images made an impression, sent a message: women are meant to be controlled, used, exploited, objectified. Women are to be looked at, and aren't of any use unless they are beautiful. Such deep feelings of shame and grief in me at that, feeling so rejected and abandoned. There seemed to be a "right" way for women to look, to act, to be, and somehow I didn't fulfill those qualifications. And I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be beautiful more than I wanted anything in the world. I measured myself against them, and found myself lacking.

And I looked at these pictures in magazines, and I thought that this was the way that men and women related to one other. This was what being sexual, being intimate was about. The only other example I had was my mother's romance novels, which she read voraciously, and I eventually began reading as well. They were the polar opposite of my father's pornography collection. This is when I began to believe that there was an unbridgeable gap between the genders in their views on sexuality....

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The only other example I had was my mother's romance novels, which she read voraciously, and I eventually began reading as well. They were the polar opposite of my father's pornography collection. This is when I began to believe that there was an unbridgeable gap between the genders in their views on sexuality....

"Oh, my darling, my beloved, my heart's treasure! I long to belong to you, body and soul, united in a divine marriage, approved by the angels themselves!"
"I'm gonna fuck you in the ass until you scream for mercy, you filthy lil' whore! Now, who's your daddy?"