Corrupt Wish

[Liar]

I wish people didn't commit so many crimes.

Granted. Now there's only you and me left on the planet. We'll have to work pretty damn hard to keep the crime rate up.

I wish my cat didn't just decide to draw blood from my leg.

 

[poohlive]

Ha. nice one.



Wish Granted. Your cat now draws little political cartoons on your legs instead.



I wish I have more than one wish to wish.

 

[bloodsimple]

Pooh,

Congrats, your wish is granted.

However, you now spend your entire life wishing for things that never happen. This is either neurosis or psychosis, or a dizzying combination of the two. Either way, you're officially as mad as cheese and spend the rest of your life in an asylum, unpicking stitches from a security blanket.

Sorry 'bout that.

I wish I wasn't living in Jodie Foster's crawlspace. Again.

 

[doormouse]

I wish I wasn't living in Jodie Foster's crawlspace. Again.

Wish granted, but as you escape, Arnold Schwarznegger takes up your tight space behind her and continues the chase. On your escape you are abducted by lesbian aliens who transport you to their spaceshift, forcing you to perform hideous acts of crawling through mazes like a rat for eternity while they perform tests on the human species. You are forever an alien-lab-rat.

I wish my kids would go to bed!!!!!!

 

[oggbashan]

I wish my kids would go to bed!!!!!!

Granted - but they wake you up 10 times in the night spewing their supper.

I wish I could be surfing on Manly beach again.

Og

 

[ABSTRUSE]

.

I wish I could be surfing on Manly beach again.

Og

Granted, but a very nearsighted marine biologist mistakes you for a new species of dolphin and you are forced to live in a research aquarium for the rest of your life.

I wish I was left alone sometimes.

 

[Guest]

Granted, but a very nearsighted marine biologist mistakes you for a new species of dolphin and you are forced to live in a research aquarium for the rest of your life.

I wish I was left alone sometimes.

Granted. But after five minutes you realize your mistake and wish you had had someone's arms around you instead.

I wish it were my arms.

 

[doormouse]

Granted. But after five minutes you realize your mistake and wish you had had someone's arms around you instead.

I wish it were my arms.

Granted, but suddenly you realise you are suffering from elephantitus and your head swells so large, your arms can't reach past your temple, so you end up that all day, mistaking your own sweat for that of ABS juices, causing premature ejaculation.

I wish Lou would load my new audio and fix the crackles LOL

 

[Pornofan420]

I wish people didn't commit so many crimes.

Granted. Nothing is illegal, all is permitted. Hope you brought enough ammo.

I wish my printer wasn't out of magenta and cyan ink.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted, but suddenly you realise you are suffering from elephantitus and your head swells so large, your arms can't reach past your temple, so you end up that all day, mistaking your own sweat for that of ABS juices, causing premature ejaculation.

I wish Lou would load my new audio and fix the crackles LOL

Granted but instead we hear your exact voice and all laugh our asses off now that we know it isn't just sound wave distorsions (sp sucks, I know).

Porn - Granted, but after you finish printing out the 10,000 gay pride parade pamphlets you realize you spelled it gay prigs parade and have to get more ink anyway.

I wish I could get my hands on her.

 

[doormouse]

I wish I could get my hands on her.

Granted, but after you do, you realise she's just come from Charley's and just escaped from a bunch of crazed squirrels who'd had her pinned down and peed all over her 'cause they wanted Charley all to themselves.

I wish it'd stop raining so I could get my car back

 

[Pornofan420]

I wish it'd stop raining so I could get my car back

Granted. The rain stops just before the volcano opens up in the ground and swallows your car.

I wish all my laundry and paperwork were both already done.

 

[doormouse]

Granted. The rain stops just before the volcano opens up in the ground and swallows your car.

I wish all my laundry and paperwork were both already done.

Granted, but while the magic laundry fairy is hanging out your washing, she gets caught in the crossfire between two rebelling rednecks from adjacent properties who leave your clothes riddled with holes. A spark from one of the bullets flies through the air landing on your pile of paperwork setting it alight, which you manage to extinguish, but are left with charcoaled pieces of work.

(God that was harsh LOL)

I wish you'd be lenient with me LOL.. it's been almost two weeks without my car

 

[poohlive]

Wish granted. Everyone becomes lenient of door mice, and gives them all keys to fine automobiles.
Happy times are here again, until the tax payers wonder where those mice got the cars and trucks and S.U.V.'s.
They go after all door mice in all countries, taking away their vehicles, and their doors, and their tails, and most of their fur (it's a big hit on the Russian Black market, makes lots of toupees),

Now, the door mice can't even be called door mice anymore. The government took away their name, and they are just regular mice again.


I wish I knew what women were thinking.

 

[Guest]

Wish granted. Everyone becomes lenient of door mice, and gives them all keys to fine automobiles.
Happy times are here again, until the tax payers wonder where those mice got the cars and trucks and S.U.V.'s.
They go after all door mice in all countries, taking away their vehicles, and their doors, and their tails, and most of their fur (it's a big hit on the Russian Black market, makes lots of toupees),

Now, the door mice can't even be called door mice anymore. The government took away their name, and they are just regular mice again.


I wish I knew what women were thinking.

Granted. I think there was a Mel Gibson movie about that. What Every Woman Wants. Congratulations, You get to live the movie, but no happy endings for you. Everywhere you go you can hear everything that every woman thinks.

Good luck in the sanitarium.

I wish I could type.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I wish I knew what women were thinking.

Granted, but you not only think like them, you become one and immediatly get your period and have the most awful cramps of your life, your boobs swell and you eat three cheesecakes. Then you find out two months later your pregnant and have to deliver naturally, but you still have a penis.

I wish I could dance like Ginger Rogers.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted, but you not only think like them, you become one and immediatly get your period and have the most awful cramps of your life, your boobs swell and you eat three cheesecakes. Then you find out two months later your pregnant and have to deliver naturally, but you still have a penis.

I wish I could dance like Ginger Rogers.

Granted, but Charley is Fred Astaire. You have to do everything she does, but backwards in high heels. You two are an imediate success and travel world wide for years until you both have drug addictions from putting up with the squirells in the audiance.

I wish.......I wish there was a Lit wide get together planed in NYC either in winter or next spring.

 

[rgraham666]

Granted. But it turns out that we're all on the Department of Homeland Security's watch list. And they take advantage of us coming together to round us all up.

I wish I could play the guitar.

 

[Pornofan420]

I wish I could play the guitar.

Granted. You become a masterful guitarist, the music flowing from your fingers like water from a mountain spring. But for the rest of your life, the only thing anyone wants to hear is "Stairway to Heaven" and that's the one song you can never quite get right. No one gives a fig about your chops, the brilliance with which you can make the instrument sing, the creativity you have to share. It's a lifetime of "Dude...can we get some Stairway? That song is, like...so totally bitchin'."

And then they always give you that slightly disappointed look when you don't quite get it. You often hear people whispering stuff like "Man, he's supposed to be this total Steve Vai/Joe Satriani clone tank mutant genius of a shredder and he can't even pull off Stairway."

I wish we had a bigger apartment.

 

[cloudy]

I wish we had a bigger apartment.

Granted, but your extended family likes it so much that they all decide to move in with you.

I wish my hair would quit trying to dreadlock overnight.

 

[doormouse]

Granted, but your extended family likes it so much that they all decide to move in with you.

I wish my hair would quit trying to dreadlock overnight.

Granted, but in order to obtain the desired look, you must coat your hair in honey. A swarm of bees mistake your hair for a hive and make it their home.

I wish my kids would STOP YELLING!!

 

[Pornofan420]

I wish my kids would STOP YELLING!!

Granted, but from now on they just whisper conspiratorially to each other, periodically looking in your direction, and perpetually seeming like they are both up to something and successfully hiding it from you.

I wish I had a winning lottery ticket.

 

[doormouse]

I wish I had a winning lottery ticket.

Granted, but unfortunately it's 20 years old and therefore deemed void and unclaimable.

I wish I was having sex right now.

 

[poohlive]

Granted.

But, he's a premature ejaculator, and is done before you even take your panties off.


I wish Doormouse was having great sex right now.

 

[rgraham666]

Ha! Good one Pornofan!

Granted poohlive. Unfortunately, it's not with you and it's so good, she never even looks at you again.

I wish people would use the door handles on glass doors when opening them. I'm getting sick of cleaning greasy hand prints.