Coping with sex and disease

[CharleyH]

I have taken a long time in coming out with a thread like this, certainly, but I wanted to address this topic because I think it important. Feel free to discuss any mental and physical disease you want to, but I want to talk about cancer. I want to discuss, not any cancer, but specifically breast cancer since boobs are related to sexual organs and a big part of fetish.

Hmm, not sure how to address this, but I will suggest that sex, especially those who have lost a breast or both, is not easy and yet, sex is as important a part of health and healing as mental health, nutrition and exercise.

Anyone wish to discuss this difficult topic?

 

[Varian P]

All illness takes its toll, physically, financially, and in many cases, even on one's identity, from losing physical strength to one's wits.

Certainly breast cancer and the disfigurement or loss of one's breasts is one of those illnesses and treatments which can (I've read) completely destroy a person's sense of self, especially the sexual self.

A while back, the issue preoccupied me to the degree that I went and wrote an entire novel--an erotic novel--about a woman with breast cancer. As a piece of erotica, of course the story is full of fantasy, but for me, personally, it was a way of working through the idea that it would be possible to work one's way back to being sexually whole.

 

[impressive]

Published an award-winning breast cancer benefit anthology:

http://www.eroticanthology.com/images/ComingTogether%20(For%20the%20Cure)%20200x300.jpg

... which contains my story about a woman coping with life after boobs:
Butterfly

 

[CharleyH]

Published an award-winning breast cancer benefit anthology:

http://www.eroticanthology.com/images/ComingTogether%20(For%20the%20Cure)%20200x300.jpg

... which contains my story about a woman coping with life after boobs:
Butterfly

DAMN! Now I have to buy the book. However, any insight IMP?

 

[oggbashan]

My story about life after a hysterectomy: Flawed Red Silk Ch.10

As I was told by one of my friends after she had a double radical mastectomy: "Every cell of my body knows that it is female - losing a few or a lot doesn't change my sexuality.".

Og

 

[CharleyH]

All illness takes its toll, physically, financially, and in many cases, even on one's identity, from losing physical strength to one's wits.

Certainly breast cancer and the disfigurement or loss of one's breasts is one of those illnesses and treatments which can (I've read) completely destroy a person's sense of self, especially the sexual self.

A while back, the issue preoccupied me to the degree that I went and wrote an entire novel--an erotic novel--about a woman with breast cancer. As a piece of erotica, of course the story is full of fantasy, but for me, personally, it was a way of working through the idea that it would be possible to work one's way back to being sexually whole.

Thanks Varian. Can you talk more about "the disfigurement or loss of one's breasts"?

 

[Lady_Moldovie]

OK, while I have not had breast cancer, or any cancer at all, I suffered from and illness that has left me with a physical disfigurement, also the part of my body they took away, was to save me from getting cancer in the future. This part of my body is also to some, an important part of sex too.
It lead me to question my self as a woman.

If i am intruding please tell me to bugger off.

 

[oggbashan]

...

If i am intruding please tell me to bugger off.

No. You are not intruding.

Welcome.

Og

 

[Stella_Omega]

OK, while I have not had breast cancer, or any cancer at all, I suffered from and illness that has left me with a physical disfigurement, also the part of my body they took away, was to save me from getting cancer in the future. This part of my body is also to some, an important part of sex too.
It lead me to question my self as a woman.

If i am intruding please tell me to bugger off.

Intruding? Good lord no-- please bugger on!

Charley, I had one lover who had a mastectomy. She was horribly shy about it, and wanted to get drunk before sex. I was pretty impatient in those days, and just let her drink-- to my shame and sorrow now.

 

[CharleyH]

My story about life after a hysterectomy: Flawed Red Silk Ch.10

As I was told by one of my friends after she had a double radical mastectomy: "Every cell of my body knows that it is female - losing a few or a lot doesn't change my sexuality.".

Og

Thanks Ogg.

 

[impressive]

DAMN! Now I have to buy the book. However, any insight IMP?

Insight? No. I have no direct experience with breast cancer.

 

[CharleyH]

OK, while I have not had breast cancer, or any cancer at all, I suffered from and illness that has left me with a physical disfigurement, also the part of my body they took away, was to save me from getting cancer in the future. This part of my body is also to some, an important part of sex too.
It lead me to question my self as a woman.

If i am intruding please tell me to bugger off.

Can I ask more?

 

[CharleyH]

Insight? No. I have no direct experience with breast cancer.

EDIT - sorry - I need glasses

 

[jomar]

Keep your eye on Christina Applegate. She just had a double mastectomy and will have another surgery for implants.

 

[MissChristine]

Kind of off topic, so forgive me, but I had a partner that suffered from Type I diabetes. I believe he was poorly controlled, and as a result, had a hard time getting over infections, was all ready partially blind, etc. The biggest way it affected our sex life though, was that due to the impaired circulation, it was almost impossible for him to get an errection. He would tell me that the things we did made him feel very good, but his body just couldn't respond. It was rather sad, seeing how he wasn't even 30....

 

[Lady_Moldovie]

Can I ask more?

You can, but I will PM you the details, as I'm not sure how I feel about putting it out here, for all to see.

 

[CharleyH]

Keep your eye on Christina Applegate. She just had a double mastectomy and will have another surgery for implants.

Yep, I heard that. She is young. Do men think that a woman with breast cancer, and who has a breast or both removed needs implants? Are tits what makes a woman?

 

[oggbashan]

Yep, I heard that. She is young. Do men think that a woman with breast cancer, and who has a breast or both removed needs implants? Are tits what makes a woman?

Og's view?

No. A woman who has had her breasts removed doesn't need implants - unless they help her to deal with the removal.

Tits do not make a woman. Knowing and believing that you are a woman are what makes a woman.

Surgery can lead you to doubt your sexuality. It shouldn't.

Some of the sexiest and most flirtatious women I know are much older than the real me. They believe in themselves and that is attractive.

Og

 

[jomar]

Yep, I heard that. She is young. Do men think that a woman with breast cancer, and who has a breast or both removed needs implants? Are tits what makes a woman?

For some I'm sure it does. A friend of mine, for example, likes them way oversized. But I think that's a small percentage and probably approaching fetish. And Applegate's in the show biz so there's a different perception there, I think.

Boobs are nice and fun, no question, but in the big picture, no - tits don't make the woman and I don't think that most men think they do either. If the woman can come to terms and get her personal confidence and body confidence back, guys will go along. A woman can be sexy and ooze sensuality (if that's her style) with or without tits, ya know.

 

[Guest]

I have taken a long time in coming out with a thread like this, certainly, but I wanted to address this topic because I think it important. Feel free to discuss any mental and physical disease you want to, but I want to talk about cancer. I want to discuss, not any cancer, but specifically breast cancer since boobs are related to sexual organs and a big part of fetish.

Hmm, not sure how to address this, but I will suggest that sex, especially those who have lost a breast or both, is not easy and yet, sex is as important a part of health and healing as mental health, nutrition and exercise.

Anyone wish to discuss this difficult topic?

My mom went through this right before their 25th anniversary.

Of course for awhile, we were more concerned that she'd die from the cancer rather than how disfiguring it all was. She handled the medical aspects fine.

I never did stop to ask how it affected her sexuality - kind of tough to bring up that topic with mom. She began to wear a prosthetic in her bra, seemed to manage things fine, at least outwardly.

I do know she couldn't sleep for a long time after, my dad told me later. I was an undergrad and going through the same thing at the same time a couple of hundred miles away. (the not sleeping)

Now? She wears swimsuits, no problem. She occasionally doesn't even bother with a prosthetic around the house, causing me to remark on at least one occasion - "Hey, mom! Nice tit!"

My parents just got back from a cruise and she took sexy lingerie along. It seems she's fine with matters.

 

[Liar]

Yep, I heard that. She is young. Do men think that a woman with breast cancer, and who has a breast or both removed needs implants? Are tits what makes a woman?

Can't say what men think. (Since I'm not all men, and I have no personal experience of this.)

But I know two women who had mastectomies. And they both got implants. Not because of what men thought but what they themselves thought. In fact, one of the women's husbands was against it. He didn't want a "plastic wife".

But she went ahead and did it anyway, because of her own self image. Or as she put it: "It's not about being desireable. I looked down and saw someone else's body stuck to my head. So i fixed that."

 

[Pure]

great topic!!

 

[desertslave]

I can't address the cancer aspect, but I can address similar issues from the perspective of chronic disease and identity.

I have osteoarthritis in both of my knees and a shoulder. I have good days and bad days in terms of mobility, and no chance of a 'cure.' I'm anticipating knee replacement surgery, but I've had another medical setback that means it's not happening next month...probably next year instead. I've spent the last 4 years in moderate to severe pain and it sometimes makes me crazy. I'm only 48 and I'm still mentally used to just getting up to, say, answer the door or just walk to the bathroom. But I can't! I have to step slowly for a few steps and let my unfaithful knees warm up.

Aside from just the hurt and the frustration, I have an identity issue. I'm submissive, I have a wonderful Master, and I cannot kneel to him. Being on my knees is excruciatingly painful. I know it's just a gesture, but it means a lot to me. It's part of my personal definition of how I relate to my Master and, ultimately, who I am (or think of myself as being, anyway). It's fine for Master to tell me it doesn't matter to him, and it's very sweet, really, but it deep down it doesn't "fix" my flawed self-image. In the same way, I think it's very kind and thoughtful of others to say that a piece of flesh, like a breast, isn't what matters to them on the outside but I think for some of us (purely speculation on my part, since it's something I haven't experienced) it doesn't change our internalized image. Geez, I hope that makes sense.

 

[AllardChardon]

I have secondhand knowledge of breast cancer, surgery and reconstruction. A dear friend of mine, younger than I, in her early forties, needed my assisstance with her family while she underwent a radical surgery on one side only.

The surgeon rebulilt her new breast during the first surgery but packed her a bit full on that side using her own fat and blood vessels. They only removed the nipple and inside tissue leaving he outer skin intact. The second surgery was the sculpting part when they matched up both breasts and made her look good again. Only the nipple presented a problem but that was worked out with the second surgery. Her tummy, hips and buttocks supplied the necessary tissue and blood vessels.

Two years later, she is fine and cancer free. It was a daunting experience for her and me as her assisstant, but it has a happy ending. It is truly amazing what the surgeons do out there for women these days.

I believe, without a doubt, that prevention is worth a pound of cure. Two big culprts of breast cancer are deordorants and underwire bras. No aluminum in your deordorant and an underwire only when absolutely necessary and never more than four hours. It keeps your lymph nodes under your armpits from draining properly and aluminum is a known cancer causer.

I had four kids, breast fed them collectively for 11 years, am currently 56 and still have great tits. I am also a vegetarian who avoids wheat and dairy like they were the plague. I advise organic everything, deordorant and all other toiletries as well as the food you ingest. Monsanto and the rest of the big chemical companies are out to get you, the sneaks. BE WARY!

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

I have a 33 year old friend and my 70 year old mother that have had a breast removed.

I think in some ways it depends too on the type of relationship you are in. In a marriage you have your foundation and you both can work through it together, the cancer and the aftermath.

I think it would be hard to be dating and have only one breast. It is hard to open yourself up anyway, let alone having that added worry.

In many ways people define themselves with their physical appearence, even if it is just in part.

My friend had an implant done, there was never even a question of if, it was when. All I can say is that it wasn't fun, there were days when after she had saline injected (they expand them a little at a time) she couldn't use her arm and kept it in a sling because it hurt so bad. Insurance is paying to have plastic surgery done to the other breast so they will match (she was a DD and is going to a C and looking forward to it). It is nice that insurance finally recognizes the fact that it is important to have reconstruction done, sometimes just for the emotional health of the women.

My mom had radiation (Hers was more advanced) and she didn't have the option of reconstruction. I don't think she would have bothered but she once told me that it would have been nice to at least have the option to say no to.

both my grandmother and great-grandmother developed the cancer at around age 65 also so this is a very real possibility for me, (both of them survived and lived into their 90's)I would be 4th generation if I develop it.

This is definately something that I think about.