Converting exercise into SEXerise Equiptment

[fit2betied]

Wondering if anyone else has taken advantage of the Equiptment around their home gym to make SEXersie equipment. I have had some ideas for a while but due to kids living at home have had to keep it in my head instead of building it or rehabbing some older stuff. I have seen excerise bikes mounted with Dildos onto or inthrough the seat for a ride you wont regret. and the work shop tools turned into throbbing shaking sex toys of all sizes. But I am looking for ideas for sexersie equipment what would you want to "work out" with???

 

[blobfish]

Wondering if anyone else has taken advantage of the Equiptment around their home gym to make SEXersie equipment. I have had some ideas for a while but due to kids living at home have had to keep it in my head instead of building it or rehabbing some older stuff. I have seen excerise bikes mounted with Dildos onto or inthrough the seat for a ride you wont regret. and the work shop tools turned into throbbing shaking sex toys of all sizes. But I am looking for ideas for sexersie equipment what would you want to "work out" with???

Yes! A few years ago, in a fit of pornography-induced, animalistic passion, I had a lust that could only be satiated by the gentle caress of foam rubber. Searching the room, my eyes fell upon a grey rectangle prostrate on the floor. My yoga mat! I had never attempted yoga, nor did I have any plans, or indeed desires to try it in the future, so my possessing it was a bit of a mystery. Perhaps the previous tenant was a woman or a metrosexual or a Hindu. At any rate, I picked up the yoga mat, feeling its cool indifference between my fingers. I rolled it up taught. There's no polite way to say that I fucked it. It made me slightly raw. For nearly two years, I became familiar with that yoga mat on multiple ocassions, experimenting with various lubes. I had some great times with it, but nothing has ever compared to that first beautiful encounter. I donated it to the local Salvation Army thrift store about seven months ago. It was hard to do, but it was for my own good. I hope it found a good home.

 

[Aquagal]

Yes! A few years ago, in a fit of pornography-induced, animalistic passion, I had a lust that could only be satiated by the gentle caress of foam rubber. Searching the room, my eyes fell upon a grey rectangle prostrate on the floor. My yoga mat! I had never attempted yoga, nor did I have any plans, or indeed desires to try it in the future, so my possessing it was a bit of a mystery. Perhaps the previous tenant was a woman or a metrosexual or a Hindu. At any rate, I picked up the yoga mat, feeling its cool indifference between my fingers. I rolled it up taught. There's no polite way to say that I fucked it. It made me slightly raw. For nearly two years, I became familiar with that yoga mat on multiple ocassions, experimenting with various lubes. I had some great times with it, but nothing has ever compared to that first beautiful encounter. I donated it to the local Salvation Army thrift store about seven months ago. It was hard to do, but it was for my own good. I hope it found a good home.

Ill keep that in mind when I see a used mat up for sale.

Why would I want to convert exercise equipment to make me cum when the floor model works just fine?

 

[Morcheeba]

Yes! A few years ago, in a fit of pornography-induced, animalistic passion, I had a lust that could only be satiated by the gentle caress of foam rubber. Searching the room, my eyes fell upon a grey rectangle prostrate on the floor. My yoga mat! I had never attempted yoga, nor did I have any plans, or indeed desires to try it in the future, so my possessing it was a bit of a mystery. Perhaps the previous tenant was a woman or a metrosexual or a Hindu. At any rate, I picked up the yoga mat, feeling its cool indifference between my fingers. I rolled it up taught. There's no polite way to say that I fucked it. It made me slightly raw. For nearly two years, I became familiar with that yoga mat on multiple ocassions, experimenting with various lubes. I had some great times with it, but nothing has ever compared to that first beautiful encounter. I donated it to the local Salvation Army thrift store about seven months ago. It was hard to do, but it was for my own good. I hope it found a good home.

The above wasn't necessary.

 

[RoryN]

I once had a roommate who came in contact with exercise equipment at the gym that someone hadn't wiped off properly. She touched it, then touched her cheek.

Result: she got a flesh-eating virus that ate through her face. She eventually healed okay (I think) after months and months of pure hell.

I always wipe down machines I use. When I see people who don't, I want to whack them upside the fucking head.

In other words, I won't be touching my penis to a Life Fitness machine anytime soon.

 

[hogjack]

I re-named my Bowflex 3000 Home Gym the "Boneflex" machine.

Without getting into details I would marry it if there was minimal sentience. Alas, it's still not responding to the love nor any other stimulus.

 

[Phelia]

When I saw this thread, my first thought was "I hope hope hope hope hogjack posts in here." Now I can die happy.

Anyway, since the original poster was kind enough to capitaize the "SEX" part of the portmanteau "SEXercise" to prevent confusion, I offer this as thanks:

Hey! Did you know that the Gazelle could help your love life?

 

[Morcheeba]

I recommend getting XBOX 360 and all the Kinect sports-related games that you can scrounge up. I cannot wait for XBOX Kinect Sports Season 3.

Who knew I was so damn excellent at hockey, darts, skiing, beach volleyball and golf? And Bowling! Holy fuck, just one 13 minute round with a pro kills over 300 calories and then it's time to bend over for Beckham for Soccer!

Oh, and beating pro's at Ping Pong totally turns me on. I mean I liquify then.

 

[hogjack]

Y... I picked up the yoga mat, feeling its cool indifference between my fingers. I rolled it up taught. There's no polite way to say that I fucked it. For nearly two years, I became familiar with that yoga mat on multiple ocassions, experimenting with various lubes. I had some great times with it, but nothing has ever compared to that first beautiful encounter.

blobfish, this is SICK. How do you know - and therefore how do we know - that the yoga mat consented to your frequent fornications?

This sounds lie it was ALL ABOUT YOU. Even if the genderless mat was agreeable to your advances I doubt you, or any human, would know the first thing about yoga mat anatomy or sexual preferences.

Rarely does human-inanimate object lovemaking take into consideration the needs of the object. I've been guilty of that, too, and I apologize to sofa cushions, pillows and vacuum cleaner hoses everywhere around the world. I'm sorry!!!

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

i convert it all the time.. woohooo

 

[blobfish]

The above wasn't necessary.

What did you want me to do? Just throw it out?

 

[blobfish]

blobfish, this is SICK. How do you know - and therefore how do we know - that the yoga mat consented to your frequent fornications?

This sounds lie it was ALL ABOUT YOU. Even if the genderless mat was agreeable to your advances I doubt you, or any human, would know the first thing about yoga mat anatomy or sexual preferences.

Rarely does human-inanimate object lovemaking take into consideration the needs of the object. I've been guilty of that, too, and I apologize to sofa cushions, pillows and vacuum cleaner hoses everywhere around the world. I'm sorry!!!

You know what, hogjack? I don't care. If the yoga mat did not want to be raped, then it would not fold up to form the perfect penis-sized hole. The couch cushions may be victims, but all the others are asking for it. Furthermore, why do you not speak up for all the phallic objects that get unwillingly inserted into the vagina? Have you seen the thread entitled "should you really put that in there?" Certainly, those objects are just as nonplussed. Your condemnation of my "rape" (a term to which I object in this case) of the yoga mat, and the "rape" of other feminine non-organica ("inanimate object" is considered an objectist term) makes your latent sexism evident.

 

[hogjack]

You know what, hogjack? I don't care. If the yoga mat did not want to be raped, then it would not fold up to form the perfect penis-sized hole. The couch cushions may be victims, but all the others are asking for it. Furthermore, why do you not speak up for all the phallic objects that get unwillingly inserted into the vagina? Have you seen the thread entitled "should you really put that in there?" Certainly, those objects are just as nonplussed. Your condemnation of my "rape" (a term to which I object in this case) of the yoga mat, and the "rape" of other feminine non-organica ("inanimate object" is considered an objectist term) makes your latent sexism evident.

Justifying rape is ALWAYS wrong.

It's easy to pick on the weakest of the exercise equipment products, the yoga mat.

 

[blobfish]

Justifying rape is ALWAYS wrong.

It's easy to pick on the weakest of the exercise equipment products, the yoga mat.

Typical bleeding heart liberal response. Save it for the drum circle, HOGJERK!

 

[hogjack]

Typical bleeding heart liberal response. Save it for the drum circle, HOGJERK!

SOMEONE must stick up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I am proud - and it is my duty as a moral human being - to defend the rights of leaf blowers, Silly Putty, pop-up books, toilet paper cardboard tubes, Farrah Fawcett posters or ANYTHING ELSE that has been used WITHOUT CONSENT for sexual gratification by lust-filled people.

The day will come when good people everywhere stand with me.

 

[blobfish]

SOMEONE must stick up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I am proud - and it is my duty as a moral human being - to defend the rights of leaf blowers, Silly Putty, pop-up books, toilet paper cardboard tubes, Farrah Fawcett posters or ANYTHING ELSE that has been used WITHOUT CONSENT for sexual gratification by lust-filled people.

The day will come when good people everywhere stand with me.

Toilet paper tubes have a natural defense; they are hopelessly dry. I have tried them on many ocassions, but each time is more uncomfortable than the last.