Constructive Living

[Peregrinator]

Constructive Living, CL for short for the rest of the thread, is a therapeutic lifeway developed by a psychologist called David K. Reynolds some years ago. In the nineties, I was certified as an instructor of the material as part of my job at the time (I was working with what Massachusetts called "emotionally disturbed" kids). I think it's a valuable curriculum; it helped me make some very necessary changes, and also caused me to shift my perspective on some things. I'll describe the basics here, and then I'll answer questions anyone has. I ask your patience, however; there's some things in CL that are somewhat controversial. Bear with me as I try to explain. I'll also try not to proselytize.

 

[Peregrinator]

David Reynolds studied Japanese psychotherapeutic curricula. He spends six month of every year in Japan, and is recognized as a leading Western expert in Jap mental health stuff. In the course of his studies, he came across two different schools of thought which meshed nicely. He westernized them (mostly the language) and synthesized them to form the backbone of CL.

The two schools are called Naikan and Morita. Naikan is one of those Japanese words that doesn't translate precisely. It means something like "insight" or "self reflection." Morita is someone's name. Shoma Morita, the guy who started that school.

 

[Peregrinator]

Morita's primary insight can be summed up as follows: No matter how you feel, you can still act. This is one of those controversial ideas. We are trained almost from birth in the West to believe that feelings drive behavior. Morita disagreed, and he had ample personal evidence of this. We all do; we've all had times when we felt one way an acted another. Been really pissed but spoke calmly and politely. Really didn't want to get out of bed and did anyway. There's a series of three statements from Morita which are the complement to the Naikan ones, below:

Accept your feelings.

Know your purpose.

Do what needs to be done.

 

[Batch]

patiently waiting



more please.

 

[Peregrinator]

Naikan was developed by a businessman who wanted to share with everyone an experience he had while pursuing a seriously rigorous form of Zen, an ordeal of meditating for a long time in a cave or something like that. He also wanted to apply accounting technique, as it was his background. He based his school on three questions, which form the core of modern Naikan and half of CL:

What have I given?
What have I received?
What troubles or difficulties have I caused?

 

[Recidiva]

Good stuff.

I just got done explaining to my son that the secret to life and to courage - is to do the right thing no matter how you feel about it, and that's what will is.

 

[Peregrinator]

patiently waiting



more please.

Just edited the Morita entry...

and thank you for reading.

 

[Peregrinator]

Good stuff.

I just got done explaining to my son that the secret to life and to courage - is to do the right thing no matter how you feel about it, and that's what will is.

David would kiss you for this. On second thought, no, he wouldn't. He's not very physically demonstrative. He'd smile, though.

 

[Peregrinator]

The modern practice of CL instruction (we are not referred to as therapists; we teach the principles) takes many forms, but the sort of stereotypical way would be that you meet with an instructor, who will ask what you wish to accomplish. Based on that, he will assign you a series of exercises, which serve a couple purposes. The reflection side is intended to give you information about your world; the action side is intended to teach you what you can and can't control, and to help you toward a specific end.

 

[Recidiva]

David would kiss you for this. On second thought, no, he wouldn't. He's not very physically demonstrative. He'd smile, though.

I'd totally smile back.

Oddly this came out of a conversation as to why "Courage the Cowardly Dog" isn't really a coward, because he is terrified, but he always does the right thing and helps the person he loves.

Allegory from Cartoon Network.

 

[MisterEdMe]

Interesting Perg. I shall return to this thread at another time to see how it progresses.

 

[Peregrinator]

Examples of Reflection exercises:

Every evening for twenty minutes or so, reflect on your day by making three columns on a sheet of paper. One is entitled "What have I given?" In this column, write down every specific, concrete, measurable thing you gave. A hug, money, a ride, a smile, a cigarette, your time and energy (ie, I helped Batchy with her garden for one hour), etc. Things not to include: anything not measurable or not concrete. "I loved my wife all day." (unless, I suppose, you actually fucked her all day)

Second column: "What have I received?" Same rules apply. "Perg helped me with the garden for an hour."

Third column: "What troubles or difficulties have I caused?" Same rules. "I cut off someone in traffic." "I called for service on my refrigerator." Yep, I know, it's their job, but you're still causing the person to work, right?

This exercise, performed daily, is incredibly powerful. After about a week of doing it, I find that I become much more gentle and understanding, and much more productive. It creates an awareness far beyond what it seems like it should.

 

[Peregrinator]

I'd totally smile back.

Oddly this came out of a conversation as to why "Courage the Cowardly Dog" isn't really a coward, because he is terrified, but he always does the right thing and helps the person he loves.

Allegory from Cartoon Network.

There's all sorts of examples of this; people feeling one way and behaving another. I jumped out of a plane five times (Airborne School). Scared the shit out of me every time. People see the little badge on my uniform and say I was "brave."

Interesting Perg. I shall return to this thread at another time to see how it progresses.

Thanks.

 

[Recidiva]

Examples of Reflection exercises:

Every evening for twenty minutes or so, reflect on your day by making three columns on a sheet of paper. One is entitled "What have I given?" In this column, write down every specific, concrete, measurable thing you gave. A hug, money, a ride, a smile, a cigarette, your time and energy (ie, I helped Batchy with her garden for one hour), etc. Things not to include: anything not measurable or not concrete. "I loved my wife all day." (unless, I suppose, you actually fucked her all day)

Second column: "What have I received?" Same rules apply. "Perg helped me with the garden for an hour."

Third column: "What troubles or difficulties have I caused?" Same rules. "I cut off someone in traffic." "I called for service on my refrigerator." Yep, I know, it's their job, but you're still causing the person to work, right?

This exercise, performed daily, is incredibly powerful. After about a week of doing it, I find that I become much more gentle and understanding, and much more productive. It creates an awareness far beyond what it seems like it should.

Labeling is a great tool for your behavior, and a different way to frame it.

Some of my favorite advice from Zen writer Charlotte Joko Beck - just label thoughts. Don't engage in the thought "I hate her." Label that thought - "Having a thought that I hate her."

Less attachment to the thought, more patterns about what type of thoughts you have. Great exercise.

A great way to identify how you protect yourself from certain thoughts and avoid others by fantasizing - taking thought for action.

Great for developing humility and compassion, I think. Seeing yourself as the sum of your actions and intentions and not your justifications.

 

[Recidiva]

There's all sorts of examples of this; people feeling one way and behaving another. I jumped out of a plane five times (Airborne School). Scared the shit out of me every time. People see the little badge on my uniform and say I was "brave."

Hah...and they were right. It's the action the counts.

There's an irony here. Fighting the thought and performing an action is actually more work than taking a thoughtless action...I think the measure of fighting your instinct to run and hide is what constitutes bravery.

And the basis of Zen action without thought - essentially the right action without conflicting thought.

 

[Batch]

ah, reflection

with more focus and mindfulness.

 

[Peregrinator]

Example of Action:

These are a little more abstract sometimes. Some of them focus on attention. Morita believed, and I agree, that we are too often focused on ourselves, on our feelings.

Let me step aside for a moment and say that another common criticism of CL is that it is dismissive of feelings. It is not; it rather seeks to place them in context, and values them, and this is key only as much as everything else.

So many CL exercises are done with the intention of shifting our attention. One of my favorites is simply to do some common task, say cooking a meal, but without making a sound in the process. You want you attention on what you're doing? Try mashing potatoes silently.

Another favorite is simply to not talk for a given period. I once ran a twelve hour shift starting at noon, with a staff of five people and 24 little psychobrats, without saying a word the entire time. We often talk to drown out some feeling or other. I sort of realized this with the kids. They had all sorts of demons in their heads, and one common "symptom" if you will was a constant chatter.

There are other action-type exercises. Make a list of ten things you think would be good for you to do each day. Floss your teeth, eat a piece of fruit, exercise, what have you. Read the newspaper, whatever you think is a good idea. At the end of each day, look at the list. Simple.

Many of the exercises use something like the hourly chime on your watch to remind you to perform some action or other, like maybe writing down exactly what you are doing in that moment, along with how you are feeling and what you are thinking about.

 

[Peregrinator]

Labeling is a great tool for your behavior, and a different way to frame it.

Some of my favorite advice from Zen writer Charlotte Joko Beck - just label thoughts. Don't engage in the thought "I hate her." Label that thought - "Having a thought that I hate her."

Less attachment to the thought, more patterns about what type of thoughts you have. Great exercise.

A great way to identify how you protect yourself from certain thoughts and avoid others by fantasizing - taking thought for action.

Great for developing humility and compassion, I think. Seeing yourself as the sum of your actions and intentions and not your justifications.

Indeed. CL instructor training is sometimes called "Zen Boot Camp" with the kind of groaning affection people reserve for ordeals in their past. Much of what we did was very Zen based. Had it not been at a farmhouse in Vermont, I would have felt like I was at a Buddhist monastery. Morita and the Naikan guy were both heavily steeped in Zen.

Hah...and they were right. It's the action the counts.

There's an irony here. Fighting the thought and performing an action is actually more work than taking a thoughtless action...I think the measure of fighting your instinct to run and hide is what constitutes bravery.

And the basis of Zen action without thought - essentially the right action without conflicting thought.

There's a kind of theoretical ideal in CL, in which you sort of completely lose your sense of self.

ah, reflection

with more focus and mindfulness.

Exactly, precisely. Those words could have come from the back cover of any of David's many books.

 

[Peregrinator]

Naikan, being its own school, can get pretty intense. People do week long Naikan retreats, where they sit and meditate on the basic questions, given a subject by a teacher. For example, the teacher might say, "Please reflect on your relationship with your mother for the first ten years of your life." Then he leaves, and returns two hours later, and says, "What have you thought about?" You list all the answers to the three questions for him. He listens with an attitude that the Buddha himself is speaking, and then says something like, "Thank you," gives you the next topic, and takes off again. All day, every day, for a week. Someone brings you meals in the Western version. In Japan, they ring a gong or something, and everyone runs to the chow hall, runs, because they're all full of Naikan, and they don't want to inconvenience each other. Everyone starts eating at the same time, you see, so you don't want to be late and hold them up.

 

[Peregrinator]

I'm not here to advertise, but CL is alive and well. There are various online courses you can take, and David's books are easily found, as are Greg Krech's. Greg and his wife Linda were my instructors, and they run the ToDo Institute in Vermont at their home. You can google it easily.

 

[Recidiva]

Indeed. CL instructor training is sometimes called "Zen Boot Camp" with the kind of groaning affection people reserve for ordeals in their past. Much of what we did was very Zen based. Had it not been at a farmhouse in Vermont, I would have felt like I was at a Buddhist monastery. Morita and the Naikan guy were both heavily steeped in Zen.

There's a kind of theoretical ideal in CL, in which you sort of completely lose your sense of self.

Exactly, precisely. Those words could have come from the back cover of any of David's many books.

A lot of this comes down the the fact that by learning things, people lose their drama and things get harder. More is expected of you. And people like their drama.

It's not brave or hard or difficult for me to tie my shoes, it's a thoughtless act of habit.

When I was little this was deserving of praise and encouragement, instruction and cheers.

As I got older, I lost the drama of tying shoes. It's no longer a good thing, it's expected.

People create their own dramas, and if they fail to learn or progress, just get stuck in one.

The entire point to growth is to turn complicated, difficult and often self-sacrificial beneficial acts into habit, without drama.

This isn't a western concept. It doesn't go over well, as people are attached to the drama and can't imagine life without it.

But there will always be some sort of struggle, some sort of conflict.

More Zen quotes I love:

"Your life is none of your business."

"Do not be sure enlightenment is what you seek. For those seeking enlightenment, it is like the death of your parents. For those who have achieved enlightenment, it is like the death of your parents."

So for me, the more drama I have surrounding something, means to me that I'm not good at executing that issue flawlessly.

 

[Angeline]

Good stuff.

I just got done explaining to my son that the secret to life and to courage - is to do the right thing no matter how you feel about it, and that's what will is.

My therapist practices Narrative Therapy and your advice sounds sort of similar to it. Behavior is more driven by our conditions (the things we've become used to doing) than anything else. Conditions can be changed by will, but first we have to recognize that they are conditions and then determine what is right and develop a new condition (or habit) of doing it the right way. The hard part is recognizing what your conditions are because they become so ingrained in us we don't consciously think of them as such.

 

[Peregrinator]

A practical example from my life:

I first met Greg when he did a brief presentation on CL for staff at the psychobrat place. He asked if any of us wanted exercises to do for specific purposes. I said that I was trying to quit smoking. He had me carry a piece of paper with my cigarettes and for a week write down each time I smoked and for how long, and the exact time. I could smoke all I wanted, but I had to write it down.

I think he was a little surprised when I showed it to him a week later. I got the impression he didn't think I'd follow through.

The next week, I was to write each evening a schedule for when I would smoke the next day. I could schedule as many as I wanted, but I had to stick to the schedule.

I made it about four days, and said, the hell with it, and stopped smoking altogether.

Why does it work?

Because it gives you a very simple lesson on a deep level of understanding. You are totally in control of whether or not you smoke. Big surprise there, I know, but there's two kinds of learning, right? There's reading a recipe and there's baking a cake. The Japanese call it tai-ken, roughly "body knowledge." That's the goal of many Morita exercises, to create that deep undestanding.

 

[Peregrinator]

A lot of this comes down the the fact that by learning things, people lose their drama and things get harder. More is expected of you. And people like their drama.

It's not brave or hard or difficult for me to tie my shoes, it's a thoughtless act of habit.

When I was little this was deserving of praise and encouragement, instruction and cheers.

As I got older, I lost the drama of tying shoes. It's no longer a good thing, it's expected.

People create their own dramas, and if they fail to learn or progress, just get stuck in one.

The entire point to growth is to turn complicated, difficult and often self-sacrificial beneficial acts into habit, without drama.

This isn't a western concept. It doesn't go over well, as people are attached to the drama and can't imagine life without it.

But there will always be some sort of struggle, some sort of conflict.

More Zen quotes I love:

"Your life is none of your business."

"Do not be sure enlightenment is what you seek. For those seeking enlightenment, it is like the death of your parents. For those who have achieved enlightenment, it is like the death of your parents."

So for me, the more drama I have surrounding something, means to me that I'm not good at executing that issue flawlessly.

This is a good insight. I never thought about it this way, but it certainly applies to, oh, I don't know, everything. School right now is a great example.

My therapist practices Narrative Therapy and your advice sounds sort of similar to it. Behavior is more driven by our conditions (the things we've become used to doing) than anything else. Conditions can be changed by will, but first we have to recognize that they are conditions and then determine what is right and develop a new condition (or habit) of doing it the right way. The hard part is recognizing what your conditions are because they become so ingrained in us we don't consciously think of them as such.

Hmmm. I need to think about this, but one experience I have commonly is that someone will describe a therapy system to me and I'll hear CL principles in it. Doesn't surprise me at all; it's kind of like martial arts. Choose your poison, but they all lead to the same place, a person who never gets in a fight, but would win if she did. Therapy is like that; people have all sorts of different ways of getting to the point where you do what needs doing.

 

[Recidiva]

My therapist practices Narrative Therapy and your advice sounds sort of similar to it. Behavior is more driven by our conditions (the things we've become used to doing) than anything else. Conditions can be changed by will, but first we have to recognize that they are conditions and then determine what is right and develop a new condition (or habit) of doing it the right way. The hard part is recognizing what your conditions are because they become so ingrained in us we don't consciously think of them as such.

Yes, I think Western philosophy has concerned itself more with the waves and less with the ocean. I'm not knocking Western contributions to the value of the individual (event or person) but I think it needs integration with Eastern value of the whole (patterns and groups).