Constructive feedback.

[Riven___Caulfield]

Hello, fellow Literoticans!

If to you the term Smokescreen means a government coverup, you likely have no interest in this thread. If to you Smokescreen is a story here on Lit, please read on.


I've recieved lots of very supportive feedback from people (for which I'm eternally grateful!), but today I was wondering how you think it should end.


If you don't want to know how I think it might end (plus some other stuff), please stop reading - I throw some ideas around.

Just so you know where everything stands now:

Sophie and Anze did survive the leadership challenge - some social changes happen at the Tower while they prepare to leave for Montreal (romance becomes structured, with rules and everything), but aside from that nothing major happens.

Cypress, of course, massacres the old ones at Grand Forks in the escape, only to discover that Michelle is very, very ill, and the only hope for her lies with the people and equipment that Brie says still exist in Montreal, Canada. Naturally, they go.

Now we come to some quandries.

They arrive at Montreal, but are a sad bunch indeed. Perhaps they do get the medical attention Michelle needs, but how could these kids integrate into the culture of post-apocalypse Montreal? They're led by a man who could wipe out a city if he chose - does Montreal welcome them with open arms?

Somehow I don't think so. For some reason I suspect the group will be driven away as monsters (heh).

Naturally when it all boils down, things will end well for the kids from Winnipeg. They'll find themselves a nice spot, settle down and raise kids of there own. But what then?

Should Cypress and Crow live happily ever after? Or has Cypress fallen too far - become too evil? For some reason I see him finding a safe place for his people and then retiring to the mountains, alone and terrified of himself (but I'm a romantic).

And Sophie? Between you and I, Justin was never quite right for Sophie - it wouldn't surprise me if he cheats on her (MEN!). Like Cypress she has a natural inclination towards their gift, and this leads me to what I think may be the climax:

Should Cypress (evil master of the Power) and Sophie (benevolent mistress of the Power) have a final showdown to determine the fate of their people?

And what about poor Michelle? People with a keen eye have probably figured out that everyone's favorite redhead sniper had her first child, while imprisoned at Grand Forks, most likely by Richard.

Read back - read the conversations between Michelle and Cypress and you'll find something. Something I can't even put my finger on that tells me... it's those two, together to the end. And I don't know why, but it's there. Even more than with Crow, maybe.


I guess I just... wanted some opinions. Thanks!


Yours,

-riv

 

[Route66Girl]

Hey, Caulfield

DISCLAIMER: The following opinions are probably all piffle.

I voted for Cypress going off into the mountains to be on his own, although I don't think that's exactly how he should finish.

Working with your suggestions, here's what I'd like to see happen:

They reach Montreal, but are turned out as per your idea. Thus, Michelle doesn't recieve the medical treatment she needs, and dies.

Following right on the heels of Michelle's death, there IS a showdown between Sophie and Cypress. By the end of the battle, Cypress is dead, having lost on purpose, sacrificing himself for the ultimate well-being of the group. After, Sophie leads them to their new home. We end with Crow, alone, paying tribute to Cypress, and to Michelle.

Here's where I run into indecision: who starts the final showdown? Hmmm...

It's not that I want to see Cypress and Michelle die. I'm a sucker for happy endings. It's difficult to explain why, but Cypress just isn't meant for that. He's more than a character- he's (not to get all biblical) the sacrifical lamb of this new world. No, he's not pure. He's a warrior whose integrity has been compromised over and over again. But he's also the one who set them all on this path to redemption, fully aware of his own decline along the way. It's almost as if he's taken the terrors of this post-apocalyptic world onto himself, in hopes of freeing everyone else of those ills.

As for Michelle... the connection between she and Cypress isn't to be broken lightly. "Together to the end" you say, and I agree. I think that, until Michelle dies, Cypress still holds to a tenuous belief that all can end well for him, that the evil within is conquerable. Her death is the catalyst for the snapping of that belief... or, rather, his abandonment of it. He succumbs to his demons, fighting Sophie. He gains the upper hand in the battle at first. But, in a moment of lucidity, he weakens. Michelle is gone, he's reached the end of his rope, but the dream of happiness is still within reach for the rest of the group. Realizing that he's now the only thing standing between them and that dream, he folds and loses the fight.

Crow's closeness to Cypress isn't to be negated, either, which is why I think she should be the last character whose eyes we look through, seeing who Cypress and Michelle were, and what they meant.

And the child...? I'll leave that one alone, hehehe. Oh, the symbolism!

Anyways, Caulfield... there you have it. I hope it made at least a few shreds of sense. I look forward to reading it, no matter which direction you choose to take.