I am, at the very least, a bicurious guy who also finds gender play in a sexual setting really erotic. Transsexual porn, crossdressing (either male or female), strap-on shenanigans and so on. I don't think that this is an especially rare position to take, especially not on these forums, nor do I think it's one that's inherently disingenuous or anything like that. I am, however, somewhat concerned with my motives for my interest.
The men I'm attracted to tend to be smooth and somewhat effeminate or hulking and hairless. As a hirsute dude who isn't fat but can't see his abs, these archetypes also line up with the sort of body I want for myself, a body I've wanted hard enough that I've verged into eating disorders once or twice without realizing it. The sneaking suspicion I have is that my attraction is only partly sexual, that my main interest in these sorts of men lies in body image issues and a tendency to idealize certain physiques.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I think that I personally like the idea of crossdressing because I want to make myself attractive to myself. We can go back to the body issues as the root of this if we want or we can just leave it nameless and eye it suspiciously, but there's something very self-serving in wanting a self-contained loop of attraction, something very distrustful in taking the reigns myself. Something very ugly.
These practices might be well and sleazy if I were just doing them alone, but I fear I'm taking advantage of an LGBT identity. I mean, I went through four years of high school concerned that if anyone checked the substantial amount of penis in my internet history, I'd be a pariah, and so going to a college where being not entirely straight was accepted came as a great relief, but should I have used that space if, in doing so, I'm hurting myself and debasing the community?
tl;dr how do I navigate my own neuroses in the context of LGBT identity?
This is probably somewhat incoherent and I'm not sure the title fits what I posted, but I just wanted to try opening up the discussion.
The men I'm attracted to tend to be smooth and somewhat effeminate or hulking and hairless. As a hirsute dude who isn't fat but can't see his abs, these archetypes also line up with the sort of body I want for myself, a body I've wanted hard enough that I've verged into eating disorders once or twice without realizing it. The sneaking suspicion I have is that my attraction is only partly sexual, that my main interest in these sorts of men lies in body image issues and a tendency to idealize certain physiques.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I think that I personally like the idea of crossdressing because I want to make myself attractive to myself. We can go back to the body issues as the root of this if we want or we can just leave it nameless and eye it suspiciously, but there's something very self-serving in wanting a self-contained loop of attraction, something very distrustful in taking the reigns myself. Something very ugly.
These practices might be well and sleazy if I were just doing them alone, but I fear I'm taking advantage of an LGBT identity. I mean, I went through four years of high school concerned that if anyone checked the substantial amount of penis in my internet history, I'd be a pariah, and so going to a college where being not entirely straight was accepted came as a great relief, but should I have used that space if, in doing so, I'm hurting myself and debasing the community?
tl;dr how do I navigate my own neuroses in the context of LGBT identity?
This is probably somewhat incoherent and I'm not sure the title fits what I posted, but I just wanted to try opening up the discussion.
