Confused

[nippleslut]

I dont really know if this is a bitch threat or if anyone can give me any insight but i have to let it out somewhere and you all are really suportive and insightfull. First of let me say that my Husband and i are into bdsm in the bedroom and it slightly carries into the non sexual aspects of our lives. i am submissive and He is dominate but it is not a Master/slave relationship. My problem is that with the execption of about 2 weeks agos when He fisted me for the first time i have been feeling unsatisfied and unfullfilled. i do cum alot when we have sex and i find pleasure in what we do i am just not hitting that orgasum that i need to feel sastifed after sex. i am not sure if i should say something or not. i am not blaming Him i just dont really know why i am feeling like this. any ideas would be appricated and please i do not need to be told that i am ungratful as i am not i just feel as though i should mostly walk away from our lovemaking feeling satisfied and fullfilled.

 

[Chicklet]

anyone who would tell you you're being ungrateful for feeling unsatisfied in ANY sort of relationship can just bend over and impale themselves on a gigantic telephone pole.

if you're not feeling satisfied, SAY SOMETHING. I'd wager that your man isn't intending to leave you with an unsatisfied feeling after sex, and that he'd probably do more for you if he knew that his usual tricks weren't getting you there anymore.

Sex drives, likes, dislikes, orgasms, etc, change throughout life. COMMUNICATION is the key.

 

[meat_robot]

Peoples tastes evolve. It sounds like yours are shifting a little bit.

Maybe you need different stimulation than what your used to. If you find yourself attracted to fisting then maybe chaining might but up your alley, er, no double meaning there.

I know my tastes have changed quite a bit in the past 5 years.

 

[Adakgirl]

What kind of sex are you having? BDSM is not for everyone, you might be unsatisfied because that type of sex is just not what you need anymore. Or, you may need to be his submissive all the time, could be you are having a hard time hopping in and out of your submission all the time.
You may just be generally bored with any kind of sex. If you are orgasming, that is great! You can't expect every orgasm you have be a fantastic life changing, mind blowing experience. That is being unrealistic. The problem could be caused by many, many different things.
I think we need more in depth info about exactly what is happening both in and out of your bedroom, and with you and your husband to give you the proper advice.

 

[nippleslut]

we have been having both bdsm sex and vanillia sex on and off for a while it moslty leads towards the bdsm. actually Adakgirl i think might be right i have been thinking of bring my submission more into our everyday life. I think that i will have to talk to Him this morning after He wakes up and see what we can do. i will keep you all updated.

 

[00Syd]

Maybe try fisting again?

 

[twysted73]

I feel a small sense of ownace here as I more than likely gave you both the idea for the fisting from my thread.

I won't apologize for it so no worries there.

So you've enjoyed fisting and nothing else feels as good.
Well, understandably so. You've engaged nerves that you've never touchd upon before. It's new, it's thrilling.
Then enjoy that until your body craves the more traditional/emotional input.

The body is perpetually hungry.
So why not feed it until it's appetite is sated?

Why not give it what it needs until it needs something else?
There's no reason to make your signifficant other feel less then competant simply because your body is needing something other then his penis.
I would think this is a prime opportunity for Him to be the sole-provider of what you crave. That it is to Him this honor and responsability (and, might I say, privelage) goes to.

The only reason I can see for his unhappiness in this situation are his own insecurities and selfishness.

Like when most men see dildos as competition. (Small minds, small possabilities)

Don't subject yourself to needless guilt or Him to needless self-doubt.
Enjoy this discovery. Your appetites WILL change again. You simply have a new toy in the box. That's all.

Now go get fisted. Change it up. Do a little "sensory deprivation w/ bondage mixed in". Always a delight.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Have you tried fisting yourself when you masturbate? If he can get his hand in there, you should be able to manage with your own. Or you could buy a fist shaped silicone toy.

I agree with others that communication is the way to go but if he isn't prepared to fist you every time you have sex it might be prudent to engage in a little DIY every now and again to prevent yourself from getting frustrated and taking it out on him.

I would be interested to hear how he feels about being more dominant in everyday life. Perhaps he could use fisting you as an ultimate treat for when you have been a very good submissive. I warn you though, submission means that the D gets what he wants a lot more often than you do - unless what you truly want is to serve him.

 

[twysted73]

Have you tried fisting yourself when you masturbate? If he can get his hand in there, you should be able to manage with your own. Or you could buy a fist shaped silicone toy.

I agree with others that communication is the way to go but if he isn't prepared to fist you every time you have sex it might be prudent to engage in a little DIY every now and again to prevent yourself from getting frustrated and taking it out on him.

I would be interested to hear how he feels about being more dominant in everyday life. Perhaps he could use fisting you as an ultimate treat for when you have been a very good submissive. I warn you though, submission means that the D gets what he wants a lot more often than you do - unless what you truly want is to serve him.

Capitol idea Velvet. Top shelf. I honestly hadn't thought of it.

 

[nippleslut]

Solution???

Ok first of let me say that i was feeling like this before He fisted me for the first time. It just happened to happen durring this time period. i did talk to Him two days ago and tol Him that i was walking away from sex not feeling sastisfied. He was angry only in that i did not tell him sooner. i also brought up that fact that i would like to bring more of my submission into our everyday lifes and He informed me that He was aware of that but was trying to figure out how to do so. He owns his own businesses two of them and even though i am a sahm i do all of the paperwork amoung other things for the businesses. also we have two children. He informed me that He was talking to some Doms that He knows about what They do and He would get back to me soon as to what He wished to try to see if it worked with our lives. Also He did try new things in bed last night and i must say i passed out a very satisfied sub. . i agree that it is all about comunication between everyone. Thank you all for you help and in put.

 

[nippleslut]

I would be interested to hear how he feels about being more dominant in everyday life. Perhaps he could use fisting you as an ultimate treat for when you have been a very good submissive. I warn you though, submission means that the D gets what he wants a lot more often than you do - unless what you truly want is to serve him.

He has said the same thing about fisting becoming THE thing for me to strive for as He will only use it when i have been beyond good.

Also we use many toys in our bedroom. He has no problems using vibs and dildos and such.

 

[Adakgirl]

Glad we could help. Hope your D/s relationship continues to evolve for you both.

 

[nickollette]

This is one thing I really don't get about sex. Different people and different times produce different reactions, even if the sex seems seemingly the same, I just don't understand why the reactions are so different. It's probably my naive moment of the day. I can have sex one time and be completely blown away, and then the next walk away with a "yea that was fun, but nothing earth shattering" reaction. At that point, I have to wonder is what we get out of it more based on our mentality going into it and during it, or is it just because we go through so many changes.

I envy you for the ability to communicate. I know there's a few things that need to be discussed, but I always put it off for fear that he might totally misinterpret them as a blow to his ego or something, or that I won't be able to get out what's in my head into words that won't seem like I'm ragging him. Why are we so difficult as humans

 

[nippleslut]

I envy you for the ability to communicate. I know there's a few things that need to be discussed, but I always put it off for fear that he might totally misinterpret them as a blow to his ego or something, or that I won't be able to get out what's in my head into words that won't seem like I'm ragging him. Why are we so difficult as humans

Well my post makes it seen easy LOL but the conversation went something more like --Honey (my name for him when the kids are around) I need to talk to you about something but later the kids arnt around. He says ok. Many hours later He approaches me and says "you wanted to talk to me" i go " ummm well yeah but ummm i dont really know what to say and well never minds" at which point He is getting pissed because i do this all the time. i finally came out in a rush that probaly sounded something like this "well you see i dont want you to take it personaly but well ummm please dont get mad but and i love you but in the last few months i have been oh never mind ok find i'll go on been walking away from sex now i love you and enjoy sex not matter what with you you know that right (at this point He yelled at me which he never does ) well i have been walking away unsatified" i looked down and started crying. So He comes over and says why didnt you tell me sooner lets figure out why? and we talked and worked things out.

LOL i have a hard time telling Him things that make me unhappy as i dont want to upset Him or make Him feel like i am going after his ego either.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

It's always a tricky thing to approach your man and say that things could be better. For all their bass ass domliness their egos remain as fragile as anyone else's. It might feel like being manipulative but a little positive reinforcement and making a big deal out of sex with him that you do find really satisfying may help you here.

Women don't come with instruction manuals and subs are different animals altogether because we often find it goes against the grain to articulate our needs and remind the dominant that, in the long term, our needs are as important as theirs.

It's never TFTB to furnish a dom with information and I can understand why his anger was because you didn't bring this to him sooner. What he decides to do with the info will remain at his discretion so you're not trying to be a backseat driver here, you just needed to tell him how you felt. I think that having fisting to strive for will be beneficial to you both and nothing gets a D going more than knowing exactly which special reward to have in the opposite hand to the one wielding the flogger. Let him enjoy holding this over you and allow it to motivate you both towards a better D/s dynamic.

 

[nippleslut]

VelvetDarkness you are so right. i could understand His anger about me not telling Him sooner too. If something is not right i would want Him to talk to me too so if possible i could try to aleast fix the problem. i am lucky in that He does not mind me telling when i am unhappy but as you said it is harder for me as i dont want to seem as i am qestioning Him.