Confused

[abbeyroad12]

I'm just really confused about my gf. We've been togeather a while, and are really open and experimental and have a great time togeather. She just doesnt get off. Believe me i spend my time trying. But whats weird is she likes grinding on me, she says it feels so good and then she just stops cause she says it stops feeling really good. When i touch her clit directly she says it hurts. She likes when i rub it on the sides, but its just like a good feeling, not amazing. So i guess my question is whats the deal with her clit loosing sensation?

 

[SubNebGuy]

can she bring herself to orgasm thru masturbation?

if not, that's the first place to start. women are still being 'programmed' at an early age that sex is dirty, and it gives them a lot of hangups when it comes to, well, cumming.

if she knows how to please herself, she'll be able to teach you to please her too.

most women can't orgasm from penetration alone, unless their partner is able to hit the right spot. a woman won't always orgasm every time she has sex...then again she can also have multiple orgasms per session, while 99% of men are spent after one shot.

biggest thing, is don't pressure her. have her do a little self exploration, and see where it takes her.

 

[abbeyroad12]

Yeah i know, she just wont masterbate her self. She says she doesnt like it/ wont try it. I know that would greatly help... but why does her clit get desensitized?

 

[Norajane]

It doesn't get de-sensitized. It gets over-sensitized from too much stimulation, especially when it's rough stimulation like grinding. If you rub anything on your body over and over and over roughly, it will start to feel sore.

Now, if all her grinding is actually turning her on, she may also be reaching a plateau. A woman's orgasm is not a direct shot from start to finish - there are stages of build-up and plateaus of excitement. When she hits a plateau, you can continue stimulating her in other ways like kissing and playing with her breasts, toucher other parts of her body, using your fingers inside her, etc, for a while. Then you can go back to her clit, and take her to the next rise and plateau.

If she doesn't masturbate herself to orgasm, it's going to be difficult for her to get there through sex with a partner. She needs to learn her own body so she recognizes what she's feeling and whether that means to continue or stop or try something different or sqeeze her PC muscles or whatever. There's nothing wrong with touching your own body, and it's THE BEST way for a woman to begin climaxing regularly.

 

[abbeyroad12]

Great thanks alot... the only thing is once she reaches this "platue" she doesnt wanna do anything haha, shes like me after sex. Just a smile on her face and wants to lay still. I guess ill just rub her back and kiss her lovingly until she wants to play some more. Sound like a plan? haha

 

[Norajane]

Great thanks alot... the only thing is once she reaches this "platue" she doesnt wanna do anything haha, shes like me after sex. Just a smile on her face and wants to lay still. I guess ill just rub her back and kiss her lovingly until she wants to play some more. Sound like a plan? haha

Rubbing and kissing, yep, life isn't so bad, yeah?

 

[Chicklet]

I'm just really confused about my gf. We've been togeather a while, and are really open and experimental and have a great time togeather. She just doesnt get off. Believe me i spend my time trying. But whats weird is she likes grinding on me, she says it feels so good and then she just stops cause she says it stops feeling really good. When i touch her clit directly she says it hurts. She likes when i rub it on the sides, but its just like a good feeling, not amazing. So i guess my question is whats the deal with her clit loosing sensation?

This happens to me, too. I can't stand someone touching my clit too much... I love it if they'll rub directly above it, but I can't stand the direct stimulation. It just feels practically like it burns, and in an uncomfortable way, if they get right on it.

I have friends who don't enjoy masturbation, as well, and while I don't really understand it, I know it's not unheard of.

I'd suggest maybe going at it doggy style, or in a way that hits her g-spot really well, and having her touch herself... or if you can be extremely gentle, touching her yourself... Also, oral sex might do the trick... just have to be slow and gentle at that, too, and concentrating on the clit as opposed to the vaginal opening, which I often find guys concentrating on instead of the important stuff.

g'luck, mate.