Confused and a little sad

[Brandii]

I've been talking online with a Dominent male [who I still believe is everything he says he is] and I used to get such a kick out of it as he knew how to make me feel good; both about myself and "sexually." He was very good as an online lover.
He used to call me "Sweetness" online and I thought we were getting on famously.
However, out of the blue with no reason why he just stopped talking to me. I can't think of anything I could have done wrong to upset him and I don't know why he won't talk to me anymore online.
Does anyone know what he is thinking?
I thought for a while he might be seeing how attatched I have become to him to see if I want to become a 'sub' of his: he is already convinced I'm 'sub' material but after two separate small MSNs there has been no reply at all.
I really believe now that he has rejected me for some reason unknown to me, but I'm hoping that maybe there is some unwritten code in his BDSM lifestyle that I'm not aware of I just thought I'd ask this forum what is he thinking???

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm so sorry to hear someone bailed like that.

To the best of my knowledge, no, there is no unwritten code that would excuse his behaviour.

One of the difficult things about online relationships, is that the person on the other end of the computer, may not be everything they say they are... regardless of how he presented himself, he may have been a "player", or married (and got caught), or participating in online BDSM relationships with multiple women (and got caught). Life could have gotten in the way, he could have grown tired of the online relationship, or he could just be an asshole, who didn't stop to think of how his sudden lack of communication might effect you.

In short- the issue is with HIM, not you, and his lack of communication proves it.

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

but I'm hoping that maybe there is some unwritten code in his BDSM lifestyle that I'm not aware of I just thought I'd ask this forum what is he thinking???

Sad to say there is no unwritten code involving the rejection of people. A lot of the time it should involve being told what the problem is but online does not always work out that way. Neither does real life sometimes. The only thing I can say is keep experimenting with the submissive tendencies and see how far you can go right now.

Remember keep it Safe, Sane and Consensual. Also just because someone says they are a Dom/me they are not always thinking in the right sense.

Goodluck.

Cherry

 

[myinnerslut]

i dont know why he did what he did, but good luck.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I've been talking online with a Dominent male [who I still believe is everything he says he is] and I used to get such a kick out of it as he knew how to make me feel good; both about myself and "sexually." He was very good as an online lover.
He used to call me "Sweetness" online and I thought we were getting on famously.
However, out of the blue with no reason why he just stopped talking to me. I can't think of anything I could have done wrong to upset him and I don't know why he won't talk to me anymore online.
Does anyone know what he is thinking?
I thought for a while he might be seeing how attatched I have become to him to see if I want to become a 'sub' of his: he is already convinced I'm 'sub' material but after two separate small MSNs there has been no reply at all.
I really believe now that he has rejected me for some reason unknown to me, but I'm hoping that maybe there is some unwritten code in his BDSM lifestyle that I'm not aware of I just thought I'd ask this forum what is he thinking???

may i ask why, after He's done this, you still believe everything He says He is? IMO, if He just leaves you hanging with no explanation, it doesnt sound like He's much of a Dom, not one that wants a real relationship anyway and not one that cares much about His submissives feelings, emotions, needs, ect...i don't know, i'm not sure i could trust Him if HE did come back into the picture, i'm just not so sure i would be able to submit to Him again....i think i'd take it as a lesson learned and move on. all of what i read that you typed, i saw red flag written all over it, but again this is my opinion *shrugs* good luck to you

 

[Brandii]

Thanks for your replies

I just feel the rug has been pulled out from beneath my feet. I was beginning to trust this man [ something I haven't been able to do for many many years]and to my absolute horror and shame, whilst in this trusting mode I sent him a suggestive [suggestive, for me anyway] photo and now he's just cut ties with me. I just feel betrayed AGAIN. I'm just so thankful I didn't get up the courage to send him the photo he wanted me to send him.
I keep wondering if he's been hit by a car or somethings happened that is beyond his control, but that's just a face saving mechanism: I think the novelty of the innocence I represent has worn off.
I hurt so bad.

 

[human_male]

It's probably not you or anything you've said. It's just the way the cookie crumbles with online relationships. It's happened to me heaps of times. Don't think that's it's you, or your fault. You have no idea what's going on in his life. Not that that's an excuse, it hurts when that happens to you, but there could be a hundred reasons why he's stopped talking to you. Why assume it's you?

Plenty of fish in the sea, believe me.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I just feel the rug has been pulled out from beneath my feet. I was beginning to trust this man [ something I haven't been able to do for many many years]and to my absolute horror and shame, whilst in this trusting mode I sent him a suggestive [suggestive, for me anyway] photo and now he's just cut ties with me. I just feel betrayed AGAIN. I'm just so thankful I didn't get up the courage to send him the photo he wanted me to send him.
I keep wondering if he's been hit by a car or somethings happened that is beyond his control, but that's just a face saving mechanism: I think the novelty of the innocence I represent has worn off.
I hurt so bad.

i'm sorry you are going through this, i can only imagine the pain, but again i will say, use this as a tool in helping you to find the right One for you. Everything happens for a reason, and we are only made stronger by the 'bad' that happens to us. i know that's a little hard to believe right now, but it is the truth and i do wish you luck ::hugs::

 

[human_male]

I just feel the rug has been pulled out from beneath my feet. I was beginning to trust this man [ something I haven't been able to do for many many years]and to my absolute horror and shame, whilst in this trusting mode I sent him a suggestive [suggestive, for me anyway] photo and now he's just cut ties with me. I just feel betrayed AGAIN. I'm just so thankful I didn't get up the courage to send him the photo he wanted me to send him.
I keep wondering if he's been hit by a car or somethings happened that is beyond his control, but that's just a face saving mechanism: I think the novelty of the innocence I represent has worn off.
I hurt so bad.

Oh, shit he's one of those. Well there's plenty of those around, men and women. There's nothing you can do about it, and there's no way you can know. So try not to let it bother you. It's his loss that he's willing to discard someone just because of their looks.

And again, happened to me.

 

[mrbaddaddy]

A humble attempt to make you feel better

.....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Wow... that is a shitty way to do someone.

I am truly osorry you had to endure all that bullshit... but know that there are guys out there who will appreciate wheat you have to offer and will desire to Dominate and guide you as you deserve.

 

[Etoile]

I've been talking online with a Dominent male [who I still believe is everything he says he is] and I used to get such a kick out of it as he knew how to make me feel good; both about myself and "sexually." He was very good as an online lover.
He used to call me "Sweetness" online and I thought we were getting on famously.
However, out of the blue with no reason why he just stopped talking to me. I can't think of anything I could have done wrong to upset him and I don't know why he won't talk to me anymore online.
Does anyone know what he is thinking?
I thought for a while he might be seeing how attatched I have become to him to see if I want to become a 'sub' of his: he is already convinced I'm 'sub' material but after two separate small MSNs there has been no reply at all.
I really believe now that he has rejected me for some reason unknown to me, but I'm hoping that maybe there is some unwritten code in his BDSM lifestyle that I'm not aware of I just thought I'd ask this forum what is he thinking???

I'm sorry to hear you've been hurt like this. Unfortunately there is no way for anyone here to know what he is thinking. How long has it been since you last heard from him? You might want to consider the possibility that something is going on IRL for him and he just can't answer. As you said, maybe he was hit by a car...or anything like that. There's no way to know. I hope he gets back in touch with you soon.

 

[babiesmiles]

I am sorry to hear that and I wish you good luck , but unfortunately things like that continually happens and not only coming from relatively stranger people , but even by people you ( general you ) thought to know well , people sometimes you even after a while dared to call " friends ".

It is a sad thing but sometimes when people talk online ,( and on phone and by mail or even after they met you ) they tend to avoid to think on the other side of the screen there is a person with an inner world of feelings and sensitivenesses.

It happens soon or later and the better defence we have agaist those destructive behaviours is to go ahead , thinking it is not "our " fault and that online ..like offline there are various kind of people some who deserve our esteem and respect ,others who is just good and safe to let go for their way .

It is not easy , I know well but it will pass .

Best wishes and an hug

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this painful time Brandii.

Unfortunately you may never know why he cut off communication. He may have a legitmate (or at least understandable) reason for not getting back in touch with you, or it may be an incredibly shallow, selfish, bullshit reason.

For example, I was incommunicado for a while with many people I knew and cared about because I really hit a pit of depression. I cut off those connections feeling like I was dragging them down with me and I didn't want to hurt them. That wasn't true of course, but at the time, I FELT like it was.

Another period I was out of direct touch because I had a heart attack and spent the next 10 days in the hospital. I was fortunate in that I had my lovely janey and friends to get the word out but email and IM's sent directly to me went unanswered for several days until I got computer access at the hospital.

Or, having gotten the picture he wanted for his trophy collection, he said "Sayonara" and he's on to the next photo collection opportunity.

Like so many others have said here Brandii, THIS IS NOT ON YOU. Period. It's on his head, whether it is a legitmate reason or a bullshit reason for his having dropped off the face of the planet. Only he can compose the message and hit the "Send" button to communicate back to you.

The only safe bet online is to assume that NO ONE is who, or what, they say they are. Anyone can learn to talk a good game, but that 24 year old buxom blonde submissive from Cleveland may, in fact, be a 55 year old, balding pudgy accountant named Murray from Memphis... That 35 year old, single, hot, J. Cyber-Studley Hungwell with a $250k year job and his own mansion (with photos on his website to PROVE it!) may be that very SAME Murray (who is married, makes $35k, lives in a 2 bedroom walk up, and drives a Yugo...). NO ONE, not even me, is who they portray themselves online, until they prove it by being consistent, open, forthright, day in, day out, over a period of time.

Time is your best friend on the internet. Use it to get to know someone before giving them your heart. Use it. Not hours, not days, not weeks, but months! Use the internet to gather information. Use the phone to talk to them, hear their voice. Check references! If they claim they've been doing this 5 or 10 or 15 yearsn then somebody, somewhere will, by gawd, know them and can vouche for them. Use your time wisely. A little spent on the front end will mean less downtime and pain on the back end...

 

[TNRkitect2b]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this painful time Brandii.

Unfortunately you may never know why he cut off communication. He may have a legitmate (or at least understandable) reason for not getting back in touch with you, or it may be an incredibly shallow, selfish, bullshit reason.

For example, I was incommunicado for a while with many people I knew and cared about because I really hit a pit of depression. I cut off those connections feeling like I was dragging them down with me and I didn't want to hurt them. That wasn't true of course, but at the time, I FELT like it was.

Another period I was out of direct touch because I had a heart attack and spent the next 10 days in the hospital. I was fortunate in that I had my lovely janey and friends to get the word out but email and IM's sent directly to me went unanswered for several days until I got computer access at the hospital.

Or, having gotten the picture he wanted for his trophy collection, he said "Sayonara" and he's on to the next photo collection opportunity.

Like so many others have said here Brandii, THIS IS NOT ON YOU. Period. It's on his head, whether it is a legitmate reason or a bullshit reason for his having dropped off the face of the planet. Only he can compose the message and hit the "Send" button to communicate back to you.

The only safe bet online is to assume that NO ONE is who, or what, they say they are. Anyone can learn to talk a good game, but that 24 year old buxom blonde submissive from Cleveland may, in fact, be a 55 year old, balding pudgy accountant named Murray from Memphis... That 35 year old, single, hot, J. Cyber-Studley Hungwell with a $250k year job and his own mansion (with photos on his website to PROVE it!) may be that very SAME Murray (who is married, makes $35k, lives in a 2 bedroom walk up, and drives a Yugo...). NO ONE, not even me, is who they portray themselves online, until they prove it by being consistent, open, forthright, day in, day out, over a period of time.

Time is your best friend on the internet. Use it to get to know someone before giving them your heart. Use it. Not hours, not days, not weeks, but months! Use the internet to gather information. Use the phone to talk to them, hear their voice. Check references! If they claim they've been doing this 5 or 10 or 15 yearsn then somebody, somewhere will, by gawd, know them and can vouche for them. Use your time wisely. A little spent on the front end will mean less downtime and pain on the back end...

Ok, I was going to post a long entry, but I would just sound like a parrot.

In short, what he said.

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

No matter what happens in your life Brandii, know that when you have a problem the people here are willing to help you and support you in whatever way possible.

Even if it's for a ((hug)) or a couple xxooxxoo

Cherry