Confessions of a repressed sex lover

[fuckijustwanna]

Thought this was the best place to introduce myself.

The main reason I am on this forum is to make friends and, most importantly, meet a woman who is as perverted as I am. Ive never admitted most of this to anyone, not even out loud to myself.

I am a 28 year old slim built male and I love masturbating, porn and I basically worship women. I masturbate 3-6 times a day to either porn, reading porn, audio porn, fantasies, and even pictures of my female friends. Ive actually been masturbating for the past hour(No way I could have written this if I wasnt horny)

I have an extreme amount of respect and love for women and actually see most as superior to me or any guy.

I have alot of fetishes but things that feel wrong seem to get me the most worked up. Though my biggest lately is the idea of being controlled by a beautiful woman. I actually have this particularly bossy but extremely sweet hearted and very pretty lesbian(Yes her being a lesbian just turns me on more) friend who tells me to do minor things for her sometimes and I fucking love it...I dont think she realizes it turns me on, just that Im a really nice guy. Both are true however. I am very grateful to her as my friend and would do anything for her.

Ending with the ones I never thought Id admit to my fetishes include(but are not limited to): the goth/emo look, striped knee high socks, tattoos, vampires, strong women(as in mentally or skilled fighters etc...buffed up body builders dont do it for me) dominant women, slutty women(the word slutty or slut just turns me on for some reason), innocent but horny women, dangerous or public sex, watching a woman/women masturbate, being watched by a woman or group of women while I masturbate, dipping into humilation to a degree, not sure yet but the word pathetic and the idea of a woman calling me her bitch sure sends a chill through me(god I wish she'd call me her bitch, Ive cum soooo many times to that idea...to be her bitch and to please her whenever and however she wants....fuck...), incest(though the idea of any of my actual family...just...ewww...though maybe my step sis....anyway) forbidden sex, and secret masturbation...which I have experimented with a little...

Ill stop there...oh wait and I am a leg man but I love tits and ass too. Most important feature to me really though is a womans face. Thats where the heart of her physical beauty lies.

Eye contact is a huge turn on too. I actually have trouble looking people in the eye during my daily life because it feels so intimate and revealing..

So yeah, thats me. Love me or hate me, but if any of you are fellow perverts and wanna be my friend reply here or message me. I would really love to get to know women who are as horny and perverse as I am wether to be my friend or to share my fantasies

I really need to cum now...

 

[ReKio]

you dont seem at all perverse, at least not on this site. None of the things you mentioned were that weird. Your most taboo was the incest, and even that one depending on who you're talking to isnt that weird. especially since you said you dont really think of your actual family.
Its fine to admit these things are arousing to you. dont be embarassed, its just sex. Most people find some things sexy that others will find gross or weird. Look around on this site--its probably got a huge list of people that like it, just as much or more than you.

 

[fuckijustwanna]

Thank you. It is nice to know that after reading that that you dont think so. I hope I didnt offend by throwing the word perverse around too lightly, these are just things Ive always kept in and felt ashamed of so it feels perverse to my mind. So I really appreciate your reply ReKio I actually dont think of others with the same urges as I have as perverse, at least not in a negative way(The thought of being called a pervert by a dominant woman gets me goin too.)

I have to admit, though, that I expected some negative responses to the fact that I masturbate to my friends pictures. Its mainly focused on the friend I mentioned earlier though her GF is in alot of these pics and I dont hate that and I occasionally try and switch to another friend or step sis...i usually end up going back to her though. I often have fantasies about her, her and her gf with me(It also really gets me off to know that when they leave my house that they probably go home and fuck..so sometimes Im not even in the equation) or her and my step sis...that one...

I actually do that much more than I watch porn now. Maybe cuz shes real or cuz shes my best friend or just cuz its wrong. Maybe all 3, I dunno. But I usually feel very guilty afterwards and think "God, you perv, what if they knew? Theyd run screaming..." I also secretly masturbated while I was on the phone with her for the first time recently. It was amazing. I havnt let myself feel guilty yet...

I would love to hear others feedback/opinions on this situation.

 

[bicurious_07]

Mmm you are not perverted at all, let me say your post made me so wet and id love to make a man my bitch. I'm a 23f 44dd with a very high repressed sex drive. Just married 2months ago its been a week or more since I've had sex and when. I do get it I still masterbate 3times a day. The relationship I had before this one we would have sex 4times at least in less than a 12 hour period togeth .

 

[fuckijustwanna]

You, Mrs. Bicurious_07, I like. Thank you very much for your reply. Your post got me hard instantly. I love when a woman talks about how wet she is and just knowing you masturbate as often as I do...I gotta go take care of this...you'll be in my thoughts...

 

[Cherry_Rose]

You, Mrs. Bicurious_07, I like. Thank you very much for your reply. Your post got me hard instantly. I love when a woman talks about how wet she is and just knowing you masturbate as often as I do...I gotta go take care of this...you'll be in my thoughts...

Well, I'd like to give you some feedback, but you don't allow private PM's...what gives?

 

[fuckijustwanna]

Sorry, didn't realize that. Just made account a few days ago. Ill fix it now so please try again

***Ok fixed. Thank you for saying something, I thought pms would be allowed by default. I hope I didnt miss out on any :-(

 

[jacklangston]

I'm the same exact way! Like everything you described! Only I'm just 21, so it's nice to see I should still be the same in a few years, lol. I've always wanted to be a woman's bitch, but all the women I've seen want dominant men. I want a girl who's just as much of a freak as I am. Just know you're not alone, man!

 

[subwannabe]

OK I guess someone has to go negative here. First I would like to say that I am and always have been very sexual, above average. And, I certainly respect the fact that most everyone on this site is very sexual also, many of them having desires that exceed even my sexuality. That's OK because everyone is different and just because something disgusts me doesn't mean it is wrong or that I think those people should conform to my standards. Having said all that, I have to say that to me you seem to be more obsessive than even most people on this site. Obsessive to the degree that it is actually on the unhealthy side and I can't help but think that you are a little lonely and not very good at being around other people (especially women), all due to the fact that you are just so obsessed with that stuff that it is actually harming your relationships with others, both male and female. I may be wrong but I just ask that you give it some thought and try getting some help if I am right. There is nothing wrong with being extremely sexual unless it interferes with your personal and work relationships. If that is the case then you do need some help in not being so obsessive.

 

[fuckijustwanna]

No, I asked for honest opinions and feedback and I i don't really disagree with anything you said. I never said it I was healthy and I probably wouldn't be here if I wasn't lonely. The purpose of this post was to admit things outloud, anonamously, that I have never admited before, gain a few friends, or more, with common interests/tendencies and get a feel for what I, and others think of me with all the things I am most ashamed of on the table. In doing so I may have made some things out to be a bigger part of my life than they really are.

You may be right about everything. But I think the cause and effect may be reversed.

I've always been shy, and low on confidence. From a very young age I hated alchohol and something...I dont really know what...something destroyed my faith in the human race as a whole, and I began to hate prople. The only friends I did make were those that Ive always known or those that approached me and stood out in some way in my mind. Plus I was addicted to video games

So, lacking the ability to get over my shyness, lack of common interests, social stimulants, confidence, the desire to be around other people. All that is what I would say killed my social skills.

Then at 18 I got myself into a relationship with an older, married, woman(abusive husband) who I wasnt really that attracted to but who loved me to death, and I convinced myself I felt the same. I wanted to. I moved to South Carolina to be with her. I then supported her and her kids, and for a while her brother, for nearly 6 years. Over time I realized the truth but I felt stuck. I didnt wanna hurt her, leave her and her kids with no support. I lost faith in the idea of real love, I became somewhat of a passive dick and stopped showing any emotion or enthusiasm. The only way I could communicate was if I used this weird little baby talk we started using at dome point. I began to resent her and feel terribly guilty about it like. Like it was her fault...

I never cheated on her (Id love to say it was morals, and part was, but how could I? Im too damn shy to approach a woman for just sex...isnt it disrespectful?) I got more and more into porn and she hated it so much. And as horrible as it sounds it just made me want to watch it more. Turned me on. Therefore more guilt. I was obsessed with porn for quite a while. What else was there. All my dreams were dead at my own hands...

Then I talked to some old friends and decided to stop being a coward and do what was best for everyone. She had a job. I told her I was leaving, gave her time to get secure and left. I didnt realize how lonely I would be without someone there beside me. Without the kind of love she game me.

So now Ive been back for almost a year. I still have the same issues. I am without doubt suffering from depression. The only passions I have left are for women and...well everythong else seems to be fading...The only real emotions I can feel are empathize with are anger, sadness, lust amd pain...and well love for a select few people and...thanks to her...love for my animals... I feel completely disconnected and alien from the rest of this social butterfly, confident, empathetic, caring race. I am filled with guilt and secrets. I am alone.

As far as porn and masturbation goes I still love it without doubt. But it has lost some thrill and the reason I think about it so much lately is because I recently lost my job and I have A LOT of time on my hands even after spending almost every day with my friends. I think Ive accepted my love of porn now and it certainly takes away my boredom for 20 mins-2 hours at a time

I am however unhealthily obsessed with the woman I mentioned, though its hard to accept that what I feel for her isnt love. I know it. But that obsession is really all Ive got right now...and shes been so amazing to me. Since I met her shes always lit some kind of passion in me no matter how down I am.

Not that Im not taking steps. I am struggling with my lack of motivation to find a new job. I am enrolled in college and I gotta say Im pretty excited about getting smarter and hopefully meeting someone to destroy that unhealthy obsession and bring me to life.

But for now, I have a decent life. I spend time with my friends. I watch anime. I play video games. I watch movies and I love shows like True Blood, Dexter and Falling Skies. I read. I play guitar fairly well (Even if music is starting to sound dead, boring and monotonous) I walk my dog. I also play with myself a lot...a lot...Until the change comes thats life. What am I to do? And what the FUCK do I say to my future gf about her...?

 

[fuckijustwanna]

Whew sorry, wasnt planning to give my life story lol. Just what came out heh...

But thanks for your post sub. Its nice to be saying these things to someone other than myself for once lol. I came here hoping to make friends and have a little fun but I also came here for the truth.

And thanks Jack. It is helpful to know that

 

[bicurious_07]

You, Mrs. Bicurious_07, I like. Thank you very much for your reply. Your post got me hard instantly. I love when a woman talks about how wet she is and just knowing you masturbate as often as I do...I gotta go take care of this...you'll be in my thoughts...

Mmm well thank you for returning the favor, knowing that I got you nice and hard and being in your thoughts as you masterbate is the ultimate compliment to me and its such a turn on. My pussy is soaked I'm like that song from hailstorm I get off ever heard of it?

 

[fuckijustwanna]

I have now, thank you for introducing me to that Loved it. I love female fronted bands. Btw, its beginning to get to the point where I get hard just seein you're name Mrs. Bi.

 

[bicurious_07]

I have now, thank you for introducing me to that Loved it. I love female fronted bands. Btw, its beginning to get to the point where I get hard just seein you're name Mrs. Bi.

Your welcome, normaly I don't care to much for female bands I think its because most of them are to popish and I'm more of an alternative rocker myself, amy lee aka evanessance is by far my favorate female vocalist follwed by the only other 2 illl listen to hailstorm and paramore .

Mmm reading that statment makes my toes curl in and sends shivers down my body I'm curently biting my lip and playing with my nips as I type this

 

[fuckijustwanna]

...Yeah I really like you...had to stand up and get a few strokes in and cool down...ok...

 

[bicurious_07]

...Yeah I really like you...had to stand up and get a few strokes in and cool down...ok...

*giggles* I'm glad, I'm liking you to hope we get this messanger thing to work

 

[subwannabe]

Thanks for sharing. I think it's good that you got all of that out. I think you just need to keep everything in perspective. I can appreciate what you are going through as I was lonely and single for a lot of years. I was a virgin until the age of 25 and didn't get married until I was 33 years old. I wasn't a big dater, mostly because I am a one woman man and I had an unfortunate knack for falling in love with someone who was already taken in one way or another and I just flat out didn't want to go out with anyone while I had feelings for someone else (even though I couldn't have them). As a result I was around my piers who were all dating and sowing their seeds in every way shape and form while I did nothing but masturbate a lot. Part of me looks back on it and regrets not having any of those wild sexual adventures but my brain looks back on it and is very thankful that I did not get any STD's, get anyone pregnant, or get married too early with divorces and child supports like many of my friends went through. I don't believe any of this ever affected my work life but it did effect my social skills (mostly with women) considerably. There is this one woman who I fell madly in love with and wanted to ask her out (she was actually dating someone) but I was too shy and to afraid to even talk to her. I think she actually liked me and couldn't understand why it was that I would never talk to her. This went on for years as the more I didn't talk to her the harder it was for me to say something to her. Every year I would make a resolution to myself that I would talk to her but I never did in all of that time. In any event, I find nothing wrong with a lot of masturbation (I think we should actually teach that to sexually mature teenagers) unless it gets to the point where it interferes with your work life and personal relationships. I know it is hard to seek help but maybe you should consider taking baby steps in that direction. I eventually worked myself through my long period and hopefully you will too.

By the way, I forced myself out of my shell one day and it was enough to keep me out of that shell. True story: I went to the horseracing track and promised myself that if I won big I would spend that money on a matchmaking service. I'll be damned if I hit a big one and kept my promise. I didn't find Mrs. Right through that matchmaking service (which cost several hundred dollars) but it got me out of my shell and the rest is history.