Confessions of a Feedback Sexist

[dr_mabeuse]

I admit it: I am much kinder and supportive in giving feedback to female authors than I am to male authors.

I've been aware of my bias for some time but have done nothing to even try and correct it. For some reason I find the inept literary efforts of a man offensive, while from a woman they seem to be charming.

No doubt a big portion of this bias is my sad attemtp to curry favor and generally suck up, but there is also something undeniably appealing to me about a woman writing erotica that does not apply to a man doing the same.

I suspect that I'm not alone in this. At one time we were discussing the amounbt of feedback we received from readers. I would estimate that I average maybe 2-4 pieces of non-trivial feedback over a newly posted story. I have seen women authors here mention that they've received many times that, along with photographs, marriage proposals, God knows what else. Is this typical?

My fairly obvious conjecture is that women receive a lot of feedback from men who have been charmed or aroused by their stories and want to try and establish contact.

So: Does anyone else have this bias? How much feedback do men and women authors typically receive here? Is it equally from men and women, or is there a sexual bias in who writes you back?

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

Equal opportunity here....

dr_m-

I am an equal opportunity feedback sender. Generally, if I make it to the end of the story I send feedback. Perhaps your reluctance to send feedback to male authors comes back to all guys being on the make all the time and you not wanting to be misunderstood as coming on to a male author.

My feedback has been male dominated. I wonder how much this has to do with the readership demographics. I don't get lots of "let me shag you, baby" messages... perhaps because of the type of reader that is attracted by more story or perhaps because my profile is pretty non-inviting.

I have responded to some very 'professional' feedbacks with a kind thank you and then gotten the full court press afterwards.

And.... I have seen you, dr_m, be equally incisive with your feedback to male and female authors. Perhaps you are more critical of men because you are more likely to see yourself as in competition with them.

And now that I have run out of ways to be offensive, I will go look for some male authors who could use some encouraging feedback.

b

 

[Angeline]

Hiya Doc.

I send feedback if I'm moved to do so--and I do about 5 per day, which may seem like a lot, but I mostly read poems. I decide to send and what to say based on the writing. Period. If I read something that I think is irredeemably bad, I don't send feedback because I like to have something constructive to say. But if I really like what I read and/or have suggestions for improvement, it doesn't matter who wrote it.

As a woman, I receive a lot of "come on" feedback, ranging from friendly I like what you write and would like to get to know you notes to very graphic stuff that sometimes includes photos. I get maybe one or two a week that are like this. Other women here report similar experiences. Do men get such feedback?

 

[Master_Vassago]

Dayum why don't I ever get pictures. I get some smutty feedback from women though lol. I don't mind.

When I send feedback which I admit I am horrible about doing. I must be actually drawn into the story and made to feel like one of the characters. If that happens I always send feedback. I like to try and always send positive feedback though. I have yet to send one that was negative. I do add suggestions for changes though as they apply. I don't think I really look a lot of times to see if the author is male or female though.

Perhaps I should for a while and then get back to you on this. I did check My email though and it does seem that I tend to send more feedback to the female gender. Oh well I must be a sexist pig. lol.

 

[Guest]

I do receive more feedback from men than from women. Some men do attempt further contact - lol - but I'm very specific in my bio about being happily married - tends to prevent most of that, I suppose.

I try to vote and send feedback on every story I read (though I usually won't vote if I feel the story is going to be a 1 or 2). Of course I'll seek out those authors I know are talented, but I always search the new stories list and read as much of the new material as I can.

I'm chuckling over your line about finding literary "ineptness" from women charming - you horn dog, you!

Honestly, I find literary ineptness from either sex to be difficult to read, insulting to the intelligence, and just downright annoying (no matter how attractive the writer may be)!

But - ahem - that's just my humble opinion!

 

[Angeline]

I don't care about the really graphic feedback--sometimes it's pretty funny--but it's almost never imaginative enough or literate enough to be titillating. And I really want feedback on my writing.

The funniest feedback I got said "You're a great poet! Will you write me a poem that says what your body looks like?"

I guess he wasn't looking for the next Shakespeare after all, lol.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Takes all kinds.

 

[SexyChele]

I will send feedback to either male or female writers. If I like a story, I let the writer know. I have rarely sent feedback that wasn't positive, but I am constructive and always include my email address in case the writer wishes to discuss further.

As for what I receive, it is mostly from men. I think it pretty much includes everything from the nice and respectful to the raunchy. I have come to the conclusion that most men read erotica from females believing it to be autobiographical. Maybe they just wish it was? Not sure.

I know that I seem to appreciate feedback from women far more - not disrepecting any men who want to send me feedback! Women are not normally "coming onto" me, so their feedback is more open about what they liked about the story, not about what I must look like or be like.

While the compliments from men can be an ego-booster, the comments from women are often things I take seriously. Although, admittedly, the most comprehensive feedback I've received has been from other male writers, with a couple from women. I've also received some great tips from more men than women.

One thing I've noticed is that the more I write, the more feedback I receive. The first couple of stories I posted, I received very little feedback outside of those people I already knew. Now, I receive more and usually from people I don't know. And a few even maintain contact, which I like - they feel comfortable enough to tell me when I've screwed up and when I've done something they like!

 

[English Lady]

feedbackwise if i like a story i'll vote and send some feedback, and sometimes (if i am feeling particullarly critical) I send feedback to those i barely start too!*L*

I must say I find myself sending feedback to men alot though, they seem to write the erotica I like*L* Though i do not take into account sex before i send my feedback.


I get mainly male feedback,mostly just "i liked your story it got me hard" type feedbacks, most are more eloqyuent than that though I must say!*L*


*flutters my eyelashes at the Dr*

I always reply to feedback i receive and sometimes a friendship grows from that. I think thats the great thing about lit, but thats for a different thread completely!


*wondering if my eyelash fluttering has made DR M go vote a 5 for all my stories yet *L**

 

[Pookie]

If I make it to the end of a story, I will send feedback to the author. Sometimes I just thank them for a story that I enjoyed reading. I try to offer what I can as a critique, if I feel like I can be helpful in some way.

I definitely get more feedback from men than women. But I tend to believe that there are more men reading my stories. Most of the feedback I get is stated in a way not to be hurtful. I can tell when a guy is trying to say something in his feedback, not wanting to hurt my feelings. I do get the occasional picture and request for more personal information about myself. I don't mind so much. I find it flattering, although it doesn't help my writing ego necessarily.

I do reply to every feedback I get, whether I agree or disagree with it. I will at least thank them for taking the time to let me know their thoughts. I have a few readers that I correspond with regularly. But I don't carry on any email love affairs. I get 3-4 feedbacks a day when not posting stories/chapters. I have gotten about 30 in one day when something new was posted. But this includes 2 sites I post to along with Lit.

I think it comes down to human nature. I think guys like flattering women when they can. Women tend to enjoy it from one degree to another, whether we admit it or not. I guess I can understand why a guy would find a woman writing erotica appealing. I know how turned on guys can get when a woman talks seductive or "dirty" to them in person. Again, I think it is human nature.

I'm good friends with a few excellent male authors. I find myself really stressing to them that I REALLY want the hard hitting critiques, so I can grow as a writer. But I know they probably won't be as blunt with me as they would with a male author.


Pookie

 

[Guest]

Ditto......

Agree with most everything I've read here. I will always send feedback, indicating what I did like...AND what I thought could be improved upon........IF I could finish the story. There are a few I couldn't get through, and in fairness since I couldn't finish the story for one reason or another, whatever feedback in that case (usually negative) I don't feel is fair for me to comment on as I may have only read a few paragraphs.

I figure the more hardy tough it out types can deliver the full body slam on those.

I remain,

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Pookie--You got 30 responses in one day? That's probably close to the total I've received since I've been on Lit! Maybe I should change my Av?

And EnglishLady, you should know that I hardly ever rate stories. I just am not able to apply a 1 to 5 score to a story. I agonize over it, I repproach myself, I second guess. I take it way too seriously.

The fact is that I have a hard time reading erotica anymore. I don't want to sound as if I think I'm superior because I don't, but most of it bores me or just tries my patience, my own stuff included.

I do make an effort to return feedback to anyone who specifically requests it, and it's almost invariably a litany of what I think is weak in the story. I'm very parsimonious with praise. Something really has to be good before I'll say it's good. I tend to be especially nasty to authors who I feel are actually fishing for praise or who tell me beforehand how popular their writing is. It just pisses me off.

---dr.M.

 

[Just-Legal]

Hmmm

I feel like an oddity now!

Most of my feedback is from women, but then again its mostly about Seducing Severus so that makes sense...

*g*

*runs to write more*

 

[English Lady]

Dr M..I knew that, I wasjust hoping my eyelashes fluttering might ease the agony

Actually the 1-5 score doesn't leave much room to maneouvre really does it? but again I guess thats another whole different thread*L*


It's like with everything, too much of one thing can become boring. When you read erotica, write erotics, post on bulletin boards about erotica, at some point you're going to get a little fedup with it. I don't think the apathy would last though. this place gets into your system!

 

[OT]

If I'm in a feedback-giving mood, I force myself to read first, then notice the author. Once I see the author, I can't help but be a bit biased - human nature I think.

Knowing the author, or about the author, doesn't make me like the piece any more or less. It tends to shade the tone of the feedback, of if I was on the fence about whether to send or not, push me one way or the other.

It's difficult to separate content from the mechanics. I tend to notice age more than gender. It feels "wrong" to talk to a 22 yr old, about their erotic writings.

Since I've been actively writing, I've been hanging more on the poetry side, and much of the stuff there is non-erotic, so it's easier to give feedback to one and all.

 

[TheEarl]

I never see the author really. Even if I did, it's debatable whether I'd notice whether they were a man or a woman (unless their name was BigManJim or HotWoman. That kinda gives it away).

The Earl

 

[wildsweetone]

Does anyone else have this bias? How much feedback do men and women authors typically receive here? Is it equally from men and women, or is there a sexual bias in who writes you back?

I've found that giving feedback hurts me more than the author I'm giving it too, and that's not a bad thing I guess. I try to temper my suggestions and I definately let the author know that I'm not a professional. just an amateur and still learning.

I do treat authors I am editor for, equally. It's the story I'm commenting on, not the author.

I receive what I would consider a fair bit of voluntary feedback. And yes, I'd say it was close to a similar amount from both sexes.

I do have something that 'bugs' me though. Once every couple of weeks I receive emails from male readers who tell me all about themselves. At least half of those also include with their most informative letters, a story they themselves have written and want my comments on. These are people I don't know, and don't particularly have time to spare getting to know... It bugs me because well, I don't send out stories to people I don't know and then sit in expectation of receiving detailed feedback, so why do others do this to me? Does it happen to anyone else?

Oh the other thing I have happen, is that yes male readers in particular, read one of my stories then rush to add me to their msn messenger friends list (without asking) and then for some strange reason expect me to be the person in my stories. So much for fiction... *sigh*

 

[Guest]

Wildsweetone......

Gasping...........

To quote:

Oh the other thing I have happen, is that yes male readers in particular, read one of my stories then rush to add me to their msn messenger friends list (without asking) and then for some strange reason expect me to be the person in my stories. So much for fiction... *sigh*

You mean to say you're NOT? Oh no........rushing off to remove you from my MSN messenger list. Wait.....I don't have one.

Adding you to my Yahoo Messenger list. <wink>

I remain,

 

[Pookie]

Pookie--You got 30 responses in one day? That's probably close to the total I've received since I've been on Lit! Maybe I should change my Av?

---dr.M. [/B]

I didn't mean to mislead ... I have gotten 30 in one day from posting to several sites at the same time. I haven't gotten 30 in a day from Lit. though. Maybe 10 in a day from Lit would be the most ever.

Pookie

 

[Guest]

Re: Wildsweetone......

Gasping..........
You mean to say you're NOT? Oh no........rushing off to remove you from my MSN messenger list. Wait.....I don't have one.
Adding you to my Yahoo Messenger list. <wink>
I remain,

Well, it looks like Thesandman's back!

 

[Guest]

. . .I do have something that 'bugs' me though. Once every couple of weeks I receive emails from male readers who tell me all about themselves. At least half of those also include with their most informative letters, a story they themselves have written and want my comments on. These are people I don't know, and don't particularly have time to spare getting to know... It bugs me because well, I don't send out stories to people I don't know and then sit in expectation of receiving detailed feedback, so why do others do this to me? Does it happen to anyone else?

Yes - to me too. I quickly peruse and then delete the stories they send. What do they want us to say? I will not edit someone else's stuff, God knows I have enough of my own to worry about. I usually say - looks good - you should submit!

Originally posted by wildsweetone
Oh the other thing I have happen, is that yes male readers in particular, read one of my stories then rush to add me to their msn messenger friends list (without asking) and then for some strange reason expect me to be the person in my stories. So much for fiction... *sigh*

Yes - laughing. That happens to me, too. This one man kept writing back to me with comments like, "I notice in your stories the women get really turned on by being spanked - why do you enjoy being spanked so much?" And "is it your experience that a virgin guy can be so good with oral sex?" And "I read that Elise and Jenny had incredible orgasms from anal sex - when did you first find out you enjoyed that kind of sex?" (Okay - now that one does hit closer to home - LOL) But still!

I finally had to say - well, in these STORIES that is what the characters enjoy.

Although, a very wise person once told me I must be making the story realistic and 'alive' for the person reading it - so perhaps, wildsweetone, it is a good thing?

I do love receiving feedback - I'm so glad that is an option for authors here. So, I'll just beam with pride at the terrific comments and giggle about the confused meanderings!

 

[Guest]

Good God!

I hope I never did that to anyone! And If I did...I should be taken outside and spanked.

Please?

I remain,

 

[Guest]

Re: Good God!

I hope I never did that to anyone! And If I did...I should be taken outside and spanked.

Please?

I remain,

Oh, don't get me started . . .

 

[wildsweetone]

Gidday Sandyman, nice to see you again Spanked eh, sounds like much promising fun for the future

sweetsubsarahh, maybe it's latent tendencies maybe i really would enjoy being tied to a bed and licked and ..... oops, where was i?

 

[Guest]

. . . sweetsubsarahh, maybe it's latent tendencies maybe i really would enjoy being tied to a bed and licked and ..... oops, where was i?

*giggles*