Compliments

[Madame Pandora]

Okay…I had a Southern grandma, so maybe it’s just ingrained in me…but I have A LOT of trouble responding to gushing complimentary feedback. I have to write and REWRITE letters responding to this kind of feedback because I honestly don’t know what to say. I want to sound gracious, but not egotistical…flattered but not bubble-headed. It is such a fine line.

Also...you know, I don't want to encourage a psycho, but I don't want to discourage someone who might be interesting conversation.

I WELCOME the letters that have something constructive or negative because then I can fall back on clichés like “What an interesting point – I never considered that. Thank you for your unique perspective,” etc.

I feel like a heel when I get a really glowing letter and respond with a regular “Thanks.”

Is it hubris? False modesty? What is the instinct that makes it easier to take criticism than praise?

Okay…sorry to rant. Any of the rest of you have this problem?

I have a few feedback emails sitting in my box that I just can’t figure out how to respond to without sounding like an arrogant ass or a blushing schoolgirl.

Maybe I should tell them to read a few of my posts...lol…that would get rid of a few of the most ardent admirers, don’tcha think?

If any of you guys have this skill down pat, I think you should write a “How To” called “How To Take A Compliment.”

MP

 

[KillerMuffin]

Okay, it sounds harsh, but a form email is required for this. They are easy to do. Firstly, thank them for taking the time to write to you, that means alot. Then thank them, or mention that you are happy/glad/excited that they enjoyed your story. With the advent of anonymous feedback and the don't press reply button, I put the name of the story in the subject line. Okay, now give them a tidbit about the story itself that relates to whatever they might have mentioned the liked about it. Tell them something about it, how hard or easy it was to write, how you came up with a character name, what inspired it, etcetera. This way you connect with them on a human level rather than a demi-god to miserable worm level. It also shows them that you really do appreciate them, you aren't paying them lip service, and you are glad they wrote to you. Or you can tell them a bit about the story you are working on or when you think it might be posted. Then once again thank them very much for taking the time to write you.

Okay, to summarize:

1: Thank them for taking their valuable time to write to you.
2: Let them know you are glad they enjoyed your story.
3: Share something personal about the story with them.
4: Thank them again for taking the time to write.

See? It's easy, it tailors to every situation, and you can actually write more than three words and not feel like an overbloated ego.

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for letting me know how you liked Pastorale! I'm glad you wrote, it makes me feel good to know that people like what I write. I never actually had an experience in a church with a pastor like you did, my pastor, when I did go to church, was rather old and had a nose that resembled a cauliflower. This story was written for an online friend of mine who is a pastor in Canada. Thanks again for writing, we authors appreciate all the feedback we can get!

Muffin

See? Easy and you can skip the whole compliment thing.

 

[vgrey]

These are the problems that you want to have!

A simple and sincere "thankyou" still works just fine for most situations. If they don't address anything specific then there's no need for you to do so.

And you're wrong about your posts MP, (at least the ones about freedom in fantasy) I read your stories only after seeing the eloquence with which you defend artistic freedom and the 1st ammendment.

VG

 

[cymbidia]

...and from the viewpoint of one offering that complimentary feedback...

I tend to balance on a rather precarious edge with respect to offering feedback. If i offer but simple praise for a praiseworthy story, am i selfishly grabbing bits of the author's valuable time and offering nothing of substance in return? Should i refrain from offering that simple praise unless i have a criticism in trade, either constructive or not? Perhaps i should always send my simple compliments off anonymously, thus allowing the author to take them at face-value, no reply possible or desirable?

I've done both. I've signed my name to simple "good work, loved the story, you got it all just right" sorts of email and i've sent completely anonymous email that said the same thing. I remain confused about what's right, what's good, what's desirable. I certainly don't intend to intrude or to cause any consternation to the recipient about a reply.

Mostly, lately, i've just read stories and voted, not sending any kind of feedback at all. Perhaps, as Bambi's friend Flower put it (and i'm paraphrasing liberally), if i don't have anything substantive to say, i shouldn't say anything at all.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I respond to almost every piece of feedback I get that has a return address attached, I think that it's the least I can do since they did not only read my story, but went out of their way to comment on it. I appreciate every bit of mail that I get, well, except for the ones that make me mad or make me afraid.

 

[Cockatoo]

The List

No doubt, KM is right on track here. The only thing I add to her strategy is that I tell them I've just started keeping a list of addresses of the people who've written to me like that, and I'll be sending out a gang-email to everybody whenever I post something new, with a rough guess as to when the next time will be. You know, to give a little something extra for the fans who make it all so worthwhile. Of course, I also promise to take them off the list if they don't want to be there.

I just read that again. Please note that this is only a nice thing to do if you actually DO it, not just say you will. Okay, bedtime now.

 

[Ulyssa]

"Please tell me that was just a hotflash!" Joan of Arc

Well I suppose I'm not as lucky as some of you. My work generates both a significant amount of hate mail and one-voters. I've seriously considered dumping the anonymous feedback--but then I realize that these morons make me appreciate the valid criticisms that occasionally drop in.

Thank you's get easier w/ time. BTW KillerMuffin that's a very effective form letter.

If I reply I make it fairly personal--what the hell, it's all made up anyway: "On my last trip to Madrid for the November 2000 Buddy Holly-John Lennon-Elvis Heavenly Reunion Concert, I got this idea while watching two lovers, a dalmation and a rifleman making out on a grassy knoll."

That sounds so much more exotic than: "Couldn't sleep. Decided to write."