Complete 180 from pyl to PYL?

[DVS]

This might have a thread already devoted to it, but...
Do you think a pyl can do a major change and become a PYL literally overnight, or, go the other way, for that matter? The reason I'm bringing this up is a friend (or rather former friend) on Fetlife has drastically changed her profile to show herself as a female Top. She has even removed some of her fetishes that showed her as a submissive female and added some more Top related fetishes such as CBT and others like it.

I'm wondering if she has just gone over the edge, because she seems to be a very volatile personality who never backs down from her opinion. There's nothing wrong with that, but she is always quick with her opinion. She's even been banned from a few threads there, because she is so...opinionated.

Maybe she's just now realized that she's actually a Top and it now goes better with her personality. But, I'm also wondering if she has just decided to hate the world or her little part of it and take it out on men.

I don't know her other than a few messages back and forth, and she has deleted all but 6 of her friends pics, mine included. Basically, she seems filled with hate for some reason, but I could be completely mistaken on that, too. She stopped replying to my messages about a month ago, but only a few days ago, this change occurred.

Anyway, just wondering if anybody has ever heard of someone making a 180 degree switch in sexual preference, in such a short amount of time. From what I see in her profile, she's still a heterosexual.

 

[infinity706]

I wouldn't be surprised. Being a Pyl/pyl is extremely variable and can even vary from relationship to relationship or even go back and forth if we're talking about people that enjoy both sides of the coin.

 

[FloggingMolly]

I've done the switch from PYL to pyl, but over the space of nearly 3 years

 

[satindesire]

Unless she was really a switch at heart, then I can't see her turning 180 so suddenly unless she's just lashing out due to some hurt and it's really not genuine.

Often, our personalities are strongly tied to our positions in BDSM, and a really super-Dominant person isn't going to suddenly turn into a super-submissive one over one evening.

 

[DVS]

Yes, I could understand it if she's actually a switch and now the PYL just seems to be coming out more. That would make more sense to me than her doing a complete 180 like it seems she has.

I know other switches that are either PYL or pyl, depending on who they are with. But this isn't like that. She's now saying she's a Top and just a Top after being a bottom for as long as she's been into the lifestyle.

I guess I'll just wait to see what happens. She has one of those unique personalities. Who knows...she might switch to something else in a couple of weeks. Maybe she's just testing the waters, so to speak.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Wife #3 was a bottom/submissive/masochist-in-training and heterosexual when we met, and while we were married. However, she developed an interest in bisexuality during that time, especially after several scenes wherein they were either bound together or standing together being played...

Now, some six years after we split, she identifies as bisexual switch, with an emphasis on Topping, and has a "trainee" she's working with. I'm not surprised.

 

[DVS]

Unless she was really a switch at heart, then I can't see her turning 180 so suddenly unless she's just lashing out due to some hurt and it's really not genuine.

Often, our personalities are strongly tied to our positions in BDSM, and a really super-Dominant person isn't going to suddenly turn into a super-submissive one over one evening.

It might very well be related to some form of hurt. Like I've said, she's very opinionated, and because of that, I'm sure she also feels bashed and misunderstood pretty often.

She's been banned from several groups on Fetlife and wears that like a badge of honor. Still, it has to be difficult, living life like that. Maybe she has undiagnosed bipolar disorder or something similar.

 

[DVS]

Wife #3 was a bottom/submissive/masochist-in-training and heterosexual when we met, and while we were married. However, she developed an interest in bisexuality during that time, especially after several scenes wherein they were either bound together or standing together being played...

Now, some six years after we split, she identifies as bisexual switch, with an emphasis on Topping, and has a "trainee" she's working with. I'm not surprised.

Shit, you almost need a road map to understand all of that!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Shit, you almost need a road map to understand all of that!

Nahhhh... just read one phrase at a time, absorb it, then move on to the next.

 

[DVS]

Nahhhh... just read one phrase at a time, absorb it, then move on to the next.

Easy for you to say!

 

[wicked woman]

It may not have been as over night as it appears. She may have been working on the change privately for a while, but only just now announced it to the world.

Just another possibility.

 

[DVS]

It may not have been as over night as it appears. She may have been working on the change privately for a while, but only just now announced it to the world.

Just another possibility.

Yes, that's possible, but personally, I don't think it was much longer than a month or a little more. We were going to "get together" for a time, and we were um...negotiating. She was quite skittish about who she got together with. I had no problem with that, except she never seemed to be at ease with anything we decided.

As we were in the midst of striking a bargain, she said she was ready to exchange pictures. She wanted me to send mine first, which I did. She gave me the email address and I sent my picture. But, she said she didn't get it. So, I sent it again.

That time, she said she always deleted her spam folder, first thing and that my emails might have been in that folder. Well, I sent the picture again and told her it wasn't necessary to delete the spam folder as it takes care of itself. She said she didn't delete it, but still didn't get the email.

None of the emails I sent were bouncing back to me, so I could only assume someone was getting them. I knew something was wrong, so, I suggested she send her picture to me, then I would be sure of the email address to send my email to. That's when she got defensive and accused me of not wanting to send my picture to her.

Of course, I had been sending it, but either she wasn't getting it and someone else was, or she was getting it and didn't like my looks. I was just trying to find out what her email address was and she seemed to assume I was just wanting her picture for some unsavory use. Once I realised she was really concerned about sending her picture first, I suggested she just send me an email, so I could at least verify her email address. By that time, she was dead set against most anything I suggested. Negotiations went downhill quickly, and I just decided to move on. She was just too defensive about her picture, for some reason.

About a week later, I noticed a communication on her "wall" she had been having with someone where she mentioned her picture had been miss used by someone and she was very concerned about it happening again. I figured that must have had a lot to do with why she was acting the way she was, when I was sending my picture to her. It didn't clear up why she wasn't getting my emails, but it did clear up why she got defensive.

It's been about a month now, and she just recently made the changes to her profile from pyl to PYL. And in her new profile text, she does mention that her picture has been miss used more than once and although she was willing to exchange pictures, she would have to be sure she knew who she was sending it to before that would happen.

I don't think the picture issue had anything to do with why she switched to PYL on her profile, but I just thought it was strange how she seemed to change so quickly. If she was thinking about being a PYL at the time we were talking, it sure didn't seem that way to me. And I wouldn't have had any reason to connect with another PYL, because I'm a PYL. It would be useless for both of us.

Anyway, that's it in a nutshell. I just thought it was very strange how everything seemed to transpire as it did shortly after we stopped talking. I don't think I had anything to do with her change, but maybe the guy after me was somehow the final straw. Maybe she just decided her life as a pyl wasn't working and thought she'd give PYL a try. Hell, I don't know the answer. Color me confused!

 

[satindesire]

Hrn. I dunno, she sounds pretty fuckin' sketchy to me.

Are you sure she's not just a fake?

 

[DVS]

Hrn. I dunno, she sounds pretty fuckin' sketchy to me.

Are you sure she's not just a fake?

Anything is possible. I'm glad that I've moved on and that I didn't get mixed up in the whole mess. I was just trying to figure it out, but maybe that isn't going to be possible. Some people are just different.

 

[satindesire]

Anything is possible. I'm glad that I've moved on and that I didn't get mixed up in the whole mess. I was just trying to figure it out, but maybe that isn't going to be possible. Some people are just different.

Honestly, if there's one thing I've learned from being on the intertubez for this long, it's this: If a person has THAT much drama going on and you haven't even met, it's just not worth the blood pressure.

 

[BiBunny]

Hrn. I dunno, she sounds pretty fuckin' sketchy to me.

Are you sure she's not just a fake?

My money's on psycho, rather than fake, but you could be on to something.

 

[DVS]

My money's on psycho, rather than fake, but you could be on to something.

Actually, I was kind of leaning towards psycho, too. This is a local person and she has local friends so I don't think she's a fake. Although, I could be wrong.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hrn. I dunno, she sounds pretty fuckin' sketchy to me.

Are you sure she's not just a fake?

A fake what?

 

[satindesire]

A fake what?

A fake person.

Someone who says things online they don't mean. Fake.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A fake person.

Someone who says things online they don't mean. Fake.

Oh, definitely that.

 

[satindesire]

Oh, definitely that.

What did you think I meant?

 

[Essene]

My money's on psycho, rather than fake, but you could be on to something.

*nod*

As my father would say "sounds like a personal problem." I don't think it's a BDSM "thing". -I think it's an issue all her very own.

Actually, I was kind of leaning towards psycho, too. This is a local person and she has local friends so I don't think she's a fake. Although, I could be wrong.

Seems like it could be any number of things previously mentioned. If she's going to randomly de-friend you and not tell you why, I'd say move on, she's not worth the worry...but that's just me. If you're feeling self-conscious, you can send me your pic. I promise to say something nice. But what the hell do I know? According to Myers-Briggs I'm an ESTJ...controlling and void of real emotion.

A fake person.

Someone who says things online they don't mean. Fake.

I got you. I got you.

 

[DVS]

*nod*

As my father would say "sounds like a personal problem." I don't think it's a BDSM "thing". -I think it's an issue all her very own.



Seems like it could be any number of things previously mentioned. If she's going to randomly de-friend you and not tell you why, I'd say move on, she's not worth the worry...but that's just me. If you're feeling self-conscious, you can send me your pic. I promise to say something nice. But what the hell do I know? According to Myers-Briggs I'm an ESTJ...controlling and void of real emotion.

I got you. I got you.

Oh, I moved on...I have no problem doing that. As for randomly de-friending people, I think she did this to a number of people, not just me. I don't take that personally, at all. I think she has her own internal issues and I'm quite satisfied with her taking the initiative to sever any ties with me, before I could get any deeper.

She saw my profile and broke the ice. She did mention that she was strongly opinionated, when she first messaged me. Maybe I should have read more into that...who knows. Hind sight can be a great teacher. Worry? No, I'm not worried about this, just trying to understand it.

As to me sending you a pic to get your opinion...thanks, but I'm perfectly fine with how I look. I can't change that I look like Clint Eastwood in his Dirty Harry days. It's just something I've learned to deal with.

 

[praefect]

There was a pyl boy I once knew. A very kind hearted, sweet, vulnerable young man. And he got taken advantage of. Was hurt badly. He was unable to submit anymore after that. It was still something he craved, but it brought up so much pain he just couldn't do it anymore.

So, in order to still be a part of the "lifestyle" he became a PYL instead. It didn't last long, which was probably a very good thing. I think he was running away from himself, afraid of being taken advantage of again, trying to prevent it from happening again, but that never works. You can run, but you can't hide, because no matter where you run, you are still always there, too.

 

[Netzach]

Flaky people will do things like this in a flaky way, non-flaky people can still do it in a less flaky way.

I was pretty avid about pain bottoming when I got in the scene and liked to casually bottom to girlfriends of mine on the odd weekend - that pretty much ended when I met M - my focus changed to the point where there wasn't much switching to discuss. Getting sick reinforced my disinterest in most pain-based bottoming. There really is no thrill for me in being held down and done stingy things to unless T is doing it (and he doesn't often.)

My flexibility with T is so person-specific that I don't feel the switch label really works any longer for me. Unless you're him, I'm not bottoming to you, point is moot really.

I wouldn't assume that someone's about hating men or lashing out in this adjustment - but it's not impossible that you're right and that's exactly what it is. There's no really good way to know. Men were pretty irrelevant to my own decision as I rarely bottomed to any in the first place.