Communication

[MeekMe]

We all know communication in a BDSM relationship is necessary. We know about safe words, lists of do's and don'ts, and just plain talking.

I've read of a dom making his sub keep a diary that he would read. It couldn't be written with him in mind, it had to be as if she were only writing for herself. He would then read it and get a little more insight into how she felt about their scenes (and I assume life?). Not only did he get a special kind of insight, but it also took a bit more control from her by just being able to see something as private as a diary.

What are some ways you like to communicate in your relationships or with your play partners?

 

[shy slave]

We all know communication in a BDSM relationship is necessary. We know about safe words, lists of do's and don'ts, and just plain talking.

I've read of a dom making his sub keep a diary that he would read. It couldn't be written with him in mind, it had to be as if she were only writing for herself. He would then read it and get a little more insight into how she felt about their scenes (and I assume life?). Not only did he get a special kind of insight, but it also took a bit more control from her by just being able to see something as private as a diary.

What are some ways you like to communicate in your relationships or with your play partners?

I have done the diary thing in the distant past.

It worked well up to a point, but it was an intense LDR so it was another way to keep communication, inbetween the times we saw each other, about things we may not want overheard on a telephone line.

After a while it did become a tedious chore though and I opted out.

 

[desertslave]

I kept an email diary, of sorts, when we were LDR, as the OP described. After he moved in with me it seemed unnecessary. These days we will send each other appealing pix or links to stories when the spirit moves us. The rest of the time, we just....talk.

 

[KoPilot]

Yeah, we just talk.

If my thoughts are particularly complex, like things pertaining to gender/sexuality, then that's what my blog is for. I just link him to the important stuff I write there.

If I'm having a panic moment, and even if I'm right there next to him, I grab a pen and paper and write.

 

[desertslave]

Yeah, we just talk.

If my thoughts are particularly complex, like things pertaining to gender/sexuality, then that's what my blog is for. I just link him to the important stuff I write there.

If I'm having a panic moment, and even if I'm right there next to him, I grab a pen and paper and write.

I do still do that, at times when I know an in person conversation will mess me up and I'm struggling to get something said (ADD....squirrel!)

Just thinking about a bigger picture, I prefer writing to talking in almost any sort or core dump or critical information situation. I just wrote an email to my best friend about a troubling family illness. I could have easily called her, but I wanted to be sure I conveyed all the info she needed without getting upset or sidetracked. More often than not, I probably type better than I talk.

 

[MeekMe]

We have been talking, but my words get all jumbled if I try to say what I want. Writing is ok, but I think I'm not good at doing that either. Often times I end up showing him links to blogs and articles because they always say it better than me. I can elaborate on what someone else has put into words.

 

[shy slave]

We have been talking, but my words get all jumbled if I try to say what I want. Writing is ok, but I think I'm not good at doing that either. Often times I end up showing him links to blogs and articles because they always say it better than me. I can elaborate on what someone else has put into words.

If he is happy with you doing that then that's great.

Has he asked for information in your own words?

I am curious is it a confidence thing that makes your words jumbled? A worry that you may not say it exactly as it sounds in your head? If it is, perhaps trying creative writing may help with the flow of words from your mind to the pen.

I can understand why you would show him other material as a start point and then elaborate, I started off in all this finding it very difficult to explain what I had in my head (hence the name shy). I worried I would be seen as too extreme, or not extreme enough, or too weird, or not weird enough; plus my own thoughts embarrassed me. A decade on I am over it, but fictional writing helped. Now I say what is on my mind and that works well enough.

My ex once asked me how I would feel if, instead of telling me his ideas, thoughts, desires as a Dominant; he gave me articles to read. That made me realise he wanted my thoughts, no matter how awkward it was to say things. I didn't want to read how he saw Domination, I wanted to hear it from him. His voice, his emphasis, his inflections.

I think he took perverse pleasure in my awkwardness Now I speak up about my interests and my desires, it is much more simple; although a part of me misses the naive awkwardness, that once gone, is gone.

On an aside, I am so over that awkward phase I rarely drink but after one too many told the MD of the company and a director of my interests and why 50 shades is rubbish - ho hum. Luckily they took it well lol

 

[Lrn_The_Ropes]

Kitten and I use verbal, but I'm also really good at reading her non-verbal clues. I do know that he is keeping a Diary. I have scanned it but not read it page for page. During the day we send text and pics to each other as a way of keeping in touch.

 

[MeekMe]

If he is happy with you doing that then that's great.

Has he asked for information in your own words?

I am curious is it a confidence thing that makes your words jumbled? A worry that you may not say it exactly as it sounds in your head? If it is, perhaps trying creative writing may help with the flow of words from your mind to the pen.

I can understand why you would show him other material as a start point and then elaborate, I started off in all this finding it very difficult to explain what I had in my head (hence the name shy). I worried I would be seen as too extreme, or not extreme enough, or too weird, or not weird enough; plus my own thoughts embarrassed me. A decade on I am over it, but fictional writing helped. Now I say what is on my mind and that works well enough.

My ex once asked me how I would feel if, instead of telling me his ideas, thoughts, desires as a Dominant; he gave me articles to read. That made me realise he wanted my thoughts, no matter how awkward it was to say things. I didn't want to read how he saw Domination, I wanted to hear it from him. His voice, his emphasis, his inflections.

I think he took perverse pleasure in my awkwardness Now I speak up about my interests and my desires, it is much more simple; although a part of me misses the naive awkwardness, that once gone, is gone.

On an aside, I am so over that awkward phase I rarely drink but after one too many told the MD of the company and a director of my interests and why 50 shades is rubbish - ho hum. Luckily they took it well lol

^_^ Thank you, creative writing is a good thought, but I'm terrible at forming the ideas into words. Mister definitely uses my awkward, shy personality to his advantage. Perhaps you're right about explaining in my own words as opposed to using something someone else has written. Unfortunately, we are both inexperienced so the articles serve a more educational purpose. I will try writing a bit for now.

 

[Ahlam]

I don't know about you, but sometimes when I'm having new or intense experiences, it takes me a while to generate an adequate vocabulary for them. Sometimes it takes some time to get your thoughts in order and immediate feedback isn't possible. I have to mull things over sometimes a long while before I am able to discuss them. I've found writing to be useful, but only useful as a tool for me to make sense of what I am thinking so that I can turn around and talk about it.