Communication.. Overrated?
- Thread starter Sandia
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Re: Communication Overated?
WOW that is so true. I have found that most of my problems could be avoided or made easier if I had just shut up!
Discuss what is really important and the Trivia that you can't change, prevent or make better leave alone.
Maddi
WOW that is so true. I have found that most of my problems could be avoided or made easier if I had just shut up!
Discuss what is really important and the Trivia that you can't change, prevent or make better leave alone.
Maddi
Desdemona
Ellie Mae's evil auntie
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Sandia, I have to agree with you. We don't have to vocalize every bit of nonesense that pops into our heads. Besides that, there are always things that are better left unsaid.... or left until emotions have cooled and you can discuss things in a reasonable fashion.
The times I try and keep my mouth shut include:
* When I'm tempted to say something in retaliation during an argument and my only goal is to hurt the other person.
* When the only outcome of sharing the information is to cause pain to the other person while making me feel better in some way. (a hypothetical example: lets say 10 years ago, I had an extra-marital affair. This affair has been over for years. I still feel guilty. I want to get it off my chest and tell my partner. It serves no useful purpose to tell the partner about a long ended affair just to relieve guilt. Especially since it will hurt the partner).
*When I'm tempted to give unsolicited advice to a friend.
*When saying something is a form of manipulation. (example: Lets say I don't like a friend's partner. I would really like to see them break up. I suspect that partner is cheating. I share those suspicions in an attempt to manipulate the friend into taking action. other example.... topping from the bottom with a Dom.)
*When an argument is occurring that doesn't involve me or is none of my business. I try to stay out of it even if I have strong opinions.
*When it is obvious to me that the other person needs to talk. I will try and keep my mouth shut except to encourage the other person to open up. Sometimes listening is the best form of communication.
These are just my personal opinions and guidelines for keeping my mouth shut. I probably could think of others if I tried. Your guidelines may be quite different.
The times I try and keep my mouth shut include:
* When I'm tempted to say something in retaliation during an argument and my only goal is to hurt the other person.
* When the only outcome of sharing the information is to cause pain to the other person while making me feel better in some way. (a hypothetical example: lets say 10 years ago, I had an extra-marital affair. This affair has been over for years. I still feel guilty. I want to get it off my chest and tell my partner. It serves no useful purpose to tell the partner about a long ended affair just to relieve guilt. Especially since it will hurt the partner).
*When I'm tempted to give unsolicited advice to a friend.
*When saying something is a form of manipulation. (example: Lets say I don't like a friend's partner. I would really like to see them break up. I suspect that partner is cheating. I share those suspicions in an attempt to manipulate the friend into taking action. other example.... topping from the bottom with a Dom.)
*When an argument is occurring that doesn't involve me or is none of my business. I try to stay out of it even if I have strong opinions.
*When it is obvious to me that the other person needs to talk. I will try and keep my mouth shut except to encourage the other person to open up. Sometimes listening is the best form of communication.
These are just my personal opinions and guidelines for keeping my mouth shut. I probably could think of others if I tried. Your guidelines may be quite different.
A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
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Sandia said:
Boy Howdy, Tex..... you have a way of cutting to the chase. So right you are.
A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
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Re: Re: Communication.. Overrated?
Or what you read, Richard. Good point.
Might I add, as evidenced by all the thread hijackings and all those who keep bumping up unpleasant threads, too many people have to have the last word, because Lord knows, that person's last word is going to make all the difference. ~rolling my eyes~
Richard49 said:
Or what you read, Richard. Good point.
Might I add, as evidenced by all the thread hijackings and all those who keep bumping up unpleasant threads, too many people have to have the last word, because Lord knows, that person's last word is going to make all the difference. ~rolling my eyes~
Ebonyfire
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It is a matter of opinion, I think
Men and women have different ways of communicating (in general). In general, women use language to think out loud, and men use language to convey information & to solve problems (as they perceive them).
So I think that it is more important to listen to what is said to find out the purpose of the communication, rather than assume that the person needs to shut up.
It is a matter of verbal styles.
Another thing, it can become really easy to discount what others have to say by telling them to shut up.
Ebony <Just my opinion, YMMV>
Men and women have different ways of communicating (in general). In general, women use language to think out loud, and men use language to convey information & to solve problems (as they perceive them).
So I think that it is more important to listen to what is said to find out the purpose of the communication, rather than assume that the person needs to shut up.
It is a matter of verbal styles.
Another thing, it can become really easy to discount what others have to say by telling them to shut up.
Ebony <Just my opinion, YMMV>
Desdemona
Ellie Mae's evil auntie
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Re: It is a matter of opinion, I think
Eb, While I agree with everything you said, I had to emphasise this one point. That has got to be the understatement of the year! (besides which, it seems like a way to guarantee pissing somebody off).
Cellis, I don't have the market cornered on listening skills. You have demonstrated your expertise more than once.
Art, thanks for the validation. I have noticed that is your style.
Ebonyfire said:
Eb, While I agree with everything you said, I had to emphasise this one point. That has got to be the understatement of the year! (besides which, it seems like a way to guarantee pissing somebody off).
Cellis, I don't have the market cornered on listening skills. You have demonstrated your expertise more than once.
Art, thanks for the validation. I have noticed that is your style.
artful
*His eyes as an Eagle's*
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des
"Style",...Hmmm,...I have in my life been accused of many things,...style was never one of them. Yes,...I can see where one might think that.
All my life, I have searched for the good in people. Not necessarily overlooking the negative, or nasty side, but truly looking deep to find that which is worthy in my eyes, and respond to it.
cymbidia and Lance both, have caused me to look deep, and when I did, I found much good in their hearts. It is rather more difficult to do that, with only text to work with, but it can be done.
Some people,...like, (Desdemona, Angelofsex, and others), are splashed throughout their being with goodness, and I don't have to go far to find it. Does this mean des and angel don't have fury to unleash? No,...I have seen them both pissed. It happens to us all.
Anyway,...the purpose of this post, is a word excercise in itself, to communicate who Art really is, and I can't do that by "shutting up", (even though there may be those who wish I would).-LOL
I do like to validate that, which I see and agree with, and sometimes I err by keeping my mouth shut. Like Sandia said though, sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut, and that indeed, is a form of true communication.
Desdemona said:
"Style",...Hmmm,...I have in my life been accused of many things,...style was never one of them. Yes,...I can see where one might think that.
All my life, I have searched for the good in people. Not necessarily overlooking the negative, or nasty side, but truly looking deep to find that which is worthy in my eyes, and respond to it.
cymbidia and Lance both, have caused me to look deep, and when I did, I found much good in their hearts. It is rather more difficult to do that, with only text to work with, but it can be done.
Some people,...like, (Desdemona, Angelofsex, and others), are splashed throughout their being with goodness, and I don't have to go far to find it. Does this mean des and angel don't have fury to unleash? No,...I have seen them both pissed. It happens to us all.
Anyway,...the purpose of this post, is a word excercise in itself, to communicate who Art really is, and I can't do that by "shutting up", (even though there may be those who wish I would).-LOL
I do like to validate that, which I see and agree with, and sometimes I err by keeping my mouth shut. Like Sandia said though, sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut, and that indeed, is a form of true communication.
Goddess Helena
Really Really Experienced
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Nothing for me to add...
I think I agree with everyone who has posted above me.
Helena
I think I agree with everyone who has posted above me.
Helena
skye in silk
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What i have found makes great communication is the skill to adapt to the other party. What i would say to one person, is not necessarily how i would approach another. if you truly want to commune with person, and not just cause argumentation, then don't always say what you are feeling, but phrase it in a way the other person understands.
statements like.."this is how i interrpreted what you said, please tell me if i am wrong" go a long way to getting what the real answers are.
Just my 2 cents.
Skye
statements like.."this is how i interrpreted what you said, please tell me if i am wrong" go a long way to getting what the real answers are.
Just my 2 cents.
Skye
artful
*His eyes as an Eagle's*
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Silk,...
I agree,...and would add also,...whether it be silence, body language, text, or verbal, communication, it is not overrated, just sometimes misunderstood or misstated.
skye in silk said:
statements like.."this is how i interrpreted what you said, please tell me if i am wrong" go a long way to getting what the real answers are.
Just my 2 cents.
I agree,...and would add also,...whether it be silence, body language, text, or verbal, communication, it is not overrated, just sometimes misunderstood or misstated.
lovetoread
hello daddy
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Sometimes there can be too much communication,in my opinion.
Tis my belief that every thing does not need to be talked about.
Every emotion does not need to be explained.
Every detail need not be re hashed.
But then again,I hate "deep" talks and have been told I am so un womanly because of that.
Tis my belief that every thing does not need to be talked about.
Every emotion does not need to be explained.
Every detail need not be re hashed.
But then again,I hate "deep" talks and have been told I am so un womanly because of that.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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Communication is very good in many respects, but if you discuss every quirk, every potential twist or turn in a relationship, it doesn't leave much room for spontaneouity (sp?).
Then, sometimes keeping your mouth shut is as productive or moreso, as blurting out what you feel.
Then, sometimes keeping your mouth shut is as productive or moreso, as blurting out what you feel.
artful
*His eyes as an Eagle's*
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LTR,...
Communication is a *connection* between two or more people, exchanging thoughts, ideas, perceptions, etc. When the *connection* is lost,...communication is lost.
If the oral delivery is "tuned out", if the text is "unread" or if either is "misinterpreted",... that is known as *miscommunication*. Repetitive and boring efforts at communicating, often lead to *miscommunication*.
lovetoread said:
Communication is a *connection* between two or more people, exchanging thoughts, ideas, perceptions, etc. When the *connection* is lost,...communication is lost.
If the oral delivery is "tuned out", if the text is "unread" or if either is "misinterpreted",... that is known as *miscommunication*. Repetitive and boring efforts at communicating, often lead to *miscommunication*.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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Miscommunication is potentially fatal to a relationship.
I find that it happens too often, on line, that the textual message is misinterprated, the on line behaviors are given motivation without communication and the relationship suffers.
I am learning to practice selective communication, especially in a public forum.
Honesty and freedom of speech can render one quite vulnerable!
I find that it happens too often, on line, that the textual message is misinterprated, the on line behaviors are given motivation without communication and the relationship suffers.
I am learning to practice selective communication, especially in a public forum.
Honesty and freedom of speech can render one quite vulnerable!
Sandia
Very Experienced
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There was a time, years ago, when I thought honest communication about one's feelings solved all problems. But I've come to feel like it's also valuable to know when to hold your tongue.
I'm not trying to diss communication here. I recognize it's value. It just seems like there's a time and a place to say things, and a time and a place to stay still.
I'm not trying to diss communication here. I recognize it's value. It just seems like there's a time and a place to say things, and a time and a place to stay still.
