Coming Out (advice)

[lonelysmile]

I'm an identified straight woman (as I mentioned in an earlier thread I started), but as of late, I've been finding myself more attracted to women. I've always been more emotionally attached, but I've been thinking more about women sexually than I ever did in the past. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea I could be bisexual or a lesbian. I've never had a sexual experience either way, but I just seem to be more attracted to women.
Here's where I need a little help... I'm very active in the GLBT community as a straight person and for the few years I've been involved, I've been very set on the notion that I'm a heterosexual woman. I'm going to be taking a high level position in a GLBT non-profit organization in my city and feel that it is hypocritical of me to remain closeted (if that's what I'm doing) while leading others to come out. At the same time, a public "coming out" is a terrifying thought. I don't even know how to bring up the subject with my close friends.
So I just wanted to know what your coming out was like... how did you know?... who did you tell first?... any advice at all would be much appreciated.
... and I've just realized how long my posts are lol Sorry... just feels good to finally be able to open up and throw my thoughts on the table for some feedback. Thanks.

 

[Xectxny19X]

Hey, don't worry about identifying as heterosexual w/in the glbt community. I'm pretty active with my own community as well and know some ladies who are still somewhat in the closet. What I admire most is that they will admit to this to someone and try and come out. Everyone has their own pace and comfort levels, so take your time. If you end up coming out not so confident or sure about yourself, you'll probably end up back in the closet and claiming the coming out situation a phase which is far more worse than being in the closet. This is my opinion and observation of others. *gives you a reassuring smile*

You can take little steps at first. Maybe wear some pride symbols whether it be rings or something on your bag. I started out w/ a ying-yang rainbow symbol on a messenger bag I carry around while teaching, I gradually got used to people w/in the community saying 'hi,' b/c they see a fellow sister or people asking if I knew what it means. *smirks* If someone asks me whether I was gay or not, I'd just say I'm attracted to girls and let my actions speak for themselves. I don't have a label for myself and probably won't look for one. I'm not into labels much. I think you may be the same way? I'm not sure.

I hope this has helped a bit. Goodluck okay and please do update me on how everything goes for you when you can. Take care.

 

[revolution724]

You know, I read your post at first and thought, That's a tough one. Then I read your other post where you said you were 19. Age does make a big difference. I think a lot of people will have a MUCH easier time understanding that you're young and still figuring things out than if you were in this position at 36.

You don't have to step up to a microphone and make a big public announcement all at once. What about picking one sympathetic friend and having a heart to heart? Or the next time that friend who likes to offer sex, say that you might let her? Or - is there a GLBT hotline in your city? Where I live, there's an anonymous number people can call (I have a friend who volunteers for it) and talk about stuff like this.

Personally? I kept an anonymous blog at the time and wrote something about it there, knowing a couple of friends of mine read the blog. Then I talked about it with those friends and joined a coming out group. But everybody goes about it in their own way, at their own pace, as Xectxny said. Good luck in starting the process.

 

[lonelysmile]

Thank you so much for the responses so far. You all have been so kind and helpful since I've joined... I appreciate it more than you know.

 

[cpicass0]

coming out

I sympathize. When I first came to terms with being a lesbian (I'd actually know for a very long time) I was about your age. In my desperation to be "normal", I coerced a lifelong male friend into having sex with me, thinking if I can't love this awesome guy there must be something wrong with me. Needless to say it didn't help my situation sitting there afterward with him telling him that I was gay. (Awkward to say the least)
I do have a point though, and it's this. He told me that he'd always thought I would come to that decision. Another close friend snickered at me and said "I was wondering when you were going to figure it out!"
Others still, went with me as my personal support group to gay and lesbian meetings.

Friends see a lot more than you think. They will surprise you with their ability to accept you as you are. Have faith in them.

Good luck to you and you may certinly PM or IM me if you need someone to talk to

 

[Xectxny19X]

Good luck to you and you may certinly PM or IM me if you need someone to talk to

This goes for me, too.
If you need to talk, just let me know.