Comedy thread

[Brandii]

I thought it might be fun to start a joke thread.
I found this one:
Sheila was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area, and noticed there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him,"Crazy as this sounds maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of her coma."
Bruce was sceptical, but they assured him, that they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined. no palse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room.
"What happened!" Bruce replied,"I guess she choked."

 

[snuffy187]

joke

Belly laughs. Good one.

 

[Brandii]

I couldn't resist: I love this one too.

Bruce came home late one night and Sheila says,"Where the hell have you been?"
He replies, "Ï was out getting a tatoo." "A tatoo?" she frowned. "What kind of a tatoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my dick," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in distain.
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick?" "Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money, three, I like how money feels in my hand and lastly; instead of going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn he was in, she poured him out onto the patio table. Then tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.
"Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
She paused for a minute, tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, l also bought it with the insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes, and said. "Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Herman, remember that blow job l promised you?"


He-he-he.

 

[snuffy187]

Sara Pipalini

SARA PIPALINI




Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by
St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is
granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring
a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He
reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No
sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men
in 6 months."