Come on, oldtimers, do your fekkin duty and give a virgin some feedback!

[CountGustaf]

This is my first attempt at erotica -- or as we say in Scandinavia, pornography. (It ceased to be a dirty word in the 1960s. In literature, as in film, it's simply a genre.)

This one is gay male. That's happenstance. I'm not gay, never have been and presumably never will be.

It's also non con, or at least reluctant. And historical, it takes place a hundred years ago, in 1913.

So even if gay male is not your thing, the story may have other virtues. And it's not too long, a 1pm, one-page-memo. Give it a shot and give me some feedback, please. Pretty please!

For my next number I'm thinking shagging my aunt in public: mature/incest/exhibit

http://www.literotica.com/s/hot-shower-7

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Wish my Swedish was as good as your English!

As a girly I am no expert on the gay male cat but this seems to perfectly tread the tightrope between non-consent and submission. I thought you pitched it very well and it was tightly written.

Couple of points; I don't mind at all but you use very UK English expressions - arse and wank - when the predominantly US readers would prefer 'ass' and 'jerk'

Picky points but, 'he smiled FROM behind his desk' and 'he scoffed AT x'. He scoffed means, 'he ate greedily'.

I enjoyed your story. Too many Gay Male posts here are, in my opinion, lacking in emotion, which you convey.

Looking forward to your next post.

PS to add. Who are you rudely calling an old-timer?

 

[PennLady]

Wish my Swedish was as good as your English!

As a girly I am no expert on the gay male cat but this seems to perfectly tread the tightrope between non-consent and submission. I thought you pitched it very well and it was tightly written.

I didn't read the whole story, but I will say it seemed to be going well and was well-written.

Couple of points; I don't mind at all but you use very UK English expressions - arse and wank - when the predominantly US readers would prefer 'ass' and 'jerk'

But most Europeans, to my knowledge, learn UK English, so "arse" and "wank" are perfectly in keeping with the story. I think with all the British TV that is so popular, these words aren't as noticeable as they used to be.

Picky points but, 'he smiled FROM behind his desk' and 'he scoffed AT x'. He scoffed means, 'he ate greedily'.

No, scarfed means he ate greedily. Scoffed was used properly. Unless it's another British turn of phrase, but I don't think so.

 

[Catchalot]

Scoffed actually means both

 

[PennLady]

Scoffed actually means both

Interesting. I've always seen "scoffed" as in someone making a dismissive sound, and "scarfed" as eating.

 

[sr71plt]

Both definitions are in Webster's, with the "derisive look" being the primary definition and the "eat greedily" being a secondary definition.

 

[CountGustaf]

Wish my Swedish was as good as your English!

As a girly I am no expert on the gay male cat but this seems to perfectly tread the tightrope between non-consent and submission. I thought you pitched it very well and it was tightly written.

Couple of points; I don't mind at all but you use very UK English expressions - arse and wank - when the predominantly US readers would prefer 'ass' and 'jerk'

Picky points but, 'he smiled FROM behind his desk' and 'he scoffed AT x'. He scoffed means, 'he ate greedily'.

I enjoyed your story. Too many Gay Male posts here are, in my opinion, lacking in emotion, which you convey.

Looking forward to your next post.

PS to add. Who are you rudely calling an old-timer?

Dear Elfin, I lovingly call all and everyone of you oldtimers, because at Literotica you are all my seniors and I'm just a humble virgin. I notice that you have 5.000+ posts, PennLady has 7,000+ and sr71plt (strange nick to memorize) has 30,000+. I have 30, 31 with this.
IRL, at 123, I'm the oldtimer. Look at my profile, if you wish. Everything that's there is true. I may tell a yarn from time to time, but I don't fib.
I'm eternally grateful -- or at least for my remaining life -- that you took the time and effort to review and comment.
I assure you that if there were hundreds of millions of people who had Swedish as their first language, and a couple of billion who had it as their second, and only ten million who knew any English at all, your Swedish would be impeccable. Behold the marketplace at work.
As for using British English, it was a deliberate choice. I was "staying in character". A European couldn't possibly use American English in 1913, when this all happened, exactly 100 years ago. (100 years ago last September, to be precise. I forget the date, but it was the middle of the week, Wednesday or Thursday.)
When I do a present-time story, I'll use American English. I actually, IRL, learned that before British English. In 1961 I found my dad's stash of ... Mickey Spillane pocket books. After reading the second, I never opened an English textbook or did any homework in English class. I was way ahead.
There were projects to do with Shakespeare plays to read, and of course "Catcher in the Rye" (I found an error in the Swedish translation) but never a regular text book.
I was lucky of course to have a progressive teacher, who allowed me to use American English, as long as I stayed in character. No mixing British and American English. It's actually not that difficult. I can usually fool an American that I'm a Brit, and a Brit that I'm an American.
Obviously I outgrew Mickey Spillane in a year or two, and moved on. I won't dwell on American writers I've read and liked -- but I want to admit to soft spots for Willian Faulkner and Tennesse Williams, especially Faulkner -- but one that has always stayed with me since post-Spillane is Damon Runyon.
I fell in love with his style at first glance. And I realize now that there's more than a little of it in Hot Shower. There's the tempo, it moves pretty fast. And then a little twist at the end.
I'm glad to hear that I convey emotion. My own impression is that I don't; I more or less go through the motions of what happens. Maybe the GM cat is differrent that way. I haven't actually read many GM stories, I only wrote one. We'll see what happens when I change categories.

 

[lovecraft68]

Interesting. I've always seen "scoffed" as in someone making a dismissive sound, and "scarfed" as eating.

Seeing we don't pronounce R's in RI they sound like the same exact word to me anyway.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I didn't read the whole story, but I will say it seemed to be going well and was well-written.

Agreed.

But most Europeans, to my knowledge, learn UK English, so "arse" and "wank" are perfectly in keeping with the story. I think with all the British TV that is so popular, these words aren't as noticeable as they used to be.

No, not actually. The prevalence of US movies, US novels and, of course, US TV series in Europe has tended to Americanise the usage of English. My UK colleagues despair of what they term 'the downgrading' of English by series like House, Rizzoli & Isles, Law & Order and suchlike. They have invented the term 'Eurospeak' to define a new transatlantic dialect.


sr, quite reasonably, has often pointed out that Lit is an US site with the general idea of following CMS guidelines but they do accept all readable English styles. Just US readers often complain. I owe the count an apology because I didn't pay attention to his dates. As he said, Mickey Spillane changed his life.

No, scarfed means he ate greedily. Scoffed was used properly. Unless it's another British turn of phrase, but I don't think so.

To scoff and to scarf have the same sense when applied as transitive verbs to food. They both have intransitive original meanings as verbs. Scoffed in the sense the count used it was intransitive and MUST be followed by at/against etc.

 

[PennLady]

No, not actually. The prevalence of US movies, US novels and, of course, US TV series in Europe has tended to Americanise the usage of English.

But not in 1913, when the story was set.

To scoff and to scarf have the same sense when applied as transitive verbs to food. They both have intransitive original meanings as verbs. Scoffed in the sense the count used it was intransitive and MUST be followed by at/against etc.

And as I said, I didn't know that second definition of "scoff" until someone brought it up. And it was still used properly in the story.

 

[CountGustaf]

Next post

Wish my Swedish was as good as your English!

As a girly I am no expert on the gay male cat but this seems to perfectly tread the tightrope between non-consent and submission. I thought you pitched it very well and it was tightly written.

Couple of points; I don't mind at all but you use very UK English expressions - arse and wank - when the predominantly US readers would prefer 'ass' and 'jerk'

Picky points but, 'he smiled FROM behind his desk' and 'he scoffed AT x'. He scoffed means, 'he ate greedily'.

I enjoyed your story. Too many Gay Male posts here are, in my opinion, lacking in emotion, which you convey.

Looking forward to your next post.

PS to add. Who are you rudely calling an old-timer?

But that won't be Gay Male. I've decided that it will be Exhibitionist/Voyeur, set during WWII, when Stockholm as one of two neutral European capitals was a playground for spies from all camps.

And I realized that I'm surprised that women even read GM stories. And that I have illusions, still, which I only discover, when they are shattered.

BTW I've noticed that I've gone from Virgin to Experienced. That was quick. I realize that once you've lost your virginity it's gone, but straight from virgin to experienced? Ah, well.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

But not in 1913, when the story was set.

And as I said, I didn't know that second definition of "scoff" until someone brought it up. And it was still used properly in the story.

Totally accept Gustaf's reasoning for the 'English' English of 1913. Just pointed out sr's usual advice to UK writers.

I must disagree with you though about the verb. It was used as an intransitive and can't be followed by a direct object (food excepted) - as transitive. Gustav writes, 'he scoffed the coach'. This means he ate the coach, which wasn't intended. He meant that he scoffed at the coach

 

[CountGustaf]

Totally accept Gustaf's reasoning for the 'English' English of 1913. Just pointed out sr's usual advice to UK writers.

I must disagree with you though about the verb. It was used as an intransitive and can't be followed by a direct object (food excepted) - as transitive. Gustav writes, 'he scoffed the coach'. This means he ate the coach, which wasn't intended. He meant that he scoffed at the coach

You are absolutely right, Elfin. Scoffed at is what I meant. When I see it, I immediately recognize my mistake.

Scoff is not a verb I normally use, but it seemed right for the character and the period. Using unfamiliar words is risky, and though my English is good -- better than that of most Brits or Americans, I'd wager -- it's not perfect. Errors slip through that would not slip through in Swedish.

No need to comfort me. I've learned to live with being imperfect. I'm the father of three, 'nuff said.

 

[PennLady]

But that won't be Gay Male. I've decided that it will be Exhibitionist/Voyeur, set during WWII, when Stockholm as one of two neutral European capitals was a playground for spies from all camps.

If you have men having sex with other men, the story will probably go into Gay Male. If it goes anywhere else, a lot of readers might get mad. I'm not saying it makes sense, but there you go.

And I realized that I'm surprised that women even read GM stories. And that I have illusions, still, which I only discover, when they are shattered.

Women write a lot of Gay Male stories as well. And they make up a big part of the audience for reading it. There's been more than a few articles on this phenomenon, of women reading and writing GM fiction. I have no idea how it goes over, if it does, with actual gay men.

 

[PennLady]

Totally accept Gustaf's reasoning for the 'English' English of 1913. Just pointed out sr's usual advice to UK writers.

I must disagree with you though about the verb. It was used as an intransitive and can't be followed by a direct object (food excepted) - as transitive. Gustav writes, 'he scoffed the coach'. This means he ate the coach, which wasn't intended. He meant that he scoffed at the coach

Then it's a matter of a missing word, which I must have filled in for myself, as opposed to an incorrect word.

 

[CountGustaf]

If you have men having sex with other men, the story will probably go into Gay Male. If it goes anywhere else, a lot of readers might get mad. I'm not saying it makes sense, but there you go.

I don't see man-to-man sex in this one. I may introduce it as an experiment to test the boundaries. What happens if you have a dozen sexual encounters in one story, and one of them is M2M?

 

[RejectReality]

I don't see man-to-man sex in this one. I may introduce it as an experiment to test the boundaries. What happens if you have a dozen sexual encounters in one story, and one of them is M2M?

It depends upon the category, but as a general rule, anything with M/M in it won't go over well except in the GM category.

Some are more tolerant than others ( Novels and Novellas, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Non-Human, etc. ) because they're already used to a broader range of sexual couplings, but even there, springing it on them unexpected can result in low scores and nasty commentary.

If your story is straight-up GM and in the GM category, it will do fine. Otherwise, Lit is a decidedly unfriendly place for M-M.

 

[CountGustaf]

It depends upon the category, but as a general rule, anything with M/M in it won't go over well except in the GM category.

Some are more tolerant than others ( Novels and Novellas, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Non-Human, etc. ) because they're already used to a broader range of sexual couplings, but even there, springing it on them unexpected can result in low scores and nasty commentary.

If your story is straight-up GM and in the GM category, it will do fine. Otherwise, Lit is a decidedly unfriendly place for M-M.

The question was rhetotically intended, as in "We'll see what happens if ..." But I get your point. Let's not upset the homofobics. I'll make sure to never, ever introduce M/M sex into a story without due warning, however minor the M/M is to the story.

 

[CountGustaf]

Women write a lot of Gay Male stories as well. And they make up a big part of the audience for reading it. There's been more than a few articles on this phenomenon, of women reading and writing GM fiction. I have no idea how it goes over, if it does, with actual gay men.

This fascinates me. I'd like to discuss the how and why, but I guess I should find a better forum. We are getting more than a bit off topic.

 

[RejectReality]

The question was rhetotically intended, as in "We'll see what happens if ..." But I get your point. Let's not upset the homofobics. I'll make sure to never, ever introduce M/M sex into a story without due warning, however minor the M/M is to the story.

It's just the way Lit is. Really, it's the way any erotic site that has categories is, but Lit has it especially bad since the keywords are so invisible.

On sites where keywords/codes are more prominent, people use those rather than or in compliment to categories to find stories.

Absent that and the time for the readership to adjust to it, or the inclusion of a Bi-Sexual category, Lit will continue to be hostile to anything with the slightest touchy-feelie between men.

 

[CountGustaf]

It's just the way Lit is. Really, it's the way any erotic site that has categories is, but Lit has it especially bad since the keywords are so invisible.

On sites where keywords/codes are more prominent, people use those rather than or in compliment to categories to find stories.

Absent that and the time for the readership to adjust to it, or the inclusion of a Bi-Sexual category, Lit will continue to be hostile to anything with the slightest touchy-feelie between men.

It's an interesting reflection of a world where men, and presumably women, will go haywire, if men unexpectedly touch, kiss, and even go down on each other. Where at the same time women both read and write Gay Male stories.