C'mon, Britain. Is "dangerously immature buffoon" really such a bad thing?

shereads

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Golly, this is a proud moment. Thanks, Bush voters.

from the London Daily Mirror:

GOD HELP AMERICA Nov 4 2004

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN..

THEY say that in life you get what you deserve. Well, today America has
deservedly got a lawless cowboy to lead them further into carnage and
isolation and the unreserved contempt of most of the rest of the world.
This once-great country has pulled up its drawbridge for another four
years and stuck a finger up to the billions of us forced to share the
same air. And in doing so, it has shown itself to be a fearful,
backward-looking and very small nation.

This should have been the day when Americans finally answered their
critics by raising their eyes from their own sidewalks and looking
outward towards the rest of humanity. And for a few hours early yesterday, when the exit polls predicted a John Kerry victory, it seemed they had.
But then the horrible, inevitable truth hit home. They had somehow
managed to re-elect the most devious, blinkered and reckless leader
ever put before them. The Yellow Rogue of Texas.

A self-serving, dim-witted, draft-dodging, gung-ho little rich boy, whose idea of courage is to yell: "I feel good," as he unleashes an awesome fury which slaughters 100,000 innocents for no other reason than greed and vanity. A dangerous chameleon, his charming exterior provides cover for a power-crazed clique of Doctor Strangeloves whose goal is to increase America's grip on the world's economies and natural resources. And in foolishly backing him, Americans have given the go-ahead for more unilateral pre-emptive strikes, more world instability and most probably another 9/11.

Why else do you think bin Laden was so happy to scare them to the
polls, then made no attempt to scupper the outcome? There's only one headline in town today, folks: "It Was Osama Wot Won It."

And soon he'll expect pay-back. Well, he can't allow Bush to have his
folks whoopin' and a-hollerin' without his own getting a share of the
fun, can he?

Heck, guys, I hope you're feeling proud today.

To the tens of millions who voted for John Kerry, my commiserations.
To the overwhelming majority of you who didn't, I simply ask: Have you
learnt nothing? Do you despise your own image that much? Do you care so little about the world beyond your shores? How could you do this to yourselves?
How appalling must one man's record at home and abroad be for you to
reject him?

Kerry wasn't the best presidential candidate the Democrats have ever
fielded (and he did deserve a kicking for that "reporting for doo-dee"
moment), but at least he understood the complexity of the world outside
America, and domestic disgraces like the 45 million of his fellow
citizens without health cover. He would have done something to make that country fairer and re-connected it with the wider world.

Instead America chose a man without morals or vision. An economic
incompetent who inherited a $2billion surplus from Clinton, gave it in
tax cuts to the rich and turned the US into the world's largest debtor
nation.

A man who sneers at the rights of other nations. Who has withdrawn from international treaties on the environment and chemical weapons. A man who flattens sovereign states then hands the rebuilding contracts to his own billionaire party backers. A man who promotes trade protectionism and backs an Israeli government which continually flouts UN resolutions.

America has chosen a menacingly immature buffoon who likened the
pursuit of the 9/11 terrorists to a Wild West, Wanted Dead or Alive man-hunt
and, during the Afghanistan war, kept a baseball scorecard in his drawer, notching up hits when news came through of enemy deaths.

A RADICAL Christian fanatic who decided the world was made up of the forces of good and evil, who invented a war on terror, and thus as author of it, believed he had the right to set the rules of engagement. Which translates to telling his troops to do what the hell they want to the bad guys. As he has at Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib and countless towns across Iraq.

You have to feel sorry for the millions of Yanks in the big cities like
New York, Washington, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles and San Francisco
who voted to kick him out. These are the sophisticated side of the electorate who recognise a gibbon when they see one. As for the ones who put him in, across the Bible Belt and the South, us outsiders can only feel pity.

Were I a Kerry voter, though, I'd feel deep anger, not only at them
returning Bush to power, but for allowing the outside world to lump us
all into the same category of moronic muppets. The self-righteous, gun-totin', military lovin', sister marryin', abortion-hatin', gay-loathin', foreigner-despisin', non-passport ownin' red-necks, who believe God gave America the biggest dick in the world so it could urinate on the rest of us and make their land "free and
strong".

You probably won't be surprised to learn of would-be Oklahoma Republican
Senator Tom Coburn who, on Tuesday, promised to ban abortion and execute
any doctors who carried them out. He also told voters that lesbianism is so rampant in the state's schools that girls were being sent to toilets on their own. Not that any principal could be found to back him up.

These are the people who hijack the word patriot and liken compassion
to child-molesting. And they are unknowingly bin Laden's chief recruiting
officers. Al-Qaeda's existence is fuelled by the outpourings of America's
Christian right. Bush is its commander-in-chief. And he and bin Laden
need each other to survive.

Both need to play Lex Luther to each others' Superman with their own
fanatical people. Maybe that's why the mightiest military machine ever
assembled has failed to catch the world's most wanted man. Or is the reason simply that America is incompetent? That behind the bluff they are frightened and clueless, which is why they've stayed with the devil they know.

VISITORS from another planet watching this election would surely not
credit the amateurism. The queues for hours to register a tick; the 17,000 lawyers needed to ensure there was no cheating; the $1.2bn wasted by parties trying to discredit the enemy; the allegations of fraud, intimidation and dirty
tricks; the exit polls which were so wildly inaccurate; an Electoral College voting system that makes the Eurovision Song Contest look like a beacon of democracy and efficiency; and the delays and the legal wrangles in announcing the victor.

Yet America would have us believe theirs is the finest democracy in the world. Well, that fine democracy has got the man it deserved. George W Bush.

But is America safer today without Kerry in charge? A man who overnight
would have given back to the UN some credibility and authority. Who
would have worked out the best way to undo the Iraq mess without fear
of losing face. Instead, the questions facing America today are - how many more
thousands of their sons will die as Iraq descends into a new Vietnam? And how many more Vietnams are on the horizon now they have given Bush the mandate to go after Iran, Syria, North Korea or Cuba...?

Today is a sad day for the world, but it's even sadder for the millions of intelligent Americans embarrassed by a gung-ho leader and backed by a banal electorate, half of whom still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11.

Yanks had the chance to show the world a better way this week, instead they made a thuggish cowboy ride off into the sunset bathed in glory. And in doing so it brought Armageddon that little bit closer and re-christened their beloved nation The Home Of The Knave and the Land Of The Freak.

God Help America.

----------

No argument here. ~ shereads
 
She -

Horrifyingly accurate.

(I'm going to send this to a few folks.)
 
I heard that in a survey of leading newspapers from 30 countries, all of them close former allies, 27 were pulling for a Kerry victory.

Two of the ones pulling for GWB were Israel and Russia. I don't know who the third was.

---dr.M.
 
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Well, I've kicked more money at the ACLU, they'll need it.

People are telling each other to be peaceful, as the left always seems to do here. It better be peaceful disruption, because disruption is about the only impact we can have on the war machine.

The dems, as usual, are talking "unity" and "healing." Meaning, "pay me and I'll roll over and play dead."

Without an opposition, how in the devil can we do a thing except hit the streets?
 
Here's how the Brits could help: more liberally minded Brits should immigrate to America. We'll turn the vote, and maybe even start speaking proper English again. Those who come first and help with the revolution will be rewarded with 1) a free ticket back across the pond, should they desire, or 2) a seat in Congress.

Hell I'd swear fealty to the Queen over GWB any day.

Uh oh, I'd better stop before the FBI acting under guise of the Patriot Act comes and confiscates my
 
I have only one objection:

“. . . A dangerous chameleon, his charming exterior provides cover for a power-crazed clique of Doctor Strangeloves . . .”

I have NEVER found his exterior, or any other part, charming!
 
Has it come the this now?

The Daily Mirror??!!! :eek:

(Not just a paper for London, btw, it's a national.)

Lou :rolleyes:
 
I'm surprised. That wasn't nearly as baised, full of spite and inaccuracies and liberal left opinionated as I would expect from the mirror. Is it possible the author wasn't feeling well?
 
When it comes to America, Colly, the Brits tread lightly. They will, as Og says, be our staunch ally.

That's the British response to the huge superpower across the pond, and they think it a wise one. The criticisms will be noticed because they are in English, and even most politicians in America, let alone most people, can only read English. And they have to be carefully said, or the headstrong elephant might gore them without thinking.

I blush to say it, but that's what I see.
 
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McKenna,

You have an excellent idea, which is coupled with the fact that more Britons are leaving the UK than ever before, in disgust at what is happening to the country (not just Iraq, but our own internal shit, too.)

Unfortunately, the US has a very hard time letting in anyone, even as a tourist. I would love to visit the US again for a vacation, but so many people have been turned back for no reason by US Customs, that you have no idea whether you'll be able to take your $5,000 vacation, or whether you'll lose it because some dipshit Customs officer "doesn't like the look of you."

Yes, your passport and visa are in order. Yes, you've submitted fingerprints and any other biometric crap they want to see. Yes, you have proof of where you're going and what job you're returning to. No, you're not on their stupid and highly inaccurate "blacklists" (which have included 92-year-old grannies and seven-year-old kids). They just don't take a shine to y'all. So off you go, thousands of dollars poorer and none the wiser.

So I'm afraid that I, and many others, won't set foot in the USA and spend our hard-earned money in the US economy until that attitude changes.

I went to Canada last month and had a lovely time.
 
Virtual_Burlesque said:
I have only one objection:

“. . . A dangerous chameleon, his charming exterior provides cover for a power-crazed clique of Doctor Strangeloves . . .”

I have NEVER found his exterior, or any other part, charming!

I wondered about that too. I think it was said in an effort to be gracious. Whatever else he is, the man is very clean.
 
dr_mabeuse said:
I heard that in a survey of leading newspapers from 30 countries, all of them close former allies, 27 were pulling for a Kerry victory.

Two of the ones pulling for GWB were Israel and Russia. I don't know who the third was.

---dr.M.

Miami.
 
cantdog said:
But was Miami a close former ally?

Why, yes. We were among the first foreign countries to join the Coalition of the Willing. Right after Croatia.
 
Joe Wordsworth said:
Y'know... if this whole thing turns out for the best, I wonder what the doomsayers'll do.

This prompts me to ask again if your first language is Swahili?
 
Just received from a Brit/US couple...

To the citizens of the United States of America :-

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are cr*p and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French; they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager."

The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers andtherapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
 
Re: Just received from a Brit/US couple...

Originally posted by Somme
This prompts me to ask again if your first language is Swahili?

Yet again, no. And, yet again, why?

(seriously, I have absolutely no idea what that's supposed to mean)
 
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