Clingers

[Freya]

How do you tell a clinger to let go in such a way that it won't hurt their feelings? If one half is a clinger and the other has a solid space bubble around them, can the two make it work, do you think?

 

[LadyG]

Sheesh, a PM would have worked, you didn't have to make it public


Whew..hard question. Depends on how much you like the person and in what way, I guess. If the clinger is the one with the most feelings, they will be hurt, no matter what.

Maybe just asking them to respect your space?

 

[Vilac]

You aren't trying to ditch your very-bestest-internet-buddy-that-you've-never-met-before-person, are ya?



V~

 

[Freya]

You aren't trying to ditch your very-bestest-internet-buddy-that-you've-never-met-before-person, are ya?



V~

Well, not til I get my coney dogs out of you anyways.

Lady G, the biggest problem I have is that the clinger tends to get his feelings hurt easily - and I'm not the most ummmmm...sensitive? person at times. I have this tendency to let my tongue fly before my brain kicks into gear.

 

[LadyG]

I know what you mean, Freya.

I'm the same way, then I feel guilty as hell after.

Not a good situation or an easy one to be in, but sometimes you just have to tell them or else you end up disliking them intensely.

Or at least that's how I find I react!

 

[Freya]

I know what you mean, Freya.

I'm the same way, then I feel guilty as hell after.

Not a good situation or an easy one to be in, but sometimes you just have to tell them or else you end up disliking them intensely.

Or at least that's how I find I react!

I know. Me too. My friend was giving me shit last night when I told her about it. "Don't back off from this one, we like him!"

Ugh! I guess I need to talk to him.

 

[Vilac]

Well, not til I get my coney dogs out of you anyways.

Ooooh. I've got to drive right past the Coney place tomorrow when I'm out.

heh. I know what I'm having for lunnnnnnnnnch tomorrow.


V~

 

[LadyG]

Just explain to him that it's not him, it's you.

That you need some space, if he wants this to work. Make sure you tell him how much you like him (if you do) so he doesn't take it as a brush off.

Worse case scenario, if he knows your friends, get them to back you up on it!

I don't envy your position, hon.

I need to have my "own" time too.

 

[k¡tty]

How do you tell a clinger to let go in such a way that it won't hurt their feelings? If one half is a clinger and the other has a solid space bubble around them, can the two make it work, do you think?

ewwww I hate those.


I've had to deal with that several times.. just be up front with him and tell him that by clinging to you he's pushing you away. Which is a shame because you do like him.

Make a few suggestions on how to correct this behaviour.

Best of luck.

 

[capricious_chic]

How do you tell a clinger to let go in such a way that it won't hurt their feelings? If one half is a clinger and the other has a solid space bubble around them, can the two make it work, do you think?

It can. If the clinger wants the relationship bad enough to respect the clingee's need for space, and the clingee can respect the clingers need for clinginess. A relationships isn't two halves making a whole, it is two wholes sharing their life together. It is great that you would consider the clingers feelings, but realize that in a sucessfull relationship the clinger also has to consider yours. If the clinger can't compromise to accomodate your needs as well without his feeling being hurt, then he is insecure and not ready to be in a relationship (regardless of age). Crikes, I have never been one to walk on eggshells. I am just not dainty enough. Good luck girlie!

 

[Lancecastor]

Just explain to him that it's not him, it's you.

That you need some space

Yeah, good advice...I'm sure he's never heard that before.

(ha)

In order for a relationship to work, each person has to understand the other person's needs as well as their own.

Klingons are a problem.

I think Klingons are selfish and immature.

Selfish because they want things their way...your thoughts or needs are not part of what drives them to cling. Klingons when pressed really haven't got the first foggiest fuck about what makes You tick...it's always all about Them...how hard they try, how much they care, blah blah blah....they often have no fix on your emotional state, needs, hopes or dreams.

Immature because they will invariably intensify the cycles of neediness until they either get their way or push you to the place where you don't want them around...which they will then typically blame... on you.

Early on, it's hard to tell if the Klingon is simply smitten or fundamentally flawed...which is why it's good to keep your Bubble shields up for 6-12 months.

Can it work? Maybe. Probably not. Best thing is to hit the Reset button...."This isn't working for me so I am ending it as of today. All the best, Freya."

Ignore him until Canada Day. After that, stick a wet finger in the air if you feel like it.

Hope this helps;

Lance

 

[LadyG]

Well, it's better than saying "FUCK OFF YOU'RE SMOTHERING ME"

Which would hurt his feelings and she's trying to avoid that!!

 

[Lancecastor]

Well, it's better than saying "FUCK OFF YOU'RE SMOTHERING ME"

Which would hurt his feelings and she's trying to avoid that!!

The "space" and "taking a break" talk are ChikCode....unless he's a retard, he'll know he's not getting Reality.

The absence of Reality is Fantasy, Fantasy is Fiction, Fiction is a Lie.

He will know he is being lied to. Guys think that way.

Advice: Don't use the "Space" talk unless you hate the guy.

Better Approach if she wants to reconsider him later: "I have decided to stop seeing you effective today. all the best, freya"

She can't tell him she's got him on Probation...guys see Probation as either an insult (they go away forever) or a challenge (he'll keep clinging.)

Completely ignore him for 90 days. Say nothing to none of your friends...especially the grrls because one of them will tell him.

Phasars on Stun, engage the cloaking device on his ass and leave the quadrant for 90 days.

If he's a catch, he'll have effected repairs and improvements to his attitude by then and be in the vicinity but not pining for you....and you'll have decided that you cant stand another day without his penis in your body.

Time Heals All Wounds...And Wounds All Heels.

 

[LadyG]

Good point.

I've never used the "space" or "taking a break".

It's usually pretty much "you're smothering me stop it" and if he doesn't, then he's gone.

But she didn't WANT to do that.

Chicktalk. Hmph. Like there's no such thing as "guyspeak"

 

[Mia62]

Just explain to him that it's not him, it's you.

I agree with you on most things, LadyG...but this line...welll...it is the oldest line in the book.

Hell..be honest...just say...look, it IS you. You are crowding me. I need space...10 miles at all times would be nice. If you can handle that then great...otherwise...sayonara.

(ok...well, maybe sugarcoat it a bit more than that. )

 

[LadyG]

Maybe so, but since I've never used it, I never thought about it actually!! LOL

Okay, then..

Like I said above then!!

 

[GrittyRingo]

Tell him u used to be a man.

 

[DarkAngel]

I wouldn't clinge to you so much if you would stop wearing that 2 sided tape.

 

[Lancecastor]

Like there's no such thing as "guyspeak"

It is very rare for a man and woman to come to the same conclusion for the same reasons at the same time about breaking up....because if they are in total agreement, they likely wind up naked.

Gender code is just code for not getting what you want.

 

[A Desert Rose]

How do you tell a clinger to let go in such a way that it won't hurt their feelings? If one half is a clinger and the other has a solid space bubble around them, can the two make it work, do you think?

I am betting you still want to be good friends but that you are not seriously romantic about him, is that right?

If so, there really is no problem. Diverse friends is what makes life full and interesting for us. Don't lead him on (and I am sure you would not, anyway) but do continue to be friends with him. Telling the truth is always the best thing to do... in the end, everyone will be glad for the honesty.

 

[J.B.]

I'm no good with this stuff. I'm too straight forward.


good luck doll.

 

[Freya]

Re: Re: Clingers

I am betting you still want to be good friends but that you are not seriously romantic about him, is that right?

If so, there really is no problem. Diverse friends is what makes life full and interesting for us. Don't lead him on (and I am sure you would not, anyway) but do continue to be friends with him. Telling the truth is always the best thing to do... in the end, everyone will be glad for the honesty.

Actually, I do like this guy. In all ways except that one, he's been great. He's fun, makes me laugh, he's got a great personality and a big heart, and is good in bed. So really, I'd like to keep him around - just not 24/7 right now. And the clingy thing in public is slightly annoying...I don't feel the need to be attached to someone at all times, and to have to kiss them every ten seconds.

Thanks for all the advice people. Lance, your advice was interesting, but essentially useless - thanks anyways.

Vilac - you still owe me a coney dog damnit!