Clever Insults

[tender_elf]

Not aimed at anyone and just for laughs.

I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up things to do in your town it gives me your address.

 

[FoolMeOnce]

I'm not saying you're a liar. But when I looked up Pinocchio's family tree, I saw you listed as his sister.

 

[Dogma52]

My ex-MIL used this once on a guy....
"I've already got one asshole in my pants, why would I want another."

 

[Suz_anne]

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

 

[tender_elf]

My ex-MIL used this once on a guy....
"I've already got one asshole in my pants, why would I want another."

I love your ex MIL

 

[MSH2]

Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one, but that's no reason I'd be interested in yours

 

[tender_elf]

If you're going to be two faced at least make one of them pretty.

 

[MSH2]

And of course the evergreen "Neanderthal discovering he has opposable thumbs says what?"

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

I said this to someone once when they called me a smartass.

"Better a smartass than a dumbass."

 

[Kitty]

I said this to someone once when they called me a smartass.

"Better a smartass than a dumbass."

I've said that one before http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/images/smilies/unimpressed.gif

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

This is one of my favorites.

"Only two things melt in the rain. Shit and sugar. And you are not sweet."

 

[JennyNo1]

http://s22.postimg.org/eyqsikklt/penis_2.jpg

 

[Scentofawoman]

Excuse me, do I know you? Cause I have no idea why your talking to me

 

[FoolMeOnce]

Is that your breath? Or am I talking to the wrong end?

 

[tender_elf]

Your village called. their idiot is missing.

 

[tender_elf]

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

 

[fullservice65]

Did you say something? I'm sorry -- I can't hear shit in this ear.

 

[SherlockianMan]

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

 

[tender_elf]

You should only speak good of the dead. He's dead? GOOD.

 

[GothAngelBabe]

I am really good at being bad, not bad at being good.

 

[DarkrSide]

A friend of mine taught me this one:

May your day be as pleasant as you are!

 

[1sickbastard]

If you went to a private school, you might want to think about suing them for a refund.

 

[1sickbastard]

You should be a porn star, because you're the biggest dick I've ever seen.

 

[jameslewis]

http://www.sadmuffin.net/cherrybam/graphics/quotes-funny/funny110.gif
As in: I'm tired of all your drama.

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

If my ass were as ugly as your face I'd be embarrassed to shit out of it.