Cleanse this, mother *ucker!

[Keroin]

I’m currently on a 12 day cleanse. I do this yearly. I am a masochist. Today is day two. I thought I’d start a thread wherein I will post news of my progress and the daily death toll, (I get really cranky while cleansing). Also, I’m sure many…OK some…alright one…hopefully…of you would like to wish me well and post words of encouragement.

*Note: photos of cookies are not considered encouragement…*squints*…Gracie.

So without further ado…



K’s cleanse – Day 2

I’m feeling great! Breakfast consisted of hot oatmeal with berries. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the berries out of the freezer early enough and so I ate scorching hot oats and frozen solid berries. It felt weird.

For lunch I had some almonds.

(Without a chocolate covering.)

Sigh.

I licked a picture of ice cream now I have to go buy screen cleaner for my laptop.

Otherwise, the cleanse is off to a fabulous start and I feel healthier already!

Death toll: 0

(But I did have a short fantasy about garroting the person who left the lint in the lint trap of the communal dryer)

 

[midwestyankee]

What is the essential nature of this cleansing? What are the limitations? Do you get to have sex?

 

[Keroin]

What is the essential nature of this cleansing? What are the limitations? Do you get to have sex?

The essence of the cleanse is that you don’t get to eat anything fun. Nothing. Even the berries are pushing the limit.

It is a highly scientific program developed by the country’s leading sadists. Hey, they had graphs and everything. (I’m a sucker for graphs).

The limitations are my sanity and/or lack thereof.

I can have sex but, sadly, not with penguins, as I might accidentally ingest bits of fish while in the act.

 

[midwestyankee]

The essence of the cleanse is that you don’t get to eat anything fun. Nothing. Even the berries are pushing the limit.

It is a highly scientific program developed by the country’s leading sadists. Hey, they had graphs and everything. (I’m a sucker for graphs).

The limitations are my sanity and/or lack thereof.

I can have sex but, sadly, not with penguins, as I might accidentally ingest bits of fish while in the act.

Care to divulge the source? (of the cleanse, not the penguin)

 

[Keroin]

Care to divulge the source? (of the cleanse, not the penguin)

Wild Rose, Herbal Detox.

Aka - "No shit in - lots of shit out"

(Was that too graphic?)

 

[Aquila1]

I’m currently on a 12 day cleanse. I do this yearly. I am a masochist. Today is day two. I thought I’d start a thread wherein I will post news of my progress and the daily death toll, (I get really cranky while cleansing). Also, I’m sure many…OK some…alright one…hopefully…of you would like to wish me well and post words of encouragement.

*Note: photos of cookies are not considered encouragement…*squints*…Gracie.

So without further ado…



K’s cleanse – Day 2

I’m feeling great! Breakfast consisted of hot oatmeal with berries. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the berries out of the freezer early enough and so I ate scorching hot oats and frozen solid berries. It felt weird.

For lunch I had some almonds.

(Without a chocolate covering.)

Sigh.

I licked a picture of ice cream now I have to go buy screen cleaner for my laptop.

Otherwise, the cleanse is off to a fabulous start and I feel healthier already!

Death toll: 0

(But I did have a short fantasy about garroting the person who left the lint in the lint trap of the communal dryer)

Just not too much information, k?. I had friends who spent 3 weeks in Thailand last year doing some kind of wacky colonic cleansing retreat, and apparently it is de rigueur to discuss, in enormous detail, the, ah, output, of the treatment with other people on the retreat with you (to the point of competitiveness).

I think my friends lost a little perspective on the situation because I really did not want to receive updates and descriptions, along with fanatical exhortations that I must try it.

I didn't speak to them for a few months after that.

 

[Keroin]

Just not too much information, k?. I had friends who spent 3 weeks in Thailand last year doing some kind of wacky colonic cleansing retreat, and apparently it is de rigueur to discuss, in enormous detail, the, ah, output, of the treatment with other people on the retreat with you (to the point of competitiveness).

I think my friends lost a little perspective on the situation because I really did not want to receive updates and descriptions, along with fanatical exhortations that I must try it.

I didn't speak to them for a few months after that.

Generally, my poo is a highly personal subject. No worries.

Yes, I also know someone who did one of those intense colonic thingys then shared the experience with me...in great detail. I can never see a pair of tweezers without shuddering since that day.

Ick.

 

[graceanne]

*Note: photos of cookies are not considered encouragement…*squints*…Gracie.

Would I do that?

Of course, now that you've told me not to I REALLY REALLY want to.

icanbegoodicanbegoodicanbegood



That said, I do a 2 hour cleanse every year in preparation of my yearly colonoscopy. Go-lightly - nasty ass stuff that will have you shitting clear water when you're done. Loads of fun. Really.

 

[BiBunny]

I know how you feel. There's one way and one way only that my fat ass can lose weight, and that's cutting out all added sugars, all starchy veggies and sugary fruits (potatoes, corn, pineapple, bananas, etc.), and all white foods. You know, all the things that make life worth living.

I'm usually homicidal in three days, tops.

If I can make it a couple of weeks, I level back out and can usually manage to negotiate my daily life without any meltdowns, but those first several days are a cast-iron bitch.

So you definitely have my sympathies.

 

[celticsunspiral]

Good Luck!!

 

[Betticus]

Keroin!!! I have some tasty organic apples down here and some raspberries!

 

[AbiNormyl]

Good Luck. You are a braver soul than I am but for your bravery when you come out the other side I will have a peguin waiting for you, or was that an ice cream.

 

[Betticus]

A penguin made out of delicious ice cream!

 

[Netzach]

The essence of the cleanse is that you don’t get to eat anything fun. Nothing. Even the berries are pushing the limit.

It is a highly scientific program developed by the country’s leading sadists. Hey, they had graphs and everything. (I’m a sucker for graphs).

The limitations are my sanity and/or lack thereof.

I can have sex but, sadly, not with penguins, as I might accidentally ingest bits of fish while in the act.

Ahem. Oatmeal is a naughty food for me and berries are premature at this moment. It could be worse. Not much worse, but worse.

Fish is verboten? I was encouraged toward sardines by my crazy MD. I'm turning into a penguin myself.

 

[Etoile]

I kind of want to try one of those juice-only diets just to see what happens. You know, "lose 10 lbs in 4 days" that sort of thing. I mean, I know I'm fat, so what could go wrong...I could gain it back? BTDT! I'm not expecting a miracle, I'm just curious. But they're expensive, so...yeah.

 

[graceanne]

Ahem. Oatmeal is a naughty food for me and berries are premature at this moment. It could be worse. Not much worse, but worse.

Fish is verboten? I was encouraged toward sardines by my crazy MD. I'm turning into a penguin myself.

That's because you're gluten intolerant (oatmeal has a little gluten), and berries have seeds.

 

[sb2009]

When we cut out most simple carbs in our eating, the both of us were so grouchy LOL They've slowly crept back in (what's a spoonfull of sugar here, a muffin there???) so I informed him that the hammer drops...next time I go to the grocery store ROFL

I feel your pain. Nothing like the body fighting you when you are trying to help it!

 

[midwestyankee]

I kind of want to try one of those juice-only diets just to see what happens. You know, "lose 10 lbs in 4 days" that sort of thing. I mean, I know I'm fat, so what could go wrong...I could gain it back? BTDT! I'm not expecting a miracle, I'm just curious. But they're expensive, so...yeah.

Are they expensive because you'd be buying prepared juice? If that's the case, a few minutes with some fruit and your blender or food processor ought to trim off some of the cost. I bought a juicer a few years ago and actually tried a couple days of a juice-only regimen. I quit after the "dinner" of celery and potato juice. Christ on an ass plug, that was nasty stuff!

 

[satindesire]

I always wondered why people are doing 'cleanses' and why I might want to do one.

Can you give me some idea of why you're doing it, what it does for you i.e. benefits?

 

[Keroin]

That said, I do a 2 hour cleanse every year in preparation of my yearly colonoscopy. Go-lightly - nasty ass stuff that will have you shitting clear water when you're done. Loads of fun. Really.

OK, that visual nearly made me faint, lol. Poor you!

I know how you feel. There's one way and one way only that my fat ass can lose weight, and that's cutting out all added sugars, all starchy veggies and sugary fruits (potatoes, corn, pineapple, bananas, etc.), and all white foods. You know, all the things that make life worth living.

I'm usually homicidal in three days, tops.

If I can make it a couple of weeks, I level back out and can usually manage to negotiate my daily life without any meltdowns, but those first several days are a cast-iron bitch.

So you definitely have my sympathies.

Thanks BB. I do this mostly for health reasons but the fallout is the same. Bodies get sooooo addicted to sugar. Take it away and..."Must kill!"

Good Luck!!

Thanks!

Keroin!!! I have some tasty organic apples down here and some raspberries!

Bett! It's been a long time. I love raspberries, BTW. I am a berry lover to the core. Blackberries are my faves.

Good Luck. You are a braver soul than I am but for your bravery when you come out the other side I will have a peguin waiting for you, or was that an ice cream.

I'm a fan of both!

Ahem. Oatmeal is a naughty food for me and berries are premature at this moment. It could be worse. Not much worse, but worse.

Fish is verboten? I was encouraged toward sardines by my crazy MD. I'm turning into a penguin myself.

No, I was joking about the fish. I can have it but all meat protein has to be in small quantities. My body does well with whole grains. It's wheat that throws a wrench into the system. So oats are OK, though they're also to be kept to a minimum.

I kind of want to try one of those juice-only diets just to see what happens. You know, "lose 10 lbs in 4 days" that sort of thing. I mean, I know I'm fat, so what could go wrong...I could gain it back? BTDT! I'm not expecting a miracle, I'm just curious. But they're expensive, so...yeah.

Meh, I'm not such a fan of those diets. I had to drop pounds quickly a few times back when I was doubling anorexic actresses, it's really hard on your system. If you can cut all sugar out of your diet for a few weeks, you'll get much the same result without starving. Plus juice is one of the worst things you can drink.

I feel your pain. Nothing like the body fighting you when you are trying to help it!

True. Very true. And thanks for the empathy!

 

[Keroin]

I always wondered why people are doing 'cleanses' and why I might want to do one.

Can you give me some idea of why you're doing it, what it does for you i.e. benefits?

OK, I’ll try to keep this brief…

People do cleanses for lots of reasons and there’s lots of hocus pocus out there, so I’d advise anyone considering one to do their homework first.

For me, it’s about resetting the clock. I broke a serious sugar addiction that was causing me health problems about five years ago. That initial “detox” was fricken excruciating but it worked. My diet is pretty good but the thing about sugar is it’s insidious and creeps back into your life. So, I find if I do a ten day cleanse, once a year, that’s sufficient to get me back to square one and keep me on the straight and narrow.

I’ve been overindulging quite heavily since I left the rock, so now was the perfect time to do some bodily housekeeping.

This cleanse – all humour aside – is not too bad. Essentially, I have to remove all sugar, consume primarily (80%) vegetables, drink a ton of water and take some herbal supplements twice a day. I don’t starve, I just don’t get to go down to the coffee shop and have a hot chocolate or treat myself to a bowl of ice cream, etc, etc. The problem is that you’d be surprised how much sugar is out there, even in spices.

Bodies get terribly addicted to sugar, it’s insane. The worst, for me, is when I write because that’s when my brain craves chocolate. And since I spend several hours each day writing…

But when I’m all cleansed up my body will be in a very happy place! Oh, I also find that, for whatever reason, doing a cleanse boosts my immune system. Huge boost. And my skin gets really, really soft. I like that.

 

[satindesire]

OK, I’ll try to keep this brief… *snip*

Wow. I might try that!

Can you give me some tips as to what's the best way to go about starting this sort of cleansing?

 

[Keroin]

Wow. I might try that!

Can you give me some tips as to what's the best way to go about starting this sort of cleansing?

You can do some online research or if you have a good natural health store in your area there's probably someone on staff who could chat with you about various cleanses and such. My naturopath was the one who started me on my initial diet. He saved my life - thank you Dr Brown!

I use the Wild Rose, Herbal D-Tox Kit. It works great for me and I know about four or five other people who use it and they love it too.

HOWEVER – since you are post-pregnancy, I would talk to your health care provider before doing anything. I wouldn’t do it at all if you’re still nursing.

And I should clarify that it’s not a permanent solution for health problems or weight issues, it’s really just an excellent way to jump start some good habits.

 

[AbiNormyl]

Wow. I might try that!

Can you give me some tips as to what's the best way to go about starting this sort of cleansing?

I would like this information also.

 

[Keroin]

I would like this information also.

Check out my reply to Satin (above).