Claymore and Dagger (closed)

[KieranSoares]

Sam could only sigh. "We'll see, lass. I... I'd like it t'work out. But I don' know if it could ever be the same."

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona didn't know what she hoped for, but as Sam said that he wasn't sure that things would ever be the same again, she felt crushed all over again. Slowly, she lowered her gaze from his own and turned back to her family, the meal in her hands forgotten. She didn't feel much like eating anymore. She had made perhaps the biggest mistake of her life and she knew that she couldn't just fix it like she wanted to.

"Excuse me." She murmured quietly, standing and making her way to the kitchen to get some space and center herself again.

 

[KieranSoares]

It was a long time before someone came to check on Fiona, giving her plenty of time as they'd noticed the look on her face. About a half-hour later, it was Voluun who stepped in. "How's it going with your friend there, little kit?" He had gathered that something was going on between Sam and Fiona.

 

[heartofcourage]

"Not well." Fiona said softly, glancing up at her uncle as he stepped into the kitchen. "I don't think they'll ever be good again."

She had found her Uncle Rhett's chair by the window, looking out over the woods where he enjoyed his mug of tea every morning. In the dark, there was hardly anything to be seen, but she could hide away in there and not have to answer the questions of an entire family.

"I broke his heart. That's really all there is to it." She murmured, a shrug of her shoulders as if it weren't a big deal when her insides were tearing apart.

 

[KieranSoares]

"I thought there was something to it. A man doesn't cross a sea and two foreign countries just to bring a beloved drake to an acquaintance." Voluun came to sit beside her, looking out into the darkness. "I won't ask, because it's not my business. But I'm worried."

 

[heartofcourage]

"You shouldn't be." Fiona said as he came to sit next to her. "I did something terrible to him. I don't expect him to ever forgive me...but I guess part of me still hopes that he will."

It was so incredibly hard for her to talk about. Her fox was drowning in anguish and she knew that Sam was right. Things would never be the same for them again and she couldn't expect him to love her in the same way that he had. She might be lucky and have him for a friend, but Samuel Ghis would never be the man that she spent her life with.

"I love him." She finally admitted, tears coming to her eyes. "More than anything in this world. I thought that what I was doing was the right thing, but all I ended up doing was hurting him. That's the very last thing I ever wanted to do. He doesn't think that we'll ever have what we did. I'm trying so hard to be alright with that, but I'm not."

 

[KieranSoares]

"Oh, little kit..." Voluun murmured, drawing Fiona into his embrace. "I imagine it must've happened just recently... Give it time before you give up, Fiona. It's still fresh in your minds."

 

[heartofcourage]

"I wish I knew how to fix all of this." Fiona murmured against his chest as her uncle drew her in tightly and hugged her through her pain. "If I had never been born, none of this would have happened."

She could imagine a world where her parents were happy, her mother bright and vibrant and her father proud of a real fox kit. Sam would never have know the pain of being betrayed. Her grandparents would never have known the pain of losing their youngest children to a horrible situation. Everything would have been much better without her in the world.

 

[KieranSoares]

"Fiona..." Voluun whispered, hugging her tighter. "Never think like that. We love you too much to let you think everything would be better without you. Those other things... those aren't your fault. And you've made mistakes, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be alive."

 

[heartofcourage]

"No, it's true. Ma might have been happier with a real kit. She would have come back home with a baby on her hip that she and Da could have both been proud of." She could almost see her Ma with that bright smile on her parent's doorstep with a sleepy little kit, being welcomed home by the family as they had done for her. Her grandfather's heart wouldn't have been broken and her Ma might have been able to fight her demons.

"Da was right. No one wants a kit like me." She murmured in a defeated tone.

 

[KieranSoares]

"Your father was wrong, about everything," Voluun told her firmly. "There was a reason we didn't want Tatianna to go with him- he was toxic. And he got to you too. No, things didn't turn out perfectly, but what ever does? You couldn't control what you were born as, and for Owen to blame you... it just shows how much a poison he was to this family. Tatianna might've still gone the way she did even with a fox kit. Owen might've thought he would be happy with a fox, but I think he would've ended up angry and vicious anyway. It has nothing to do with you."

Voluun laid his head against Fiona's. "We love you, Fiona, not what you might've been."

 

[heartofcourage]

"The one person who I want to love doesn't want it in return." Fiona whispered softly as her uncle insisted that there was nothing wrong with her and they loved her deeply. "I don't know if I can live with that thought."

 

[KieranSoares]

"That is something... no one can help you with, love. But there is more than one love for everyone in this world."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Don't say that." Fionanmurmured quickly, pulling away from Voluun as he tried to convince her that there might be someone else out there for her.

 

[KieranSoares]

Voluun sighed, shaking his head. "I know it's not what you want to hear, little kit. But what I'm trying to say is... this isn't the end of the world, as much as it feels like it. I'm no good at consoling and I'm sure you don't want consolation anyway. But I once had a love, before Ericka. And she was taken from me. And it took me what felt like forever to recover even the slightest bit. But I did... and I realized there's more to life, and more to love. I can't tell you how to recover, but I can tell you that you will, somehow, if you give yourself the chance. Or maybe you can reconcile what you lost. Love never dies, Fiona. It's only tested." With that, he let her be.

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona took her uncle's words and thought about them. Love never died, it was just tested. Perhaps there might be room for Sam to love her again. Even that idea seemed so incredibly hopeless.

She stayed in the kitchen for a while longer before she rejoined the family, sitting quietly next to her grandfather. She couldn't even look at Sam. It hurt way too much.

 

[KieranSoares]

Voluun soon rejoined as well, and as everything began to taper and people retired to bed, Sam politely refused Oleg's offer of staying the night in the house. Sam simply insisted that he wanted to keep to his camp and look after the drakes. But before Sam left, he glanced to Fiona and paused for just a second, then took Kennah's tack and headed out. But he didn't seem willing to go home to Scotland yet.

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona retired to bed shortly after Sam left, a sleepless night spent staring at the walls greeting her as she tried to calm down. The next morning, she joined Rhett at the market. It was bitterly cold as the wind picked up but she was listless. It seemed so normal to be shopping for that week's meals. Roman had found her that morning, not leaving her side as he pushed and nuzzled at her, dutifully accepting his role as pack animal as Rhett filled his saddlebags with items.

Fiona browsed the stalls, pausing once when she saw stuffed toys in one. There sat a little stuffed grey fox, just like the one that she had owned once upon a time. Her father had thrown it away in a fit of rage and she had never seen it again.

"How much for this?" She asked the worker, showing him the little animal. "I had one once upon a time that looked just like this."

 

[KieranSoares]

"I take trade, or one krona," the black Fox said in return with a smile as he pulled his cloak a little tighter against a strong wind. "Or, a favor." Of course the krona was very different from the silver florins used back around the isles, a gold coin imprinted with the royal seal.

 

[heartofcourage]

"A favor?" Fiona asked as the black fox smiled at her warmly. "I don't have any krona yet. I'm not sure that I have much to trade either. What kind of favor would you want?"

 

[KieranSoares]

"For something this small, a delivery," the Fox told her. "I finished an order for a woman across the village, but she's been busy caring for her new kit and I haven't had a chance to drop by. If you'll take a bundle to her, the little fox is yours."

 

[heartofcourage]

Fiona thought about that for a moment and looked down at the little fox before she finally nodded. "I think that sounds like a deal. I could do that this morning if you have the package ready to go. My Uncle can show me the way."

 

[KieranSoares]

The vendor nodded and reached beneath his stall to gather up a few items and tie them with a bit of cord. It was a bundle of all sizes of clothing, likely for a whole family, and he handed it over to Fiona along with the fox doll. "Thank you, sister," he murmured. "Keep warm."

 

[heartofcourage]

"You as well." Fiona said, turning to whistle for Roman who came in an instant.

She carefully packed the bundle into the saddlebag that wasn't filled and closed the flap in case of snow. She then tucked the fox beneath the front of her saddle, her heart beating a little faster at having such a precious memory back for good.

"Let's find Rhett, beastie." She murmured, patting his head as he nuzzled against her.

 

[KieranSoares]

Rhett could be found back at Oleg's home, setting about making sure that the house was well-winterized and blocking or repairing anything that might let drafts in or warmth out. He was just applying a clay mortar to a crack in the siding and covering it with a small plank to hold it there and help reinforce it.

When Fiona approached, Rhett's ears perked up and he stepped out to the pathway when he could see she was looking for him.