Classic sporting commentary

[Actingup]

I just heard a commentator for an Australian Football League match say words to the effect of 'they're well drilled, they're getting right up their opponents' behinds, and getting the fist in where necessary.'

What he was really saying was that the players were reaching around their opponents to punch the ball away from them, but without that context....

 

[TheLobster]

reaching around

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

[TheLobster]

I know a few gems like that, but they are sadly untranslatable to English. But I totally expect there being a lot of, ahem, productive mileage in the fact that "ball(s)" has just the right kind of multiple meanings when it comes to soccer

 

[Kumquatqueen]

The classic from the 1976 West Indies Test match against England:
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"

Lots of potential from any sport where the objective is to 'get it in' - is there an opening there? Can he make it? Yes, he's in!

The commentary from a rugby scrum is pretty similar to an orgy. He's got his hand between Davey's legs. Here comes the hooker. Griffith's is lying on top of Owen, but no, Wilkinson has shoved him off and is making a grab for the ball...

 

[SimonDoom]

 

[TheLobster]

The commentary from a rugby scrum (...)

I've got a hunch I wasn't the only one to read this as rugby scrotum.

 

[PennyThompson]

Not exactly beating the allegations that male contact sports are a substitute for physical intimacy...

 

[Bazzle]

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"​

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Not exactly beating the allegations that male contact sports are a substitute for physical intimacy...

My college rugby team were crap. When one guy bravely came out as gay (this was mid-90s), they came up with the bright idea of all pretending to be gay, in the hope the other teams wouldn't want to get as intimate with them. It backfired. Quite a few more lads came out over the next two years.

Times have moved on fractionally - we might actually get an out active Premier league footballer in the next decade...

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I'm trying and failing to create a dirty parody for the classic headline, "Super Caley Go Ballistic: Celtic are Atrocious!"

Off you go.

 

[MajorRewrite]

 

[SimonDoom]

Football . . . a sport where one sweaty man puts his hands between another's cheeks before he tries to go deep and long.

 

[Bazzle]

Football . . . a sport where one sweaty man puts his hands between another's cheeks before he tries to go deep and long.

Hehehe not in European football... they would be rolling around on the floor in agony well before any of that