Circling the Drain!

[JackLuis]

Mike Huckabee Sad Everyone Hates Him So Much, Even Jesus

Oh, dear, it must be double super tough to be a “Mike Huckabee” these days! He can’t pay his own campaign staffers, and he’s noticed, suddenly all of a sudden, how everybody who’s alive hates him, and also everybody who’s dead, and also the unborned babies. Tough break!

“For reasons I don’t fully understand, years and years of actually doing something and getting things done didn’t matter. … And I don’t understand that.”

Ooh, what’s he whinin’ into his rancid squirrel stew about? Well, a few days ago, all the weasels and chubby bunnies and also more weasels who head up the religious right gathered in the pool of toejam around Family Research Council hate group leader Tony Perkins’s feet, and held a vote on which of the 147 Republican candidates they like best! And they just couldn’t decide which candidate they MOST wished would sneak into their Christian bedrooms at night and Duggar them softly with his song. Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio? WHICH ONE?

Here’s what singed Huckabee’s crusty pubes so hard:

They eliminated the weaker contenders: Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and Ben Carson among them. This facilitated the Cruz-Rubio duel many had been anticipating: Cruz, the Protestant purist with a pit bull’s demeanor, versus Rubio, the Catholic pragmatist with a choirboy’s countenance. Or, as one member framed it: “Cruz the Fighter versus Rubio the Communicator.”

Maybe he'll go back to Arkansas now?

 

[phrodeau]

The old "thank you for your service, now get lost" bit isn't exclusive to the GOP, but they've been perfecting it.

 

[Iceprincess12]

I actually liked Huckabee last campaign, he seemed to have a lot more vigor.

Isn't Rubio the one that can't start a sentence without
"I remember my grandfather, mother, brother, uncle, aunt...sitting on a porch, eating chimichanga's..."

Jesus doesn't hate anyone. He loves you in spite of yourself.

 

[midwestyankee]

I actually liked Huckabee last campaign, he seemed to have a lot more vigor.

Isn't Rubio the one that can't start a sentence without
"I remember my grandfather, mother, brother, uncle, aunt...sitting on a porch, eating chimichanga's..."

Jesus doesn't hate anyone. He loves you in spite of yourself.

Jesus doesn't exist, so his "love" is pretty much spiritual masturbation. But enjoy your sticky fingers. I'm sure the Huck is appreciative.