Christmas Song Parodies

[Guest]

And thank God!

Here's a link -

Elves Gone Wild!


NUTTIN' BUT SPAM
Parody of "Nuttin' for Christmas"
(From the CD Elves Gone Wild! BUY @ $9.99
Performed by Robert Lund (Additional vocals: Sage and Macy Lund)
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion)


I checked my box at AOL
Somebody e-mailed me
A chirpy voice said "You've got mail"
Somebody e-mailed me
But it's all crap from herbal quacks
Tricks for dodging income tax
Russian nymphomaniacs
Somebody e-mailed me


I got a computer for Christmas
Eight zillion M.B. of RAM
But I'm gettin' hostile for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam

I don't need loans from offshore banks
Somebody e-mailed me
I've never owned no septic tanks
Somebody e-mailed me
Old Iraq Most Wanted cards
Kinky housewives' warm regards
No-repayment Mastercards
Somebody e-mailed me

Oh, I'm gettin' freaked out for Christmas
How do they know where I am?
I'm gettin' ornery for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam

They've got Viagra at half price
Somebody e-mailed me
A voodoo weight control device
Somebody e-mailed me
I don't need hidden camera stuff
Donald Rumsfeld in the buff
My kielbasa's long enough!
Somebody e-mailed me

Oh, I'm gettin' ticked off for Christmas
Free pay-per-view is a scam
And I'm gettin' angry for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam

So you better back off
Whatever you do
If I track you down I'm warning you
I'll get postal for Christmas!

 

[Guest]

No holiday season would be complete without -

PADDLE MY BUM
Parody of "The Little Drummer Boy"


Paddle my bum
Paddle my bum
Paddle my paddle my paddle my bum...

Mom just told me she'll paddle my bum
I stoled some bubble gum - she paddled my bum
She used a spatula to paddle my bum
And now my bum is numb - she paddled my bum
Paddled my bum
Paddled my bum
She pulled my britches down and paddled my bum
Paddled my bum

At school one day the teacher paddled my bum
For throwing snowballs teacher paddled my bum
She used a yardstick when she paddled my bum
In front of everyone she paddled my bum
Paddled my bum
Paddled my bum
And now my cheeks are red - she paddled my bum
That teacher is scum

Now that I'm married, when she paddles my bum
My wife and I have fun when she paddles my bum
Under the blanket when she paddles my bum
I grin and bear it when she paddles my bum
Paddles my bum
Paddles my bum
And when she smiles at me and paddles my bum
That's when it's fun

Now that I'm older and she paddles my bum
She likes to use her cane and paddle my bum
I really like when she paddles my bum...

 

[thebullet]

Paddle my bum
Paddle my bum
Paddle my paddle my paddle my bum...

Damn, sarah you are one sweet, sick person. lol.

 

[Guest]

Damn, sarah you are one sweet, sick person. lol.

Who told?

 

[Guest]

 

[Svenskaflicka]

*tries to think of something along the lines of "hole-y night"*

 

[Boxlicker101]

I used to do this kind of thing when I was a kid but usually it involved drinking rather than sex. Anyhow, here goes:

Everybody knows how Good Saint Nick delivers toys and other such things to good little girls and boys. However how about the rest of us, who have the imagination to be naughty? For us, there is Bad Saint Slick, and this song is about him, to the tune of "Up on the Housetop"


Up on the housetop, reindeer pause.
Out jumps bad old Santa Claus
Down through the chimney with lots of toys
All for the naughty ones’ Christmas joys.

Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn’t go?
Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn’t go?
Up on the housetop, click, click, click,
Down through the chimney with Bad Saint Slick.

Chorus

First comes the stocking of Little Nell,
Oh, Bad Santa, fill it well
Give her a vibe with attachments, please
Please don’t forget lots of batteries.

Chorus

Next comes the stocking of Little Will.
Oh, just see what a glorious fill.
Dildo and condoms and anal lube,
Photos of men who are hung real good.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Christ this is funny!

 

[SensualCealy]

Bob and Doug MacKenzie's 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'!

And a Beer!
C

 

[raphy]

Cletus T. Judd's "This Tree's On Fire"
Parody of Johhny Cash's "Ring Of Fire"

Love is a Christmas tree
But don't think any old tree is safe
Some have a long expire
Turn your house into a funeral pyre

And I watered that tree
Till the branches rose up higher
And it drank drank drank
But it kept on getting drier
Now it burns burns burns
This tree's on fire
This tree's on fire

The heat from the smokin' pine
Melted my copy of Walk The Line
And I tried to save A Boy Named Sue
Dang it cooked him too

The cat walked in
Set my Christmas tree on fire
He climbed climbed climbed
Hit some bulbs
And stripped the wire
That's when I learned learned learned
This tree's on fire
This tree's on fire

I go into my Christmas tree of fire
And I huffed and huffed and spit
But the flames would not expire
Boy it burns burns burns
This tree's on fire
This tree's on fire

 

[rikaaim]

Cletus T. Judd's "This Tree's On Fire"
Parody of Johhny Cash's "Ring Of Fire"

That was great. It gave me a good chuckle and I'm sure to remember that anytime I hear good 'ole Johny Cash. Thanks.

 

[Guest]

I thought I'd post this in here, as I've had complaints about my sigline (yes, an official one was lodged. ).

Thank you, sweet Charley.

Ah! When the weather outside is frightful
and you're starting to feel 'delightful'
and since you've no place to go
find a ho, find a ho find a ho

She doesn't show signs of mopping
though your veins will start a'popping
The lights are on low, you think she's a crow
but she's a ho, she's a ho, she's a ho

She will give you a frosty fright
but her mouth is all sweet and warm
and she'll go at you day and night
and you'll cum like a dirty arse storm

Her fire is never dying
And, my dear, she's still blowjobing
But as long as you love to moan
Get a ho, get a ho, get a ho!

Dedicated to the Christmas Lou-who

~ By Charley H

 

[cantdog]

the other chistmashed song thread

JJ's thread

 

[Boxlicker101]

About the song "Do You Hear What I Hear", or whatever the name is:

Toward the end, when the shepherd is saying to the mighty king "A child, a child, shivers in the cold. Let us bring him silver and gold," two things pass through my mind. The first is, why silver and gold? Why not food and warm clothing and blankets because that's what is needed?

The other is, the king turns to the shepherd boy and asks "What is this 'we' shit, kid? How much of this silver and glold will you be pungling up?"

Just a thought that I have had ever since I first heard the song.

 

[TheEarl]

The indefatigable Tom Lehrer:

Christmas time is here, by golly
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when.

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day, you can't get sore,
Your fellow man, you must adore.
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty four.

Relations sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil.
Or a matching pen and pencil,
"Just the thing I need,
How nice!"

It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
Nor how heart felt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!

So, let the raucous sleighbells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.


The Earl

 

[Guest]

The indefatigable Tom Lehrer:

Christmas time is here, by golly
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when.

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day, you can't get sore,
Your fellow man, you must adore.
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty four.

Relations sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil.
Or a matching pen and pencil,
"Just the thing I need,
How nice!"

It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
Nor how heart felt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!

So, let the raucous sleighbells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.


The Earl

Yes.

I have the Lehrer anthology arranged for piano and voice.

Dare I mention how many people have um, thrilled, to hear those tunes performed by me at various talent/untalent shows?

(I think my favorite is poisoning pigeons)

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I don't know that it's an actual song parody, but I lstill laugh every time I hear "who put the dick on the snowman" by Rodney Carrington.

I don't think I can post a wav file here. If anyone wants to hear it, e-mail me and I will send you the song.

Also, I am Santa Claus. Don't know who sings it, but it's done to the tune of Ironman.

 

[thebullet]

!

I was riding around the other day when the following song came on my radio:

It's Christmas!
Let's have sex.
It's Snowing!
Let's have sex.

.. the song continued in that vein.
One verse was something like:
You've lit the candles
I'm only wearing sandles.
Let's have sex.

The artist was I believe Dr. Duke Tumatoe

It was actually pretty good.