Chosen Mate seeks editor for Ch 6

[HarryHill]

I have not used an editor for the previous 5 chapters. The rating usually starts high then drops as time goes by. I feel that this is caused by simple slips and errors that are missed.
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Applicants must be familiar with the previous work submitted. A timely response is imperative. I will drop the new chapter soon regardless without a prompt reply.
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Thanks for your consideration.
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Harry

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

... Applicants must be familiar with the previous work submitted. A timely response is imperative. I will drop the new chapter soon regardless without a prompt reply. ...

Pardon my temerity, but do you understand what this forum is? We are VOLUNTEERS and do what we can, when we can. Your use of "must", "imperative", and "regardless" make it sound like an invitation to tender, and a government one at that.

Add to that the fact that the "previous work" is over 40K words (even if you only mean Chosen Mate chapters 1 to 4) and you are requiring the volunteer to read that first. The new chapter is probably (based on 1 to 4) about 10K words.

 

[sunandshadow]

At least supply a link to the existing chapters...

 

[HarryHill]

TEMERITY. 1: unreasonable or foolhardy contempt of danger or opposition : rashness, recklessness. 2: a rash or reckless act
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I'm hard to insult and slow to anger. I'm from Tennessee; we take volunteers seriously. However, there is a time element that must (there's that must again) be followed for this CHAPTER. (only 9158 words, some of them very small)
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Familiar does not mean every word and sentence should be examined. I am familiar with Physics, but have never read every word in the textbook.
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http://www.literotica.com/s/chosen-mate
..Here's chapter 1, S&S
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Please accept my heartfelt appreciation for your response to my request no matter how unreasonable it may seem... and just think of how much you will enjoy being the first to see this pivotal chapter.
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Harry

 

[AsylumSeeker]

TEMERITY. 1: unreasonable or foolhardy contempt of danger or opposition : rashness, recklessness. 2: a rash or reckless act
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I'm hard to insult and slow to anger. I'm from Tennessee; we take volunteers seriously. However, there is a time element that must (there's that must again) be followed for this CHAPTER. (only 9158 words, some of them very small)
..
Familiar does not mean every word and sentence should be examined. I am familiar with Physics, but have never read every word in the textbook.
..
http://www.literotica.com/s/chosen-mate
..Here's chapter 1, S&S
..
Please accept my heartfelt appreciation for your response to my request no matter how unreasonable it may seem... and just think of how much you will enjoy being the first to see this pivotal chapter.
..
Harry

I followed the link and "familiarized" myself with the story. What's with the dashes before the paragraphs? Remove them. Many other errors too. You ARE in need of an editor.

Not applying, however. I have been put in my place, having been so bluntly told that I am no good by SR71. So apply to him or others here.

I will side with Snooper -- your initial post was quite demanding, even if only acccidentally. Best of luck with your series and finding editing assistance. Don't allow challenges to inhibit the expression of your ideas. Screw the votes -- keep writing!

 

[HarryHill]

I followed the link and "familiarized" myself with the story. What's with the dashes before the paragraphs?
The dashes are where the characters speak mind to mind... studied use of the 'em' dash before I used this method. If you have another method to impart mind to mind conversation I am all 'ears'.

Best of luck with your series and finding editing assistance. Don't allow challenges to inhibit the expression of your ideas. Screw the votes -- keep writing!

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Thank you for your comment.. I value them more than votes.
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Harry

 

[AsylumSeeker]

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Thank you for your comment.. I value them more than votes.
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Harry

I always encourage people to express themselves -- better with words than weapons.

You write very well overall and so please don't stop! I atill am wondering about the em dashes preceding paragraphs. Will let you know.

 

[HarryHill]

AsylumSeeker
Is that Erotica I smell?
I atill am wondering about the em dashes preceding paragraphs. (they preceed dialogue)
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Try 'The Chicago Manuel of Style' 16th edition P335, 6.88 Em dashes in lieu of quotation marks.
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My use was not willy nilly

 

[_Lynn_]

AsylumSeeker
Is that Erotica I smell?
I atill am wondering about the em dashes preceding paragraphs. (they preceed dialogue)
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Try 'The Chicago Manuel of Style' 16th edition P335, 6.88 Em dashes in lieu of quotation marks.
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My use was not willy nilly

I have the CMS 15th edition and everything I find about the em dash in place of quotation marks refers to French, or continental European, writers occasionally using the method.

 

[HarryHill]

I have the CMS 15th edition and everything I find about the em dash in place of quotation marks refers to French, or continental European, writers occasionally using the method.

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J'ai un coeur français, "Ya'll" Seriously this is the only solution that make sense...I believe it is brilliant and innovative.
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Here is an exercise for you... imagine three people talking together Bob, Bob's wife Sally, and the neighbor Bubba.
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Bubba walked across the driveway with an insolent sneer on his face.

"Hey Bob," he shouted as he came near, "keep your dog outta my backyard." Sally looked up from her flower bed, searching her husbands eyes.

--Here we go again, she sent silently. Bob smiled a crooked smile and turned to where his neighbor walked across his freshly seeded yard.

"Sorry about that, Bubba, got time for a beer? Sally smiled at Bubba.

--Is there a truck in Tennessee? Look at that gut, I surprised he has time for anything else. "Hi Bubba, how's Margie today?"

--For Gods sake, Sally, don't get her over here too.
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I would be glad to hear alternative ideas.
Nevertheless tempus fugit....

 

[_Lynn_]

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J'ai un coeur français, "Ya'll" Seriously this is the only solution that make sense...I believe it is brilliant and innovative.
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Here is an exercise for you... imagine three people talking together Bob, Bob's wife Sally, and the neighbor Bubba.
..
Bubba walked across the driveway with an insolent sneer on his face.

"Hey Bob," he shouted as he came near, "keep your dog outta my backyard." Sally looked up from her flower bed, searching her husbands eyes.

--Here we go again, she sent silently. Bob smiled a crooked smile and turned to where his neighbor walked across his freshly seeded yard.

"Sorry about that, Bubba, got time for a beer? Sally smiled at Bubba.

--Is there a truck in Tennessee? Look at that gut, I surprised he has time for anything else. "Hi Bubba, how's Margie today?"

--For Gods sake, Sally, don't get her over here too.
..
I would be glad to hear alternative ideas.
Nevertheless tempus fugit....

Your example is for thoughts, or internal dialogue, which you can add to the narrative. I think there's a thread here in the EF discussing thoughts.

Here's an alternative idea:



Bubba walked across the driveway with an insolent sneer on his face.

"Hey, Bob," he shouted as he came near. "Keep your dog outta my backyard."

Sally looked up from her flower bed, searched her husband’s eyes, and thought, here we go again. Bob smiled a crooked smile and turned to where his neighbor walked across his freshly seeded yard.

"Sorry about that, Bubba. Got time for a beer?”

Sally wanted to ask him if there was a truck in Tennessee, but smiled instead. The size of the man’s gut made her wonder if he had time for anything else though.

 

[HarryHill]

Very true MistressLynn ...but you are missing the crux of the matter in that they are communicating with each other silently mind to mind. Your dialogue does not convey that action.

 

[_Lynn_]

Very true MistressLynn ...but you are missing the crux of the matter in that they are communicating with each other silently mind to mind. Your dialogue does not convey that action.

Eh, I said it was just an example. Regardless of what it conveys, losing the em dash wasn't difficult.

 

[HarryHill]

Eh, I said it was just an example. Regardless of what it conveys, losing the em dash wasn't difficult.

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Neither was the intent of the writer.
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Thank you for your comments
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Respectfully, Harry

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

..
J'ai un coeur français, "Ya'll" Seriously this is the only solution that make sense...I believe it is brilliant and innovative.
..
Here is an exercise for you... imagine three people talking together Bob, Bob's wife Sally, and the neighbor Bubba.
..
Bubba walked across the driveway with an insolent sneer on his face.

"Hey Bob," he shouted as he came near, "keep your dog outta my backyard." Sally looked up from her flower bed, searching her husbands eyes.

--Here we go again, she sent silently. Bob smiled a crooked smile and turned to where his neighbor walked across his freshly seeded yard.

"Sorry about that, Bubba, got time for a beer? Sally smiled at Bubba.

--Is there a truck in Tennessee? Look at that gut, I surprised he has time for anything else. "Hi Bubba, how's Margie today?"

--For Gods sake, Sally, don't get her over here too.
..
I would be glad to hear alternative ideas.
Nevertheless tempus fugit....

I suggest you use either italics or bold:

Bubba walked across the driveway with an insolent sneer on his face.
"Hey Bob," he shouted as he came near, "keep your dog outta my backyard." Sally looked up from her flower bed, searching her husbands eyes.
Here we go again, she sent silently. Bob smiled a crooked smile and turned to where his neighbor walked across his freshly seeded yard.
"Sorry about that, Bubba, got time for a beer? Sally smiled at Bubba.
Is there a truck in Tennessee? Look at that gut, I surprised he has time for anything else. "Hi Bubba, how's Margie today?"
For Gods sake, Sally, don't get her over here too.

Bubba walked across the driveway with an insolent sneer on his face.
"Hey Bob," he shouted as he came near, "keep your dog outta my backyard." Sally looked up from her flower bed, searching her husbands eyes.
Here we go again, she sent silently. Bob smiled a crooked smile and turned to where his neighbor walked across his freshly seeded yard.
"Sorry about that, Bubba, got time for a beer? Sally smiled at Bubba.
Is there a truck in Tennessee? Look at that gut, I surprised he has time for anything else. "Hi Bubba, how's Margie today?"
For Gods sake, Sally, don't get her over here too.

I have successfully used italics to indicate the use of two different languages in a three way conversation where one of the three does not speak the native language of the other two.

 

[HarryHill]

A semi elegant solution...not very readable in this evolution. One would have to carefully consider the font with the italics... hard to see seperate uses. ...Hard to see anything but with the bold.
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BRB

 

[HarryHill]

To clarify use and expediency of em dash

Here are the three methods from an excerpt of chapter 6.
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--Wow, Oldman said. ...Harry really did it this time. She stumbled back in shock and amazement. The look of devoted worshipful love on her face before the transformation was wiped clean by the surprising thoughts that came from Harry that were clearly not his own. Harry had no thoughts within.
--Oh please. Oldman said. ...Get up Harry.
--Who are you? The thought escaped her as she reeled in confusion and shock.
--I’m me. I’m Oldman. You can hear me? I’m real. I thought I was. Why didn’t you answer me before? What are you Sandra?
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Wow, Oldman said. ...Harry really did it this time. She stumbled back in shock and amazement. The look of devoted worshipful love on her face before the transformation was wiped clean by the surprising thoughts that came from Harry that were clearly not his own. Harry had no thoughts within.
Oh please, Oldman said. ...Get up Harry.
Who are you? The thought escaped her as she reeled in confusion and shock.
I’m me. I’m Oldman. You can hear me? I’m real. I thought I was. Why didn’t you answer me before? What are you Sandra?
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Wow, Oldman said. ...Harry really did it this time. She stumbled back in shock and amazement. The look of devoted worshipful love on her face before the transformation was wiped clean by the surprising thoughts that came from Harry that were clearly not his own. Harry had no thoughts within.
Oh please, Oldman said. ...Get up Harry.
Who are you? The thought escaped her as she reeled in confusion and shock.
I’m me. I’m Oldman. You can hear me? I’m real. I thought I was. Why didn’t you answer me before? What are you Sandra?
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It's very labor intensive to write/convert thought to thought conversations with the latter two methods when the simple use of the em dash will do the same thing....(and delay the editing...)

 

[HarryHill]

Well folks ....guess I am going to have to post/submit chapter 6 without the use of an editor. Chapter 7 will still be available to any who choose/deign to help me in my quest to provide readers with a higher quality product.
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The use of the em dash is going to stay for the simplest of reasons... there must be at least a thousand conversations and comments that humans do not hear in the last 7 chapters... and I am so tired of this book/episode and ready to move to the next.
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I'm not recalcitrant, merely positive that the world is round.

 

[PennLady]

FWIW, I've written a few nonhuman stories and used telepathy, and I simply use italics for that dialogue, while noting from time to time that the conversation is going on in their heads. In fact, most nonhuman stories I've read on here do that same thing, so that's probably where I got the idea. I think it works fine, and is much easier to read at first glance than the em-dashes, although I imagine if the author was consistent with that, I'd get used to it.

A rough, on-the-fly example:

Mary, what are you doing? John sent his thoughts out to her as he ran along the street.

I'm being careful, just as you asked. Mary still wasn't quite used to communicating like this, but she could appreciate the advantages as she remained motionless in her hiding place.

 

[HarryHill]

PennLady
Literotica Guru

.........while noting from time to time that the conversation is going on in their heads..BTDT
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although I imagine if the author was consistent with that, I'd get used to it.
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....Here's a comment from an editor that was too busy to take the project...
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I like the way you handle the internal dialogue, with dashes. Once I saw it a couple of times in the beginning of the first story, it seemed quite natural.

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Thanks ....Applying for the job? You can have hard copy or html ready text in an electronic medium.
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Harry

 

[HarryHill]

Editing chapter 6 is a no go ...posted it this afternoon regardless.
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[PennLady]

Sorry, no, I wasn't applying (just don't have time right now). Just giving my thoughts.

 

[HarryHill]

Sorry, no, I wasn't applying (just don't have time right now). Just giving my thoughts.

Appreciate the comments and interaction, stop by anytime.

 

[mary_aranxia]

I'm late to the discussion, but I like the italics without the bold for thought. The bold makes the thoughts seem emphatic or angry.

I have to say that I've enjoyed this story. I can't help you with editing, but I'll read whatever you publish.

 

[HarryHill]

I'm late to the discussion, but I like the italics without the bold for thought. The bold makes the thoughts seem emphatic or angry.

I have to say that I've enjoyed this story. I can't help you with editing, but I'll read whatever you publish.

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but, Mary, they are not thoughts but words transferred mind to mind by a being with no voice. thank you.