Choose Foley's Excuse

[shereads]

Like most of us when confronted with evidence that we've been trolling for underage boys, congressman Foley immediately entered a rehab program for alcoholism. While he searches his suite at the clinic for the hidden bottle of Glenfiddich that Karl Rove, ever the practical joker, assures him is there, Republican apologists scramble to do damage control before the mid-term elections.

So far in Foley's column:

He's an alcoholic

He was sexually molested by his clergyman when he was a teenager

He is gay

Meanwhile, unofficially, radio talk-host Rush Limbaugh is heading the conspiracy-theory charge, implying that the pages would not have saved those IMs, because nobody saves IMs; and that Republican leaders who kept Foley's secret weren't protecting an internet predator, but protecting the party from charges of gay-bashing.

This is just the opening volley, of course. The big guns are being cleaned and loaded. What would Jesus do? What would Squeaky President Bush's Head do? What would you do?

 

[3113]

This is just the opening volley, of course. The big guns are being cleaned and loaded. What would Jesus do? What would Squeaky President Bush's Head do? What would you do?

My top vote: Clinton is at fault.

 

[AngeloMichael]

I think he'll use the Twinkie excuse next.

 

[shereads]

My top vote: Clinton is at fault.

That goes without saying. What else have you got?

 

[3113]

That goes without saying. What else have you got?

Hmmm. Very tough. Especially as Angelo has claimed the Twinkie Excuse.

 

[shereads]

Hmmm. Very tough. Especially as Angelo has claimed the Twinkie Excuse.

What if he was heading an undercover sting operation?

Maybe Congress has been plagued with grown men posing as 16-year-old boys to get those cushy jobs as pages...That's lame, I know.

What if he was laying the groundwork for an elaborate entrapment plan at the request of the FBI? By pretending to be an internet predator, he hoped to infiltrate a secret network of congressional Democrats who keep teenaged boys chained in a basement to serve the perverse carnal urges of their cruel, leather-clad Dominatrix...Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton!

 

[izabella]

Maybe he was doing the pages a service by teaching them how a sexual predator behaves and how he sucks them into his clutches, so they might avoid such predators should they be approached.

 

[3113]

I've got one! He's really a democrat. He's just been posing as a Republican all this time because he knew that was the best way to get a job in politics.

 

[rgraham666]

I don't really care.

Whatever they come up with is bound to be the finest satire.

 

[Pure]

he was attempting to perform a service.

the dems, having infiltrated the page corps with gay males, were planning a major embarassment by having them flirt with and engage Republicans in IMs, emails, etc. then in person.

foley figured out the problem. the only way really to investigate (e.g. like when you go after a marijuana dealer) is to delve in a bit and pretend to be interested. once he had the facts, he would have exposed the Dems to the nation, which is why they are so pissed, now.

 

[Guest]

I'm not sure which excuse, but the words "Cut and Run," "Tax and Spend," and "Weapons of Mass Destruction - no wait -

"Programs to develop weapons of mass destruction" - no, no wait.

"Plans to develop programs to develop weapons of mass destruction."

Yeah, that's it.

No, wait. If the excuse isn't the one-armed man, it's "We're bringing democracy to Iraq."

And they damn well better like it.

 

[Liar]

"There are people out there. Who wants...to KILL....you!"

 

[elsol]

Listen...

We know what's going to happen next.... Cause, this is just TOO FUCKIN' good for it not too.

A squeaky clean male, republican looking young man is going to step forward and say those words we're all waiting for...

"I did have sexual relationship with that Congressman."

So right now, the Republicans are waiting for that shoe to drop... the real guns won't come out until about next Wednesday when they can be sure it won't.

 

[3113]

A squeaky clean male, republican looking young man is going to step forward and say those words we're all waiting for...

"I did have sexual relationship with that Congressman."

You really need to add in the details, Elsol. A squeaky clean young man who is now 16 but was Foley's...er...page when he was 14. Seated on a couch with his parents, holding back the tears....and the family explains that they never said anything because it was all settled out of court with a non-disclosure clause.

I give it a 50-50 chance of happening.

 

[elsol]

You really need to add in the details, Elsol. A squeaky clean young man who is now 16 but was Foley's...er...page when he was 14. Seated on a couch with his parents, holding back the tears....and the family explains that they never said anything because it was all settled out of court with a non-disclosure clause.

I give it a 50-50 chance of happening.

Or they find the stash of the 'evidence' that was presented before his committee... and it's, errr... wet.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Clearly, Canada is to blame. Blame Canada!

 

[3113]

Or they find the stash of the 'evidence' that was presented before his committee... and it's, errr... wet.

Whoah. Deja vu. It's Monica's dress all over again!

 

[shereads]

The sad thing is that nobody gives a damn about Iraq, or the president's motives for the war, etc. If there was a sex angle to the Iraq invasion, we'd be all irate about it. "Bush used 9/11 as an excuse for the war" is a yawn. "Bush used the war to impress Condi Rice" would get him impeached.

The one thing guaranteed to draw everyone's attention is a sex scandal. The best thing that could happen to the Republican party right now is for all the shoes to drop immediately. Shock us. Throw out a whole closetful of shoes. Foley had a sex-change operation and is really a woman; his therapist says his emotional age is 15; he was drugged; he's not a gay man after all, but a gay woman. He murdered his mother when he was 8 years old. He's the illigimate child of Idi Amin and Mae West.

Devote three solid nights of prime time TV to the worst possible revelations about Foleygate. America will get tired of it once there are no more juicy details to leak, and by Nov. 2 we'll have forgotten his name. Most of us didn't know who he was before the scandal broke, and won't know the name of his successor.

The longer they drag it out, the more details we'll crave. And the less attention we'll pay to things like Woodward's new book, "State of Denial," which was such a hot topic a few days ago.

Which means Rove did it.

 

[Huckleman2000]

The sad thing is that nobody gives a damn about Iraq, or the president's motives for the war, etc. The one thing guaranteed to draw everyone's attention is a sex scandal. The best thing that could happen to the Republican party right now is for all the shoes to drop immediately. Shock us. Throw out a whole closetful of shoes. Foley had a sex-change operation and is really a woman; his therapist says his emotional age is 15; he was drugged; he's not a gay man after all, but a gay woman. He murdered his mother when he was 8 years old. He's the illigimate child of Idi Amin and Mae West.

Devote three solid nights of prime time TV to the worst possible revelations about Foleygate. America will get tired of it once there are no more juicy details to leak, and by Nov. 2 we'll have forgotten his name. Most of us didn't know who he was before the scandal broke, and won't know the name of his successor.

The longer they drag it out, the more details we'll crave. And the less attention we'll pay to things like Woodward's new book, "State of Denial," which was such a hot topic a few days ago.

Which means Rove did it.

Buzzkill.

 

[shereads]

Buzzkill.

No, I edited the first paragraph to bring the joy back. (See: Condi Rice)

 

[Huckleman2000]

No, I edited the first paragraph to bring the joy back. (See: Condi Rice)

Whew! Nothing like a Bush-Condi theory to restore a sense of wishful thinking to the string of Republican fiascos!

That would be just SO FUCKING AWESOME!

 

[shereads]

Whew! Nothing like a Bush-Condi theory to restore a sense of wishful thinking to the string of Republican fiascos!

That would be just SO FUCKING AWESOME!

Wouldn't it? I got the idea from some tabloid covers in the checkout line at Publix.

 

[Guest]

it was the ghost of administrations from the past.

that and the fact that he was the second man on the grassy knoll (in his latest hallucination brought on by caramel espresso withdrawls)

besides, how can he be blamed for being a pawn in the medium invented by al gore?

 

[china-doll]

I'm not sure which excuse, but the words "Cut and Run," "Tax and Spend," and "Weapons of Mass Destruction - no wait -

"Programs to develop weapons of mass destruction" - no, no wait.

"Plans to develop programs to develop weapons of mass destruction."

Yeah, that's it.

No, wait. If the excuse isn't the one-armed man, it's "We're bringing democracy to Iraq."

And they damn well better like it.

I still say he was searching the page for weapons of mass destruction.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Maybe he thought he was from Massachussets and figured having sex with a teen aged boy would get him re-elected. See Studds, Gerry for further explanation.


Maybe he figured if your prostitute lover could run a gay brothel from your house, it was okay to make a pass at a boy.

Maybe he should simply be put in the same category as any other pedophile and shot at dawn. That's just my 2 cents worth though.