choking sex

[DarlingNikki]

So the other night in bed my boyfriend mentioned reading something about choking your partner during sex. So I let him try it and I liked it. Is that very out there? Can someone point me towards some literature on this subject? I tried doing a google search but I ended up with all these links to "forced teen sex"and "crying pics" and things that I'd rather not look at and would probably not help me. Also if anyone could give any tips on how to make sure we are doing this safely if we ever decide to do it again... not sure if we will, but just in case. Actually I feel a little freaked out that I liked it.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

You may want to look under "erotic asphyxiation" or "auto-erotic asphyxiation" (not suggested...people have died that way).

You may get better results.

Best of luck...

~WOK

 

[simonedb27]

i like being choked occasionally too. i think the lack of oxygen and/or increase in carbon dioxide might stimulate the sympathetic nervous system which controls orgasm. basically that all means stronger, longer, better orgasm.

best advice i can give is to make sure you have a safety mechanism. have a certain way you would touch him like tugging on his ear or something if you get scared or feel too light headed. safety words are nice in other bdsm situations but it is i little hard to talk without air.

you might try asking your question in the bdsm forum. lots of more experienced people there.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[grungalunga]

couldnt you just hold your breath during orgasm??? Itd be safer

 

[simonedb27]

couldnt you just hold your breath during orgasm??? Itd be safer

that would probably be safer, but it just isn't as fun.

i think the safest bet is to not do such things with people that you don't trust with your life. your partner has to be able to read your signals carefully.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Why would any sane person risk their life for the sake of an orgasm?

 

[simonedb27]

i don't really see it as risking your life. you certainly risk your life a lot more whenever you get into a car.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

I don't question sanity.

Everyone has their peccadilloes.

As long as it doesn't involve asphyxiating me or anyone I love....I'm not here to judge.


I'm just here to disseminate information.

~WOK

 

[sheath]

So the other night in bed my boyfriend mentioned reading something about choking your partner during sex. So I let him try it and I liked it. Is that very out there? Can someone point me towards some literature on this subject? I tried doing a google search but I ended up with all these links to "forced teen sex"and "crying pics" and things that I'd rather not look at and would probably not help me. Also if anyone could give any tips on how to make sure we are doing this safely if we ever decide to do it again... not sure if we will, but just in case. Actually I feel a little freaked out that I liked it.

I wouldn't feel freaked out for liking it. It's a rush in more ways than physical. It takes total trust in your partner, which is an aphrodisiac in itself. And honestly, there are people out there into MUCH weirder stuff than this.

I have done this in the past. The lover I tried it with was someone I trusted completely. In our case, we used a necklace as a signal. I held it in my hand, and when dropped, it could be heard hitting the floor. A few times, I tried dropping it just to see what would happen, for my own peace of mind. And he stopped instantly. That simple test helped me relax into it.

I'm no expert, obviously. But when I did this, I went into it with the mindset of not letting myself get too far into the sensation. When I began to feel anything more than a battle for air, the necklace dropped. When I began to feel shaky and it was more than just the approaching orgasm, we stopped. Instantly. You HAVE to have an agreement along those lines. Like Orchid so clearly put it...playing around with asphyxiation is a gamble that can turn deadly with literally the flick of a hand or five seconds too long. You have to protect yourself and stick to your plan. Completely.

S.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Thanks everyone. But actually I think it has less to do with breathing--I was still able to breathe the whole time, maybe just a little lightheaded--and more to do with the choking part, like him having his hand around my throat like that. At one point he was doing it a little too tight and I just pulled his hand away and he let me. I mean, I'm sure we would work out some kind of signals or communication if we were to do this again, just since it was the first time and he didn't know if I would like it he prefered to err on the side of caution. But yeah... I think it was more the idea than the breath thing. Is that different?

 

[DarlingNikki]

Oh and I just checked in the bsdm library, yes there is some discussion there that is helpful... I would have gone there in the first place but I never would have thought something little me could do would be anything related to bdsm... anyway, thanks again.

 

[pogogirl]

I haven't had someone choke me during sex yet but I really want to try it soon.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

I love to feel my lover's hands on my neck

 

[Ms_Kat]

I enjoy breath control. Explaining why I enjoy it would be like trying to explain why I like any other part of BDSM - other than the fact that controling someone really turns me on, it's difficult to explain.

Safety is your primary concern. There isn't much room for error. Here's a few tips:


1) Don't fasten anything around the throat. If it takes over a second to remove it, it takes too long.
2) Don't wrap anything around the throat.
3) Don't squeeze the throat to choke - there is too much of a chance that the structure of the throat can collapse. This is where people get hurt/killed with this. Repeatedly forcing the throat shut will weaken the walls.
4) Do have a pre-determined signal of some kind that allows the person being choked to stop. The person doing the choking also needs to stop if there is any sign of being unresponsive.
5) Learn CPR and know how to perform an emergency trachiotomy. Just in case the worst actually occurs.

My favorite way to control my husband's breath is simply to make him hold his breath - putting the burden of obedience on him. This has the benefit of needing no equipment and the added safety factor that, if he passes out, he'll start breathing immediately.

My second favorite way is to be in missionary position and hold a small piece of plastic wrap over his nose and mouth. Obviously, his movements must be very controlled to do this - this is part of the attraction to me, though. I have him exhale fully and then hold it over his nose and mouth. I usually cum about the time his eyes start to water. It is easy to move it aside for one breath, then replace it. If I cut off his air too long, his arms start to tremble. If he did pass out, I could get my hand out of the way so he could breathe.

I've also used the plastic wrap while sitting astride him. It's much more difficult to do because I tend to thrash around when I cum. When I do this, he holds my wrists in both his hands. If his grip weakens, I let him take a breath.

I also like to hold his throat with my hand during sex, just as a form of possessiveness. No pressure is really required to achieve this, though.

Hope this helps you out,

Hugs,

Kat

 

[CelticFrog]

There are some really interesting posts here.
I've never been possessed in this manner before, even to the point of having even a hand on my throat. Might be an interesting thing to try.
I definitely agree that it is imperative to have a partner that can read you instantly AS WELL AS a very obvious signal. A necklace probably wouldn't work as well for us because we have very thick carpet. But I'm sure we could find something equally as loud.
Talk a lot before you do it. Talking, as always, is very important. I won't even bring this up until our sexual communication improves a lot.

Ang

 

[pogogirl]

I finally had someone choke me during sex. It was fantasitc. He choked me while I was cumming. I highly recomend it to someone who hasn't tried it before.

 

[James G 5]

The BDSM library is probably your best resource for this.

Please be careful, it's very dangerous. With most other activities, you can make a mistake, and your cuts, bruises, whatever, will heal. But with breath play, you only make one mistake, and then you're either a vegetable for the rest of your life or dead.

I have friends who are pathologists at the local medical examiner's office, and they get cases of erotic or autoerotic asphyxiation deaths nearly EVERY DAY.

More to the point, *I* know 3 people who've died that way
When we've discussed this over on the BDSM threads, we've gotten down to the idea of "acceptable risk"
I skydive and set people on fire for kicks
Both are SERIOUSLY risky
But you KNOW the risks and can manage them
Any time you get in to choking or any other form of asphyxiation, the risks become WAY too numerous, from breaking bones to crushing the larnyx or esophahus, to the risk of stroke/cerebral hemmoraghe or heart attack, to seizure...and it can happen one time with no warning, even if you do it exactly the same way you've done it safely any number of other times
There're SO many other good ways to add some risk & thrill to getting off, I don't get this one

 

[Bobmi357]

5) Learn CPR and know how to perform an emergency trachiotomy. Just in case the worst actually occurs.

While I will agree that everyone should learn CPR, this last piece of advice is insane. If you have reached the point where an emergency trach is necessary, you going to end up going to jail, either for involuntary manslaughter or for assault or even for practising medicine without a license.

Quite honestly sooner or later you are going to make a mistake and either kill or seriously injure your partner. Oxygen deprivation can cause serious brain injuries. People that do this on a regular basis might as well be shooting heroin for all the damage they are doing.

The courts aren't going to care if it was consentual if you kill or even hospitalize someone.

This just isn't worth it as a sexual technique.

 

[Quint]

Can't add much of anything to this thread, except that choking was one of my absolute favorite things to do in sex. Gave it up, because of all the risks James mentioned. It sucks. We do choking threats and other modes of breath control that don't involve closing off arteries to the brain.

Be oh so careful. It's delicious fear and excitement, and it's rather addictive.