Choices

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

If you had to choose, would it be being honest, or being nice?

I take the honest way, it may not be the nicest way, but people know when I tell them something, it's the truth.

 

[FurryFury]

In my opinion, honesty is way overrated and can be very hurtful. I grew up with people who claimed to be honest and who used that honestly like a fucking blade to cut my spirit to ribbons.

I'd choose nice. If I had to choose.

Since I don't I will stick with nice and honest.

Fury

 

[navarre]

Honest, without a doubt.
I couldn't live with myself otherwise.

 

[graceanne]

I'd be nice, AND honest. You can be both.

Volunteering hurtful information is not honest, it's mean. If a woman walks in and you say 'you look like a fat cow' that's mean. Keeping your opinion to yourself is NOT dishonest. If she says 'does this dress make me look fat', and you say 'no', THAT is dishonest.

But beyond that, people are more important that my self-righteousness. I'll put people before my pride over honesty any day. Period.

 

[serijules]

I'm with graceanne on this, you can certainly be honest and nice.

It's not what you say, but how you say it.

Even more so than just saying "yes" when someone asks if something they are wearing is unflattering, try suggesting other outfits that you know are flattering, or let them know gently that the dress they are asking about is not the best style for their figure. It's not that hard.

I'm a very blunt person, but I'm not a bitch. There's a difference.

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>It's not what you say, but how you say it.

Even more so than just saying "yes" when someone asks if something they are wearing is unflattering, try suggesting other outfits that you know are flattering, or let them know gently that the dress they are asking about is not the best style for their figure. It's not that hard.

I'm a very blunt person, but I'm not a bitch. There's a difference.

Exactly!

Fury

 

[graceanne]

I'm with graceanne on this, you can certainly be honest and nice.

It's not what you say, but how you say it.

Even more so than just saying "yes" when someone asks if something they are wearing is unflattering, try suggesting other outfits that you know are flattering, or let them know gently that the dress they are asking about is not the best style for their figure. It's not that hard.

I'm a very blunt person, but I'm not a bitch. There's a difference.

There's that too. If somoene looks aweful in a dress you don't have to say that they're a fat cow. You could say 'That dress doesn't look that great on you, why don't you wear the black one? It makes you look great.'

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

I'd be nice, AND honest. You can be both.

Volunteering hurtful information is not honest, it's mean. If a woman walks in and you say 'you look like a fat cow' that's mean. Keeping your opinion to yourself is NOT dishonest. If she says 'does this dress make me look fat', and you say 'no', THAT is dishonest.

But beyond that, people are more important that my self-righteousness. I'll put people before my pride over honesty any day. Period.

You can walk up to someone and say, you have a face that could stop a clock, or you could walk up to the same person, and say when I look at you, time stands still.


The reply would be different as well..........................

 

[FurryFury]

That's not quite the same thing as saying the truth as nicely as you can, but still in such a way they will know that dress or what have you, isn't a good idea. Now is it?

Your example is much closer to being dishonest because the other person can take the meaning in a totally positive light.

IMO, you say crap like that to someone who can fuck up your career or what have you. Then you hope they don't realize you just meant to say. You figure they won't since you know damned well they aren't as smart as you but still, you take a chance with it. *snickers*

Fury

 

[Marquis]

Me?

Nice. Definitely.

 

[shy slave]

Me?

Nice. Definitely.

Spew Alert!!

With those horns you dont LOOK nice!

 

[Recidiva]

When it's for their good, I'm as honest as I can be up to the point of a person's understanding, and slightly to where they have to reach for it.

When it's important for my good, I'm honest and they're in my space, I'm honest beyond their comprehension so that I can be honest to my reach, I'm reaching for it and they're watching me make the effort.

When it's necessary, I lie as well as I have to, which is very well, in case I have to save a life, which I have had to do.

So I need to tell truth and lies and gauge them really well and occasionally get exhausted and say "Fuck it, what do you want me to say."

 

[Red Sonja]

Both. I agree with the majority who say it isn't an either or sort of issue. You can have both.

 

[FurryFury]

Spew Alert!!

With those horns you dont LOOK nice!

(Austin Power's accent)

"Oh I LIKE it when they're horny baby! Horny can be very nice."

*snickers*

Fury

When it's for their good, I'm as honest as I can be up to the point of a person's understanding, and slightly to where they have to reach for it.

When it's important for my good, I'm honest and they're in my space, I'm honest beyond their comprehension so that I can be honest to my reach, I'm reaching for it and they're watching me make the effort.

When it's necessary, I lie as well as I have to, which is very well, in case I have to save a life, which I have had to do.

So I need to tell truth and lies and gauge them really well and occasionally get exhausted and say "Fuck it, what do you want me to say."

Recidiva, I love your answer here, it's wise and brilliant. Every post of yours I see, I admire you more.

Fury

 

[Recidiva]

Recidiva, I love your answer here, it's wise and brilliant. Every post of yours I see, I admire you more.

Fury

Thank you so much, it's lovely to hear.

 

[graceanne]

Spew Alert!!

With those horns you dont LOOK nice!

Well he said he'd choose to be nice, not that it always works. I remember a post he made about how he hates that he's so honest.

 

[graceanne]

You can walk up to someone and say, you have a face that could stop a clock, or you could walk up to the same person, and say when I look at you, time stands still.


The reply would be different as well..........................

Or you can not say anything. She didn't ask for your (general you) opinion, so mind your own business. That's not dishonest, it's tactful.

 

[Recidiva]

Well he said he'd choose to be nice, not that it always works. I remember a post he made about how he hates that he's so honest.

Other people can hate that you're very honest too. I've chosen humor and being quiet a lot to compensate for being perceptive and honest.

I'm funny instead. I make people laugh.

Looking people in the eye and telling them that you see straight through them and their very selfish and venal behavior and you hate their guts for it but you still love them and then making them laugh does seem to work. You do actually have to find things to love about them though. Might not work if you can't be perceptive enough to find things to love as well as seeing the selfish and venal. They usually can't find stuff to love about themselves either.

 

[graceanne]

Other people can hate that you're very honest too. I've chosen humor and being quiet a lot to compensate for being perceptive and honest.

I'm funny instead. I make people laugh.

Looking people in the eye and telling them that you see straight through them and their very selfish and venal behavior and you hate their guts for it but you still love them and then making them laugh does seem to work. You do actually have to find things to love about them though. Might not work if you can't be perceptive enough to find things to love as well as seeing the selfish and venal. They usually can't find stuff to love about themselves either.

I'm honest when I'm asked my opinion or advice. I'm sure their are exceptions, where I haven't been, but as a rule I try to be. I feel that it encourages one of two things. 1) If they dont' really want my opinion and just wanna talk about themselves - they won't do that again. And 2) if they really do want someone else's opinion they'll come to me rather than a kiss ass. Sometimes people really do want to know. It took me years to convince K that when I asked him something like 'does this make me look fat' that I really did want to know, and I wasn't gonna get mad at him. I do not ask questions unless I'm ready for an answer I won't like.

 

[Marquis]

I think the key difference is whether you tell people what they need to hear or what they want to hear.

I find that when you tell people what they need to hear you end up looking like an asshole and when you tell people what they want to hear you end up being one. I'd rather look like an asshole than be one.

 

[Recidiva]

I think the key difference is whether you tell people what they need to hear or what they want to hear.

I find that when you tell people what they need to hear you end up looking like an asshole and when you tell people what they want to hear you end up being one. I'd rather look like an asshole than be one.

I try to say what I think we both need together.

So sometimes we both look like assholes and sometimes we both look great, but at least it's an attempt to make a circuit instead of a spotlight in one direction.

 

[graceanne]

I think the key difference is whether you tell people what they need to hear or what they want to hear.

I find that when you tell people what they need to hear you end up looking like an asshole and when you tell people what they want to hear you end up being one. I'd rather look like an asshole than be one.

Who gets to decide what they need?

I can see knowing if it's someone you're really close to, but aquaintances and all - how are we to know what they need?

And sometimes telling somene what they need to hear will backfire. My sister NEEDS to hear that her boyfriend is a dick - but I know my sister. If I tell her that she'll get her back up and stay with him just to spite me, so I say nothing. (It helps she doesn't ask - I think she knows I don't like him.)

 

[h_i_s]

If i am asked for my opinion ... i give my honest opinion, and i offer it as nicely packaged as possible.

If a person has issues with insecurities regarding the particular area for which they seek an opinion, it's highly likely that they may be find themselves offended.
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how nicely an opinion is packaged.

While i certainly am capable of feeling compassion, in that case, are they being honest? Sometimes it can seem like a very silly game that no one can win.
With odds like that, i refuse to play the game.

i know that when i ask for an opinion, it's because i REALLY need advise. i'd be frustrated to receive anything but the truth. Anything other than the truth, won't benefit me. If i take the risk & time to ask, it's because i NEED to know.

If a person can't handle and/or doesn't WANT to receive the truth and/or a healthy dose of constructive critisism they really shouldn't ask.

 

[shy slave]

I think the key difference is whether you tell people what they need to hear or what they want to hear.

I find that when you tell people what they need to hear you end up looking like an asshole and when you tell people what they want to hear you end up being one. I'd rather look like an asshole than be one.

I agree completely with you Marquis.

Its not hard to be honest, and its not hard to lie,

If its the wrong choice for you personally, it can be hard to live with the choice you made.

 

[FurryFury]

I try to say what I think we both need together.

So sometimes we both look like assholes and sometimes we both look great, but at least it's an attempt to make a circuit instead of a spotlight in one direction.

Nice!

Fury