Chimps or Chumps?

[MagicFingers]

I saw a good article the other day.
Men are 98.5% like women.
Chimps are also 98.5% like women, genetically speaking.
Therefore, ladies, would you rather have a MAN, or a CHIMP, since one is about as close to you as the other?

Think about it:
Some chimps are horny all the time and have sex as often as every hour.

Men spend billions in personal care items, and are cleaner.

Chimps are very strong. Some men are only kept around to open those hard-to-open lids. Chimps could be taught to do that easily.

It may be easier to converse with a man, but chimps are good listeners.

Chimps are very social beings. Men...

So, tell us your preference, MAN or BEAST, and your reasons why.

 

[S1LV3R]

Think about it:
Some chimps are horny all the time and have sex as often as every hour.

I find this fact unjustified...

I'm horny all the time too... and are quite willing and able to have sex as often as every hour.
Just point me in the direction of a woman who can handle it!

hehe
Silver

 

[SexyGiggles]

So, tell us your preference, MAN or BEAST, and your reasons why.

Wait, I have to choose?!?!?

 

[DuckLover]

In defense of men...

Didn't we just have a thread on "letting the beast out" or some such? And besides, isn't it really all about being selective? Sure, SOME chimps might be better companions than SOME men (and here I'm using the word very broadly); however, MOST men (using the term selectively), and a few in particular, are so far superior to chimps that a woman would be hard-pressed to find a trait in which the chimp excels!

A chimp can't cook you a romantic candelit dinner, carry on scintilating conversation, give you a sensuous backrub, and then kiss and cuddle you for hours, before inducing a chain of mind-blowing orgasms. I'll grant, few men do so either, but those who do...

... at least deserve not to be compared to a chimp.

 

[Chicklet]

men have nice hair. at least mine does...

 

[TomOne]

men have nice hair. at least mine does...

Is there an implication here that you don't like chimp hair? Or are you just a chimp bigot who hasn't even run your fingers through that little furry fellows coverings before passing judgement?

 

[Guest]

I prefer my boyfriend... who I believe is at least mostly human, lol. As for my reasoning of WHY (and these are only 6 of the many many reasons)...

***Chimps are typically 3 to 5 1/2 feet tall (made worse by the fact that they are usually hunched over)... I'm 5' 3" and I like my lovers to be at least six feet and able to overpower me.

***Chimps usually weigh between 60 and 155 pounds... I'm 115 pounds and I like my mate to have considerable weight over me.

***Chimps have a life span of about fifty years... I would hate to get attached to my mate only to have it fall over dead several years before me.

***Chimps do not swim... I'm an avid swimmer.

***Chimps typically walk on all fours... I cannot imagine taking one to a society function with such awful posture.

***Chimps like to eat leaves and termites... I hate vegetables and insects are a no-go for me.

The main reason I wouldn't go for a chimp is simply because - while they may be similar to humans - they still aren't near as evolved and they still aren't human. I never did really like monkeys either... I'm more of a dog person .

 

[MiloDRemix]

The main reason I wouldn't go for a chimp is simply because - while they may be similar to humans - they still aren't near as evolved and they still aren't human. I never did really like monkeys either... I'm more of a dog person .

Chimps may be able to do many of the things that humans do... but they don't do them as well and it still won't be as sexy, lol. I mean, a chimp could put on a little dress and some lipstick and go out to dinner with me... but it wouldn't be as enticing as a lovely young woman with soft creamy skin and big bright eyes... soft hair (on only a few select body parts, lol)...

As for dogs... I thought we were never bringing that up again, Tgirl? LoL

 

[TomOne]

Seems rather judgemental to me!

Chimps may be able to do many of the things that humans do... but they don't do them as well and it still won't be as sexy, lol.

Personally, I don't know of any chimps who have been properly trained in the art of giving the male penis oral pleasure. But knowing our society, I've gotta believe there's probably a few of them out there. As such, to say that "they don't do them as well" when you haven't tried it seems rather prejudiced. (Alright - I'm making an assumption there that you haven't tried it ... but I think the percentages are with me on that one.) You might be safe saying it wouldn't "be as sexy", since that's largely a personal sort of outlook on thing ... and the thought of a hairy little primate sucking away on the big kabanza doesn't sound too terribly sexy even to the most warped of minds. But I certainly think the little fella, given proper training, has a fair chance of doing it pretty damn well.

As for the dogs ... nope! Too little control over the teeth to be effective I believe!

 

[MiloDRemix]

Re: Seems rather judgemental to me!

Personally, I don't know of any chimps who have been properly trained in the art of giving the male penis oral pleasure. But knowing our society, I've gotta believe there's probably a few of them out there. As such, to say that "they don't do them as well" when you haven't tried it seems rather prejudiced. (Alright - I'm making an assumption there that you haven't tried it ... but I think the percentages are with me on that one.) You might be safe saying it wouldn't "be as sexy", since that's largely a personal sort of outlook on thing ... and the thought of a hairy little primate sucking away on the big kabanza doesn't sound too terribly sexy even to the most warped of minds. But I certainly think the little fella, given proper training, has a fair chance of doing it pretty damn well.

...Oookay... I never once mentioned or even thought of training a chimp to perform oral sex. That was something that was obviously on your mind though... which worries me in ways I won't get into for fear of appearing closeminded, lol.

I was speaking of taking a chimp out for dinner and dancing - it doesn't have the same appeal as taking out a young woman and a chimp doesn't dance or dress up or have thrilling dinner conversation as well as a woman - no matter how much training it has. An old friend actually did train monkeys and one chimp would put on a little dress and dance... nothing sexy about it. Sort of sad actually. All of the training in the world wouldn't make that monkey have any sort of good rhythm.

I honestly feel ridiculous for even getting into this conversation but ah well... after the statutory rape thread I don't have much of a good posting reputation anyhow, lmao.

 

[Guest]

Re: Seems rather judgemental to me!

As for the dogs ... nope! Too little control over the teeth to be effective I believe!

Actually, several people I've spoken to have trained dogs to perform oral sex. I don't personally believe that it's right to 'train' animals to satisfy you sexually but... it can be done.

 

[sheath]

Re: In defense of men...

A chimp can't cook you a romantic candelit dinner, carry on scintilating conversation, give you a sensuous backrub, and then kiss and cuddle you for hours, before inducing a chain of mind-blowing orgasms. I'll grant, few men do so either, but those who do...

... at least deserve not to be compared to a chimp.

LMAO!

Ah, yes. There are wonderful men out there. *sigh* I got lucky and found one, but I'm still drilling him about where the good ones go to HIDE.

Do you guys have a pact or something? That us women have to go through the most annoying of the bunch and waste so much time before we DO find that man of our dreams?

S.

 

[TomOne]

Pondering

I don't personally believe that it's right to 'train' animals to satisfy you sexually but... it can be done.

This statement is ignoring the fact that biologically even human's are animals and that we all have to learn somehow, which implies some level of 'training'. Seems apparent to me, though, that some of us train harder than others, Tania!

 

[Guest]

Re: Pondering

This statement is ignoring the fact that biologically even human's are animals and that we all have to learn somehow, which implies some level of 'training'. Seems apparent to me, though, that some of us train harder than others, Tania!

Still, you understood what I was getting at, did you not? I don't classify humans as animals... humans are an entirely different and disgusting breed of organism when compared to the rest of the living creatures on this earth.

What I believe to be wrong is taking advantage of a being that is either much lower in intelligence or severely handicapped... be that a retarded or disabled human child or a frightened animal or such.

I've seen many cases of animals who were sexually abused and terrified by masters who 'trained' them to take that sort of abuse even if they were unwilling... Beastiality in itself is a lifestyle choice (and I'm not passing judgment on that community as a whole) and you can tell the difference between a willing animal who enjoys sex play and one that was forced and abused.

Dunno if I've gotten off topic here or not... probably am taking this topic too seriously...

 

[TomOne]

Re: Re: Pondering

What I believe to be wrong is taking advantage of a being that is either much lower in intelligence or severely handicapped...

I was waiting for the "typical man" reference to immediately follow this line ... but you let us off the hook! Much appreciated! And I DO catch your point!

you can tell the difference between a willing animal who enjoys sex play and one that was forced and abused.

Debatable, but that's getting WAY to serious for me to ponder at this time in the evening. If you open up that pandora's box, then you'll get all the BDSM lovers saying that your taking away there rights to enjoy beastiality in there own preferred fashion! Simply not an appropriate subject to discuss after 5:00 in the evening.

Dunno if I've gotten off topic here or not... probably am taking this topic too seriously...

I don't think it's possible to get off topic on a thread that starts with a "Chimps or Chumps" subject. And ... just so you know ... never EVER EVER take me too seriously! Just havin' fun, ya know!

 

[MagicFingers]

Man or ?

The study actually compared the genetic makeup of man and chimps TO women. There was nothing about MAN to CHIMP relationships. So that's a whole other subject, although the thoughts from the men here are interesting.

I'm sure this article was a tounge-in-cheek reference to all those animalistic little quirks that many men seem to have, as reported by many women. I expected more lighthearted responses.

Like, I had an old GF long ago who talked about wanting a "Little man under the bed", who she could bring out and use for whatever purpose where a man was needed, then could be returned for later use. See, she wouldn't have to put up with all the other male crap that she had gotten from all her BF's.
So, she might chose the chimp.

Hmm, I never really imagined having sex or going out with a chimp, or cross-species pollination. It was more of a hypothetical response I was expecting. But any of your thoughts are welcome and interesting to hear. Thanks.

I would never condone unwilling sex with ANY animal, human or otherwise.

I'm happy to see that some women still prefer us loyal, caring, giving, warm, sexy, loving, clean types to the similar, but less desirable animals!

 

[smartguy_22]

you forgot the nr1 male atribute that chimps dont have.

... opposible thumbs. Thats why chimps would have a hard time opening a thight lided jar.. let alone a bra strap.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Pondering

I was waiting for the "typical man" reference to immediately follow this line ... but you let us off the hook! Much appreciated! And I DO catch your point!
I happen to be a big fan of the 'typical man' lol

Debatable, but that's getting WAY to serious for me to ponder at this time in the evening. If you open up that pandora's box, then you'll get all the BDSM lovers saying that your taking away there rights to enjoy beastiality in there own preferred fashion! Simply not an appropriate subject to discuss after 5:00 in the evening.
I don't run on your usual time schedule ... This is probably going to sound ridiculous but the reason I have so many mixed feelings about beastiality would be because I was 'molested' by a dog when I was four. Crawling around on the ground and suddenly... it was never a penetration thing but it happened several times and I was always torn because I loved the feeling of something being that close to me and well, I was a little girl. I don't really know what I was thinking, lol. Obviously I didn't force myself upon that dog... it was more of a reversed situation. So I always wonder is it really wrong if someone is into beastiality and their animal partner is enjoying it? But I would hate to be the confused/unwilling one in that situation... I'm still kind of messed up from the ordeal I previously mentioned. And I have worked with 'trained' animals in such a situation where they just look broken and terrified (in a sort of animal rehab clinic I volunteer at). You can definitely tell... and I don't think that BDSM is a game you play with your pets... but that's just me .

I don't think it's possible to get off topic on a thread that starts with a "Chimps or Chumps" subject. And ... just so you know ... never EVER EVER take me too seriously! Just havin' fun, ya know!
Point taken... & I never take anyone that seriously anyhow, lol. I'm more contemplative than I am serious, just for future reference . My opinions often come spewing forth with passion but I do recognize that they are just *my* opinions and I like to hear other people's thoughts...

 

[MiloDRemix]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Pondering

((hugs Tania)) I don't know why but it always bothers me when you talk about this... the 4 year old you and then the clinic now. I guess hearing about abuse like such just puts a damper on my sunny outlook or something.

Whenever I think of beastiality I think of the bible... and that part that says anyone caught engaging in beastiality should be taken outside the village and stoned to death . But that's opening up a whole new level of controversy so pretend I didn't write that .

Umm... back to the little man under the bed... wouldn't that just be like a highly evolved dildo? lol