Chicken or the Egg question...done BDSM style

[schmerzgarten]

I was originally going to post this under the "have you ever been bored during a scene" thread, but thought I'd put it out there as its own little beastie. I personally have been both bored and annoyed during scenes. Upon reflection, I realized it was neither a fault of the Domme/Dom nor really me. Rather, I simply, for whatever reason, didn't catch the energy of a power-exchange with that person. No matter the props, no matter the outfits, no headspace, no fun. In contrast a Domme/Dom and even some Tops that did elicit such a headspace could have been dressed in sweats and wielded nothing more than her/his hand and I would have and have had a blast. This is not to say that I'm not a fetishist or toy lover, only that for me everything proceeds from the foundation of mental energy. I am curious about how others feel in this regard.

 

[Brinnie]

you mean how the mind controls over your sex drive? Only God knows.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I was originally going to post this under the "have you ever been bored during a scene" thread, but thought I'd put it out there as its own little beastie. I personally have been both bored and annoyed during scenes. Upon reflection, I realized it was neither a fault of the Domme/Dom nor really me. Rather, I simply, for whatever reason, didn't catch the energy of a power-exchange with that person. No matter the props, no matter the outfits, no headspace, no fun. In contrast a Domme/Dom and even some Tops that did elicit such a headspace could have been dressed in sweats and wielded nothing more than her/his hand and I would have and have had a blast. This is not to say that I'm not a fetishist or toy lover, only that for me everything proceeds from the foundation of mental energy. I am curious about how others feel in this regard.

Yes, Ithink I posted in the previous thread about how I felt it could be a chamistry thing which mental can be a large part of. If you don't connect, feel that charge on some level, it just is not going to be as interesting or memorable for the right reasons.

Catalina

 

[YinandYang]

Yes, Ithink I posted in the previous thread about how I felt it could be a chamistry thing which mental can be a large part of. If you don't connect, feel that charge on some level, it just is not going to be as interesting or memorable for the right reasons.

Catalina

Yes, without the chemistry it would be pointless for me too. As in any vanilla relationship I would have to feel something, most of it is in the mind. Looks rarely make a difference, the buzz and the chemistry is paramount

 

[schmerzgarten]

Have any of "ya'll"....

Have any of ya'll, excuse my Texan *tips hat*, tried to scene with someone that didn't elicit any subspace?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have any of ya'll, excuse my Texan *tips hat*, tried to scene with someone that didn't elicit any subspace?

Subspace is not a part of our relationship.....I don't go there, he has had subs go there before....he prefers to know the pain he delivers is felt as pain and enjoyed for that fact and the one he is delivering it to is consciously there and sharing the experience as opposed to floating off somewhere and leaving him feeling alone. In part it seems to then become the Dominant is the tool in helping to get the sub to that space, not the sub being the tool in serving the Dominant's needs.

Catalina

 

[schmerzgarten]

as opposed to floating off somewhere and leaving him feeling alone. In part it seems to then become the Dominant is the tool in helping to get the sub to that space, not the sub being the tool in serving the Dominant's needs.

Catalina

I meant entirely the opposite, in fact. Unless immobalized in bondage with the intent that I am to be quite - and reflective, I most certainly do not construe subspace as leaving the Dominant. While I may certainly be less than articulate, I find those are the moments when rationality gives way to feral desires. Indeed, those are the times when my body movements become my means of expression much more so than anything I might utter. But far from being aloof our in "outer-space," during those times I am tethered to the Dominant as if the very blood beating in my heart were dependent on hers.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I meant entirely the opposite, in fact. Unless immobalized in bondage with the intent that I am to be quite - and reflective, I most certainly do not construe subspace as leaving the Dominant. While I may certainly be less than articulate, I find those are the moments when rationality gives way to feral desires. Indeed, those are the times when my body movements become my means of expression much more so than anything I might utter. But far from being aloof our in "outer-space," during those times I am tethered to the Dominant as if the very blood beating in my heart were dependent on hers.

I am happy this works for both of you, though I haven't witnessed or heard it described exactly as you experience it. That is partly the beauty of this life though, each experiences things in their own individual way despite the similarities. The similarity I see in your way is the way it seems to focus on what you are feeling and the need for more which is where I see it becoming related in part to the Dominant being the instrument to bring the submissive to that place and feed the need. For us, having me in a state where I cannot articulate an answer to anything he may wish to ask is creating a separation between us and our communication. It is not so much he needs to ask me if it is okay, he never does that, but he wishes to have me coherent and responsive in a verbal manner if he wishes to exercise that element. He relies a lot on physical responses, though he does not like a lot of movement as it takes the control from him of minimising high risk damage or striking where he wants. Like you in your way, it creates a connection in that moment that is hard to find elsewhere.

Catalina