Cheating?

[Joe Wordsworth]

If this is the same "my girl" from way back that was cheating on her significant other with you, I sure hope that her attraction to this female passes for the sake of your relationship.

Awww, Helene....

I feel all listened to.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Awww, Helene....

I feel all listened to.

Thank you for choosing 'listened to' instead of 'stalked.'

 

[SeaCat]

Hey Joe,

You have received a lot of input on this, and most of it is saying the same thing. I'll add my little bit.

As far as I'm concerned gender is a moot point. She is wanting to have a little bit of fun with someone else and you aren't comfortable with this. I can understand that.

The two of you need to sit down and talk this through, make some groundrules. Can either of you play around a bit outside of the relationship? If so under what circumstances? Is it only one of you allowed to play or can both play? (Not necasarily with the same person although that might simplify things a bit.) Make these rules as fair to the both of you as you can. If one can play then the other should be able to play.

The fact that you feel confident enough in your relationship to not worry about her leaving you for her plaything is a good sign. It means your relationship has trust and strength. Now you have to build upon that. You have to decide now what you both want and how to accomodate that. Open relationships work for some people and not for others. The two of you have to decide. The most important thing is to talk it out, communication is the second most important thing in a relationship. (It sits right behind trust.) So sit her down somewhere private and hash this out. Good luck guy, it is worth it.

Cat

 

[Guest]

Adding A Third: From Her Eyes

How To Survive A Break Up


The first one is one that I wrote I think some time last year.... its one of those things that although it was geared towards women... it very well could help from a man's point of view.....

Were you jealous because you were not involved?
Do you strictly want to be monogamous?

The second one I wrote.... because no matter what kind of advice that we all give you... if you simply cannot handle it... you maybe needing the second one more.

No one can tell you how to feel better, to be okay with her wanting to do what she did or trying to make you feel badly.... All we can do is sit here and hope for the best for you.

Always, E

 

[elsol]

I believe this is the where someone is suppossed to say...

'Take the butterfly out of the cage... and let it fly... if it comes back, it's yours... if it doesn't, it never was."

Sincerely,
ElSol

ps. And I don't mean that your woman is YOURS in a sense of possession or that you keep her in a cage.

psss. KUMBAYA!!! KUMBAYE!!

pssss. Unless she likes to be kept in a cage... it's not my thing, but I hear some people like it.

 

[Belegon]

Joe, I think you've been fairly articulate here about your feelings...have you been as articulate with her about them?

Anyway, I also think the gender thing is not the key issue.

I'm glad you followed your feelings but I'm also glad you are examining this further. I mean, you certainly won't find me never accusing you of overthinking anything ( ) but I think the extra thought is worthwhile here.

Worst case scenario, you are finding out some things about yourself through the process.

For me personally, I would have been fine with it. But I also realize that my relaxed attitude about such things is far from common.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Dunno if this helps, but:

My ex-wife was a serial cheater, with gay guys. They wouldn't have sex, but she'd spend lots of time with them, go out with them, even go on vacations with them if I wasn't able to get time off from work. She would convince me that it was like going out with girlfriends. And I tried to keep an open and trusting mind through the whole thing.

But here's the thing - she was spending time with them that we could have spent together. And with both of us working, our child, and business travel, it's not as though we had a lot of 'alone' time to start divvying up.

So, there's such a thing as a sexless emotional affair.

Is there such a thing as an emotionless sexual affair? Certainly, that's the explanation offered by countless adulterers. Maybe you can absorb it because it's a same-sex, mutual masturbation sort of thing. But the day will come when you have to leave the party because you have an early class to teach, and she will want to engage in a bit of carpet-munching before going to sleep, and you'll have to leave in separate cars. And people will notice, and talk, and suddenly the thing you've worked out with yourself or each other is public information, and people start to test the limits, not knowing where you or the two of you have decided to draw the line. So maybe some hot guy says to your girl, "If your boyfriend is open to purely sexual relationships, what's the harm in us getting it on?" Or another woman comes to you and says, "I just want a fuck-buddy with no strings. Seems like what's good for the goose..."

So what do you do then?

 

[English Lady]

*nods* oooh very good question huckleman!

 

[Guest]

Dunno if this helps, but:

My ex-wife was a serial cheater, with gay guys. They wouldn't have sex, but she'd spend lots of time with them, go out with them, even go on vacations with them if I wasn't able to get time off from work. She would convince me that it was like going out with girlfriends. And I tried to keep an open and trusting mind through the whole thing.

But here's the thing - she was spending time with them that we could have spent together. And with both of us working, our child, and business travel, it's not as though we had a lot of 'alone' time to start divvying up.

So, there's such a thing as a sexless emotional affair.

Is there such a thing as an emotionless sexual affair? Certainly, that's the explanation offered by countless adulterers. Maybe you can absorb it because it's a same-sex, mutual masturbation sort of thing. But the day will come when you have to leave the party because you have an early class to teach, and she will want to engage in a bit of carpet-munching before going to sleep, and you'll have to leave in separate cars. And people will notice, and talk, and suddenly the thing you've worked out with yourself or each other is public information, and people start to test the limits, not knowing where you or the two of you have decided to draw the line. So maybe some hot guy says to your girl, "If your boyfriend is open to purely sexual relationships, what's the harm in us getting it on?" Or another woman comes to you and says, "I just want a fuck-buddy with no strings. Seems like what's good for the goose..."

So what do you do then?

Yes... emotional sexual affairs happen...
No.... I don't believe that there is such a thing as an emotionless sexual affair. Women as a rule are more emotional.... everything that we do is filtered through our hearts.... no matter what it is. Keeping that in mind.... we as women cannot have sex without at least caring for in some way the person that we are doing it with either before the act or after it is over.

Always, E

 

[cloudy]

No.... I don't believe that there is such a thing as an emotionless sexual affair. Women as a rule are more emotional.... everything that we do is filtered through our hearts.... no matter what it is. Keeping that in mind.... we as women cannot have sex without at least caring for in some way the person that we are doing it with either before the act or after it is over.

Always, E

I disagree. Maybe for you it's that way, but you can't generalize that "all" women are that way.

Confession time: back when AIDs didn't exist, I had several "emotionless" affairs (if you want to call it that), where there was nothing between us but maybe a light friendship, at the most.

I suppose you could say I "cared" about them, but not in the way you're implying - not even close.

 

[English Lady]

I think it's difficult to generalise, as there seems to be some women who can do the sex without emotion connection and some that can't.

I think I'm in the can't camp meself.

Though this is going a touch offtopic.

though I guess the question is, is an emotionless sexual affair (thats a loaded word, "out of relationship coupling" is a bit long though)something to worry about?

 

[LadyJeanne]

I think it's difficult to generalise, as there seems to be some women who can do the sex without emotion connection and some that can't.

I think I'm in the can't camp meself.

Though this is going a touch offtopic.

though I guess the question is, is an emotionless sexual affair (thats a loaded word, "out of relationship coupling" is a bit long though)something to worry about?

It's something to worry about if you're emotional about the person having the emotionless affair, or if are in a relationship you've agreed would be monogomous relationship (as opposed to an open one).

Some of us can't handle the thought of our lover being intimate, even if it's purely physical intimacy, with anyone else. It diminishes the significance of the relationship.

 

[English Lady]

It's something to worry about if you're emotional about the person having the emotionless affair, or if are in a relationship you've agreed would be monogomous relationship (as opposed to an open one).

Some of us can't handle the thought of our lover being intimate, even if it's purely physical intimacy, with anyone else. It diminishes the significance of the relationship.

As per the usual, you're very right Lady J.

 

[elsol]

There are emotionless sexual affairs...

I don't even remember their names.

I'm pretty sure with a couple, I never KNEW their name.

Another problem is the logic...

"It's okay to kiss HER... therefore it's okay this OTHER her or maybe this HIM."

I promise if you say "It's okay to kiss Maryanne" there will be an echo as my dick whispers "So how many MaryAnne's do we know? Mary Anne counts... so does Mary Ann... Mary counts to, it could be a nickname for MaryAnne... Marya... Maria... Mar (love those latin chicks)... if Mary is okay then Anne is okay... if Marya counts then Mariah has to count..."

Sincerely,
ElSol